28 YO Man Getting Player by 23 yo Female?

[General_ButtNaked]

I agree, hold off on the app for now

Yes I still have a sense of remaining true to my word and maintaining the high ground. I foresee her playing further games with me over the weekend. I will keep to my routine and will not reach out. The urge to do so is strong but I can tell from the wisdom shared that it would only serve to damage things further. Either shes gone or this is a test.

How did I let myself get oneitis so bad? This will be a catalyst for change.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

True in regards to having to eject when the girl is the root of the issue.

In this case I don't know that we know enough about her to judge. We DO know that OP has made enough mistakes to possibly kill attraction and that is what is causing this.

We can't fix the girl, but we can get OP on the right track. From there we can then tell if the girl is irreversably broken. Or even just the relationship at this point.

Thanks Danger.

I would really appreciate your continued help. I am taking on board what you have to say.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

So we are now on no-contact since Tuesday morning, right?

If she reaches out, DO NOT ASK about any plans or the weekend. Even if she previously on Sunday said "this weekend we will blah blah blah...".

If she reaches out to you and you bring up or force the issue of her plans with you over the weekend then it blows your cover.

If she is still interested, Test 1 is to see if you will text, call or chase her.

Test 2 will be to see if you were playing games on test 1 or if you really ARE not going to chase her and try to chase her like a puppy.

If she mentioned plans for the weekend, it is up to HER to bring it up and push for them to happen.

Yes correct, no contact since then.

She has been viewing all of my instgram stories (just the usual stuff I post relating to studying, eating, training, music) however.

I've been reading a lot of Pooks stuff and I royally screwed up with my emotional eagerness here. Best case scenario is passing this shyt test and her admonishing my lack of reply or chasing. Or maybe its done and I will never hear from her. Im preparing for that eventuality too.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Did you ever think back as to how PEACEFUL your life was before you met her?

Think of how peaceful it will be again when you get fed up enough to get rid of her.

Right now I am in the hurt phase. Which I will ensure against going forward by seeing myself as the prize and not going exclusive. Honestly I am hurt way more than I should be. there are definitely some issues I need to address.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Im honestly just struggling with the fact that while Im not chasing one of her orbiters is getting a shot or she is gonna **** someone else. I have the wrong attitude and I just shouldnt care, I know that intellectually but not emotionally.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

You have to realize that by being patient and not needy that she will be drawn to you, and the orbiter is shooting himself in the foot.

I will trust your judgement.

There is nothing i would love more than to attempt to fix this by messaging her.

But this, now, is how i should have played it from the start.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

The problem right now is that she was pushed away so much that you texting her again would seem desperate, versus now the long silence being awkward.

Her texting by now would have made it more salvageable but she has yet to do that.

Before it gets too awkward, and if she has been viewing your instagrams or given some indication to you that she is thinking of you, then it may be appropriate to just text her a meme or something funny (But don't write her a message).

This can relieve the awkward tension but doesn't appear needy.

If she reads it and doesn't reply, then don't communicate again at all.

We have a joke i could send her.

There was a night when she was feeling off and sent me an owl emoji in response to a nessage, Then didnt text me.

She apologised the next day and told me to call her out. Id send the owl sometimes to be funny so thats a candidate.

Ill wait till tomorrow? Let her wonder what im up to as she knows my weekday routine but not the weekend.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

I would say send it today BECAUSE she knows your routine today.

If you waited until tomorrow you would reduce her wonder about you on Saturday and it would be one more day of awkwardness.

Ok ill do it. Thank you for your advice so far.

 

[lamath]

Danger is doing a great job here.

However i would not contact her in anyway until she initiate and even then i might ignore her.


Radio silence as happened to me a few time when i was younger, usually happens after some conflict. I was not that much into the women i was seeing in those time so for me it was like w/e idc if i ever talk to her again.
Its like they where playing a game with me to see if i would give in first, i never did.
Happened a few time and then the time lapse got longer and longer got up to 2 weeks of nc, the women always gave up and called me.
I remember one telling me a few time that it was the last time she is going to contact me first after something like this happened, but she still did the next time it happened.

Obv this was at a time txting was not a thing, however my point is women crave that attention and the less you give it the more they want it and i actually a way to show higher value to them.
Not sure all this can be applied to your situation but something to think about.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Update.

You're welcome.

Good luck and let us know. Don't have long text message convos either, but also don't jump on every text like a hungry dog. You can let a couple sit unread for a little while.

She rang me immediately and was quite upset. I stuck to the script and she began to get very upset. I told her I was giving her space and was confused as to why she never replied. I also told her my reasoning, that we had recently escalated emotionally and that I felt this was why she had not reached out.

She claimed she was very upset and thought that I was the one playing games and that by simply saying good morning I had shut down the conversation.

She went out for drinks for a friend's birthday. I texted her to say have a good night and that it looked like we were in the same position.

She said thank you for the message she will talk to me later. I didn't hear from her yet.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Ok so she has chosen, for now, to leave the door open.

I would avoid giving details on why you think things (like escalating emotionally), it is another form of sharing your feelings. Best to keep thing vague with a "I don't know, your quietness gave me the sense you needed space". The added bonus is that this will spin her hamster as she thinks about what exactly she did.

Ok so now you can wait to hear from her. Did your Good Morning text really come off as cold and shutting her down? Or do you think she was retreating to that position as she had nothing else to blame?

I think there is an element of truth that she felt I was being unresponsive.

She obviously didn't like feeling that lack of control my short response made her feel and tried to have me chase. This did not work and she is upset.

The sadness she feels may be genuine but my interpretation when I remove emotion as best I can is that I played her at her own game. And she didn't like it.

Of course there is the potential for this being emotionally charged miscommunication. But that's my emotional side speaking.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

You could definitely be right, and that would be why the funny image you texted last night worked.

If your "good morning" was purposefully cold then you should generally try to avoid that as well, at least if it's a passive aggressive response to something she did which she may not be aware about.

Passive aggressive responses are generally a female trait and is they are the butt of the "I'm FINE!" jokes.

I was literally just saying good morning, there was no hidden agenda.

Last night she said "thank you for the message ill text you later". Still radio silence other then looking at my Instagram stories. Maybe that confirms a game was being played. Im starting to look forward to this ending at this stage, whatever way it goes.

Im honestly hurting man, but I wont let my emotions get the best of me, if anything it is now more important that I dont double text, the ball is in her court. Unfortunately my emotions want me to do that which is not the right move. My last message to her was "no worries ill talk to you soon".

 

[General_ButtNaked]

You could definitely be right, and that would be why the funny image you texted last night worked.

If your "good morning" was purposefully cold then you should generally try to avoid that as well, at least if it's a passive aggressive response to something she did which she may not be aware about.

Passive aggressive responses are generally a female trait and is they are the butt of the "I'm FINE!" jokes.

Update 2. She has said she will be going out tonight with her friends, that they would like to meet me and she would like to see me. Im just so confused.

 

[lamath]

Her being upset is a good sign.

You see how she will twist things and make you the bad guy.


Seriously man, things are quite simple.
She know she still have you, this give her a sense of security in what she is doing. So there is no reason for her to change the way she is acting.
She need to feel like she is losing you, why do you think she called you?
It got her upset because she felt the security of you being there was taken away, obv she turn it around on you and made it sound like its pushing her away from you. ITS NOT!!!

Here is what i predict will happen, after that conversation she got her sense of security back so now she will be distant until she feels that security is fading once again.
Then she will reach out again to get it back and it will repeat until she find that security with someone else.
That sense of security she will get by trying to engage you in anyway possible and by getting an emotional reaction from you ( good or bad does not matter she know any reaction means you still care)
What you need to do is completely disengage her for a while ( more than a few days) and with short txt anwser, dont react to her in any way.
She will try to have a reaction by being a complete biatch and emotional wreck then when she see its not working she will try the im sorry mode, Dont play her game and ignore those temper tantrum.
She will then start to feel like she lost you, it is then that maybe you will fix things.
This might work or not, but its only way to handle this.

Imo she is not Gf material and should be discarded but i know that its not possible right now in your state of mind

Telling you NC and not a fake NC is the way to go here. And it need to be for a few weeks because if its not she will see thru the game.
Its only playing game if she thinks your doing it for that reason, do it for a long time and then she will think you are getting over her.

 

[lamath]

Update 2. She has said she will be going out tonight with her friends, that they would like to meet me and she would like to see me. Im just so confused.

Dont go man.
Why meet her friend things are really bad between you too right now., nothing good will come out of this.

 

[jaymbrs]

The problem here is while she's playing games, she also knows that you're playing games by trying to seem uninterested. Your cover has been blown and she knows it and is why she knows she has you. The only thing you can do now is meet other women. Fortunately you're not in a committed relationship with this woman so you have every right to do so. And you SHOULD.

 

[Baibars]

Do you have kids with her? No. Do you have been together for 20 years? Even then it wouldnt be smart to give this thing that much of a meaning/attention.
You think to much about her and the only solution is to detach from her completely. You shouldnt even be with her if she would text you 24/7 from now on because she got too important for you. Look how you much you think about her.
You even signed in here because of her.
Imo your focus should be to change your attitude and the way you think so you never get in such a situation again.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Took your advice guys, said no to going out to her and her friend.

Instead she came out to me just us. Things were quite normal which I didnt expect. She explained her point of view and how she thought I was not in the mood to talk based on my initial reply. Maybe you are right @Danger that I came across as saying "Im fine". When she didnt hear from me for that day she though I was ghosting her. WHich I also thought. She claimed she was really upset and that when she saw me posting on Instagram like life was as usual it really upset her etc. and that thought we were done.

Of course this could also be that we were in a standoff in terms of frame. That she initially decided to withdraw to see me chase and when I didn't, that is when she was upset and concerned. I believe this to be more likely, I think there is an element of truth to both.

Thanks for everyones advice, especially @Danger and @Iamath.

This situation has made me realize I have a lot of work to do on myself. I am needy, insecure and still blue pill. My only goal right now is to begin seeing myself as the prize. I will be moving forward with extreme caution and making sure my focus is on my personal goals and not on any one female. I will likely have further questions as I move through the DJ bible which is awesome.

Thank you all so much guys.

 

[sosousage]

Thank you.

Its actually more so the game playing that is getting me. She keeps ghosting me and has now started ghosting me but posting gym (ass) pictures on instagram. I guess I am starting to see how this is going to play out.

I imagine my only play here is to block and ignore or back off completely?
Its starting to make me feel pretty insecure I must admit, another thing I will surely need to face.

she doesnt care about you and keeps increasing her options with ass pics

 

[Template]

I imagine my only play here is to block and ignore or back off completely?