A day in the life of a married man. Rant? Maybe.

[backbreaker]

Id pay for the dentist but Id also make damn sure that there is no more drinking from the fountain.

you are in danger of setting a precedent here, I also suspect there is a bit of background that 5string isnt aware of. druggy parents need money for drugs, they ahve prioritised their use of substances over their childs health, how fc uckign low can you get?

by paying for the dentistry, you are indirectely suporting the situation. Mrs 5 string should be raising hell against her daughter. would you be in this situation if you werent getting banged regulalrly? believe me, that tap can be turned off pretty damned quickly if the money runs out

the point isn't that the drug addict mother is trying to be manipulative.. that's what drug addicts do.

the point is are you gonna let the child's mouth hurt like hell over freaking Christmas beucase he has ****ty parents?

i personally couldn't do that.

i am a big brother int he big brother/big sisters program, i've walked into Andre's (the boy) house at times and could smell the crack smoke coming out of the mom's room and she'd come out twitching and gloss eyed i know what's going on, but am i to let the kid starve beucase his mom is too drugged out to buy groceries and has traded all the **** he does have to eat for more drugs? i cant' do that.

so i bought him a little mini fridge and put a lock on it that only he has the key to. do I know for a fact that the mom is using me beucase she knows i will make sure he has food? of course she's a drug addict just like i am i know how she thinks. but that doesn't give me the pass to let the kid not eat.

the kid, not the mom is the priority. I can't effect or make the mom want to act right. There is nothing i can do to make the mom want to stop smoking. I'm not going to call DHS and be the guy that is responsible for taking his momma away from him i've seen that happen first hand. But what i can do is make sure the kid doesn't turn to a life of crime or doesn't become a drug dealer because he has to put food on the table. That i can have some control over.;

My grandmother and i, the one who recently passed away the reason we dont' get along or didn't get along is beucase she would let her drug addict boyfriend spend a;ll her money the she would call me and ask me to do **** for her and i would do it, and then i would find out he took that money too. i parked a car over her house when i moved to Florida and i came back a month later for thanksgiving only to find out that he had sold it for crack money. my ****ing car. but that doesn't' give me a right to not to help out my grandmother.

that's the way I see it. do right when you can, let god sort out the rest.


I would just make sure that either i paid the dentist myself in person or that i got a receipt for the dental bill but other than that, the kid's teeth are the issue not stepping boundaries. at least that's my view point. Being an addict in recovery this is an issue i see quite often and you never make the kid's suffer for the parents mistakes or else you are continuing the cycle of drug abuse. now, if the mom called me, andre's mom called man said she needed money to pay the light bill i woudl tell her to go die ina fire lol and i would go pick up andre and let him stay here utnil she got the lights cut back on. I've done that before. **** he has his own bed. i'm not giving her a ****ing dime. but i would never take it out on the son or in this case the boy's whose teeth need to be fixed.

 

[betheman]

the point isn't that the drug addict mother is trying to be manitputive.. that's what drug addicts do.

the point is are you gonna let the child's mouth hurt like hell over freaking Christmas beucase he has ****ty parents?

i personally couldn't do that.

i am a big brother int he big brother/big sisters program, i've walked into Andre's (the boy) house at times and could smell the crack smoke coming out of the mom's room and she'd come out twitching and gloss eyed i kow what's going on, but am i to let the kid starve beucase his mom is too drugged out to buy groceries and has traded all the **** he does have to eat for more drugs? i cant' do that.

so i bought him a little mini frige and put a lock on it that only he has the key to. do I know for a fact that the mom is using me beucase she knows i will make sure he has food? of course she's a drug addict just like i am i know how she thinks. but that doesn't give me the pass to let the kid not eat.

the kid, not the mom is the priority. I can't effect or make the mom want to act right. There is nothing i can do to make the mom want to stop smoking. I'm not going to call DHS and be the guy that is responsible for taking his momma away from him i've seen that happen first hand. But what i can do is make sure the kid doesn't turn to a life of crime or doesn't become a drug dealer because he has to put food on the table. That i can have some control over.;

My grandmother and i, the one who recently passed away the reason we dont' get along or didn't get along is beucase she would let her drug addict boyfriend spend a;ll her money the she would call me and ask me to do **** for her and i would do it, and then i would find out he took that money too. i parked a car over her house when i moved to Florida and i came back a month later for thanksgiving only to find out that he had sold it for crack money. my ****ing car. but that doesn't' give me a right to not to help out my grandmother.

that's the way I see it. do right when you can, let god sort out the rest.


I would just make sure that either i padi the dentist myself in person or that i got a receipt for the dental bill but other than that, the kid's teeth are the issue not stepping boundaries. at least that's my view point.

and if you had read my post you would see I clearly stated I would pay for the dentist!

 

[backbreaker]

and if you had read my post you would see I clearly stated I would pay for the dentist!

I never said you didn't say it. I'm just disputing the logic that you think he doesn't understand that it's a ****ed up situation.

What I am saying is i don't think you have to tell 5string how ****ed up the situation is I'm quite sure he sees it himself but as you just said.. i mean **** what are you gonna do? at the end of the day the kid's teeth got to be fixed, manupliation or not

the only thing you really can do is to make them understand that they have to now do something for you in return even if it doesn't' cost any money they have to return the favor, and use Mrs 5String as leverage to make them do it. That's really the only moral logically correct play here IMHO i.e make mrs 5string say okay we did this now you are going to do this and if you can't do this, don't bother asking us for jack siht again ever. we don't mind helping but you are going to pay us back in some manner.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Oh 5string you are my role model brother, haha, I want a happy situation like that, but my brother I am 28 and still very youthful and impulsive and have much in my own life to tie down and straighten.

That being said, I value your positive stories you share as I love hearing people who are happy and not all of this doom-and-gloom.

In regards to the kid with the teeth problems: Honestly, I know it's fcuked and yes the deadbeat should be paying. But can he? Will he? Ever? This kid if you weren't helping him ABSOLUTELY would have a more fcked up life. Whether you know it now or not you may be the mental and psychological foundational ticket for him to leading a successful or personally growing life...and be spared the same fate as his father and mother...most of those kids end up (in the environment with their deadbeat parents) getting into some nasty sh1t also...I really believe despite the financial stress it puts on you you are helping this kids future big-time and yes you don't have to, but the fact that you do shows a lot about your character and speaks a lot about what you might leave behind in this world ..

We all have likely needed someones help at sometime or another. Any successful mentally healthy person could probably agree with that. And we've all probably gotten lucky at times too. Some of us lucky to find good jobs, maybe that kid lucky to find someone such as 5string to help...man if we didn't help each other we'd all be fcked...(I am not trying to blow a horn against our individualized society of every-man-and-woman-and-child for himself and godbless...but I sort of am).

I think what you're doing is a righteous thing man--and yeah you don't have to but you're able to and it will make a big difference for that kid.

[edit] and as such you always have my respect 5string! you're a good man dude! [/edit]

 

[Epimanes]

Children are products of their environment.

 

[backbreaker]

my wife and i got into the silliest ****ing arguement today. I just couldn't take this **** anymore.

like, I'm a nibbler when it comes to eating. I can't sit down and eat a huge meal. I will eat something and then i just nibble. moreso out of habit. even when i'm cutting i will just nibble on little **** all day long, maybe a packet of tuna with some pineapples in it, or a banana here or a few forks of green beans here. I've always been like that. I'll eat a big breakfast and then just kinda nibble my way through the day. i'll end up eating 7-10 times a day very easily sometimes more but in the end i'm not reallky eating a lot of ****.

anyway my wife is the exact opposite. she will eat like one huge meal then eat another meal.

this is the problem. there are three

1. she's ****ing 130 pounds lol. she expects everyone to have her metoblisism.
2. I'm 170 pounds and alot of that is muscle
3. we have a son


**** came to a head today. it's ****ing christmas. so we eat christmas dinner rather early beucase we didn't cook, like at 1pm. I actually didn't eat a lot but sure enough about 4-5pm i start iwth my nibbling again. and like my wife, she's done for the day. she will eat maybe some almonds or some **** through out the day but metoblism wise she's good for the day but she cleaned her plate and had more food than boht of us.

so i saw her looking at me when i went back and got some potatoes and another sammich lol. that was at 5pm. so i mean it's ****ing christmas it's the one day of hte year i say you know what, **** you diet. so 7pm i go back and i get more and i can tell joe's hungry beucse he's asking me for candy so i make him a plate as well and we are trying to watch the basketball game with the friends we have over (keep in mind we have company) and she says in front of everyone "i didn't tell you to make joe a palte and you are eating too much" and i'm like "first of all i don't have to get premission to feed my son he's hungry and secondly i don't give a damn if you think i eat too much or not i'm hungry and it's christmas". I mean ****, she expects everyone to eat as little food as she does and now beucase my freaking son wants to eat at 7pm, and his only meal of trhe day, even though it was pretty big was at 1 it's "too much" and i had to put my foot down i don't mind her eating like that but **** i'm not going to let her run my house like freaking auschwitz concentration camp. **** hwen you are hungry you eat. I mean i'm glad she's a health nut and this is a better problem than having a wife who feeds your son fired bacon and candy everyday but still this is becoming a problem.

and she's lke well why did you have to make a scene in front of our friends and i'm like well **** why did you have to bring it up in front of our friends? I didn't tell you to say ****. if you are that worried about how you look in front of your friends you shoudlnt' have brough tit up. but babe you cant' do this **** we got to eat lol. i'm not going to be freaking tip toeing around my own god damn kitchen for food like a damn rat., **** that ****.

anyway she's still pretty pissed lol but today is christmas and she hasn't gotten her christmas present yet. she won't be pissed for very long.

 

[5string]

Oh 5string you are my role model brother, haha, I want a happy situation like that, but my brother I am 28 and still very youthful and impulsive and have much in my own life to tie down and straighten.

That being said, I value your positive stories you share as I love hearing people who are happy and not all of this doom-and-gloom.

In regards to the kid with the teeth problems: Honestly, I know it's fcuked and yes the deadbeat should be paying. But can he? Will he? Ever? This kid if you weren't helping him ABSOLUTELY would have a more fcked up life. Whether you know it now or not you may be the mental and psychological foundational ticket for him to leading a successful or personally growing life...and be spared the same fate as his father and mother...most of those kids end up (in the environment with their deadbeat parents) getting into some nasty sh1t also...I really believe despite the financial stress it puts on you you are helping this kids future big-time and yes you don't have to, but the fact that you do shows a lot about your character and speaks a lot about what you might leave behind in this world ..

We all have likely needed someones help at sometime or another. Any successful mentally healthy person could probably agree with that. And we've all probably gotten lucky at times too. Some of us lucky to find good jobs, maybe that kid lucky to find someone such as 5string to help...man if we didn't help each other we'd all be fcked...(I am not trying to blow a horn against our individualized society of every-man-and-woman-and-child for himself and godbless...but I sort of am).

I think what you're doing is a righteous thing man--and yeah you don't have to but you're able to and it will make a big difference for that kid.

[edit] and as such you always have my respect 5string! you're a good man dude! [/edit]

Thanks Buddha.

I'd like to think I'm a stand up guy. The kid just has nobody to turn to. I'll get his teeth fixed. We're working on it and it will get done.

Mrs.5strings daughter is a piece of work to say the least. It's not her fault her daughter turned out so bad. Sometimes in life, a bad apple falls from the tree. There is so much I could tell you guys it would take hours. I was talking to my wife this AM before work. She has spent her whole earnings on the grandkids for the last several months. That does not even consider what I have spent. It's really not so much about the money. It's about someone taking responsibility for their actions so others do not have to step up in their place. If you can't afford a baby, don't fvck! That goes for men as well as women. I'm just a bit angry that I'm that last man standing if you know what I mean.

I may adopt you Buddha. Never had any kids myself and need somebody to give all my sh!t to!

 

[5string]

So you are saying that as the boy's grandmother (in other words, the closest relative that he has next to his parents), she has no moral obligation to help him out? I guess we have very different views on the importance of blood ties.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Mrs. 5 string is, in fact, responsible for this boy's problems, even if indirectly. She failed to raise her own daughter properly, which led to her becoming a drug addict. And it's no surprise that the daughter is also a failure as a parent. It on our society, it is considered politically incorrect to blame parents for doing a piss poor job raising their kids, but that doesn't change the fact that parents are always at least partially responsible for how their kids end up.

And by the way, I'm not saying that you shouldn't help the kid out. But you should be aware that you are, in fact, being manipulated.

Not saying you are wrong. Respect your take on this.

I'm just gonna fix his teeth so he no longer is in pain.

There is much, much more to this story which has yet to be revealed.

I'm actually thinking of starting my own thread about my everyday married life in the married man forum.

 

[penkitten]

have the teeth been pulled yet?

 

[Aristippus]

5string,

First, I think you're doing the right thing by taking care of the grandkid's teeth. It's too bad his parents are such losers.

Onto something little I noticed. Mrs. 5string may be a nice woman and a good wife. But if she wants to wake up at 2pm, she can set her own alarm clock or if she has a cell phone she can set an alarm on it. What's she going to do next? Ask you to wipe her a$$ for her when she goes to the bathroom?

It's all fine to step up for the important things, like getting that poor kid some dental care. It's another to cater to petty little requests that a woman can do herself. I bet that asking you to be her personal hotel front desk wake-up call person isn't the first of Mrs. 5strings frivolous requests.

If your wife asks you to do something for her like get her something to drink from the kitchen, that's fine. Maybe she cooked you dinner earlier or contributes to the household. So you do something nice for her. Small favors like that are fine. Asking for a wake-up call is frivolous. She can press a few buttons and set her own alarm.

The things that are necessary to maintain and finance a household can put enough pressure on a man by themselves. I'm talking about working to pay the bills and then doing things like home repairs or other physical jobs that usually the man of the house does. Between that and car repairs and handling other responsibilities of the household, that right there is enough to keep you busy.

The necessary things are enough without piling frivolous requests on top of that. Not to mention the irresponsible daughter not handling her own responsibilities. If you want some sanity, handle the necessary responsibilities, and do the right thing if your grandson needs help, but stop catering to any little frivolous b.s. request your wife has.

Many women will gladly put tasks off on you that they CAN and SHOULD do themselves, with no consideration for you and your time and energy. Don't be a sucker. Put your foot down when she makes a foolish request. Women, even the good ones, are so used to pulling this kind of garbage. You're not her personal secretary and you're not there to cater to her frivolous requests just so she can have more free time while you can add task # 1,000,000 to your to-do list.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Hey 5, consider that you are the one who was chosen by a higher power to be a blessing to this kid in need. I've found that being a blessing to others very frequently involves unfairness and sacrifice because of another person's failings.

For whatever reason, you're the man chosen for the job. Perhaps you will be benefitting way more than the kid in terms of intangibles.

I'm saying you might want to consider reframing this to consider it an honor to be able to help someone in need through no fault of their own (even if it is through the fault of others). "Fairness" is only an artificial construct anyway. It has no basis in reality.

Maybe if you strive to simplify the situation to the point where you are just glad that you have the means to help out a victim of circumstance it will become more palatable to you. For whatever reason, you're the man, and you will not only be helping this kid out but you will also be demonstrating to him how a real man steps up and handles business. That will be an invaluable lesson, even if he won't be able to understand it for another 10 years.

I've found that everything is an opportunity to be leveraged, even the ones that are painful, uncomfortable and inconvenient. You can leverage this one for everyone's benefit if you take the lead, set the parameters, and be in charge of the whole situation. This is how I combat situations that I feel are thrust upon me from out of nowhere.

I'm exhausted and about to hit the hay, so if this sounds like preaching, you and I both know that I'm aware you already know all this. I always find great value in being reminded of things I already know, and I trust you receive this in that spirit.

 

[5string]

Aritippus. Hear ya. She's got an alarm clock and needs to use it. Maybe she asked me to give her a call for either attention or just to see if I care enough to do it. She is very dependent upon me for many things. I will have to think about this a bit. Really no problem here it's just that I have many things to do during the day than make a call to get her out of bed at a certain time. I'll figure it out. It's a hamster thing for sure.

Atom. Thanks brother and I agree. You would make a fine preacher though!

penkitten. Yesum. He has an appt the 2nd week in January to get it done. Could not get him in until then. He'll be fine.

I intend to step up and ignore all the other BS in this particular situation. If I let this bang around in my head too much, it will make me crazy.

Just gonna pull teeth and move the fvck on.

 

[speed dawg]

Only thing that would drive me crazy is this situation is basically, why can't your wife deal with her own stuff. My wife's family is sort of the same way, fortunately no kids are involved like this. I think you have to get the kids teeth fixed at this point, no questions asked, but somebody needs to be held accountable. I know entitled people are hard to talk with all though. Personally, I'd adopt the kid and kick those piece of sh*t parents to the curb. If the kid goes back to them, they will hold him hostage while trying to bleed you dry forever, and if you refuse, they'll say you care nothing about the kid. You have to remove their power, which is going to be quite difficult seeing how they are your wive's kids and she will likely never allow this.

But remember, you did willingly marry into this situation, so you really can't get mad at your wife.

Just my humble opinion. I have no clue about the manipulation and all, I'm not there.

 

[speed dawg]

my wife and i got into the silliest ****ing arguement today. I just couldn't take this **** anymore.

like, I'm a nibbler when it comes to eating. I can't sit down and eat a huge meal. I will eat something and then i just nibble. moreso out of habit. even when i'm cutting i will just nibble on little **** all day long, maybe a packet of tuna with some pineapples in it, or a banana here or a few forks of green beans here. I've always been like that. I'll eat a big breakfast and then just kinda nibble my way through the day. i'll end up eating 7-10 times a day very easily sometimes more but in the end i'm not reallky eating a lot of ****.

anyway my wife is the exact opposite. she will eat like one huge meal then eat another meal.

this is the problem. there are three

1. she's ****ing 130 pounds lol. she expects everyone to have her metoblisism.
2. I'm 170 pounds and alot of that is muscle
3. we have a son


**** came to a head today. it's ****ing christmas. so we eat christmas dinner rather early beucase we didn't cook, like at 1pm. I actually didn't eat a lot but sure enough about 4-5pm i start iwth my nibbling again. and like my wife, she's done for the day. she will eat maybe some almonds or some **** through out the day but metoblism wise she's good for the day but she cleaned her plate and had more food than boht of us.

so i saw her looking at me when i went back and got some potatoes and another sammich lol. that was at 5pm. so i mean it's ****ing christmas it's the one day of hte year i say you know what, **** you diet. so 7pm i go back and i get more and i can tell joe's hungry beucse he's asking me for candy so i make him a plate as well and we are trying to watch the basketball game with the friends we have over (keep in mind we have company) and she says in front of everyone "i didn't tell you to make joe a palte and you are eating too much" and i'm like "first of all i don't have to get premission to feed my son he's hungry and secondly i don't give a damn if you think i eat too much or not i'm hungry and it's christmas". I mean ****, she expects everyone to eat as little food as she does and now beucase my freaking son wants to eat at 7pm, and his only meal of trhe day, even though it was pretty big was at 1 it's "too much" and i had to put my foot down i don't mind her eating like that but **** i'm not going to let her run my house like freaking auschwitz concentration camp. **** hwen you are hungry you eat. I mean i'm glad she's a health nut and this is a better problem than having a wife who feeds your son fired bacon and candy everyday but still this is becoming a problem.

and she's lke well why did you have to make a scene in front of our friends and i'm like well **** why did you have to bring it up in front of our friends? I didn't tell you to say ****. if you are that worried about how you look in front of your friends you shoudlnt' have brough tit up. but babe you cant' do this **** we got to eat lol. i'm not going to be freaking tip toeing around my own god damn kitchen for food like a damn rat., **** that ****.

anyway she's still pretty pissed lol but today is christmas and she hasn't gotten her christmas present yet. she won't be pissed for very long.

Can't we have one thread about someone else without you interjecting your whiney life story, complete with your repeated butchery of the English language?

 

[5string]

Only thing that would drive me crazy is this situation is basically, why can't your wife deal with her own stuff. My wife's family is sort of the same way, fortunately no kids are involved like this. I think you have to get the kids teeth fixed at this point, no questions asked, but somebody needs to be held accountable. I know entitled people are hard to talk with all though. Personally, I'd adopt the kid and kick those piece of sh*t parents to the curb. If the kid goes back to them, they will hold him hostage while trying to bleed you dry forever, and if you refuse, they'll say you care nothing about the kid. You have to remove their power, which is going to be quite difficult seeing how they are your wive's kids and she will likely never allow this.

But remember, you did willingly marry into this situation, so you really can't get mad at your wife.

Just my humble opinion. I have no clue about the manipulation and all, I'm not there.

Noted. As you said, I am married to her. She's also dealing with the entire matter as am I. She's not sitting on the sidelines and doing what she can to help.

 

[Jitterbug]

Good on you, Uncle 5string.

The only concern I have for your situation is that you're paying (i.e showing financial responsibilities) for someone whom you have zero legal rights over. Nothing to do with Mrs 5string like others have alluded to, but the boy's parents instead. You need to be careful so you don't create the amputated beggars dilemma (sorry for the disturbing imagery - see the movie Slumdog Millionaire set in India for example). It is one in which those who have rights and powers over the kid will inflict miseries upon him (directly or indirectly) to extort money from you and put you between a rock and a hard place: do you pay to save the kid from current pain, while knowing that paying creates more incentives for the kid to be hurt again in the future?

 

[kathy20052012]

Life as a married man is seldom simple. That is supposed to come with the responsibility

 

[goundra]

having kids is a BIG loser of a deal for men, and it's horrible for a woman to have more than ONE, in this age of limited resources and having 10x the number of people thaat the Earth can support, in any sort of human life.

 

[5string]

Life as a married man is seldom simple. That is supposed to come with the responsibility

Very true but, the resposibility should not extend to the result of someone else's bad judgment. I'm just gonna do him this favor and let it go at that.

 

[Aristippus]

Very true but, the resposibility should not extend to the result of someone else's bad judgment. I'm just gonna do him this favor and let it go at that.

5string. Exactly! One thing that I hear talked about most of the time is man's responsibilities and women's and children's "entitlements". You never hear people talking about women's and children's responsibilities and men's rights.

It needs to go both ways otherwise you're simply a man carrying dead weight with you while battling with the outside world just to make ends meet. The family simply becomes a boat anchor around your neck making the battle 10 times harder.

There has to be give on both sides. It shouldn't be a situation where the man is expected to make most of the sacrifices while the woman gets to live on Easy Street. Stand your ground, law down the law, and don't fall for the trap that you have to make most of the sacrifices while the woman simply sits there and doles out more responsibilities and tasks for you.

It's funny how in many marriages, while the woman's responsibilities either stay the same or are reduced, many women will gladly try to pile on more responsibilities and more items on the man's "honey-do" list, all in the name of him being more "responsible", as if he isn't already being responsible by keeping her up and handling other things at home.

Your only duty as a man is to provide food and a safe home for your woman and any minor children. THAT IS IT! Anything beyond that is optional. And even then, for providing a home and safety, your family should be thankful and appreciative.

Rewarding someone else's bad judgement will not solve the problem. In this case, of course you make the exception for the sake of the grankid's health. Just limit your help to life or death situations or situations where the grandchild's health and well-being are at risk. No assistance beyond that for the parents. Aim any assistance at the grandchildren and only in the most dire situations.

p.s. Unfortunately, if there's a pattern of lazy and worthless children, it's likely the mother is to blame. Even if she isn't lazy, a mother who coddles her offspring and never allows them to see the consequences of bad judgement, and gives them too much, is a big part of the problem. Sounds like Mr. 5string is going to have to lay down some rules.