A Misconception about Marriage

[Latinoman]

PS You remember "Deliverance" when the hillbilly asks Burt Reynolds why he wants to go on the river and Burt says "Because it's there"

The Hillbilly answers "It's there all right, and if you get in it, and find you can't get out of it, you are going to wish it wasn't!!!"

This is pretty funny. LOL.

 

[azanon]

misc

I probably should just go ahead and accept the obvious; i'm not going to win a marriage endorsement contest on a playa website.

So, all i can say to third-parties not participating in this particular discussion, but looking for sound advise, is to just consider the source. This is a "how to be a playa" forum. Expect the advise to be consistent with the website theme.

Azanon

 

[Latinoman]

I can actually give very good advice on marriage as I was married for 15>. And had a very good one too. In my case...I just choose another path and I did that after making a decision. Nothing to do with my ex-wife nor her behavior. More to do with me and some selfish reasons (and NOPE...nothing to do with other women as I don't need to be "divorced" in order to have other women). Simply put...not being marry was better for me at this stage of my life.

 

[azanon]

My last comment there was not meant to suggest that anyone's advise here was bad. I'm just saying its naturally going to tilt on the "stay single, and game many women" as long as possible side, for inherently obvious reasons.

Despite that, its all good discussion, i think.

 

[grinder]

So I pose a question to you that's similar to one I asked someone else in the thread; was getting married the only way to having excellent children and gaining life experience?

No, it is not. I believe it is possible to have great kids and experiences without marriage. I am viewing this all with hindsight in my particular experience.

As I said in a previous thread, I do not feel two people can stay with each other and love only each other for 50 or 60 years (marriage, ltr, social contract, whatever). People change too much.

 

[azanon]

As I said in a previous thread, I do not feel two people can stay with each other and love only each other for 50 or 60 years (marriage, ltr, social contract, whatever). People change too much.

I'll definitely agree with that second part. Then again, i'm not sure i "loved" only her even when i married her. I'm intentionally generalizing "love" because, really, what is the difference? Love is having special and unique concern for someone; unique to that individual. I'm capable of doing that with more than one person, but I don't think that's any kind of special feat.

Now had you asked, can i love her (regardless of who else i love) for 50-60 years? I sure hope so, and I think i can pull it off! I've certainly got 14 years under my belt now! My grandparents did it!

So, i guess i cant even understand just loving one person. I simply have more love than that to hand out.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

No, it is not. I believe it is possible to have great kids and experiences without marriage. I am viewing this all with hindsight in my particular experience.

As I said in a previous thread, I do not feel two people can stay with each other and love only each other for 50 or 60 years (marriage, ltr, social contract, whatever). People change too much.

I got'cha... Hindsight aside, pretending that you had yet to get married and also pretending you have no knowledge of the success that it might bring, what do you believe you would gain from getting married?

 

[Vulpine]

I got'cha... Hindsight aside, pretending that you had yet to get married and also pretending you have no knowledge of the success that it might bring, what do you believe you would gain from getting married?

When her parents die, I might get some of their money too! :woo:

Oooh! Maybe they have some hunting land they want to will to me too!

 

[grinder]

I got'cha... Hindsight aside, pretending that you had yet to get married and also pretending you have no knowledge of the success that it might bring, what do you believe you would gain from getting married?

Personally, at this age: absolutely nothing. I just had my DJ Satori (awakening) this summer and am having so much fun playing with different women. Why have only one potato chip when there's a whole bag right there?

It's so much harder for guys in their 20's. The rewards are quite large, socially, career wise, and economically to get married.

It takes real courage to NOT get married.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

When her parents die, I might get some of their money too! :woo:

Oooh! Maybe they have some hunting land they want to will to me too!

I don't know if you were completely joking but your answer does merit consideration.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Personally, at this age: absolutely nothing. I just had my DJ Satori (awakening) this summer and am having so much fun playing with different women. Why have only one potato chip when there's a whole bag right there?

It's so much harder for guys in their 20's. The rewards are quite large, socially, career wise, and economically to get married.

It takes real courage to NOT get married.

I'm still with 'ya. About the rewards you listed I remember when it was beneficial career wise for a man to get married. However this was back when a family only had the man's source of income because women did not work. Companies would consider men who were married for raises and promotions before single men because they felt they were more stable and had more of a need. Understand that we were still in the Industrial Age and this was many years prior to the Feminist Movement.

So jumping into the Information Age and the mindset of businesses today, would a man (no matter his age) still have these benefits if he gets married in today's time? Mind you, I'm not talking about bypassing commitments altogether, just the act of actually getting married.

 

[fertileTurtle]

Traditional marriage is way too political to work in a society of choices. Traditional marriage is all about money and control at all kinds of levels and from many places. Take divorce for example. Why the hell does anyone have the right to tell a man or a woman who gets what money and what kids? That should be between the man and the woman involved, not between a politician and his voters or a judge and his cronies. People should be allowed to live and die with their own choices.

 

[grinder]

I'm still with 'ya. About the rewards you listed I remember when it was beneficial career wise for a man to get married. However this was back when a family only had the man's source of income because women did not work. Companies would consider men who were married for raises and promotions before single men because they felt they were more stable and had more of a need. Understand that we were still in the Industrial Age and this was many years prior to the Feminist Movement.

So jumping into the Information Age and the mindset of businesses today, would a man (no matter his age) still have these benefits if he gets married in today's time? Mind you, I'm not talking about bypassing commitments altogether, just the act of actually getting married.

Whether true or not many personnel managers STILL believe that married people are more stable and reliable employees.

Marriage provides social proof. That has not changed.

Kids = exemptions and deductions at tax time. I think the tax codes still favor marriage even when both work.

What can I say, The Matrix rewards conformity. Marriage = Conformity.

I would like to start a new business: Fake Marriages with all the apparent legal trimmings. Think of the potential!

Get that job, have that "affair" without all that annoying guilt, fool your family and friends, cheat Uncle Sam, and bizarrely enough, you will probably stay married in this fake marriage longer than a real one!

 

[RedPill]

Category: Benefits Exclusive to Marriage

That was a very well thought out answer. Now here's a challenging question for you. Given your views on the subject of marriage, can you try really hard to determine just one benefit to getting married (from a guy's perspective of course). Hey, I didn't say this was going to be easy, just challenging.

Hmmm... (Jeopardy song plays)

Yes, this is challenging...

...

(bahm buhm)

Alex: RedPill, you're next. What did you come up with?

[RP's screen]: POLITICAL MARKETABILITY

Alex: Alright, not what we were looking for but our judges will accept it. How much did you wager?

[RP's screen]: $0

Alex: You pvssy! Don't ever let me catch you near my daughters.

 

[blueguy]

To answer Francisco's question, if marriage were only a social institute and the government did not get involved in marriage/divorce, I think the institution of marriage provides a very respected tradition and lifestyle for those who want to pledge a lifelong commitment to each other. I think no other established tradition provides the means to ingrain that sort of commitment into one's mind better than marriage. That is the only benefit of marriage. Any other benefits (or drawbacks [wife gets fat, etc.]) stem from that mindset.

 

[joekerr31]

what do you gain from marriage?

well first you have to understand what marriage is.

marriage is just another gimmick cooked up to tease people that life is a linear process leading to happinesses.

go to school. get an education. [happy yet?] get that first job. [happy yet?] work hard. get a promotion. [happy yet?] work harder. get another promotion. [happy yet?] work harder and longer, become a boss. [happy yet?] work long and harder some more. retire. [happy yet?] sit around. [happy yet?] die. [happy yet?]


notice women. talk to women. [happy yet?] date women. [happy yet?] f*ck women. [happy yet?] marry woman. [happy yet?] have kids. [happy yet?] send kids to university. [happy yet?] grow old together. [happy yet?]. die. [happy yet?]

the point i'm trying to make is people do x, y or z based on either fear or reward - both of which get people into a lot of trouble.

women and men get married because they've been lead to believe that its part of the equation for happiness. what happens though is that as the years go on, in many cases, each party feels ripped off - because they aren't happy. at which point they start resenting each other. and if it gets bad enough they finally realize that the other person isn't the key to happiness and they leave.

marriage in the objective sense isn't a bad or good thing. it's what two people make it. which means, for the equation to = happiness, each person must be mature enough to realize that happiness isn't linear. you can't just DO something and be happy. happiness is a state of mind. and unless both people in the marriage are happy people, in and of themselves, its destined to be a mess.

but people buy into this, just like peopel work sh*tty jobs for 30 years thinking happiness will come when they retire, because they aren't happy on their own. they have no life purpose.

they think to themselves "oh my god, what if i just wander through life alone. what if i never have kids. what a sad pathetic life."

so they start thinking that marriage will kill two birds with one stone. it will alleviate their fears of 'wasting' their life and will also bring the reward of being happy. hahahaha. god has a sense of humor thats for sure. because the reality is that it tends to end up wasting their life and destroying their happiness.

the only reason to get married is because you RESPECT your woman. NOT because she has hot t*ts and *ss. Not because you're life sucks on your own. NOT because you don't know what to do with your life. NOT because you're afraid life is meaningless and that having kids must be the only reason you are here.

RESPECT is the ONLY reason to marry a woman. if you don't got that, you are in deep deep sh*t my friend.

all you have to do is ask yourself - if I wasn't banging this chic, if we were JUST friends and nothing more, how much respect would i have for her. if the answer comes back that you she'd be one of the top 10 people you respect in your life, then you got yourself a quality woman worth of marriage. if it doesn't, then you're probably getting married for the reasons listed above more than anything else.

life is a hard thing for all of us in many ways. we are spit out onto this rock floating in space, surrounded by insane people, and told to figure it all out. its easy to want to believe that marriage is the key to it all. but its NOT.

whether you marry or not. whether you get that great job or not. whether you have kids or not. we all share a basic reality. we are born, we stumble around in the dark, we find pockets of light as we go that we carry with us, we stumble some more, and eventually its over.

no woman, job or amount of money will ever be able to fill the hole of existential angst (ie. confusion over life) inside of all of us to various degrees.

but if you respect your woman, then you've got yourself a good companion to make your way through the dark with.

 

[blueguy]

nice post by jokerr...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...[RP's screen]: POLITICAL MARKETABILITY....

Alex: Ooooo, sorry RedPill but you didn't state your answer in the form of a question. You see if you were as smart as I (The Great Alex Trebek) you would not have made such a simple mistake and I (The Great Alex Trebek) would not be mocking you like the pompose ass that I am.

But seriously, you're in the kinda in the ballpark.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

To answer Francisco's question, if marriage were only a social institute and the government did not get involved in marriage/divorce, I think the institution of marriage provides a very respected tradition and lifestyle for those who want to pledge a lifelong commitment to each other. I think no other established tradition provides the means to ingrain that sort of commitment into one's mind better than marriage. That is the only benefit of marriage. Any other benefits (or drawbacks [wife gets fat, etc.]) stem from that mindset.

Isn't that lifestyle possible without going though the legalities of marriage?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...but if you respect your woman, then you've got yourself a good companion to make your way through the dark with.

Good post. But specifically, what does a guy gain from marriage that he couldn't get from a mutually committed relationship?