3 dates then it all went very wrong?!

[bunjy]

Ok DJ's I'll keep this as short and simple as possible but any opinions or analysis much appreciated.

I met this chick from an online dating website and this is how it went:

First date: Casual drinks in a bar, ended up both of us getting wasted. Chick made it clear she was a party girl who likes a drink and to have a good night out (which is cool cos Im a party guy who likes the same) Good vibes and generally got on well. Little peck at the end of the night, minor kino throughout the night (mainly initiated by her).

During this time we both had plenty (every day) txting. Generally txting was initiated by her (she'd always txt me in the morning).

Second date: Dinner followed by drinks. Good night, plenty of good conversation, banter and me bustin her. She was laughing lots and I was doing the usual eye contact etc. She made a move halfway through date and we ended up kissing for a few hours in a number of bars. She talked a number of times about sex and generally was quite open about people she'd recently been with and asking me about sex etc. In hindsight I probably could of banged her on this night but was playing it cool so didnt get into detail about my past experiences etc.

At this point its important I mention we had a great time of both dates (1st and 2nd) with us generally getting drunk, dancing and laughing.

Anyway it all seemed good at this point. She was daily txting me (always her initiating txt conversations) and I was generally flirting with her by txt quite well.

Cue Third date (lastnight): We arranged to meet for lunch and drinks. I wasnt feeling on top form (was stressed and tired with work) but still made a good effort. Meal went well then went to a few bars and both of us ended up drunk. Generally the vibe on this date wasnt as good as it was on previous two dates but I still charmed her and had her laughing and enjoying herself (good body language, she was always open and facing me etc) Importantly I wasnt initiating any kino (big mistake) and was pretty much taking a laid back approach to the entire date. I figured she liked me and I liked her so would be cool to just chill back and see how it pans out. Anyway after a meal and a good few drinks she came out with the following statement 'Your not a very touchy person are you?' I responded by bascially kissing her, she then stated she felt that when we kissed we 'didnt have a connection'. In all honesty this is quite true as every previous kiss we had (e.g. on the 2nd date) was hardly fireworks and did seem a bit routine. Anyway at this point I was obviously crashing and burning so ended up with me basically telling her that Im a very sexual person who loves kissing and sex (obv) but doesnt like women who will drop their panties after a date or two. She responds saying she thinks Im a 'nice guy' (oh dear) and even though we really get on needs someone who is abit more sexually aggressive (she actually did a thrusting hip movement at one point!). She actually said that she was dissapointed that after two dates we only had kissed!! And then asked how long until sex and sarcastically suggested '10 dates'. Obviously at this point I was suggesting sex right now but she was clearly showing me the door by this point and wasnt interested. Anyway I read this as over and we both parted ways.

So heres my 2 cents. On the one hand I figure I did quite well. She was txting me daily, acting keen and generally showing a fair but of interest in me. On the other I feel I was probably too formal, she made most of the moves throughout the 3 dates whilst I generally played it cool. I did make a fair bit of effot though e.g. plenty of negs (well received), busting her by txt etc.

A part of me think I wasnt sexually aggressive enough, yet another part thinks she seemed like a the sorta chick who sleeps with any guy who comes along (as I said she mentioned about all the guys she had slept with before etc)

In short she basically said she doesnt feel we had any chesmistry. This may be true but I do think despite me charming her with conversation (both in person and by txt) she just didnt feel it. Id say all in all I was a decent challenge, mysterious and had good txt game. She seemed very interested up until the 3rd date. I was basically on my 'best behaviour', didnt mean I went for the whole gentleman thing (I wasnt opening doors for her etc) but I also didnt really initate much kino. In hindsight I should of probably gone in for a good kiss about halfway through the third date.

What do think then DJ's, where did I go wrong????? Im trying to learn something from this and not quite sure what I can.

 

[marmel75]

In her mind I think she was giving you the green light to fvck her and thinks you were too much of a chump to do it. Basically you screwed yourself by not attempting to screw her.

 

[Fly By Night]

I hate to seem rude but, she literally told you right there what you did wrong. If you're here after all that and still didn't get the point, then you have quite some research and experimenting to do. Look up on the escalation ladder and kino.

She made a move halfway through date and we ended up kissing for a few hours in a number of bars. She talked a number of times about sex and generally was quite open about people she'd recently been with and asking me about sex etc.

Wow, you really let her down you vaginatease, you. :crackup: She pretty much made herself look like a s1ut to make it that much easier for you. I don't get how guys can sit there and expect women to just fall into their laps without putting in any effort or taking any risks.

 

[marmel75]

I hate to seem rude but, she literally told you right there what you did wrong. If you're here after all that and still didn't get the point, then you have quite some research and experimenting to do. Look up on the escalation ladder and kino.



Wow, you really let her down you vaginatease, you. :crackup: She pretty much made herself look like a s1ut to make it that much easier for you.

Rule of thumb to always remember:

A woman will almost always forgive you for acting like a man(ie, attempting to fvck her) a lot sooner than she will for acting like a scared little boy(ie, the way you just acted---too scared to make a real move).

When in doubt, try to fvck her and make her say no repeatedly...sometimes she will end up fvcking you just because you are cofidently persistent throughout the night and not phased by her telling you no or by shoving your hands away...

 

[bunjy]

In her mind I think she was giving you the green light to fvck her and thinks you were too much of a chump to do it. Basically you screwed yourself by not attempting to screw her.

Yeah this is pretty much how I feel about it. She basically seemed well interested in a lay but I was playing it down. TBH Im not as keen on women who drop their panties on the first or second date as I once was so wasnt taking her 'green light' as well as I might have done in the past.

 

[bunjy]

Rule of thumb to always remember:

A woman will almost always forgive you for acting like a man(ie, attempting to fvck her) a lot sooner than she will for acting like a scared little boy(ie, the way you just acted---too scared to make a real move).

When in doubt, try to fvck her and make her say no repeatedly...sometimes she will end up fvcking you just because you are cofidently persistent throughout the night and not phased by her telling you no or by shoving your hands away...

Yes and yes. This is totally true but for me now Im less interested in the sort of chick who I can bang on the 2nd date and more in the chick who I have to work for (e.g gf material)

 

[marmel75]

Yeah this is pretty much how I feel about it. She basically seemed well interested in a lay but I was playing it down. TBH Im not as keen on women who drop their panties on the first or second date as I once was so wasnt taking her 'green light' as well as I might have done in the past.

Well, I can understand your reasoning but be aware that you may very well put yourself in the "nice guy" category, especially if the girl is wanting you to make a move and is as blatant as this girl is...

If you consider the reason you asked the girl out in the first place is because you wanted to tear her walls down, then the sooner you get to it, the better...

Also consider it is a lot easier to make a girl your girlfriend when you are giving her seismic orgasms than when you are holding hands and kissing in a bar...

 

[bunjy]

Well, I can understand your reasoning but be aware that you may very well put yourself in the "nice guy" category, especially if the girl is wanting you to make a move and is as blatant as this girl is...

If you consider the reason you asked the girl out in the first place is because you wanted to tear her walls down, then the sooner you get to it, the better...

Also consider it is a lot easier to make a girl your girlfriend when you are giving her seismic orgasms than when you are holding hands and kissing in a bar...

Agreed 100%. In hindsight I think the I will have fared better with a 'bang her and see what happens' approach rather than playing it cool and see how it pans out. I was totally planning on banging her on the next date (even had a plan for the coming weekend) but obv thats all gone out the window now.

Im still not quite sure what I can learn from this though. On the one hand yes, It would of been good to bang her ASAP yet on the other her blatant approach (e.g talking about sex and past partners frequently) would of firmly put her in the Slut category for me and probably of ended with no better than a F**K buddy (which I already have anyway).

 

[bunjy]

Also consider it is a lot easier to make a girl your girlfriend when you are giving her seismic orgasms than when you are holding hands and kissing in a bar...

This is so true. However, based on my past experiences women who put out easy are generally unsuitable for gf material and given Im bored of lay after lay Im not as interested in just getting a chicks panties off for the hell of it than I once was. Especially when said chick is talking about past partners and how many shes had.

Im still quite dissaspointed I didnt make the move though as it was pretty much on a plate for me there. I figure the one thing I can learn from this is that I should always be sexually aggressive towards and interested woman.

 

[TRSX]

It's been said, so I wont harp on it too much.

Asking for forgiveness is much better than permission. Meaning, you should have her tell you NO for doing things like grabbing her ass, making out with her, going for the tits. Rather then asking her if its okay.

It's all good man. You never want a girl to continue on with you if she thinks you're too much of a 'nice guy' - I've been down that road many-a-times. And it is absolute garbage.

'Great Guy' is a step up from 'Nice Guy' - Dont be a total scumbag, but at least grow some nuts.

 

[\O/]

Second date: Dinner followed by drinks. Good night, plenty of good conversation, banter and me bustin her. She was laughing lots and I was doing the usual eye contact etc. She made a move halfway through date and we ended up kissing for a few hours in a number of bars. She talked a number of times about sex and generally was quite open about people she'd recently been with and asking me about sex etc.

This is when i would have been rushing for a taxi and take her home. What are you waiting for at this point? You have done plenty right and her buying temperature is clearly high. You have a window of opportunity to take her to bed, and if you aren't man enough to take that opportunity, the window closes. You are now her friend.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It seems you didn't really see her as a potential gf anyway, but you need to introduce kino as early as possible. It is possible though in some cases to actually build up a strong sexual tension by NOT applying much kino, but that takes alot of game (sexual innuendo, teasing, sexual eye contact etc). Sometimes this can be more powerful, but in general it's better to initiate kino right off the bat.

Also why do you set up three dates where you do similar activities? By similar activities i mean drinks at bars. Don't get me wrong, drinks at bars are great dates, but atleast on the third date, you should invite her to your place (or hers). It's a natural progression that needs to take place in order for you to close the deal successfully. Especially when you don't venue change when she is clearly giving you all the signals that she is good to go.

The minute i feel a girls is ready to fvck i try to get her back to my place immidiately. I just list any number of reasons, sometimes innocent suggestions (ice-cream, video game, movie, youtube-clip etc) and sometimes you can just be x-rated about it. The important thing is to isolate her in a place where you can fvck her.

 

[bunjy]

Given that its clear shes not gf material and that she clearly stated she 'liked me' do you think I could maybe salvage a bang outta this DJ's. Haha.

 

[bunjy]

I feel like crap about this because 5 years ago I would of been banging the life outta her no problem. Now Im more fussy and not as keen in women who give the 'green light' so easy and it has led to an almost retrograde situation in which right now I feel like a 13 year old teenager. After she bascially said she wants a guy whos more sexually agressive I did tell her how Im bored of women who will drop panties after a date or two and how Ive had enough of them now. She replied that she can 'understand that'.

The one upside to this is she was obv never gf material and Ive effectively probably saved myself a lot of hassle down the line if for whatever reason things went further.

 

[TRSX]

They are all pink on the inside.

You'll get more opportunities.

 

[J Roc]

The moment you found out she was a party girl you should have been all over that hoe. Taking Party Girls out to dinner and lunch before you bang them = friendzoned

 

[DonJuanabe]

Understand that if you are taking a girl out on a first or second date she is just as likely to be going on a first or second date with someone else too. You don't know it but you are competing against one or more other guys for the girl. In most cases, if the girl wants a BF, the first guy to lay her is going to be that guy -- the rest will be told she isn't interested anymore.

Always, always, always escalate physically. Don't ask to do it. Don't talk about it. Just do it.

By the way, you don't know whether she was GF material or not because you don't know whether she is a slut or not -- just because she said something to get you to take her home doesn't mean she says it to every guy. Don't innately trust anything she says. You don't know if she is f*cking other guys; what you do know is that she wanted to f*ck YOU.

 

[bunjy]

All excellent adive guys and some great insight.

Generally I feel let Ive let myself down and should have taken the bull by the horns. To be honest this was the first girl Ive dated where Ive taken a 'laid back approach' and not rushed into anything. Clearly this didnt work for me.

A lot of this had to do with my own issues over my ex gf cheating on me and leaving me in the c**p (literally she left the country out the blue and dropped me like a hot potatoe). This has made me much more weary about women in general and with a desire to take things much slower than usual, with this chick I mention in the OP I spent too much time trying to work her out by letting her do all the work (e.g. to see is she a slut etc) than actually directly showing any degree of affection. She was chasing me, she chased, she caught me and then I didnt reciprocate at the critical moments.

I figure I need to just bury my issues and throw caution to the wind by getting back to the guy I used to be (i.e. basically getting women into bed ASAP).

Ims till rather disasppointed in myself.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

Most of the responses here are dead on correct. But let me add something...

You say you are wary of girls to bang after a date or two. That's fine, I guess, if you are screening for a quality girlfriend. Keep in mind, however, when a girl throws herself at you and you don't take her up on it, she's see you as a chump who does not know how to deal with women.

Okay, that's really been pointed out already.

But your screening method might work okay for girls you meet in public (though even there many will show you they are DTF). If you a meet a girl online and she starts indicating her buying temperature is up, this means she was online to get laid... and maybe a boyfriend might come out of it.

This girl was looking for a role in the hay first. So, your screening method here failed in terms of sustaining her interest. And, she probably screened you out as boyfriend material early on but still left a bit of a window open for a bang. Once you failed to even do that, she dried up and nexted you.

So, you are basically using one method (online dating, screen for girlfriend material) where the girls you often will find are not looking for the same thing.

You can continue what you are doing and get the same results until you find a girlfriend, sure. But I recommend doing that while still banging those DTF girls you also find.

 

[EastWind]

First date: Casual drinks in a bar, ended up both of us getting wasted. Chick made it clear she was a party girl who likes a drink and to have a good night out (which is cool cos Im a party guy who likes the same) Good vibes and generally got on well. Little peck at the end of the night, minor kino throughout the night (mainly initiated by her).

Her whole behaviour tells you she likes to get (a) drunk and (related) (b) laid on first (and possibly last) dates. So at this point on a first date you have two options:

(a) decide you want to get laid quickly; do a tad more screening to make sure she isn't a psycho who'll stalk you/poke holes in the condom/etc., then get back to her or your place and do her.

(b) decide you want a relationship material girl; in this case, you exit.

I'm not saying that a girl who lets you do her on the first date isn't necessarily relationship material........ depending on the kind of relationship you want. Generally, and in my experience, party girls make horrible girlfriends.

But your learned something! Next time, when a girl is this aggressive on a first date, you'll know you should at least try to make a move and at the same time not to expect much from the interactions with her in general.

In case you were looking for a girlfriend, rejoice! She told you outright that she's not girlfriend material.

So, all in all, it's a huge win: you learned at lot, dodged a bad girlfriend. Possibly the only downside is that you didn't get laid. But, then again, in my experience, this type of girl is horrible in bed because she expects the guy to do all the work.

 

[Desdinova]

First date: Casual drinks in a bar
Second date: Dinner followed by drinks
Cue Third date (lastnight): We arranged to meet for lunch and drinks

You've done pretty much the same thing for every date. This makes you appear non-creative and boring. Just because she's a 'party girl' it doesn't mean she wants to get wasted all the time. Throw some variety in your dates and the woman will be more responsive.

Importantly I wasnt initiating any kino (big mistake) and was pretty much taking a laid back approach to the entire date.

Kino is the closest thing to having a magical wand that makes a woman attracted to you. You NEED to use it.

she felt that when we kissed we 'didnt have a connection'.

That's because she doesn't find you interesting. You're getting kissed out of politeness rather than out of attraction.

Im not as keen on women who drop their panties on the first or second date

Sex is the key to making a woman a lover instead of a friend. If she's going to drop the panties on the second date, you take the opportunity. Sex ultimately defines the nature of the relationship. If you don't fvck her, you're just a friend.