27 and nothing

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hi Chancer

I know you've heard this already from the nice people here but heres my advice and I feel it will work. You are most likely having a chemical problem problem in the brain... just as I did.. You need medicine. I am taking medicine and still will for probably 2 more months or so but once I'm done I'll never have to take it again. It has helped me stop feeling suicidal and also helped me get out of bed.. Gave me energy.. Not an energetic feeling from like caffeine or cocaine lol but a different kind of energy.. It's impossible to explain unless you go through it. You might not have depression but you have some type of psychological problem that can't be solved by people giving you advice, like "just do it" it's beyond that point as it was for me so please get some drugs for it and be grateful you're living in a time where we actually have drugs for these problems, you'll never regret it. If you want to talk more to me ask me for my e-mail I'll answer some more questions and help you as much as I can and don't be afraid to ask anything and I mean ANYTHING AT ALL!!

 

[Alpine]

Hi Chancer,

Boy can I relate to your experiences.

I wrote a very similar thread about the paralysis of action about a month ago, and like here got lots of good advice, but it is this taking action thing.

The guys who say JUST FCKIN DO IT miss out the key part, which is what actually gets someone like you to take the action.

How does this sound? Have you ever not wanted to do something so IN ADVANCE you've sort of signed up for a course or paid out money and entered a marathon or something?

My idea (and it is just an untested idea) is to sign up for some sort of 'flirt school'.

Now the reason is, it allows some external force, your trainer, to impose pressure apon you to do something you don't want to do, like the army trains people disipline.

After 50 approaches you don't give a **** and can do it yourself. The bootcamp thing on the board is great but YOU need external force to get the momentum going.

An experienced DJ in your area might be prepared to be your wingman as an alternative but I think a PAID for course gives that extra commitment.

What you learn in terms of techniques my not be DJ worthy, but it's the being FORCED to do something initially, create a new ingrained mental pathway, see positive results and then change your belief on what you CAN do.

Mike

 

[DjDreamer]

Originally posted by Alpine
What you learn in terms of techniques my not be DJ worthy, but it's the being FORCED to do something initially, create a new ingrained mental pathway, see positive results and then change your belief on what you CAN do.

Mike

Yes, use the FORCE chancer, use the FORCE...LoL...

 

[Luveno]

Hey man, hang in there. You've been dug quite the hole, and its gonna be a climb. But you have to do it.

So all these people all your life told you that you were lesser bla bla bla etc. They just weeded out one person who'd be competition in life: you! You're not lesser because you're you, you're lesser because you let them convince you that you are.
*******s always go the path of least resistance. I bet you never even stood up for yourself once.

So here's some advice: Stand up for yourself. Don't let people give you crap like that. If they say they're better than you, tell them "yeah, at whacking off" or something like that. Its hard for you now, I know. You're full of fear. Be fearless.

Think about it like this: life is like a good ol american hero movie, and you're the main character. No matter what crap happens, and what people say or do what to you, you will come out on top once you realize how to overcome the difficulties in your life. The main character (you) will come out winning!

You will win. You will win soon. You have to do it. Stop whining and do it, and thank your lucky stars that you found this site when you did. Follow the main page and the forums. Trust me, it works wonders!

 

[jakemcginnis]

Step By Step

chancer357, I don't know if you're still following the thread, but I wanted to add a few comments.

I'm coming from EXACTLY the same place as you. I'm a little further up the path--age-wise--but have a lot of the same issues as you do.

I don't want to demean the guys who recommend that you "just do it" or "get out there and get going," because action is ultimately the answer to our situation.

But what many guys don't understand is that it really is possible to get so overwhelmed--stuck, as you put it--that it's hard to even imagine taking action, let along go out there and perform on command.

For me, there have been two major steps in the process of overcoming some brutal depression:

1.) understand why and how I got myself into a depressed state. I'm not saying WALLOW in the depression, but honestly face the circumstances that led to the depression. Look at the circumstances (home life, experience with women, for some people it's even a birth issue) and understand that your response (depression) is probably very normal.

2.) take one small step toward healing. Read a book, start listening to a tape or CD (I like the "Think Right Now" series--and they've got a great one devoted to depression), check into meds if that's your style. The important thing is to take one step. By doing that, you'll learn a lot more about your environment and that will help you decide how to take the next step.

For me, it was important to just suspend any thought about women for a while. I had to take a break from the pressure of trying to meet, date, seduce, or otherwise romance women and concentrate on getting myself back in the game.

For a while, it's a matter of learning to "play hurt." Then, as you keep gaining and applying knowledge, you get better.

Finally, even though this is a long process--and that's not necessarily fair, but it's true--you're a young guy. A lot of us didn't even start facing our issues until we were 10 or more years older than you are right now. So take your time, make a single small step, and start back on your path. In 10 years, 20, 30, you'll be very glad you did.

Best,

Jake
www.jerklikejake.com

 

[cave dweller]

hello???????

chancer357,

Hey, are you still with us, or, did you give up?

cave dweller

 

[Alpine]

CD,

Bugs me when people go out of their way to help and these guys can't be bothered to follow through. Like here on your thought provoking questions, that would get his brain in gear.

They certainly don't mind spending the time whinging. This happens all the time, but not all falls on stoney ground I guess.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Most people who feel such utter pity haven't failed enough to experience the joy they seek.

If your dreams and desires are so important to you, you should be willing to sacrifice your life.

LIFE ISN'T FAIR.

If it was, we'd be a socialist society where the government aportions to each individual what THEY determine to be fair amongst us all. Well, we saw how well that worked.

The people most happy with themselves and their life made their happiness, and were not born with it.


A-Unit

 

[Slash]

Il Reply in a New thread

Its 2 ****ing long....

 

[marketboy]

damn Chancer, if you can get this many replies to a thread, you must be doing something right...

 

[m4a1]

chancer,
I've read all 8 pages of this thread, and I gotta say wow! I had the idea that people of this site were *******s, and when I read your first post I thought there would be 8 pages of flames, but everyone was very tolerant and lots of them have even been in your shoes, some posted their e-mail for you to keep in touch with, some have asked you where you're from so they can personally help you, but NOTHING gets through to you.

-You say you can't approach girls because you're worthless or lower than them.
What kind of attitude is this? Man, just the fact that you're human and belong to the human race, you have the right to talk to human beings. You position yourself where ever you want to position yourself, and right now you position yourself under everyone. (PLEASE DON'T REPLY TO THIS TELLING ME THAT THAT'S WHERE "THEY" POSITIONED YOU, THAT'S BS)

-Someone made a very clever observation, he concluded that (to you): people's opinions matter (and are valid), and yours doesn't matter and are invalid.
You value yourself based on what others think, that's bad, really bad. You need to work on your self-confidence, I'd say work out, do community service, talk to people, but then you'll just quote me and say "haven't you been paying attention?? I CAN'T"

You not only see the glass half empty, but your eyes somehow manage to see cracks in the glass, and bacteria and parasites in the drink.

Awareness is the first step to self-improvement, you're stuck on the first step.

Good job, you've managed to dismiss 159-posts worth of advice (not to mention Slash's advice, which was so great, that he needed to make a whole new thread ). I don't suffer from social anxiety or depression, but I can assure you that I've benefitted from reading these posts. You? You've done nothing but tell us that you can't do this and can't do that.

The true path to self-healing comes from within, when you posted your main thread, what kind of replies were you expecting?? (read cave dweller's post, it's the third post (from the top) on this page) I don't agree with everything people said, but I think people have covered EVERYTHING that could be done. You've dismissed therapy, you've dismissed spirituallity, you've dismissed working out and excersizing, you've dismissed taking baby steps, you've dismissed all the web links, you've dismissed medication, the only advice you've actually followed here was reading 2 of the (many) books that were suggested, but what have you benefitted from those 2 books?... You said they were rip-offs.

 

[leoncour]

Chancer, you are not thinking rationally about yourself or the world you live in. Please read Feeling Good, and learn how to override your irrational thinking with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I am reading it now and it is very helpful. You couldn't possibly expect getting into a relationship with the mindset you currently have, it would be unhealthy for both you and your partner.

 

[ogre]

chancer,

your dilemma goes way way beyond just meeting babes. but it is curable. You need direction, purpose, and passion. Puerto_rican_lover has the right idea. But you don't have to go to church unless you are comfortable with that. My own spiritual path was a roller-coaster. I made a few wrong turns.

You must understand that you are perfect. You are, as is all life, the living manifestation of God. And as a man, you have the capacity to comprehend this, by virtue of your human DNA. The only thing stopping you is wrong belief. The physical world around you is nothing more than a manifestation of your belief system. Sorta like in the movie "The Matrix". You create your own reality. As you believe, so shall it be.

I realize this is a bit of a stretch for, um, the DJ forum, and I don't expect you to take my word for it. Took me awhile.

Recommended reading:

Lotus sutra chapters 2, 3, 12 & 16 (find it on the internet)
Bhagavad-gita (find it on the internet)
old and new testament, Start with the end (revelations) then Genisis, the read through the new testament. about 50 versions online.

I think you get the idea. There's more, but this should get you started. oh, and don't worry about trying to conciously understand it at first. it's important that you just read it through. the effect is sub-concious. these preachers who quote scripture out-of-context, don't believe them. they just screw it up.

 

[chancer357]

Originally posted by chancer
so you work,

Not anymore. I quit.

Are you going to bars with the intention of having as much fun as you possibly can, or are you thinking about how badly you're going to eat it? Can you meet some new friends? are you afriad of sociallizing in general, or is it just the girls?

I don't go to bars because I hate it. Its crowded, theres a ton of people
I'm alone, I'm not comfortable there. Theres nothing about me that anyone would find interesting. All I can do is sit there and watch other people all joking around fliting with people.

Theres no girl thats going to say "Gee, I'll stop talking to this hot guy who seems to like me and go talk to this wierdo in the corner".

As for the guys, they are all just being loud and drunk and yelling, joking around. I just don't do that. Theres nothing I have to say to them or anyone else there.

How much fun does that sound?

You go to work, go home, and then you go to bed? That wont get you anywhere. So what if you go out and come home empty handed, did you try? Did you expose yourself? Are you growing? Without a fight he is dead. Do you have dreams? Do you have goals? Do you have plans?

All I've ever done is come up emty handed. I've _never_ had any form of success in any way shape or form. I don't try anymore because I don't need _another_ reminder that I've done nothing but fail.

People can sit and tell me all they want that they fail all the time, things don't work and the world didn't end. Whatever. At some point things _did_ work in some way for them. Every now and then they got something posative or they wouldn't keep trying. They got some kind of indication that some kind of progress was made, even if was barely any. All I've expirenced is failure, one step back after another. I'm not going to do it anymore. Why should I? And I don't expect that to make things work out in some crazy way either. I know there isn't anything about me thats good.

I don't have goals. I don't have plans. I don't want anytthing. I don't have anything to do. I don't care about anything. I've given up on everything.

 

[chancer357]

This should be "28 and nothing" now

 

[Kaine]

Well Happy Birthday

You've SUCCESSFULLY survived another year.

Recognise the efforts that you put in to keep yourself breathing for as much as 28 years.

Life is always work in progress

 

[Golden Arms]

happy (belated) birthday and welcome back

why did you quit your job ?

 

[chancer357]

I didnt agree with how the buisness was run, and I didnt agree with the motives of the business overall so I quit. I dont do anything else so all I did was go to a job I hated every minute of. I could do more somewhere else

 

[Golden Arms]

It's very good to hear that you took a step to change your life and get out of a bad situation

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

There you go Chancer - there is something positive about you - you are a man of principles!!!! You are on your way to healing!