Chancer maybe you should take a different approach.
Let me tell you a brief story about myself. When I was about 13 my dad used to wear down me self-esteem with religious parenting, and used to hit me when I was just fooling around. I was close to going crazy because everyone denied what was going on in my family, to much to handle. I don't know what kept me sane exactly, I think it was my alcohol and XTC addiction, it came just in time before losing my mind literally.
But now I see that this pain was a gift from God. I am in no way religious, the only thing I belief is that God is Love. That's it, no-one needs a big bible to explain that. Pretty ironic I think. And I want to add, love is not a feeling, love hurts sometimes.
Maybe stop changing to oustide for now, stop destroying your self-esteem with social blunders, I know what that feels like, pointless.
Change your inside, look for the reason for your pain, look for the truth that is being denied. Look for the God inside you, look for his love, look for what he is trying to say with his pain. I know this sounds helluva religious, but it's not.
Search for this book on amazon: The Road Less Travelled - M. Peck
Maybe this will be a piece of the puzzle for you, take care.