5 weeks on

[jerryh]

The one thing I hate about this forum is the fatalist mindset. You probably will get her back.

I'm telling you bro, you have to let her miss you. Go no contact until she seems interested again. That's literally the only thing you can do.

The more you beg for her back and contact her the more needy you seem.
and that's an unattractive quality. The more you chase the more you will push her away.

On that note no one should have to beg for anyone's affection. If they want to leave then let them.. They'll eventually regret it.

And I'm guessing you must be a quality guy to maintain a relationship for 5 years.

So take it easy. And if she never comes back Fvck her. You deserve to be with someone that doesn't make you doubt yourself.

i think she definitley misses me but she is tough and will keep no contact id say. thanks man i had my issues though, there all fixed now i know its only been 6 weeks but i have really improved my life. i agree some people do get exs back, do you think there is any love there? she was saying that night that she cant be with anyone else, only me for her. then she writes it off next day as thinking she misses me as a friend, why?

 

[jerryh]

would an email (something she rarely uses, meaning she could read it the minute she is home or a months time) outlining my changes on how i have improved (the things she felt she had to nag me about which made her feel like we were an "old married couple") do more harm than good? Id just outline how i got myself back on track, wont mention relationship or love, and leave it with how if you want to meet up give me a call if not just ignore this email.

 

[JoeMarron]

The only real choice for you is eternal no contact. Act as if she never existed. Stop thinking about her, dont check her facebook, don't look at old photos, all of this sh!t is just gonna keep setting you back and delaying the healing process. Move on with your life. If you waste your time hoping to get back with her or even if you do get back together, odds are things will just fall apart all over again and you'll be in an even lower position than you are now. Focus on your career, spend time with friends, enjoy your hobbies, talk to other women, keep improving yourself. The road will be long, painful, perhaps almost unbearable now but if you persist a couple years from now you can look back at this moment with pride knowing that you pulled yourself out of the abyss and came out a better person. Read these links. Whenever you're feeling weak read them again.

http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056&highlight=contact

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=38886

 

[pinkfl]

I get you i kind of let myself go physically too, put on a bit of a belly, grew out a beard, she was concerned over me not getting a job or car, but there all fixed now im running everyday, cleanshaven back to dressing well, job got, be it only two days a week, pernament one in september and recently got my theory test and now doing my driving lessons. It seemed to work out best for yee, is there no feelings left on eiter side?

I still care about him in the sense that I want him to succeed in life, I want him to be happy, and that I want him to find someone he's compatible with. But I love and care about him only as a friend and nothing more. There's absolutely no physical attraction, and he lacks important qualities that I look for from a significant other.

I know he cares about me and he's gone out of his way for me and helped me out with school, but I'm certain he doesn't feel anything more than friendship towards me. Even when we were both single, we didn't pursue each other. That door has closed. It's done.

 

[Kailex]

jerryh...

You need to LISTEN. MOVE ON.

This girl drops you like a bad habit, and you are entertaining the idea of getting back with her? She even DRUNK calls you? And you still want to talk to her?

Why in the BLUE HELL would you ever want to entertain ANY future with ANY woman that so willingly threw away 5 years of her life AND yours? There are better women out there that won't drunk call you and have you hanging by a thread for weeks.

Listen, brother, it's going to take time, but you WILL get past this. You want our help... you say, but what you really want is for us to tell you how to get her back... but NONE of us (with rational thinking) are going to tell you that.

5 years takes a while to get over.
So you do it by working on your career, working out, doing new things, meeting new people...

And trust me, you don't miss HER, you miss the IDEA of her and you miss the company. Once that sacred bond of trust has been broken in an LTR, it's REALLY tough to recover, and no matter how hard you try to repair that seal... it'll always be cracked.

It's so much easier to go out there and start new relationships (spin plates) with many different women.

But in order to do that, you need to place a higher value on yourself. Because you were at a point where she decided to sell your stock. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

 

[jerryh]

I still care about him in the sense that I want him to succeed in life, I want him to be happy, and that I want him to find someone he's compatible with. But I love and care about him only as a friend and nothing more. There's absolutely no physical attraction, and he lacks important qualities that I look for from a significant other.

I know he cares about me and he's gone out of his way for me and helped me out with school, but I'm certain he doesn't feel anything more than friendship towards me. Even when we were both single, we didn't pursue each other. That door has closed. It's done.

i get you, if he improved himself quickly would it have worked?

 

[jerryh]

jerryh...

You need to LISTEN. MOVE ON.

This girl drops you like a bad habit, and you are entertaining the idea of getting back with her? She even DRUNK calls you? And you still want to talk to her?

Why in the BLUE HELL would you ever want to entertain ANY future with ANY woman that so willingly threw away 5 years of her life AND yours? There are better women out there that won't drunk call you and have you hanging by a thread for weeks.

Listen, brother, it's going to take time, but you WILL get past this. You want our help... you say, but what you really want is for us to tell you how to get her back... but NONE of us (with rational thinking) are going to tell you that.

5 years takes a while to get over.
So you do it by working on your career, working out, doing new things, meeting new people...

And trust me, you don't miss HER, you miss the IDEA of her and you miss the company. Once that sacred bond of trust has been broken in an LTR, it's REALLY tough to recover, and no matter how hard you try to repair that seal... it'll always be cracked.

It's so much easier to go out there and start new relationships (spin plates) with many different women.

But in order to do that, you need to place a higher value on yourself. Because you were at a point where she decided to sell your stock. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

i really cant do any better, she was so good and deserved much better then the loser i was/am. im afraid of moving on cause she was my all, i woulodnt have blamed her for dumping me

 

[pinkfl]

i get you, if he improved himself quickly would it have worked?

Nope.
Again, he lacked important qualities from a significant other that I wanted. And I've learned that you cannot change a person. They are who they are. To demand that he learn to possess these qualities would be to ask him to put on an act. That would not be fair to either of us. It would also mean it would be something he could not maintain long term, because he would be doing it for me, and not for himself.

You have to be YOU. And be happy doing so. This shouldn't be about getting her back. This needs to be about you regaining your independence, and making a new future. There are loads of wonderful people in this world. Go out and meet them. You'll be surprised that you will meet someone that has qualities that you always wanted but never had before. And you'll be happy.

 

[JoeMarron]

i really cant do any better, she was so good and deserved much better then the loser i was/am. im afraid of moving on cause she was my all, i woulodnt have blamed her for dumping me

With this mindset yes you can't do any better. You will continue being a loser, hoping and pleading for your ex to take you back and save you from your misery. Why the hell would she or anyone be attracted to such a sorry excuse for a man? You have to believe that you can do better and that you can move on. I don't give a fk how delusional or silly you think it is. You have to literally force yourself to believe it and then take the necessary actions until it becomes a reality.

 

[jerryh]

hey everyone you all probably think im pathetic and weak but im going to go get some professional help. I just cant get my head round the situation and cant get how she can go without making any contact. Im in bed all day today crying all the time i cant stop, getting sick everytime i think of her and no appetite. Im usually a very strong person, so i dunno whats happening me, and im sorry for being such a wuss.

 

[SamTheHobit]

hey everyone you all probably think im pathetic and weak but im going to go get some professional help. I just cant get my head round the situation and cant get how she can go without making any contact. Im in bed all day today crying all the time i cant stop, getting sick everytime i think of her and no appetite. Im usually a very strong person, so i dunno whats happening me, and im sorry for being such a wuss.

And so It begins..

 

[Thatfeel21]

hey everyone you all probably think im pathetic and weak but im going to go get some professional help. I just cant get my head round the situation and cant get how she can go without making any contact. Im in bed all day today crying all the time i cant stop, getting sick everytime i think of her and no appetite. Im usually a very strong person, so i dunno whats happening me, and im sorry for being such a wuss.

You're 22, correct?? Life will go on man. There's a reason why most people don't settle down until their mid-late twenties; you're not mature enough to handle a relationship.

 

[jerryh]

thanks everyone, still no word from her