43 year old needs dating advice

[BobbDobbs]

The good news is that even guys with "experience" at your age (I am 50 btw) are probably AFC's anyhow. So with the information at this site and a faked up "resume of love" you are on equal footing with any guy trying to start up a new relationship.

Do some prep work on your resume story. Sit down and write up a timeline of a few "girls" working backward from the present. Fill in the details for the most recent "girl." Her first name, how long you dated (make it a few years), where you met, why you broke up ("grew apart" is good) etc.

As a late bloomer you have to avoid one common pitfall -- falling for a girl first and then trying to chase her. This is typically a pattern shy late bloomers are in. They fall in love from afar and never approach, only to be heartbroken later when the girl hooks up with someone or goes out of their life.

Bad news.

You have to start hitting on girls you haven't already fallen for.

 

[Surfboard]

First off I'd like to express how refreshing it is to read a mature post filled with solid advice.

OK Frank, first thing you need to know is the guy does the calling, plans the date, etc. Women hate it when the guy doesn't take charge. One of the girl members recently posted something about the guy asking her what she wants to do on the date. Once again....THE MAN TAKES THE LEADING ROLE.

As for Sara. If she's as shy as you are, this can very possibly be the reason for her not calling you. Unless she's an aggressive woman, chances are pretty good that she's not going to call you. Remember, this is your role in the game of seduction. Her role at this point is to give you the signals and agree to a date if you ask her.

The part about her getting back with her ex-boyfriend could possibly be a ploy to get you to make a move. It's like a game of chess. From what I've read, it seems to be your move. The game cannot go on until you do something.

You have Sara's number, so call her up and take her out to celebrate her new job.

 

[DIESEL]

Frank,

Here are a few of my thoughts on this situation.

1. The only reason you are even obsessing about this dumba$$ is because she is the only thing on your plate, right? Read the DJ Bible.. kill that one-itis!

2. You do this by cutting your losses, consider it a lesson learned, NEXT this game playing mindfukker, AND GIVE YOURSELF A FRESH-START with other women.

3. Go to the mirror... take a long, hard, look at yourself.

4. Now take your shirt off.

5. Do you like what you see?

6. If NO, then tomorrow your first order of business is getting your ass in the gym and getting your ass in shape for the ladies. Ladies won't give a fukk about what's on the inside, if they are repulsed by what they see on the outside.

7. Until you are comfortable with what you see in the mirror, everything we are telling you about confidence, and overcoming shyness is irrelevant. For most people, shyness is rooted in low self-image. Change your self-image, and the rest will follow.

D

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by DIESEL
Frank,

Here are a few of my thoughts on this situation.

1. The only reason you are even obsessing about this dumba$$ is because she is the only thing on your plate, right? Read the DJ Bible.. kill that one-itis!

2. You do this by cutting your losses, consider it a lesson learned, NEXT this game playing mindfukker, AND GIVE YOURSELF A FRESH-START with other women.

3. Go to the mirror... take a long, hard, look at yourself.

4. Now take your shirt off.

5. Do you like what you see?

6. If NO, then tomorrow your first order of business is getting your ass in the gym and getting your ass in shape for the ladies. Ladies won't give a fukk about what's on the inside, if they are repulsed by what they see on the outside.

7. Until you are comfortable with what you see in the mirror, everything we are telling you about confidence, and overcoming shyness is irrelevant. For most people, shyness is rooted in low self-image. Change your self-image, and the rest will follow.

D

Testify

ignore it and your a mug

 

[meh]

Do what diesel says, his advice is good - take a look at this thread 2 - http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=20965

And remember - u must respect and love urself before anyone else, if u dont like what u see in that mirror, how do u expect anyone else too?

 

[frankcd]

I just wanted to state that Sara did not give me her number, I found it by doing some searching on the web... So, I should call Sara. It is just that I have been told it is common for a woman who does not know a man well to ask for the man's phone number.

Believe me I do not want Sara going off on me since I am 20 years older and calling her..

So I just need feedback that this is appropriate to do.

Frank

 

[frankcd]

Please let me know of any further ideas...

Frank

 

[anakin]

Frank, are you serious (vote for troll post anyone??)

You have been given very good advice so far in this thread to set the ball rolling and to change your life. . .

You have to change and accept the situation and the advice given, rather than seeking the advice that you want to hear re: Sara.

 

[DIESEL]

Originally posted by frankcd
I just wanted to state that Sara did not give me her number, I found it by doing some searching on the web... So, I should call Sara. It is just that I have been told it is common for a woman who does not know a man well to ask for the man's phone number.

Believe me I do not want Sara going off on me since I am 20 years older and calling her..

So I just need feedback that this is appropriate to do.

Frank

Dude, are you dense?

1. She did not give you her number. YOU DO NOT CALL HER.

2. We have established that she is an immature game-playing dumba$$. If she was worthy of anyone, let alone a 43 year-old man, she WOULD HAVE THE MATURITY TO CONFRONT YOU PERSONALLY ON ANY ISSUES SHE MAY HAVE HAD WITH YOU. Not sending her friend to do her dirty work. For that alone, you should NEXT her. and dude SHE'S ONLY 24...and from the sound of it, you have absolutely no clue what you would EVEN do with her.

Do you actually think anything would ever come of it in your present state? It's a disaster waiting to happen.

You have a lot of remedial work to do before you can even THINK about fukking with the young sluts.

LET HER GO. and get to work on YOURSELF.

 

[Surfboard]

I just wanted to state that Sara did not give me her number, I found it by doing some searching on the web... So, I should call Sara.

That changes my initial thoughts on your situation. The thing that worries me now, is why she didn't have Stephanie give you the phone number to get in touch with her? That's definitely a bad sign.

Shy or not, if she wanted anything to do with you, she would've given you a way to get in touch with her. Calling her now would probably send off alarm sirens in her head.

The only thing I could suggest now is maybe find a way to accidentally run into her. Make sure you have a good excuse for being in the area when you do accidentally run into her.

Good luck, but I don't see a happy ending here.

 

[DIESEL]

Originally posted by Surfboard


That changes my initial thoughts on your situation. The thing that worries me now, is why she didn't have Stephanie give you the phone number to get in touch with her? That's definitely a bad sign.

Shy or not, if she wanted anything to do with you, she would've given you a way to get in touch with her. Calling her now would probably send off alarm sirens in her head.

The only thing I could suggest now is maybe find a way to accidentally run into her. Make sure you have a good excuse for being in the area when you do accidentally run into her.

Good luck, but I don't see a happy ending here.

Even this is bad advice, because 43 year olds and 24 year olds don't "accidentally" run into each other. From what I can extrapolate about Frank, since he's shy, his flusteredness and total un-naturalness if he were to follow your plan, would probably tip the girl off (call "chick intuition") that this meeting WAS NOT ACCIDENTAL. It still sends out a "I'm an old pervo stalker" vibe to the girl.

She has to contact him. Any other way, Frank comes off as a creep.

Frank: I reiterate. FORGET ABOUT HER. WORK ON YOURSELF.

D

 

[DIESEL]

 

[Royal-tiger]

Originally posted by frankcd
I just wanted to state that Sara did not give me her number, I found it by doing some searching on the web... So, I should call Sara. It is just that I have been told it is common for a woman who does not know a man well to ask for the man's phone number.

Believe me I do not want Sara going off on me since I am 20 years older and calling her..

So I just need feedback that this is appropriate to do.

Frank

In my opinion, you should not call Sara since she voluntarily did not give you her number. Most people (particularly women) kind of freak out when someone begins to dig info about them.

 

[frankcd]

Well for the last time I do believe Sara liked me... She gave me the signs she did.... And as I said women will not give a phone number to someone they do not know very well..

Also, today I was home, the phone rang and the machine picked up.. then a female voice said "I'm a bi*ch" then I heard a chuckle and then hung up.. It is Sara, I am almost positive... The number was blocked as in the past when she called.

I have decided to answer the phone "Hello, is this Sara?" I will play her game, since I have nothing to lose.

Stephanie told me Sara works different shifts and maybe different days off. Sara has been at her new job for one month...

Sara liked me and because of my dildo answer of no serious relationships, on top of no job, she decided to pass on me...
I guess from this point on if I am asked I will say a response like "None worth mentioning", or "I have never had a relationship that mattered or left a lasting impression on me" or "I have had relationships in the past but I have never been in love. So I would not call any of them serious."

The calls are maybe still an interest or just her having a joke on me. She is not the joking type so I doubt the last one.

No, I will not call her since I do not need a woman saying I am stalking her....

Plus, the main reason I am so fixated on Sara is because I have not in recent memory had a nice looking woman pursue me. I know I am like a child telling his friends "she likes me." I would like to date her for experience and fun, I am not expecting a serious relationship to be the outcome.

No one else is responsible for my situation other than myself...

Frank

 

[Helter Skelter]

Originally posted by frankcd


Also, today I was home, the phone rang and the machine picked up.. then a female voice said "I'm a bi*ch" then I heard a chuckle and then hung up.. It is Sara, I am almost positive... The number was blocked as in the past when she called.

I have decided to answer the phone "Hello, is this Sara?" I will play her game, since I have nothing to lose.


I don't know, this is starting to sound a little bizare.
Go to Match.com or yahoo personals and place an ad. Stop thinking about this girl. If it was meant to be she will contact you or give you her phone # at some point. In the meantime, move on.

 

[Frosty]

I don't know, this is starting to sound a little bizare.

I agree. Frank, a 24 year old woman playing on the phone and a 43 year old man who plans on "playing her game" and insisting that the woman likes him after the situation you described does sound bizarre. This is definitely not typical behavior for adults who take part in dating rituals.

I would follow the advice below to the teeth. Just concentrate on this one piece of advice for now and build from there:

Frank: I reiterate. FORGET ABOUT HER. WORK ON YOURSELF.

 

[frankcd]

I wanted to clarify to the board that I assure you I am not a nut case. I am a very competent and responsible person who has dealth with law enforcement officials in relation to my job. I've even taken polygraphs for the positions I have held.

The only reason I stated I would play her game is because I am lonely and have no one else in my life now. Again I have no intention of getting serious with Sara because she is immature if it would even go as far as a first date.

Plus, I do not believe in online dating do to the horror stories I have heard through people I deal with on a daily basis.

I am just frustrated with the opportunities I have missed with women. The reasons being I was not smart enough to pick up on the signals or I was to shy to approach the woman. The number has to be atleast a dozen.... These were all fine women.

Just between the board and I my sexual experience is very very little... Have to work on improving my rank.

So, off I go seeking my better half.

Frank

 

[spanky]

The only reason I stated I would play her game is because I am lonely and have no one else in my life now. Again I have no intention of getting serious with Sara because she is immature if it would even go as far as a first date.

Because of this, Frank, Sara and Stephanie is dealing with you in a way that I personally believe that they wouldn't with a person with a lot of dating experience.

If they respected you more, they would probably hesitate to engage in this behavior.

I strongly suggest that you read the DJ Bible here in your spare time. It will cut down on a lot of time and frustration that occur when trying to gain the knowledge contained in the Bible through experience alone.

 

[OddTech]

Dude, some of your recent points are telling me that you're NOT paying attention to what people have said so far.

First of all, you are relying on girls to pursue you. That's dumb. You are willing to play with this girl named Sara because you said, "I have not in recent memory had a nice looking woman pursue me." Dude, you don't wait for the opportunities to occur, you create your own opportunities. Since you haven't dated since 1989, how many oppurtunities did you create? Probably None!

Second of all, what's wrong with the online dating? You are a 43 year old guy, not some naive 14 year old girl! If you have some brains up there, you should have no problem avoiding those "horror stories" that you're so paranoid about. Gosh, you are the one that girls should be afraid of.

Lastly, you don't know if Sara likes you or not. That's just your speculation. Don't put all your eggs in one basket because you're so lonely. Go out and create your own opportunities.

I apologize for getting riled up, but I want you to see the other paths that you can take.

 

[NewMan]

Blown it...

Frank,


It sounds like you've blown any chances with this chick. Forget about her, and put it down as a learning experience.

There's been some good advice on these posts - I'd just like to add my thoughts....

1) Lie where necessary. Women want men with experience - they want men with interesting backgrounds and men who have a certain mystery about them. Your job is to create this mystery - you can either give them vague information about your past ("There's been women in my past, but no-one that has ever been able to maintain my insterest) - or you can make some **** up. I'd be vague.

2) This is a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. Don't waste those golden oportunities. It sound like you had a chance of getting this Sara girl - if you had only acted on her signals. Learn the lesson, and make sure it doesn't happen again. We've all been there, so it's nothing to beat yourself up about - unless it happens again. Make sure it doesn't.

3) Use your age to your advantage. Get an attitude. COnfidence. You've been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Act with confidence, these younger women are looking for that in the older man. There looking for that strength, they are looking for a man who knows what he wants and is not afraid to go and get it. But you've got to get the attitude to play this off. Remeber, act like you've slept with lots of girls - younger and older. Act like girls are wanting you. Give off that attitude.

Finally, you've turned the corner Frank. Your reading this board - there will be other oportunities - hang in there.