It most likely stems from your relationship with your parents.
People tend to seek out what they didn't get from their parents or one of their parents.
You then fear whatever happened with those parents happening all over again.
It's a poisonous cycle and must be discarded.
It helps when you realize that the 6, the 8, and the 9.9 are all the same. The main difference is that it takes me less time to bust on the 9.9's face.
If her needs become more important than yours, you need to walk away and re-frame.
If her needs start off more important than yours, you're screwed. Start over.
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