5 weeks on

[jerryh]

You are wrong. Based on your post, you strike me as a very emotional person, which is a feminine trait. Time to grow a pair and go NC...forever.

Im not usually an emotional person at all, it was always her just seem to be struggling with this, having alot of personal family problems at the minute too so it all building up i feel. But yes your right i have to try to move on, 5 days NC now.

In my honest opinion, i think its all bull**** and somewhere there is another guy in the picture but its just not in the light yet. Dont contact her and dont answer her calls or texts atleast for now to get your head straight. Shes playin around and its just going to mess with your head. Something similar happened to me and it turned out another guy was involved. Was with her for 5 years andl leaning towards marriage.

I thought that too but she has continuosly denied it and just said she wants to be single because she hasnt been since she was 17. Her best friend who is a good friend of mine is saying the same and reassuring me but suppose cant listen to her. One my best friends is in their group circle as well and all she says is how she wants to be with noone and how she misses me. but your right i need to ignore her unless she comes out and says she wants to get back, which wont be hard as its practically her initiating NC. very sorry to hear that man, did she go off with this other guy very quick?

Having emotions= human
Being emotional = womanly / AFC trait. Drop it.

It's best to just follow that above advice. Don't contact her, don't call, don't respond to her texts/calls, do NOT TALK TO HER AT ALL. No contact is no contact, you DON'T fvcking respond. She is trying to play with your emotions man, don't let her. Just focus on yourself and move on. Easier said than done but time heals everything.

Yes i know i have to control my emotions better, i havent showed them to her since the breakup. Yup im not going to respond at all, i dont think it will be a problem she will only make contact when drunk probably. Yes time is a great healer, just keep getting filled with hope then for her to snatch it away, relationships arent worth it sometimes i suppose.

 

[In2theGame]

I thought that too but she has continuosly denied it and just said she wants to be single because she hasnt been since she was 17. Her best friend who is a good friend of mine is saying the same and reassuring me but suppose cant listen to her. One my best friends is in their group circle as well and all she says is how she wants to be with noone and how she misses me. but your right i need to ignore her unless she comes out and says she wants to get back, which wont be hard as its practically her initiating NC. very sorry to hear that man, did she go off with this other guy very quick?.

Dude, She can deny it till she is blue in the face. The fact is that another guy that shes interested in may not even be known by her friends... YET. Im telling you, its mostly Bull****. the same thing was said to me and she even threw herself on the floor in tears swearing up and down that there was no one else. Guess what happened? About 2 months after she broke off our 5 year relationship, she was on her way to getting married to the new guy and had already moved in with him.

 

[jerryh]

Dude, She can deny it till she is blue in the face. The fact is that another guy that shes interested in may not even be known by her friends... YET. Im telling you, its mostly Bull****. the same thing was said to me and she even threw herself on the floor in tears swearing up and down that there was no one else. Guess what happened? About 2 months after she broke off our 5 year relationship, she was on her way to getting married to the new guy and had already moved in with him.

I suppose if there is going to be someone its going to be when she is back in college in September in a different city. id rather know now then find out later, it will be a bitter pill to swallow. do you think she is bull****ting by what she said on the phone about how she hasnt been with anyone and doesnt want to be? ah man im very sorry to hear that, thats really tough on you. i take it you havent talked to her since?

 

[In2theGame]

I suppose if there is going to be someone its going to be when she is back in college in September in a different city. id rather know now then find out later, it will be a bitter pill to swallow. do you think she is bull****ting by what she said on the phone about how she hasnt been with anyone and doesnt want to be? ah man im very sorry to hear that, thats really tough on you. i take it you havent talked to her since?

I understand where your coming from but honestly dont take the wait and see approach because if/when you find out shes with someone else, its only going to F*ck you up even more. If shes telling you that she hasnt been with anyone else, you still cant believe her 100% because if she has been with someone else.. she surely wont tell you and will lie about it till no end. If she truly hasnt been with someone else, you better believe shes thinking about it. No i havent talked to my ex since, she did me in really good where i developed bad anxiety from the shock of it all.

 

[jerryh]

I understand where your coming from but honestly dont take the wait and see approach because if/when you find out shes with someone else, its only going to F*ck you up even more. If shes telling you that she hasnt been with anyone else, you still cant believe her 100% because if she has been with someone else.. she surely wont tell you and will lie about it till no end. If she truly hasnt been with someone else, you better believe shes thinking about it. No i havent talked to my ex since, she did me in really good where i developed bad anxiety from the shock of it all.

Oh yes i get you, i know i have to be prepared for it to happen because it will happen eventually. This girl couldnt tell a white lie without feeling like she killed someone since i have known her for the 6 years, so i think she would be honest. I asked her was there she swore no, if she is lying then she has really changed. im very sorry to hear that she isnt worth any of that mate if she can be so heartless, was this long ago?

 

[In2theGame]

Oh yes i get you, i know i have to be prepared for it to happen because it will happen eventually. This girl couldnt tell a white lie without feeling like she killed someone since i have known her for the 6 years, so i think she would be honest. I asked her was there she swore no, if she is lying then she has really changed. im very sorry to hear that she isnt worth any of that mate if she can be so heartless, was this long ago?

This was in late 2010. Since then, i get very nervous and anxious when i start getting "close" to a woman. They can change for the worst man, thats why im saying just be careful.

 

[jerryh]

This was in late 2010. Since then, i get very nervous and anxious when i start getting "close" to a woman. They can change for the worst man, thats why im saying just be careful.

ah im very sorry to heat that, im the same dont want anything serious again for a long time. is it strange when the dumper initiates the no contact? she said she didnt love me that way to that she didnt enough to she always did, she was calling me by her petname for me on the phone, just seems so surreal, she is a cold person by nature though, dont get why she has to be like this.

 

[jerryh]

Im just thinking for the last three months i minimized contact and shot down ideas from her to do different stuff mainly due to the stress of my finals although she would complain of how boring it was to be sitting around , We fought a bit through this over stupid things, and i cut contact very extremely the last month, she cried so much how she wanted to see me and be together and i would oblige but then leave early cos id have to study, could this cause falling out of love?

 

[jerryh]

anyone have anything else to offer? you or a friend be in a situation like this?

 

[HariPoter13]

I'm afraid we can't help you. Only you can help yourself. But you aren't in a state to do that right now. So only time will help you.

 

[jerryh]

I'm afraid we can't help you. Only you can help yourself. But you aren't in a state to do that right now. So only time will help you.

sorry just wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and the outcomes? i know its going to take alot of time to heal, is 6 weeks too long to not be on the way to healing yet?

 

[SamTheHobit]

I feel bad for you bro. Five years is a long time to be in a relationship and I'm not the best at giving advice, but if you are thinking of getting back with her in afraid its only gonna fvck you up in the end.

As long as you still have hope of getting back together with her, the healing process can't begin. Depending on how attached you were you gonna be in for a sh1tty time. Kinda sounds like you are in denial about this whole thing.

Take this advice because I know I didnt and its fvcked up my youth.

Good luck none the less.

 

[Fatal Jay]

Not to be hurtful, but you do know shes been sitting on another guys cawk. When hes an a$$hole she calls you. It's time to go full NC and move on. Let it hurt.

I agree, back when I was an afc,fat, jobless. My ex girlfriend did the exact samething to me.

Fast forward to the future, I dropped 80 pounds, attained a great job, two cars, and turned into a dj. I saw her with her husband, they are both fatties, she saw my transformation and started shaking, like literally shaking like she was about to have a seizure, I was laughing in the inside so hard

dropped this chick and never come back, improve yourself and get an even hotter girl, trust me men can get over women if they attain a hotter chick because men are visual creations.

 

[jerryh]

I feel bad for you bro. Five years is a long time to be in a relationship and I'm not the best at giving advice, but if you are thinking of getting back with her in afraid its only gonna fvck you up in the end.

As long as you still have hope of getting back together with her, the healing process can't begin. Depending on how attached you were you gonna be in for a sh1tty time. Kinda sounds like you are in denial about this whole thing.

Take this advice because I know I didnt and its fvcked up my youth.

Good luck none the less.

I have known her for six years so yes im really attached to her, was my world. I know i have to give up hope to move forward and i was doing so well until that phone call, ill admit it really set me back and now i dont know what to do. thanks man ill try but im really not ready to move on yet i dont think.

I agree, back when I was an afc,fat, jobless. My ex girlfriend did the exact samething to me.

Fast forward to the future, I dropped 80 pounds, attained a great job, two cars, and turned into a dj. I saw her with her husband, they are both fatties, she saw my transformation and started shaking, like literally shaking like she was about to have a seizure, I was laughing in the inside so hard

dropped this chick and never come back, improve yourself and get an even hotter girl, trust me men can get over women if they attain a hotter chick because men are visual creations.

I dont think there is someone else really dont but if there is ill definitely update. Good for you mate you seem to have really turned your life around and be happy, i wish i can do that as well in time. there is another girl, i dont know if she is hotter but definitely interested, but think its too soon, plus ex hates her.

 

[jerryh]

its been a week since that drunk call now, does anyone here think i should reach out? just friendly chat?

 

[pinkfl]

Wait a second, if I'm reading this right:
You didn't have a job. You were together for five years.
You get a new job after you are both broken up.
She wants you back.
Sounds like she was frustrated with having to wait around for years for you to get your **** together (and saw herself becoming a nag and didn't want to be that), and you needed her to leave you for you to finally have the motivation to get your job in order.

Take this as a lesson. When you let yourself fall apart, and do not have your priorities in order, you're going to lose the relationship.

I am not saying she'll never change her mind about wanting to get back together with you, but she'll probably have to date someone else first. You also mentioned that you are 22. That is YOUNG. And if you were together for five years, that means she's your high school girlfriend.

I know I sounded harsh earlier. But take this as a learning experience. It's great that you were able to maintain this relationship for five years. That's a good thing. However, the requirements for an adult boyfriend are much different than that of a high school boyfriend. You may have been very compatible and loved each other very much in the past. Part of her WILL ALWAYS have feelings for you. However, she made the decision to breakup. That means it's done. You have not grown together and in such a way that is compatible to be two adults working together as a team. The person you were as a teen isn't the person you are right now.

Don't talk to her for right now. She's going to reach out to you a LOT over the years, but when you finally do decide to talk to her again, it's going to be when you realize that you both make much better friends than lovers now. I don't really think there's hope for reconciliation or getting back together.

 

[pinkfl]

sorry just wanted to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and the outcomes? i know its going to take alot of time to heal, is 6 weeks too long to not be on the way to healing yet?

If you want my story, it's pretty similar (except I'm the girl).
High school boyfriend, first love, first kiss, etc. We're both religious and we planned on getting married before going any further physically. We were together for four years. We went to college together.

Over the course of those four years, I was working a lot. He never worked. At all. Finally, he got a job after I talked to him about how we cannot have a future together if he's not contributing. He got a job, but quit after a few weeks. Ultimately...this caused me to lose respect for him. There were other things, too. He let his appearance go. He never fixed himself up, and he started gaining a lot of weight. Started to even get a bit of a potbelly. He had a back condition that required him to do exercises to improve posture/stability, and he stopped doing them. He would neglect his car.

Ultimately, the time came where I knew he wanted to propose. So I broke it off. I didn't want the future with him that he was offering me. Why would I want someone that was not motivated, that neglected everything?

It's been three years since then. We had coffee together the other day, and talked. We both have new significant others now. Every so often, we catch up. We're friends, but we're never going to be in a relationship again.

 

[jerryh]

Wait a second, if I'm reading this right:
You didn't have a job. You were together for five years.
You get a new job after you are both broken up.
She wants you back.
Sounds like she was frustrated with having to wait around for years for you to get your **** together (and saw herself becoming a nag and didn't want to be that), and you needed her to leave you for you to finally have the motivation to get your job in order.

Take this as a lesson. When you let yourself fall apart, and do not have your priorities in order, you're going to lose the relationship.

I am not saying she'll never change her mind about wanting to get back together with you, but she'll probably have to date someone else first. You also mentioned that you are 22. That is YOUNG. And if you were together for five years, that means she's your high school girlfriend.

I know I sounded harsh earlier. But take this as a learning experience. It's great that you were able to maintain this relationship for five years. That's a good thing. However, the requirements for an adult boyfriend are much different than that of a high school boyfriend. You may have been very compatible and loved each other very much in the past. Part of her WILL ALWAYS have feelings for you. However, she made the decision to breakup. That means it's done. You have not grown together and in such a way that is compatible to be two adults working together as a team. The person you were as a teen isn't the person you are right now.

Don't talk to her for right now. She's going to reach out to you a LOT over the years, but when you finally do decide to talk to her again, it's going to be when you realize that you both make much better friends than lovers now. I don't really think there's hope for reconciliation or getting back together.

it wasnt through lack of trying and it was just a matter of luck that i got it. We were only dating for a year in highschool and my four years in college so we were hardly that young. thanks you for your advice, i feel we actually were very well suited for an adult relationship but she was annoyed with things with me, which i changed, she felt she was too young to be nagging but all them things are fixed and that she wanted to be single, something i cant change. interestingly you think ill never get her back?

 

[SamTheHobit]

it wasnt through lack of trying and it was just a matter of luck that i got it. We were only dating for a year in highschool and my four years in college so we were hardly that young. thanks you for your advice, i feel we actually were very well suited for an adult relationship but she was annoyed with things with me, which i changed, she felt she was too young to be nagging but all them things are fixed and that she wanted to be single, something i cant change. interestingly you think ill never get her back?

The one thing I hate about this forum is the fatalist mindset. You probably will get her back.

I'm telling you bro, you have to let her miss you. Go no contact until she seems interested again. That's literally the only thing you can do.

The more you beg for her back and contact her the more needy you seem.
and that's an unattractive quality. The more you chase the more you will push her away.

On that note no one should have to beg for anyone's affection. If they want to leave then let them.. They'll eventually regret it.

And I'm guessing you must be a quality guy to maintain a relationship for 5 years.

So take it easy. And if she never comes back Fvck her. You deserve to be with someone that doesn't make you doubt yourself.

 

[jerryh]

If you want my story, it's pretty similar (except I'm the girl).
High school boyfriend, first love, first kiss, etc. We're both religious and we planned on getting married before going any further physically. We were together for four years. We went to college together.

Over the course of those four years, I was working a lot. He never worked. At all. Finally, he got a job after I talked to him about how we cannot have a future together if he's not contributing. He got a job, but quit after a few weeks. Ultimately...this caused me to lose respect for him. There were other things, too. He let his appearance go. He never fixed himself up, and he started gaining a lot of weight. Started to even get a bit of a potbelly. He had a back condition that required him to do exercises to improve posture/stability, and he stopped doing them. He would neglect his car.

Ultimately, the time came where I knew he wanted to propose. So I broke it off. I didn't want the future with him that he was offering me. Why would I want someone that was not motivated, that neglected everything?

It's been three years since then. We had coffee together the other day, and talked. We both have new significant others now. Every so often, we catch up. We're friends, but we're never going to be in a relationship again.

I get you i kind of let myself go physically too, put on a bit of a belly, grew out a beard, she was concerned over me not getting a job or car, but there all fixed now im running everyday, cleanshaven back to dressing well, job got, be it only two days a week, pernament one in september and recently got my theory test and now doing my driving lessons. It seemed to work out best for yee, is there no feelings left on eiter side?