Well, its been 5 weeks today since i came to this site, my gf of 5 years, my first love dumped me because she didnt feel the love anymore, was worried over my ambition to find a job and drive became bored and wanted to be single and felt bad for always nagging, didnt want to feel like an "old married couple". We met two days after and we were going to give it another shot but she changed her mind, saying she couldnt do it, couldnt be expected for everything to go back to normal so fast, that its not enough, but wished everyday could be like that because she was so happy and in love. Recently she drunkenly called me ( not the first time since the breakup, didnt answer the two other nights) and i answered this time, she declared her love for me and that she never stopped loving me, expressed her delight at my new job and progress on driving, we were soul mates and how much she has missed me, her life was terrible without me and wanted to meet. she wanted to come over and for me to hold her while we slept but i rejected because she was too drunk. She took it back the next day saying she only misses me as a friend and at first it devastated me but 3 days on and im getting over it. I feel the girl is very confused. Its been a tough 5 weeks, periods of me begging and kept texting to where she wouldnt eventually contact me back at the start, to moments of NC, which she would break with random stuff. I feel a much stronger person and although foolishy i still have hope of a reconciliation, im trying to be a better person. We are on 4 days NC now, and she going away for a week so that will bring it close to two weeks, shes a stubborn girl though and will only initiate contact sparingly, what should i do? i want her back but afraid its getting late, her friend just give her time and space, what do yee advise?
5 weeks on
- Thread starter jerryh
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escaleraroyal
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Get another girl. Tons out there. I want you to approach 1000 girls now!!!!!!!!!!!
Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
You can't really put a time limit on this kind of thing. I've seen this said thousands of times on forums like this, and now I finally get to use it: she ended things with you and now you need to let her know exactly what that means. You have told her already that you want to get back with her and she says she can't trust you. So, leave it alone. Maybe if she sees what her life is truly like with you out of it she'll have a change of heart. Yeah I know it sounds like some corny romantic comedy bullsh**, but this type of thing has worked before. Not saying it will in your situation, but by the looks of things, your method doesn't seem to be working too well, either.
I say stick to NC or at least LC if you're really concerned that she may take your silence the wrong way. Let her initiate contact at all times, and if you do have a moment of weakness, make it short and positive. Don't beg, plead or try to convince her to take you back.....matter of fact, don't mention relationships at all. In your emotional state right now, begging then being rejected again is only going to make you feel worse than you already do. The best thing to do would be to make yourself as unavailable as possible. Let her approach you. And when she does text/call you, don't respond quickly. Most will tell you to wait at least a day before answering back. Let her really think you're moving on and you're not just sitting by the phone waiting for her to reach out (even if that's exactly what you're doing).
That is not my advice...it's advice I was given. I didn't listen. Don't be an idiot like me. This is probably the only chance you have of getting her back. Now, I'm not even saying there is a chance, but it's better than what you've been doing. Good luck, man.
I say stick to NC or at least LC if you're really concerned that she may take your silence the wrong way. Let her initiate contact at all times, and if you do have a moment of weakness, make it short and positive. Don't beg, plead or try to convince her to take you back.....matter of fact, don't mention relationships at all. In your emotional state right now, begging then being rejected again is only going to make you feel worse than you already do. The best thing to do would be to make yourself as unavailable as possible. Let her approach you. And when she does text/call you, don't respond quickly. Most will tell you to wait at least a day before answering back. Let her really think you're moving on and you're not just sitting by the phone waiting for her to reach out (even if that's exactly what you're doing).
That is not my advice...it's advice I was given. I didn't listen. Don't be an idiot like me. This is probably the only chance you have of getting her back. Now, I'm not even saying there is a chance, but it's better than what you've been doing. Good luck, man.
yup i know your right its the only way that will work, but leaving out the drunk times she has maybe only initiated contact 2 or three times with me over the 5 weeks. have you seen this method work before for someone in my situation? Do you think i have a chance, as she only seems to leave herself vulnerable when drunk, and her guard is high 90% of the time? was she telling the truth when she was drunk? i can see how she could fabricate a whole lie and how much her life sucked without me. maybe this holiday will do me the best, she will be able to relax and think what she really wants, thanks mate.henrea4 said:
I am a firm believer that SOME people do reveal their deepest, most protected desires while under the influence of alcohol. So, she MAY have been telling the truth when she called you. Then again, she may not have been. I don't want to give you false hope, man. There's really no way of telling. You just have to take things at face value. When she came to her senses, she told you that she only missed you as a friend. Yeah, I know you're probably thinking she only said that to cover her own a$$ and again, that is a possibility. And then there is a possibility that she only told you she missed you as a friend because you rejected her the night before. Oh man...let me stop...
I've read stories on the 'net on forums about how backing off and letting things cool down has brought people back together, but I stress there are no guarantees as every situation is unique, though many do follow similar patterns. And unfortunately, this usually only happens after the person who initiated the break-up finds someone else and compares them to you. They then see that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, then then come sniffing around you again. In any event, begging/reasoning usually never works. Be strong, man. If you two are really meant to be together it will happen. Just don't sit around waiting for it.
I've read stories on the 'net on forums about how backing off and letting things cool down has brought people back together, but I stress there are no guarantees as every situation is unique, though many do follow similar patterns. And unfortunately, this usually only happens after the person who initiated the break-up finds someone else and compares them to you. They then see that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, then then come sniffing around you again. In any event, begging/reasoning usually never works. Be strong, man. If you two are really meant to be together it will happen. Just don't sit around waiting for it.
She was probably telling you the truth when she was drunk. Do you think she has a problem with alcohol. Have you thought of going to couples counseling? Bring it up and if she agrees, it could help you get back together on healthier terms. If she doesn't agree to counseling, keep it moving. No need to waste your life going around in circles.
Yup man i get you i cant really live on false hope, just made me feel alot better when i heard it. Whatever she did or not mean it, i suppose if she really wanted to she would have said it the next morning? why cover for it, she knows how i feel? I think she just wants time to herself and that maybe then she will realise? I dont know. Yes i know its probably going to take a bad experience with some other lad for her to get out of this, which is something i dont want to wait around for. i just cant think for one reason why she would be lying you know? yup i keep reading space and time will decide whats meant to be, and if you love something, let it go, and if it comes back its yours, if it doesnt it never was. Im just scared that this is the ending, and feel powerless by doing nothing?henrea4 said:
same as myself, it has to be the truth, why do you think she took it back the next day? Its funny you say that but she used never drink till like two years ago now she goes out 2-3 times e very week for last two years and gets absolutely wasted like can barely stand, she used to make fun of me for only going out once a week and having a few pints calling me dry and an old man. would this be something? I never thought about that and doubt she be receptive to the idea since we are both only 22, i know i have to seem to move forward, just hard when there is still hope you know?
In2theGame
Master Don Juan
In my honest opinion, i think its all bull**** and somewhere there is another guy in the picture but its just not in the light yet. Dont contact her and dont answer her calls or texts atleast for now to get your head straight. Shes playin around and its just going to mess with your head. Something similar happened to me and it turned out another guy was involved. Was with her for 5 years andl leaning towards marriage.
Bokanovsky
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You are wrong. Based on your post, you strike me as a very emotional person, which is a feminine trait. Time to grow a pair and go NC...forever.jerryh said:
JohnChops
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Having emotions= humanBokanovsky said:
Being emotional = womanly / AFC trait. Drop it.
It's best to just follow that above advice. Don't contact her, don't call, don't respond to her texts/calls, do NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. No contact is no contact, you DON'T fvcking respond. She is trying to play with your emotions man, don't let her. Just focus on yourself and move on. Easier said than done but time heals everything.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.