3 dates then it all went very wrong?!

[flashpoint]

Im still not quite sure what I can learn from this though.

never assume anything. perceive, assess, adjust. and accept.

it seems like you went into this situation with a certain mindset (like finding a meaningful relationship or something) and didnt make the switch once you had to know that she is no suitable candidate for that. maybe because you projected your idea of what this can become on to her while paying less attention to what she actually has said and done. Thus the dinner and drinks scenario and your laid back attitude which prolly is perfectly fine when she actually is also interested in something more than just a fock.

i dont think you did anything wrong here, she just wasnt what you were looking for. Of course now it hurts a bit because she makes it look like you werent manly enough etc. but that is simply not true. if you had been interested in a quick fock like she was, you would have acted accordingly, i am sure. Only mistake was to take this thing beyond its lifetime. Had you listen to what she actually was telling you, you might have said "sorry honey but that is not what i want" and let her be. so dont beat yourself up about it.

 

[GotED?]

Bro, always look at the brighter side of life - perhaps it saved you from getting Herpes or a BPD-minded woman; you never know about life, just trust it keeps on going and that is it.

 

[bunjy]

The moment you found out she was a party girl you should have been all over that hoe. Taking Party Girls out to dinner and lunch before you bang them = friendzoned

Spot on. She was certainly the sort of chick who is probably used to one night stand and getting wasted then laid. Indeed I should of been more aware of this from the start and made the effort to get her into my bed quickly.

At the end of the day though this wasnt the sort of chick Im interested in and would of ended up with me having an extra Fvck buddy or a gf that was essestially unsuitable.

In a way Im glad it never got far with this chick as Im pretty sure she would of been a gf who would of been nothing but hard work.

 

[bunjy]

Most of the responses here are dead on correct. But let me add something...

You say you are wary of girls to bang after a date or two. That's fine, I guess, if you are screening for a quality girlfriend. Keep in mind, however, when a girl throws herself at you and you don't take her up on it, she's see you as a chump who does not know how to deal with women.

Agreed. This is what Im most disappointed in myself about. Im not a prude or chump when it comes to banging chicks but to this particular chick it must have seemed like this was the case. Although I displayed plenty of confidence one area I distinctly lacked this was in the Kino, sexual aggression area. Its feels kinda weird for me because a few years ago I would have been all over a chick like this and probably would have banged her on the first or second date. Now however as Ive gotten older and after a number of bad experiences with slutty women I just find myself not being interested in just a quick lay. I guess its a fine line between being cool and not showing too much sexual interest and appearing like a chump who cant handle women.

As someone has mentioned the one thing I figure I can take from this is that when a women acts this aggressive this early on in the dating stages I should respond accordingly. This is where my problem lies, in short when I actually like a girl (e.g. I dont just see her as a bang) I often find it difficult to initiate Kino and sexual aggression. Previous long term relationships I have had have generally been on the basis of the women initiating first and me essentially not reciprocating until after a few good dates (e.g. it seems to be my own internal screening method).

So guys any directions you can all point me in with help in the Kino field????


I get the general jist of it and can use it but for some reason I struggle to initiate it succesfully with women I actually like. I suppose this is to do with my own lack of confidence and 'fear' that by initiating Kino and displaying sexual aggression with a potential partner I will somehow 'scare her off'. How can I overcome this?? Any methods I can use to help me in this field?

The whole irony about this particular situation I mention in the OP is that I was going to go for it either at the end of our 3rd date (she didnt allow me to get that far unfortunatley) or definetely on the next date.

Im also dissapointed that I didnt get to bang her now (she had a great body, huge t**s etc). Pheraps if I didnt spend so much time trying to 'work her out' and screeeing her as a potential gf I would of gotten a decent lay outta it.

After thinking more and more about this today and taking on board advice on here Ive come to the conclusion that I fvcked up massively. Im kicking myself now because I realise however much I dress it up the bottom line was that basically (for a number of reasons) I didnt have the balls to take her up on her offers of sex. I was too focused on screening her and trying to work out if she was potential gf material as opposed to just going with it and getting it on. On reflection in her mind I must have looked like a scared boy who didnt know how to handle sexual women. I guess to some extent this is actually true as I had it staring me in the face and I backed way off. I didnt intiate enough kino, I didnt grab her push her against the wall and give her a huge kiss (which I had plenty of opporutnities to do), I didnt get drunk and grab her ass/t**s, I didnt give her a vibe that I wanted to get naked with her etc etc. I feel like such a loser now and the thing that has got me most is that I know I have this in me because Ive acted this way with countless women in the past. When I actually like a girl I have a problem with aggressive sexual pursuit and it will have come accross (in this instance) like I was scared and uninterested. Its no wonder she felt we 'didnt have a connection' as Id basically given her nothing to feel a physical connection with. I fvucked up and need to change my game.


Edit: So today I get a txt off her basically saying sorry for her behaviour lastnight and how she was too drunk and feels bad for how she behaved. I replied by basically pointing out that I was interested in her sexually and thats the whole irony of how it went (e.g. just because I was laid back and took a weary approach didnt mean I didnt want to get her naked, I actually txted this). She responded saying she had a great time. I then figured I should go nuclear and see what her motives for txting me where so I basically asked her if she was still interested. No reply. I guess she felt guilty for how she handled the situation and felt she owed me an apology, but at the end of the day drunk or not what she said was how she felt.

I have a funny feeling this isnt the last I'll hear from her though.

 

[sassygirlie89]

She sounds like a right ***** to me. I know a guy is definitely interested in me if he waits a long time to have sex with me, he basically respects me. I would basically steer clear of her because as you said yourself you prefer girls who don't drop their panties after the 2nd or 3rd date.

 

[DonJuanabe]

"I know a guy is definitely interested in me if he waits a long time to have sex with me, he basically respects me."

What a load of sh*t. Talk about proving the thread on cognitive dissonance. What you know is he has not made a move and therefor might not be interested or is a p*ssy and too scared to do anything. It has nothing to do with respect; that's a cop out for a guy not to take a chance at being rejected.

 

[flashpoint]

"I know a guy is definitely interested in me if he waits a long time to have sex with me, he basically respects me."

What a load of sh*t. Talk about proving the thread on cognitive dissonance. What you know is he has not made a move and therefor might not be interested or is a p*ssy and too scared to do anything. It has nothing to do with respect; that's a cop out for a guy not to take a chance at being rejected.

well ... that obv wasnt true for the OP, now was it?

 

[floydb25]

The moment you found out she was a party girl you should have been all over that hoe. Taking Party Girls out to dinner and lunch before you bang them = friendzoned

This. You were using a semi-nice guy routine to attract a party slut. This doesn't work. They just like to have sex, cause drama, and act like retards. That's the extent of your relationship. What's strange is, she told you what she's all about, and you STILL did this crap. You might not have gone all out with the nice guyism, but it was still there. It's not suprising that she said you're a nice guy, and blah blah.

These girls are all about the quick-life. They like to be excited and ****ed. That's it. Chemistry unneccessary. Commitment unwanted. They're usually not nice or stable themselves, which is where the turn off of being nice comes into play. They're usually stuck up, snobby, opinionated, rude, shallow, etc. Mostly they just like to get wasted and ****. That's their whole lifestyle, and she even told you this.

This doesn't mean acting as you did doesn't work - just not on these types. We were talking about this on another thread. Nice guys finish last with certain women - not all. You weren't even that nice guyish, but she's such a skank that any amount turns her off. She wants to be teased, insulted, ravaged, and thrown out of random windows head first. Anything else is weak and boring. Bad boys and jerks are in high demand. It fits her lifestyle, and crazy ass.

Besides, you don't "date" party sluts - you **** them. That's all they want. For however long it lasts. Personality unneccessary, too. Since theirs are usually dog****.

 

[JohnChops]

You've done pretty much the same thing for every date. This makes you appear non-creative and boring. Just because she's a 'party girl' it doesn't mean she wants to get wasted all the time. Throw some variety in your dates and the woman will be more responsive.



Kino is the closest thing to having a magical wand that makes a woman attracted to you. You NEED to use it.



That's because she doesn't find you interesting. You're getting kissed out of politeness rather than out of attraction.



Sex is the key to making a woman a lover instead of a friend. If she's going to drop the panties on the second date, you take the opportunity. Sex ultimately defines the nature of the relationship. If you don't fvck her, you're just a friend.

Do you really think that desd?

 

[Desdinova]

I know a guy is definitely interested in me if he waits a long time to have sex with me, he basically respects me.

I'm glad you think that miss sassything. I personally have no respect for a woman who won't sleep with me within the first 4 dates because after that, she's not truly interested and just leading me on.

Do you really think that desd?

Yes. If you don't think that, then please explain how a couple can have a satisfying sexual relationship without sex.

 

[mayfair]

i only read the OP but the lesson you should take from this is strike while the iron is hot! when you get to the stage where your kissing the face off her feel free to let your hands wander a little bit, if she just goes with the flow you know for a FACT your more or less onto a winner!

If at any point shes uncomfortable she WILL check you! If she does not check you thats where you whisper in her ear about going somewhere abit more private......BOOM your in

or if she does check you, you know shes going to need abit more wining and dinning to crack, I find its all about pushing your limits and finding hers! some girls feck on 1st dates some dont! Take chances and read the situation

 

[Fly By Night]

Yes. If you don't think that, then please explain how a couple can have a satisfying sexual relationship without sex.

This right here, what separates friendships and relationships?

 

[bunjy]

i only read the OP but the lesson you should take from this is strike while the iron is hot! when you get to the stage where your kissing the face off her feel free to let your hands wander a little bit, if she just goes with the flow you know for a FACT your more or less onto a winner!

If at any point shes uncomfortable she WILL check you! If she does not check you thats where you whisper in her ear about going somewhere abit more private......BOOM your in

or if she does check you, you know shes going to need abit more wining and dinning to crack, I find its all about pushing your limits and finding hers! some girls feck on 1st dates some dont! Take chances and read the situation

This sums it all up brilliantly. Ive spend the past day beating myself up because I didnt strike whilst the iron was hot (and it was boiling with this chick). I think its a good bottom line approach. As you say if I chick is fine with it your in there if not she will check you. Nothing to lose either way. This chick has just sent me a final 'blow off' txt. She basically said she had a great time and we get on really well but she didnt think we have any chemistry. Clearly we did, the attraction was there at the early stages (she was very keen up until date 3) and we had a good shared vibe. Where it went wrong was that she expected a psyhical connection (as a part of the chemistry we had) and I didnt give it to her. Infact I went a lot worse and didnt really give her anything at all!! No doubt the girl was an easy lay and Ive probably saved myself a lot of grief further down the line but the simple 'strike when the irons hot' should be applied to any girl your dating I guess.

Lesson learnt. The next chick who comes along and acts like this chick does is getting it ASAP.

 

[self-respect]

You're using too many excuses to cover up for yourself. Look inside at how things really went based on what you're saying and you'll realize you know you fcked it up by basically pu$$ying out. It's not hard.

Basic points -
You met this chick from an online dating website. Those are fckfests. Chicks from there are looking to get d!ck easy, so if you won't give it to her she'll just message some other dude who won't be afraid to not "play it cool". The odds are against you online.

First date, good location. She was wasted and touching you. You had a chance to fck her that night or at least get pretty far. She probably wanted it too. A little peck is a downer and the girl would be disappointed if that's all it led to no matter how the rest of it went.

Texting is fine if she's starting it but generally I do most of my work in person when I can use everything I have and not get misinterpreted. Just follow your dates up within a normal period of time.

Second date, go for an activity as something to do in addition to talking. Still sounds like it went well so that's good. Why is she making moves on you all the time? She's almost throwing herself at you, having a good time, talking about sex, trying to kiss you and you ain't doing sh!t. Stop trying to pretend you were "playing it cool" as a way to delude yourself and not analyze your shortcomings. Everyone has them. You lacked the balls to go for it or had them and then thought your way out of it.

Don't meet chicks if you're not ready to be awesome. If you can't be your best self, cancel and rearrange. She won't lose interest cause of it if you've done a good job before. Instead she'll probably want your d!ck even more. If you're putting yourself out there, she's judging you as you being at your best.

Why are you analyzing every detail so much? You're making dates too hard for yourself. Body language and those things you read, they're good when you've got everything else down and want to be even more in charge of what's going on but at this point just focus on having a fun, playful, teasing, sexually persistent vibe. You're there to fck her and she's open to it. Don't need to worry about the rest.

"I figured she liked me and I liked her so would be cool to just chill back and see how it pans out." At this point you've done very little to show you're different from a friend. She likes her friends too.

'Your not a very touchy person are you?' You're close to done here. All relates to points above. You had a shot with this chick and didn't go for it, because you kept on telling yourself you were "playing it cool". Need to turn this around on her to get her wet again.

'didnt have a connection'. Kiss of death. She gave you so many chances and you didn't do anything so her vagina closed up. That kiss fireworks is mostly BS. Nearly every kiss I've had has been the same, just with more lust or less lust. All those feelings of sparks are in your mind, so people who have experiences like that just want it more. I've gotten by just fine without it.

Why would you tell her any of that? Rethink your stance on women cause you are a nice guy. Nothing against that but if you want to fck chicks like this, you're not going to get far that way. The best girls still want to fck, many times on the first or second date. This chick is exactly like almost all of them, the ones that don't have issues and negotiate sex as a power play so it's not her. It's you.

You could have banged her either of the first 2 nights. She was more excited by the fact you were new in her life than who you are as a person and your conversation. She was making up her mind on you. That's when you strike. You didn't and you got cut. Tough break but I've had this date before 2 years ago so it's fine. You can and will get better if you want to. Stop lying to yourself and thinking you did well. You blew it by being a pu$$y. Hopefully this is the kick in the ass you need to actually get to where you want to go cause patting you on the back won't change anything.

 

[bunjy]

You're using too many excuses to cover up for yourself. Look inside at how things really went based on what you're saying and you'll realize you know you fcked it up by basically pu$$ying out. It's not hard.

Basic points -
You met this chick from an online dating website. Those are fckfests. Chicks from there are looking to get d!ck easy, so if you won't give it to her she'll just message some other dude who won't be afraid to not "play it cool". The odds are against you online.

First date, good location. She was wasted and touching you. You had a chance to fck her that night or at least get pretty far. She probably wanted it too. A little peck is a downer and the girl would be disappointed if that's all it led to no matter how the rest of it went.

Texting is fine if she's starting it but generally I do most of my work in person when I can use everything I have and not get misinterpreted. Just follow your dates up within a normal period of time.

Second date, go for an activity as something to do in addition to talking. Still sounds like it went well so that's good. Why is she making moves on you all the time? She's almost throwing herself at you, having a good time, talking about sex, trying to kiss you and you ain't doing sh!t. Stop trying to pretend you were "playing it cool" as a way to delude yourself and not analyze your shortcomings. Everyone has them. You lacked the balls to go for it or had them and then thought your way out of it.

Don't meet chicks if you're not ready to be awesome. If you can't be your best self, cancel and rearrange. She won't lose interest cause of it if you've done a good job before. Instead she'll probably want your d!ck even more. If you're putting yourself out there, she's judging you as you being at your best.

Why are you analyzing every detail so much? You're making dates too hard for yourself. Body language and those things you read, they're good when you've got everything else down and want to be even more in charge of what's going on but at this point just focus on having a fun, playful, teasing, sexually persistent vibe. You're there to fck her and she's open to it. Don't need to worry about the rest.

"I figured she liked me and I liked her so would be cool to just chill back and see how it pans out." At this point you've done very little to show you're different from a friend. She likes her friends too.

'Your not a very touchy person are you?' You're close to done here. All relates to points above. You had a shot with this chick and didn't go for it, because you kept on telling yourself you were "playing it cool". Need to turn this around on her to get her wet again.

'didnt have a connection'. Kiss of death. She gave you so many chances and you didn't do anything so her vagina closed up. That kiss fireworks is mostly BS. Nearly every kiss I've had has been the same, just with more lust or less lust. All those feelings of sparks are in your mind, so people who have experiences like that just want it more. I've gotten by just fine without it.

Why would you tell her any of that? Rethink your stance on women cause you are a nice guy. Nothing against that but if you want to fck chicks like this, you're not going to get far that way. The best girls still want to fck, many times on the first or second date. This chick is exactly like almost all of them, the ones that don't have issues and negotiate sex as a power play so it's not her. It's you.

You could have banged her either of the first 2 nights. She was more excited by the fact you were new in her life than who you are as a person and your conversation. She was making up her mind on you. That's when you strike. You didn't and you got cut. Tough break but I've had this date before 2 years ago so it's fine. You can and will get better if you want to. Stop lying to yourself and thinking you did well. You blew it by being a pu$$y. Hopefully this is the kick in the ass you need to actually get to where you want to go cause patting you on the back won't change anything.

Good advice. Yes your right. I realise my biggest problem here was that I basically chumped out of making moves on her. The strange thing is Ive not always been this way and a couple of years ago I would of probably had her up against the wall behind the bar.

I have no problem with gaming women, generally I have good/interesting chat, Im good at bustin on them, txt game is decent and I can vibe quite well with most women. As I said this chick was very keen up until date 3 and obviously she just lost patience with me being a pVssy.

I also think your so right about me over analysing everything. It may have helped me to some extent with this chick but generally it probably worked against me.

Your also spot on about the 'connection' thing when kissing. Im pretty sure If I had of been making heavy moves on her with plenty of Kino etc she wouldnt be saying she 'didnt feel a connection'. Ive had plenty of women in the past and none have ever said that to me. In short my cold behaviour and chumping out made her feel like we didnt connect.

For what its worth this is the first time this has ever happened to me (e.g. get to third date then goes nowhere). As I mentioned in previous posts after the c**p that my ex gf pulled I realise I still have issues over women somewhat and need to work on that.

My biggest problem without any doubt is making physical moves. I have no problem at all with being charming women, neg hitting being playful etc but when it comes to making serious moves Im awful. Sure I can go in for a kiss etc but when it becomes heavy stuff I tend to back off abit. The weird thing is Ive not always been like this, it seems to stem from my desire to look for 'gf material'. Ive not always been a nice guy (not so sure if I am quite in that category yet) and generally have been a bad boy/trouble in my past but as Ive got older (Im in my 30s now) and after a number of bad experiences with women Ive taken a different approach, clearly it didnt work for me this time.

 

[bunjy]

You're making dates too hard for yourself. Body language and those things you read, they're good when you've got everything else down and want to be even more in charge of what's going on but at this point just focus on having a fun, playful, teasing, sexually persistent vibe. You're there to fck her and she's open to it. Don't need to worry about the rest.

Spot on. She txted me today to basically say that she had a really great time, we got on really well (we did) and that she just felt we didnt have any chemistry. Then she mentioned she would like to keep in touch but as friends. Basically for the first time in my life Ive been friendzoned!!

Basically this just highlights the excellent insight that other DJ's have mentioned in this thread. She liked me, we got on, it was game on, I was guaranteed sex, I chumped out, she gave up. Thats exactly how it went. The cards where all in place and the final play was for us to fvck.

True she probably wasnt what I was looking for but at the end of the day I should have just taken the opportunity and see what happened later.

 

[bunjy]

You blew it by being a pu$$y. Hopefully this is the kick in the ass you need to actually get to where you want to go cause patting you on the back won't change anything.

Can you point me in the right direction?? Obv some excellent tips mentioned on this thread about just going for it etc but any more info would be great.

I guess its a confidence thing and basically just not giving a fvck.

 

[cordoncordon]

Can you point me in the right direction?? Obv some excellent tips mentioned on this thread about just going for it etc but any more info would be great.

I guess its a confidence thing and basically just not giving a fvck.

Here is the only direction you need.

When that little thing down in between your legs turns all hard and into a much bigger thing? Let it point you in the right direction straight towards that shining beacon of light called her vagina.

 

[Zarky]

It takes awhile to learn how to close. Keep at it.

 

[self-respect]

Here is the only direction you need.

When that little thing down in between your legs turns all hard and into a much bigger thing? Let it point you in the right direction straight towards that shining beacon of light called her vagina.

Haha +1.

To the OP:

You sound like a good dude who's gone through some rough sh!t recently. It happens. Don't let it define you. Keep on trying and getting out there. Just because it's tough doesn't mean you can't find a way. Going through this date and failing was actually good for your development so don't be scared to fail. Make the adjustments and learn from what you didn't like about what you did.

You're having some mental trouble getting physical. You're missing out. Most of my work on dates is with well timed and well placed touching. It works like a fcking charm, gets her more comfortable and turned on and makes it so easy. Push your comfort zone little by little. Remember your comfort zone's defined by your mind. Your body's physically capable of the same things as mine or any other dude's.

Looking for gf material off the bat will be impossibly tough for you. My best relationship is right now and it came from just dating a HB8. It was all sex for the first month. Found out we were a great match and it progressed from there. Much easier that way with no heavy pressure or expectations off the bat. Be easy, have fun and just see where it goes. If the sex fades out and nothing happens there's no shortage of pu$$y. It's half the world.

Start with the DJ bible, then move on to So Suave articles, then try sites like RSD nation, TSB mag, manosphere blogs like rollo, roissy and others. Like most learning it's all repetition, exposure and being willing to get over any hangups. As long as you keep trying you'll find your way of thinking about life changing on its own in a good way.

If you want any more tips on future dates just PM.