For the last several days I thought about your (LTR_guy) situation. I am married, nearly as long as you, and I go as far as to say ‘very happily’. Our intimate life is a large part of our bond, so I can only imagine if it were missing the struggles that would need to be overcome.
I have to give most credit to my husband, I think what has kept us moving forward and enjoying intimacy, it is the trust he gives me and expectations he set forth for us. I don’t really mean trust in the sense of not cheating on each other, that is a “given”, it is the trust to be the man he is. My husband is a dominate man that has to lead, he’s powerful, brilliant and presents himself very strong and forward.
He does things in our home, he does the banking, pays the bills, decides retirement investments and when it’s time to trade the car. He even goes further with a few care-giving tasks like keeping my car filled with gas, he keeps my wiper blades and air pressure checked and so forth. And over the years I’ve built a trust in him to do these things.
In turn I’ve built trust with him too, working from home allows me time to do many of the tasks that keep our home nice, our laundry clean and meals on the table. I meet service providers, run errands he may not have time for and most importantly, schedule myself to be free when he is.
We’ve grown to trust each other to perform our needed tasks, I never have to think, “did a bill get paid” or “is my oil changed” and he never has to wonder “what am I going to do for dinner” or “I wonder when she’ll get home”. I know these things may sound trivial, but over the years the trust built and expectations fulfilled are invaluable.
We expect things from each other, we expect one another to confront each other and not flee to friends with issues, to never have the silent treatment but to get it all out in the open and to set one another straight IF we begin to head a direction that isn’t honorable to our marriage.
With this leadership, this trust, with this feeling of meeting or exceeding his expectations, it makes me want for more. Maybe it’s a greed that has built within, but I want him to expect things of me, to be fit, to be available, to be his little damsel or demon, wherever the night may lead. On top of that I expect him to be open and receiving when I initiate and the way I initiate.
I know he has great sexual needs, as do I, AND YOUR wife does too. There is NOTHING in this thread that would surprise her, she’d never say “O_O – OMG he wants more intimacy???!!!” I have to wonder IF you and her have a trusted bond, if you and her live up to one another’s expectations or if expectations ever even set forth?
Never ONE time in nearly 13 years have we ever gotten in the car and he ask me where I’d like to go for dinner. Instead, he knows what I eat, he knows I choose salads, vegetables and fish, we go places that accommodate my needs and his pleasures. Now before you gasp and say that it may seem rude, know this, if I don’t like his choice he EXPECTS me to tell him different, he holds me accountable to speak aloud my desire for Italian and not kick back and mope about his decision IF it doesn’t please me. See? I love that more then you can ever imagine. He KNOWS me, he LISTENS to me, he holds me ACCOUNTABLE and he EXPECT me to communicate and he showed it all to me through his TRUE HEARTFELT actions and not just words. He's that good.
Sometimes I need a candlelit meal and making love, sometimes I need to attack him at the door, sometimes we clash struggling for different things and yes, we expect each other the VERBALLY say/aloud, in real words, what our needs are.
LTR – Do you expect things of your wife and she of you? Do you and her use real spoken aloud words to communicate your desires of one another? Do you lead? Do you or her ever have to wonder if a bill is paid or if the laundry will be clean? Does you each to selfish things for your mental or spiritual health? Yoga, basketball, kickboxing, step classes, etc… It is important, unless your own personal roots are stable, everything else will sway.
Warning, people will follow with the 50/50 speeches and the “I can do it all and still please a man” etc… This is just MY opinion and what works for ME. BUT, no one on this planet can do it all, not in a relationship, there isn’t a women who can “bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan and never let you forget you a man” sorry, a woman in only human, we have our limits, we tire and we drop the ball somewhere in our life, maybe in our fitness, maybe trust, maybe care, maybe love, but no woman can keep all the balls in the air at once.
We need farrr more of this to counteract the more vocal minority of a dysfunctional woman.