28 YO Man Getting Player by 23 yo Female?

[lamath]

Sounds like you are both together again.

It can be very easy to overdo it when breaking free from your bluepill conditioning. You can overcorrect and see everything as a "test". It's not like that. But also it can be easy to fall back into blue-pill thinking. So it will be extra hard for you right now.

Also, there is the possibility that lamath was right regarding bpd, but it's just too early to know that for sure yet. Yet another "watchout".

Good luck and glad it turned out well.

Im not the bpd throwing kind of poster.
I dont remember saying bpd, but either way there is some red flag.

But the fact that she explain herself in what seems like a calm and rational way is a good sign

Gl man
Just dont chase or give attention when she exibit bad behavior.
That will make a big difference

 

[lamath]

You didn't say it, but the link I think you supplied earlier had classic bpd characteristics.

I have dated one one before and personally cannot rule this one out as she is potentially mirroring OPs behaviors.

Red flags for sure, that women likes to play games and the emotional swing that comes with it.

This is going to be a painful experience if OP cant get that oneitis out of his head.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Uh

I haven't yet ruled out that the OP may have caused a lot of this himself either.

Now that the ship is "righted", we can see what happens.

I was certainly partly to blame.

Always available via text and to hang out.

Overly emotive, needy also.

I feel this debacle has reset things and i will move forward more aware.

My girl said this made her realise a couple things. We will see if her actions support that statement as i will not be looking at words any longer.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Red flags for sure, that women likes to play games and the emotional swing that comes with it.

This is going to be a painful experience if OP cant get that oneitis out of his head.

I completely agree.

I'm looking at it this way. It's eaither a success and I become the one evaluating her, I become the prize. Or I am burned and learn some valuable lessons. Not to go to blue pill on you but I do have some feelings for this girl. She has some red flags for sure. Ill be keeping an eye on them and will avail of the expertise from guys like you to guide me during the inevitable shyt tests I encounter.

It's 50/50 which way this one goes. Firstly I need to give her the gift of missing me.

 

[MrWood]

expressed I was conscious of getting hurt

and you wonder why you got sh1t tested...

she needed to see just how for she could push your gamefull manhood to "getting hurt" from a small woman
she could see that there was a point... that point was too little in assuring her that you can handle anything, in any future with her

in a way, your confession was a "red flag" to her.

At least i got to have sex with a beautiful woman.

bravo, put a notch in your belt

 

[General_ButtNaked]

I haven't yet ruled out that the OP may have caused a lot of this himself either.

Now that the ship is "righted", we can see what happens.

Spinning this thread back up.

The games have begun again. She is playing it cold and going on two weeks now. When I go cold back, mirroring her she calls me out and starts trying to argue. She consistently tries to make me jealous by hinting at "her snapchat followers", "guys in her dm's".

I have changed how I react, at first I was asking what was going ad getting drawn into emotional responsed and it led to arguments. It got to the point where I ended up saying some hard truths she needed to hear and she finished things with me, only to ring me back crying moments later when I did not react.

Yesterday I communicated with her openly and said can we stop these silly texting games, it is a waste of both our time and her response was "I am not being any different what are you talking about lol". So I dropped it, just made a joke out of the fact I asked so as not to engage. For context she keeps asking me to download snapchat because she is on it all day and her posts are "juicy" yet she can't message me back or have a convo. I didnt bite.

What are my options here?

I imagine I just withdraw attention?

She gave me a lame ass reply to a message I sent her so as we stand I just said "Ok that's cool ". I don't expect a message back.
If we finish things my prediction is we start the cycle again, my guess is she has attachment avoidance issues.
I'm no longer upset just pissed off

 

[MrWood]

next time she contacts you, answer any and all questions with:
"sex?"
"we can have sex"
"we can stop these silly games, right.. lets try sex"
etc
or stop responding

 

[General_ButtNaked]

How long have you been together again?

I would just consider walking away. If she is trying to get you jealous then she will never be worth anything.

Just a few months.

She sent me a voice recording of her friend talking about all of the guys trying it on since she posted a picture of us online. I ignored it.

She said she has a particular guy trying it on with her all the time and never confirmed she has shut it down.

My head is fried at this point. Things were good for a while then she just changed one day.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

What does "trying it on" mean?

Flirting with her. Asking her out. Basically active orbiters.

I get the feeling she is entertaining their advances. At least she has eluded to that.

One of her statement when we hadn't talked for a while "when me and you don't talk it doesn't mean I stop talking to the whole world"

That particular comment really annoyed me.

 

[jnMissouri]

Those silly texting games tell me that this is not going to work out. In my experience women who were interested in me would book face to face time, even if it's just a few minutes. I would not text other then convey necessary information.

Treat it like an opportunity for sex and that's it.

Yeah, I had a girl drive 6 hours from the other side of the state to spend 1 night with me every other weekend. She was 10 years younger than me and a solid 9.5. I never once initiated a single date with her.

Wish they were all like that.

 

[jnMissouri]

The hard truth i know i needed to hear.

This was a learning excercise. At least i got to have sex with a beautiful woman.

Is there hope for a guy like me that gets attached and hurt like this?. Im hoping that my awareness of the problem is a start.


I literally started thinking this girl was special and that this might go somewhere. My mistake.

The lessons i have learned:
Dont commit
Dont blurt out my feelings they must be earned.
Spin plates.
Slow down.
Focus on me not her, she should compliment my life not become a focus.

I really appreciate your time man.

Silence and distance, as I first read on here from guru, and then had it really reinforced by a friend that worked in numerous situations. For whatever reason can't handle silence. Might have to do with their need for attention and validation.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Yeah I would just end it. A few months in and she is already pulling this $hit? Dumpsville.

But I wouldn't tell her about her bad behavior or let her pull you into the details. She will just use that against you.

Just keep it simple and say that you two just aren't a good fit and better to end it now.

If she ends up being a real b1tch during the discussion and she just needs a good mindfvcking you can say "You just don't have that sparkle I'm looking for".

Guaranteed that will eat at her forever.

She ended it with me first. By text and blamed the current virus which I found funny. She also said she still feels the same and cares about me a lot.

I simply said :

I saw this coming.

Goodbye Kate

I will now initiate the no contact protocol. She is gone off social media and I will not message her or respond.

I need help though. I'm a nice guy and I want to fix that. I got burned here and I don't want that to happen again and again.

 

[NSX-R]

Find someone else and you’re gonna be fine .
My best friend was exactly in the same situation as yours . 3 months ago he had just broken up with his gf and they reconciled shortly after because he was too much into her . Actually we would discuss the same things you were saying earlier in your topic. That he wants to text her even few hours after their last talk and bs like that . Fast forward 2 weeks ago she went to her parents for a couple of days and he went into a club with a mutual friend of ours . He met a nice curvy chick and banged her for 3 days straight. Guess what ? He forgot almost everything about his gf and what’s the best thing ? He found another girl and he also banged her .

I had a discussion earlier and he was telling me how stupid he was to think all the tike about his now ex gf and he feels so good right now that he spins 2 plates .

Be patient till the virus thing is gone and find someone new . Go NC with your girl and end it . Just remember that you already tapped that meanwhile many of her orbiters dream of even touching her .

 

[General_ButtNaked]

Find someone else and you’re gonna be fine .
My best friend was exactly in the same situation as yours . 3 months ago he had just broken up with his gf and they reconciled shortly after because he was too much into her . Actually we would discuss the same things you were saying earlier in your topic. That he wants to text her even few hours after their last talk and bs like that . Fast forward 2 weeks ago she went to her parents for a couple of days and he went into a club with a mutual friend of ours . He met a nice curvy chick and banged her for 3 days straight. Guess what ? He forgot almost everything about his gf and what’s the best thing ? He found another girl and he also banged her .

I had a discussion earlier and he was telling me how stupid he was to think all the tike about his now ex gf and he feels so good right now that he spins 2 plates .

Be patient till the virus thing is gone and find someone new . Go NC with your girl and end it . Just remember that you already tapped that meanwhile many of her orbiters dream of even touching her .

Thank you so much for that perspective brother.

I really appreciate it.

This hurts emotionally but intellectually I know she was gonna torment me if we continued. Making me jealous. Making me feel of low value.

I'm just glad that in the end I managed to hold onto my self respect.

I never thought about the perspective of her orbiters wanting but never going to where I have been. That helps.

I'll keep NC. I'll move on and next time ill spin plates

 

[skinnyguy]

We had sex on date number 3 and it was great. I brought her out for valentiness weekend two weeks ago as she said she never really had guys treat her right. The above all followed me treating her well with flowers and chocolates and all of that.

be careful. this chick has been alpha widowed/pumped and dumped. If you're not a player, she might see you as needy.

I wouldn't have done the flowers and chocolates at all. I agree with @Danger. You need to spin plates now. The best way to deal with these girls from the beginning is to not be too available.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Just a few months.

She sent me a voice recording of her friend talking about all of the guys trying it on since she posted a picture of us online. I ignored it.

She said she has a particular guy trying it on with her all the time and never confirmed she has shut it down.

My head is fried at this point. Things were good for a while then she just changed one day.

"Trying it on"?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

be careful. this chick has been alpha widowed/pumped and dumped. If you're not a player, she might see you as needy.

I wouldn't have done the flowers and chocolates at all. I agree with @Danger. You need to spin plates now. The best way to deal with these girls from the beginning is to not be too available.

He did flowers and chocolates? ( head palm )

 

[General_ButtNaked]

He did flowers and chocolates? ( head palm )

I have learned the hard way man.

I will not be burned like this again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have learned the hard way man.

I will not be burned like this again.

It really takes them to keep lying, cheating, treating you like dirt, abuse for a man to figure it out.

 

[General_ButtNaked]

It really takes them to keep lying, cheating, treating you like dirt, abuse for a man to figure it out.

Things I have learned:
Availability will kill desire.
Their words don't mean ****, their actions do.
They don't know what they want or how they want to be treated.
Put them on a pedestal and they will see you as a peasant.
Don't tell them how you feel make them earn it.
You have to be the prize.
Don't react to their emotional outbursts.
Spin plates, evaluate red flags, don't jump into an LTR.

I really loved this oneitis but tbh I felt the pain long before she dumped me. This girl tormented and emotionally ****ed me up. She led me on, played games, made me jealous and made me feel like i was worthless. She saw my kindness for weakness(it was and I see that now).

**** this I'm not doing this again.