43 year old needs dating advice

[Surfboard]

Even this is bad advice, because 43 year olds and 24 year olds don't "accidentally" run into each other. From what I can extrapolate about Frank, since he's shy, his flusteredness and total un-naturalness if he were to follow your plan, would probably tip the girl off (call "chick intuition") that this meeting WAS NOT ACCIDENTAL. It still sends out a "I'm an old pervo stalker" vibe to the girl.

I'm sorry! I didn't realize that DIESEL was an expert on judging people through an internet site. He seems to somehow know this FRANKCD personally, and since I don't know him personally my advice must be worthless for this situation.

Well Frank, since DIESEL sees you as some old pervo stalker, you have no other option but to move on.

Also, today I was home, the phone rang and the machine picked up.. then a female voice said "I'm a bi*ch" then I heard a chuckle and then hung up.. It is Sara, I am almost positive... The number was blocked as in the past when she called.

On a serious note. There's definitely something you're not telling us here. What did you do to make her leave a message like this?

This whole post is becoming a little too weird for me.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Originally posted by frankcd


Plus, I do not believe in online dating do to the horror stories I have heard through people I deal with on a daily basis.

Frank, you havn't had a date in 15 years, how can you be negative on a method of meeting women. Obviously, the traditional methods have not worked for you.

Get off your a$$ and place an ad now before you end up spending the next 15 years without a date. Come on man.

 

[spanky]

Originally posted by Helter Skelter
Frank, you havn't had a date in 15 years, how can you be negative on a method of meeting women. Obviously, the traditional methods have not worked for you.

Get off your a$$ and place an ad now before you end up spending the next 15 years without a date. Come on man.

Well said.


Now is not the time to get too picky about where we pick them up Frank. Lets get some good experience rolling here.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by frankcd
Plus, I do not believe in online dating do to the horror stories I have heard through people I deal with on a daily basis.

Those "horror stories" are otherwise known as "living." Take some chances, man.

 

[DIESEL]

Actually from what Frank is posting.. this is what I see.

1. A desperate idiot. With no self-esteem or pride. DUDE, THE GIRL IS FUKKIN WITH YOU. DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU ARE A JOKE TO HER. Have you no pride? IF SHE LIKED YOU SHE WOULD NOT BE PULLING THIS SHYT.

2. There is a thing called "call block" USE IT.

3. Either you are an idiot or you don't really want our advice, you just want some pity... if that is the case stop posting on this board and continue on with your miserable, pathetic life.

4. If you're looking for pity, or affirmation of what you really want to hear (i.e. go call dumbfukk, go here: www.datingissues.com)

5. If you really want to improve, then take your head out of your ass and start processing what we are laying out for you.

6. You seem like a colossal waste of time already, I've said what I have to say to you.

 

[frankcd]

I have read all the ideas and advice you have posted. I have also begun reading the"bible." I will not go on having women pursue me first. But most my friends tell me that their girlfriends or wives noticed them first and laid the ground work for them to follow.

The memories of me trying to meet women is rough to look back on. In a matter of moments virtually all the women I have approached have said I have a boyfriend before I ask them out.

Regarding the message left on my machine I have no idea as to why she did it. Maybe it is what I did not do and that is ask her out before she left. As a result she is maybe putting the blame on herself or toying with me... Possibly she is letting me know she is a "bi*ch" and do not feel so bad that I do not call. Again, I have no clue since I do not know how she thinks....

And then the question regarding prior relationships by a 24 year old really hit home. (But my buddies told me it is a common question of women before dating a man, especially an older man.) The more I think about it she is not treating me with respect and could see I was naive... If Sara respected me she would have called me and asked the questions herself... But she had her best friend do the screening... Right there is the true way she feels about me... Essentially it showed she did not have the time for me...

Well, Sara has past and I have written her off as a learning experience.

And I am not seeking pity from the board. If I was I would post on ladies boards and have women tell me a bunch of crap.... I wanted the straight answers so I posted here.

BTW, I did email a therapist and he said he could help me for $150/hr sessions. Sure all I would have at the end is less money in my pocket...

later,
Frank

 

[dionysius_d]

don't wait anymore.

Waiting for that wonderful woman to find you is pie in the sky.. you're gonna have to make it happen.. you don't have time on your side as it is.

There must be some good reasons why you are not experienced at your age.. you need to make up for 20 years in about 6 months.

Rather than spend 150 per hour on a therapist, go to a brothel. This is not a joke.
Or go get a massage.. do anything that involves your body. You're floating around in space somewhere and not even on Earth..

At least you are here.. the only way is up for you now! Start with small goals (eg. this week i will start some exercise program, this week i will look females in the eye when i speak, this week I will say hi to 5 girls on the street).

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by frankcd
I am 43 years old and have dated very little in my life.. Recently I had a woman I liked ask me a few questions.

One question was "How many prior serious relationships have you had?"

First of all, anyone (man or woman) who would ask that question has some type of insecurity hidden somewhere. Either that or they have this major need to compare notes for some morality BS. Plus a lot of women seem to enjoy catching a guy off guard.

Personally I'd tell her something like "You know, there was a time when I felt that questions like that were only asked by rude and judgmental people and I would not answer. Now it seems that it is one that is answered freely nowadays, so here's my answer. I feel that keeping track of such things dehumanizes the person and places them into a category like a collection of baseball cards or comic books. I would never do that to any of my friends." End of subject.

As for age, it's just a number. I got caught up in dating someone my age and had come to find that women my age in my neck of the woods really acted old. For me, I learned to focus on dating women that had similar interests no matter the age (what a concept huh).

So here I am in a great relationship with someone who is fun to be with and she is actually a few years older than me.

Forget the rules and make up your own!!!!

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Still the best advice in the thread...

Originally posted by davedave
dude you can score all the MILFS that think us guys under 35 are too young.

You can make it work!


Work on making you happy. Make on making you confident with yourself. Dont do it consciously thinking of women, just develop yourself where you think you want to improve your self.

Another approach is something like this: hit the gym like you are already got that woman and now you are there to top it all off by losing a few pounds. Get out there and detail your car like your hot-azz g/f likes it that way. Go buy some new clothes because you want to look your best. Go sky diving once a month, go rock climbing, buy a race car.

Do any thing new, frightening, and exciting to expand yourself!

There are a million ways do become more confident - find yours!

Women love/want/crave confident men.

Why not become one yourself?

Get out there and do some of this. You need to gain confidence in yourself - once you've done that, the women will be all over you.

What country are you in btw? (Just curious if it's this one).

Oscar.

 

[DIESEL]

Originally posted by frankcd
I have read all the ideas and advice you have posted. I have also begun reading the"bible." I will not go on having women pursue me first. But most my friends tell me that their girlfriends or wives noticed them first and laid the ground work for them to follow.

The memories of me trying to meet women is rough to look back on. In a matter of moments virtually all the women I have approached have said I have a boyfriend before I ask them out.

Regarding the message left on my machine I have no idea as to why she did it. Maybe it is what I did not do and that is ask her out before she left. As a result she is maybe putting the blame on herself or toying with me... Possibly she is letting me know she is a "bi*ch" and do not feel so bad that I do not call. Again, I have no clue since I do not know how she thinks....

And then the question regarding prior relationships by a 24 year old really hit home. (But my buddies told me it is a common question of women before dating a man, especially an older man.) The more I think about it she is not treating me with respect and could see I was naive... If Sara respected me she would have called me and asked the questions herself... But she had her best friend do the screening... Right there is the true way she feels about me... Essentially it showed she did not have the time for me...

Well, Sara has past and I have written her off as a learning experience.

And I am not seeking pity from the board. If I was I would post on ladies boards and have women tell me a bunch of crap.... I wanted the straight answers so I posted here.

BTW, I did email a therapist and he said he could help me for $150/hr sessions. Sure all I would have at the end is less money in my pocket...

later,
Frank

I'm stunned. The man is beginning to learn. Outstanding!

That was the first step.

Now keep going.

D

P.S. Going to a brothel may not be such a bad idea... sort of to "break the ice" physically with a girl. I'm not joking on this.. I don't even want to think of what you've been doing for the last 15 years without a woman.

 

[NMMWCR]

Originally posted by frankcd
...So, off I go seeking my better half...

%%YOU ARE THE BETTER HALF. Never forget that.%%


Take a class. Yoga, cooking, dancing, dog grooming, whatever. There will be more women there than men and you have something built in to talk about. I'll give you two goals for the class; don't get greedy. 1) Build your conversation skills. Make sure you have at least two discussions with every woman in the class. Talk about anything, or even better, talk about nothing. 2) Become comfortable with casual touching (kino). Practice touching women when talking with them; and your goal is to speak with all of them twice, so you'll touch each of them at least twice too. Put a hand on a shoulder to get their attention when asking to borrow a pen. Ask about their rings and hold their hands when making a closer inspection. Don't linger util it becomes uncomfortable. Break contact too soon, they'll want more that way. Don't try stroking yet. It will be sleazy until you learn to master casual touching (take it from someone who learned the hard way.) You'll make some friends this way, gain some social proof, and get access to casual introductions to their mutual friends. Women in their mid 30's and beyond love to set their friends up. You just have to establish yourself as "safe" and "normal."

You need to demystify women so they stop being so scary. Once you get that far it becomes clear that women are secretly scared little girls on the inside. Every last one of them is terrified of ending up alone. The ones you are going to be interested in are ready to walk through fire to find a man. Just chill, this is going to be easy and fun for you.

When they ask about 'serious relationships' I like "Heart attacks are serioius. Relationships are beautiful, comfortable, warm, sensual, pleasant experiences." Just hit them with as many feel good adjectives as you can think of on the spot and smile with your eyes as you say it. They eat that **** up. And you avoided answering the question.

Anytime they press me on a question I've already decided not to answer, I like "we aren't intimate enough with each other yet to discuss something so personal." Then don't back down for anything. Get up and leave if you have too. Set the tone early so they know you aren't going to put out like an emotional ***** until they make it worth your while.

Knock 'em dead, champ.

 

[Bud Wiser]

Wow. This is an interesting thread. All I can say is, Frank, you've come to the right place to get the guidance to get you on the right track.

But you'll have to trust us and what you read here, as much of it is counter intuitive at first blush.

If you have very limited dating experience, you have to slam the door on your past and start fresh, right now.

Much of what DIESEL said on this thread as merit. Let that be the kick in the arse you need to get going.

First, study the DJ Bible. A few helpful books are out there, too. The Art of Seduction is a good one to help develop a DJ mindset and there are others. I won't list them all here, but they'll become evident to you as you read through this forum's archives.

If you're not in shape -- start now! It won't be long before you're looking great. A good magazine to subscribe to is Men's Health. Their motto is, "Tons of Useful Stuff" and it's true.

Fair warning, no one changes overnight. You'll need time and patience to get there. But hang in there, stick with it, and don't be shy about asking for advice here on the forum.

Remember that this site isn't so much about changing your technique to be outstanding with women.

It's about changing you.

P.S. -- Think it's too late? I'm in my fifties and you wouldn't believe the action I'm getting -- I'm talking about hot women in their 30s and early 40s -- since I've made up my mind to make the necessary changes.

 

[frankcd]

First of all I live in the USA, New Jersey.

Next, I am slender and I walk daily close to 4 miles. As it stands now I do a brisk mile in under 14 minutes.. A few months ago when I bought new running shoes the woman clerk asked me if I enjoyed running. I said no, I use these for walking. The clerk then said these are made for running. Then I said that I walk a mile in under 14 minutes. The clerk then said some people in their late 20's can't even do that. BTW, she was not flirting she was married...

I was not over weight but wanted to be closer to my ideal weight so I dropped 18 pounds within the past 6 weeks by walking. My doctor was amazed. I have been walking daily since 1999.

The one feature women in the past have commented me on is my eyes.. Some women love my eyes. Maybe I can play up that feature...

As to what I have been doing for the past 14 years without women. Well, I have visited strip clubs and gotten a few handjobs (nothing more) in the backroom from the dancers. So, I have some general knowledge of the female anatomy. Plus, I have viewed several porn movies. Even though I did not date I still had urges...

And I know my clock is ticking away... Now I have to work on building up my self-esteem.

Appreciate all the advice... And if you have more keep posting.

see ya,
Frank

 

[Bud Wiser]

Frank, walking is great, but you'll probably need to do more. Start thinking about hitting the weights, dude. Luckily, you're starting slender, so you'll probably put on muscle easier than many other men.

And, wow, are you lucky you live in New Jersey. You are local to the largest concentration of hot single women in your age group on the planet -- Manhattan. That's where you'll find the most action. Ask me how I know...

Now buckle down and get to work! There are hundreds of beautiful women out there who can't wait to meet The New Frank.

No excuses, Frank. It's showtime.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Frank,

their's a lot of good people on this board. A few diickheads but what place doesn't have those.

We're looking forward to seeing you shine. Keep us posted on your progress.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by frankcd
BTW, she was not flirting she was married...

Nnnnnnnnnggg, wrong answer! She was flirting, regardless of her status. Women always do.

You've got a lot going for you - you're in shape, getting some good comments from the ladies, and asking questions on the right forum. Go read that bible & tips forum backwards, forwards until you can't read any more, then start the bootcamp like some of the guys there.

You'll be pulling in no time. Took me 3 weeks to get the first score, and about 3 months to really get the attitude down to conscious knowledge. Now I just need to make that subconscious and I'll be a natural. You're on the way too.

Oscar.

 

[Mule]

Frank,
It's crystal clear to me that this woman is only mindf*cking you. She has plenty other options and you were only one of the many. I think she has major issues of her own anyway and you're probably much better off not having to deal with that. I would move on, and do it yesterday. I do agree with some of the others here, however, that personal questions like that at that stage of knowing aperson deserve at the very least a deflection if not an outright lie in response.

As far as your general situation goes, a lot of good advice has already been posted so I won't bother to rewrite it again here. I can see you are very inexperienced so the only thing I would offer in the way of advice is to start off with the basics and start building a foundation for your own self-improvement. Read the DJ bible and the rest of this site, check out the google newsgroup on seduction, get into the gym, get some new clothes, develop other interests outside women. You're older than most of us here but it's never too late to start. Learning and self-improvement are life-long endeavors. Good luck!

 

[frankcd]

Hello All!!!

I got an email from someone at my old temp assignment last night. He told me that both Sara and Stephanie were playing or toying with me. Sara had really no interest in me. Being blunt, Sara had a bet with her friends at the temp job that I would ask her out before she left. Since I did not she had a bet that I would answer her personal questions; Were you ever in a serious relationship? (P.S. None of my friends who have dated considerably have ever been asked that question before dating a woman for a couple of months or longer.)

Essentially he told me that she supposedly had a boyfriend or was interested in someone else outside of work the entire time she was playing mind games with me. The fact that I was naive made them do this to me.

And it does all fit together, I never got her home, work or email addy. From what I gather from him is she was offended that an older man had an interest in her. So, she had a joke on me at my expense.

Yes, I had an interest in her but I never thought she could be so cruel to another person. I was treated like a child.

Well, Sara is history like she has been for a few days....

Also, I am trying to approach women, since I attempted the task with a woman today... Outcome was so,so.... Well Rome wasn't built in a day....

Feedback appreciated.

Frank

 

[Bud Wiser]

Originally posted by frankcd
Also, I am trying to approach women, since I attempted the task with a woman today... Outcome was so,so.... Well Rome wasn't built in a day....

Feedback appreciated.

Okay, one step at a time here, Frank.

Let's start with an attitude adjustment. Approaching women should never be, as you put it, a "task." As long as you think it is, women will sense it and pull away.

Instead, make it fun. Try different things when talking with women. In particular, develop your sense of humor and lead with that.

If you need some "book larnin'" on the subject, get the e-book "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo. It's an easy read and will help you with a foundation for your approaches.

Make it play, not a task -- okay?

 

[NMMWCR]

Back on your feet within 24 hours of the sh1t that b1tch put on you?

I'm impressed. With determination like that, you'll be a stone cold player in no time. Just talk to three women everyday. Make sure you touch each one casually at least once. You are going to build some new good habits.

Give 'em hell, champ!