2nd annual approach anxiety competition

[Young Rocketship]

Is it too late to sign me up?

 

[Gray The Prince]

Is it too late to sign me up?

Nope. I got you down. Get started!

 

[Gray The Prince]

dude if you feel that way about it don't do it, there is no need to be so abusive and disrespectful man!

5th Jan field report.

Pub, 3 friends and i were drinking and having a laugh, table opposite sitting a 4 set drinking shots, best of the 4 was a dark haired hb9.75, she overheard me say to my friends "wow that girl is a dream" so i made eye contact, smiled and walked over, talked to her a little, asking where they were planning to go after and then challenged them to a game of tin cup (a drinking game) the losers had to do a dare, the girls lost, so the hb9.75 asked what was the dare (this wasn't directed at me) and i piped up "you have to give me your number" i got shot down and the girls left.

Bar before the club, bar girl hb7 smiled, i complimented her on her smile asked how her night was going, my body language was strong, good eye contact and kept the convo light....got a smile every time she passed by.

The club, walked in saw a hb9 working a promo stand, made eye contact smiled and walked over, asked about the promo and if she was gonna come party when she finished, she said no, told me she was out the night before and was tired, i said it was nice to meet you and went to check my coat. About an hour later i saw her again in the smoking area, this time she came up to me....i teased her about looking tired, we talked a while and had a few laughs, the convo was good, made good eye contact, kept a good posture touched her arm a couple of times....my mate came out asked me what i wanted to drink, i turned to her said i gotta go and asked for her number, she gave it without hesitation. This was my 3rd ever number close, the feeling was immense!!! :rockon:

Still at the club, hb7 and hb6.5 just walked up to them said hi and asked some stupid questions like where do they work and so on.....hb7 said she was a backing dancer, i promptly challenged her to a dance off...we danced for about 10 minutes....i proclaimed my self the winner and asked for her nuber but got shot down lol

Smoking area at the club, hb7 sitting by her self looking bored, called her over started up a convo she wasn't very receptive.

R'n'b room smiled at the bar girl, told her she had a nice smile tried to talk but it was too busy...went for a dance, hb5.5 bumped into me, i accused her of assault...we ended up talking for a bit and i left to find my friends.

End of the night waiting for the lads outside the club, hb7 redhead complimented her on her dress she smiled but at this point i was wasted so i don't know if this one counts...


i should say that it was my birthday and i came out with a very positve outlook and was generally feeling good, i was having fun with my friends and i think it showed. Eye contact and a genuine smile helps loads, having said that i really need to work on the convo side of things, i nearly ran out of things to talk about with the hb9. Let me know what you guys think.

Very good. I counted 9 approaches. Let us know how that number close goes for you.

 

[badboyjmm]

15 approach so far (or more) (2 from the mall) 13 from 3 nights out (NYE, tuesday and friday)

NYE: I've approach alot, maybe like 6 or 7 girls, but I got shut down before I even said a word. It was a horrible time because I went to a club with 3 friends and they were all making out and stuff. Afterwards they disappear and I was looking for them for most of the night. the last approach was great, since the friends of the girl (a guy and a girl) was pushing the girl to continue the interaction with me. They want it to go to the dancefloor, so I ask the girl if she can dance.

She said maybe... after that I told her I would teach her, but she said not (after like 5 minutes saying maybe leaving me and her friends hanging) So I feel rejected and not accepted that night, plus I was mad because my friends had a much better time then me and disappear without saying anything (except for one of them that send me a text 30 mins later saying that he wasn't there)


Tuesday was terrible because I didn't feel like approaching anybody because before this challenge I really pushed myself approach (all the plates I have are simply not spinning except for one, and she's spinning very slow...) So my buddy, decided that he was going to "teach" me how to talk to women and introduces me. He did but then after decided to talk to the girl and forgot about me... He apologize later on.

Friday was good, pre-drink with some sorority girls before hitting the pub. Talking to a bunch of girls I don't know. It's only small talk (you look silly, I love the way you dance and blablabla) but it was pleasant anyway.

At the bar, my friend was talking to two girls, and I went on and introduce myself. I tried talking to them afterwards but they ignored me. I went to approach another girl that was sitting down... She was boring (or just wasn't in the mood to talk) So I decided to hit the dancefloor. Afterwards, I was talking to some guy that knew my friends. Talking to a girl that I involve with my buddy. I bust her balls until she hit me (good sign I guess haha) but my buddy comes in and kisses her...

Another friend that was there that wasn't doing much was making out with some cute girl...

Overall, it was great although I feel all that exposure doesn't give anything. It's great because I realize that approach anxiety is mostly in the head, but right now since I get ignored or shut down, I feel worthless because I have a feeling that I'm trying for nothing... I just wanna have some sort of success with women but it's not happening and it's been like that for a while. I hate long dry spell...

 

[Packers2010]

today was a good day i did 7 approaches. or at least tried. not going to lie tho most of them was on people who worked at the food store and most of them sucked. tho i did learn a little so that's good. My problem:

i am at home now.. been like.. an hour maybe more. i still feel like i have that ice feeling in my stomach that i get when i try and talk to women. you know the one i mean. i did ok when talking to this store clerk. but i saw at least 4 women i could have easy just said hi to. one walked by me and was a prime example of the 3 second rule and i just insta went into my head. i mean goes like this..

i see women, i got into my head, i stat to feel that ice feeling in my stomach make up stupid reason why i SHOULDN'T talk to her, opportunism is missed.

is there anyway i can stop this? if i can things going i can get into a slight rhythm and thinks will go ok. you know. just can't stat anything i go blank.

 

[Gray The Prince]

15 approach so far (or more) (2 from the mall) 13 from 3 nights out (NYE, tuesday and friday)

NYE: I've approach alot, maybe like 6 or 7 girls, but I got shut down before I even said a word. It was a horrible time because I went to a club with 3 friends and they were all making out and stuff. Afterwards they disappear and I was looking for them for most of the night. the last approach was great, since the friends of the girl (a guy and a girl) was pushing the girl to continue the interaction with me. They want it to go to the dancefloor, so I ask the girl if she can dance.

She said maybe... after that I told her I would teach her, but she said not (after like 5 minutes saying maybe leaving me and her friends hanging) So I feel rejected and not accepted that night, plus I was mad because my friends had a much better time then me and disappear without saying anything (except for one of them that send me a text 30 mins later saying that he wasn't there)


Tuesday was terrible because I didn't feel like approaching anybody because before this challenge I really pushed myself approach (all the plates I have are simply not spinning except for one, and she's spinning very slow...) So my buddy, decided that he was going to "teach" me how to talk to women and introduces me. He did but then after decided to talk to the girl and forgot about me... He apologize later on.

Friday was good, pre-drink with some sorority girls before hitting the pub. Talking to a bunch of girls I don't know. It's only small talk (you look silly, I love the way you dance and blablabla) but it was pleasant anyway.

At the bar, my friend was talking to two girls, and I went on and introduce myself. I tried talking to them afterwards but they ignored me. I went to approach another girl that was sitting down... She was boring (or just wasn't in the mood to talk) So I decided to hit the dancefloor. Afterwards, I was talking to some guy that knew my friends. Talking to a girl that I involve with my buddy. I bust her balls until she hit me (good sign I guess haha) but my buddy comes in and kisses her...

Another friend that was there that wasn't doing much was making out with some cute girl...

Overall, it was great although I feel all that exposure doesn't give anything. It's great because I realize that approach anxiety is mostly in the head, but right now since I get ignored or shut down, I feel worthless because I have a feeling that I'm trying for nothing... I just wanna have some sort of success with women but it's not happening and it's been like that for a while. I hate long dry spell...

It's alright bro. Some nights, everybody wants to be aroud you and wants your d1ck in the club, other nghts, everybody repels you like the plague. It hppens to the best of us, the best thing is that you stuck it out and didn't give up. You keep pushing yourself like this and you will go far.

 

[Gray The Prince]

today was a good day i did 7 approaches. or at least tried. not going to lie tho most of them was on people who worked at the food store and most of them sucked. tho i did learn a little so that's good. My problem:

i am at home now.. been like.. an hour maybe more. i still feel like i have that ice feeling in my stomach that i get when i try and talk to women. you know the one i mean. i did ok when talking to this store clerk. but i saw at least 4 women i could have easy just said hi to. one walked by me and was a prime example of the 3 second rule and i just insta went into my head. i mean goes like this..

i see women, i got into my head, i stat to feel that ice feeling in my stomach make up stupid reason why i SHOULDN'T talk to her, opportunism is missed.

is there anyway i can stop this? if i can things going i can get into a slight rhythm and thinks will go ok. you know. just can't stat anything i go blank.

I was plagued with that a lot, especially during last year's competition. It's all a head game regarding that. Just remember that rejection is ALWAYS better than regret. When you talk to other guys, do you have trouble thinking about what to say?

 

[roman81]

today was a good day i did 7 approaches. or at least tried. not going to lie tho most of them was on people who worked at the food store and most of them sucked. tho i did learn a little so that's good. My problem:

i am at home now.. been like.. an hour maybe more. i still feel like i have that ice feeling in my stomach that i get when i try and talk to women. you know the one i mean. i did ok when talking to this store clerk. but i saw at least 4 women i could have easy just said hi to. one walked by me and was a prime example of the 3 second rule and i just insta went into my head. i mean goes like this..

i see women, i got into my head, i stat to feel that ice feeling in my stomach make up stupid reason why i SHOULDN'T talk to her, opportunism is missed.

is there anyway i can stop this? if i can things going i can get into a slight rhythm and thinks will go ok. you know. just can't stat anything i go blank.

Bro, I think that you did well just going out with the goal of approaching total strangers, having said that, when i first read about the 3 second rule, i thought that i could never do such a thing. I thought all the debilitating thoughts....what if i look like fool....what if they laugh in my face and so on.
So this is what i did, i got a shower, dressed nice but not over the top, practice smiling and making eye contact with myself in my bathroom mirror, made sure i had some gum. I went to town centre (alone) where the pedestrian area is with lots of shops. At first all i did was look people (female and male) in the eye and smile, got some smiles back and some were just miserable bastar ds, after a little while i started looking for hb's to smile at and implement the 3 second rule. I said to my self the next hb4 that walks past, i'm gonna look her in the eyes smile and compliment her on her hair, and it worked her smile was genuine, i walked off as soon as i said it, i did this about 15 times before i started to feel comfortable and was able to develop further with approaches.

 

[whitebelt]

Hi. New here. Is it too late for me to join you guys?

 

[Masculinity]

Here is a short video I borrowed from Pirates of The Caribbean that resembles a very good example of what happens inside your mind when you get that icy feeling. You see a beautiful woman and the head on top of your shoulders and the one in between your legs give you the green light. However, there is some strange force restraining you from your full potential. What is it? It is fear.

You cannot consciously control fear as it is an involuntary physiological reflex. What you CAN do is to approach anyway and show your body there is nothing to fear. And as you do it more, the incredible machine you have inside your skull will adjust your fears and create an "approaching" habit. Once you link/associate good feelings to approaching as a results of the fun times you have with women, you will find yourself approaching any woman you want and to feel good regardless of the outcome. No approach is failure; you fail when you do not approach.

Here is the visual example: thread

i still feel like i have that ice feeling in my stomach that i get when i try and talk to women. you know the one i mean. i did ok when talking to this store clerk. but i saw at least 4 women i could have easy just said hi to. one walked by me and was a prime example of the 3 second rule and i just insta went into my head. i mean goes like this..

i see women, i got into my head, i stat to feel that ice feeling in my stomach make up stupid reason why i SHOULDN'T talk to her, opportunism is missed.

is there anyway i can stop this? if i can things going i can get into a slight rhythm and thinks will go ok. you know. just can't stat anything i go blank.

That freezing feeling used to own me. In fact, I allowed it to grow so large that in preventing me from having not only beautiful/great women when I was younger, but also good friends. Approaching is a skill that pays for itself, by simply investing a few minutes, you may end up with a gorgeous hb doing whatever you want in be. You can also use it to make friends in a new environment (males & females). As you master it with time, you will start to notice people who know you will naturally look at you for leadership. The benefits are awesome. I could go on and on, but it is much valuable when you discover it on your own. You are on the right track; keep it up, bro.

Bro, I think that you did well just going out with the goal of approaching total strangers, having said that, when i first read about the 3 second rule, i thought that i could never do such a thing. I thought all the debilitating thoughts....what if i look like fool....what if they laugh in my face and so on.
So this is what i did, i got a shower, dressed nice but not over the top, practice smiling and making eye contact with myself in my bathroom mirror, made sure i had some gum. I went to town centre (alone) where the pedestrian area is with lots of shops. At first all i did was look people (female and male) in the eye and smile, got some smiles back and some were just miserable bastar ds, after a little while i started looking for hb's to smile at and implement the 3 second rule. I said to my self the next hb4 that walks past, i'm gonna look her in the eyes smile and compliment her on her hair, and it worked her smile was genuine, i walked off as soon as i said it, i did this about 15 times before i started to feel comfortable and was able to develop further with approaches.

I used to have the same thoughts about this rule. There is this idea inside our mind that we must avoid social ridicule. And you know what? It is also because we are scared of pain. All things being equal, getting rejected actually hurts. And it is because social rejection stimulates the same area of your brain that is stimulated during physical pain. Isn't that crazy?

Well done Roman81. There is simply no way to conquer your approach anxiety other than doing it Nike style: just do it Take a look at this information that may give you a hand. Keep up the good work, brothers.

 

[Packers2010]

It's alright bro. Some nights, everybody wants to be aroud you and wants your d1ck in the club, other nghts, everybody repels you like the plague. It hppens to the best of us, the best thing is that you stuck it out and didn't give up. You keep pushing yourself like this and you will go far.

i mostly keep to my self. don't really talk to other guys.. lol.. failing at social things is what i do best.

just added a girl to Facebook. told her i didn't like her earnings in her profile pic. witch i didn't turns out someone left them to her in the persons will. lets just say we aren't Facebook friend anymore. only after she called me fat of course.

may as well sign me up to World of warcraft now.

/ end rant ( yes i am in a mood. it should pass. this post is reflective of that mood)

 

[Masculinity]

Just added a girl to Facebook. told her i didn't like her earnings in her profile pic. witch i didn't turns out someone left them to her in the persons will. lets just say we aren't Facebook friend anymore. only after she called me fat of course.

may as well sign me up to World of warcraft now.

:crackup: You have to be careful on how you use C&F and negs through the Internet or text messages. People tend to think differently and so are their interpretations of your text. English is not black or white, people can draw their own conclusions in its grey gaps. I like how you make the bumps on road you have into something funny from which you can learn AND post it here. I get a feeling you are going to make a lot of progress.

 

[Packers2010]

Bro, I think that you did well just going out with the goal of approaching total strangers, having said that, when i first read about the 3 second rule, i thought that i could never do such a thing. I thought all the debilitating thoughts....what if i look like fool....what if they laugh in my face and so on.
So this is what i did, i got a shower, dressed nice but not over the top, practice smiling and making eye contact with myself in my bathroom mirror, made sure i had some gum. I went to town centre (alone) where the pedestrian area is with lots of shops. At first all i did was look people (female and male) in the eye and smile, got some smiles back and some were just miserable bastar ds, after a little while i started looking for hb's to smile at and implement the 3 second rule. I said to my self the next hb4 that walks past, i'm gonna look her in the eyes smile and compliment her on her hair, and it worked her smile was genuine, i walked off as soon as i said it, i did this about 15 times before i started to feel comfortable and was able to develop further with approaches.

thanks for the advice.

it's now 9:30 at night and i still feel sh1tty.

i know your right, i have seen this in action. i have done before gone to a bar and talked to women at the bar. that was ok. i never got anywhere.

i might try it again but picture them in a bar. i think the problem is that they are in a setting i am not familiar with yet. i don't know. all i know if this is a problem and it needs to stop. i don't care if i can't get anywhere. the feeling i have when i talked to women is something i don't want to feel anymore. it's the worst feeling in the world. even worse when i KNOW i can do this! i CAN get there.. but why dose this hold me back so much. i know now it's going to be a month before I go out again. just after this.

 

[Young Rocketship]

I went shopping to day and got out some approaches. Even got some mini convos in so I feel good. They were all older adults though...

-First approach was old lady working at Ross (clothing store). Asked her about the next shipment of Levis lol
-Next was security guard at same store. Just said hi as I walked by
-Next was random guy in the aisle looking at clothes. I said hi and he just looked at me and kept shopping
-Went to Marshalls (another clothing store) and complimented a woman on her purse while waiting in line. She responded warmly and we got into a mini convo about where she got it.
-While checking out, the cashier had to price an item for me. Saw a guy basically waiting on the same thing so I opened up a convo about that.
-Went to Target and said hi to a girl as I was looking at music. She said hi back but it wasn't warm or anything
-Said hi to an elderly woman as I walked through an aisle. She looks at me, no response
-I go to JC Penny. Don't really see any good opportunities to talk to people. Try to work on my eye contact somewhat but I could've done better. Leave the place and say hello to a woman and her daughter heading into the store.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The times I got good responses definitely outweighed the times I didn't. What I think I should work on is my delivery. My voice could have been stronger and a better smile could have helped. Body language too. I also noticed I tend to have minor nervous habits (fidgeting, nail biting) that I can try to fix as well. Overall wasn't nearly as good as I wanted but was by no means bad either.

Edit: Almost forgot, I talked to a lady in the checkout line at Books-A-Million. lol

 

[TheMusic]

I just said hi to a few people, but it doesn't feel right.
I went out yesterday and I approached no girls, so I'll have to start over to make myself proud. However, Saying hi isn't the hardest thing to do, but still, for me it's quite a challenge.

 

[Packers2010]

I just said hi to a few people, but it doesn't feel right.
I went out yesterday and I approached no girls, so I'll have to start over to make myself proud. However, Saying hi isn't the hardest thing to do, but still, for me it's quite a challenge.

it will get better man you just have to stick to it.

 

[martini92]

I made all hi's atleast and some comment about what one girl was talking about, but it was mostly too people who worked.
but I found out it was really bad for me... was going out too a nice bar/club with my friend and when we was going home found out that I actully didnt talk too eny girl inside of the place that i didn't already knew...I suck big time.

had two girls start dancing with me but didn't try too...isolate and talk or something.

 

[TheMusic]

Same here...
I just froze (probably because of my lovely AFC friends).
They're nice guys, but when it comes to girls, they're nuts.
2 girls start dancing in our group and they all continue with what they're doing, and don't know anything about winging...
And if there's another group of girls dancing next to us they don't open the circle to be social, but keep in one little group...

 

[roman81]

Only two days until the beginning of the competition!

I want to give a pat on the back to each of the fourteen participants on the list. It takes some courage to get out there and do what you guys are about to do. The other coaches and I look forward to your success. I know it is hard to get started, so I dug up some stuff and found this very good thread on approaching and social phobias. Credit: Mr. Fingers. It will be much more easier to complete your challenges after completing this reading: Thread Also, take a look at this clip: Video

Thanks for putting this up and bringing it to our attention, this is essential reading for every one with AA.

 

[Sidd10001110101]

Sign me up if it is not too late. Ya I know is my first post but I signed up here to start a boot camp or something of the sort. This is just the sorta thing I was thinking of.
I have days where I can tear it up and meet women like nothing but they are few and far between. Gotta push and break past the comfort zones. I'm not gonna puss out with this **** it.