Help me understand this girl's BS

[BPH]

All in all, the question remains, will she see you next week, or will she flake again? This may be mental gymnastics, and maybe she’s just not that into you, but maybe every flake in the past could have been about finding someone better. You have the choice to take your ball and go home or keep playing the game.

She will almost certainly flake again. I'll Venmo you $5 if she doesn't. Either she's sick, or she's got work, or she's moving into her place, whatever.

I've got nothing better on my plate at the moment so I'll call to confirm next weekend, even if only to hear what the new excuse is.

 

[Prepostereax]

Okay, this girl you're interested in is influencer level, or at the very least, a female player.

They have their own lingo for this sort of behaviour eg "black cat/white cat energy"

Basically they want to be pursued, but paradoxically, only by guys they'd throw themselves at..

{the influencer in the vid has half a million followers and was once a miss universe contestant ten years ago, then got wifed up}

It's a waste of time and emotional effort trying to figure out what was going through a woman's mind, because she probably cannot explain it herself.

There's a myriad of possibilities, sometimes it's not even due to anything between you & her (eg it might be due to her friends).
Most of the time it's more to do with herself, than anything to do with you.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Okay, this girl you're interested in is influencer level, or at the very least, a female player.

They have their own lingo for this sort of behaviour eg "black cat/white cat energy"

Basically they want to be pursued, but paradoxically, only by guys they'd throw themselves at..

{the influencer in the vid has half a million followers and was once a miss universe contestant ten years ago, then got wifed up}

It's a waste of time and emotional effort trying to figure out what was going through a woman's mind, because she probably cannot explain it herself.

There's a myriad of possibilities, sometimes it's not even due to anything between you & her (eg it might be due to her friends).
Most of the time it's more to do with herself, than anything to do with you.

Lotsa these chicks are white cat energy about anything non-sexual, black cat energy when sex comes in the room. As players, we let sex in the room sooner rather than later and minimize the white cat bs.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She will almost certainly flake again. I'll Venmo you $5 if she doesn't. Either she's sick, or she's got work, or she's moving into her place, whatever.

I've got nothing better on my plate at the moment so I'll call to confirm next weekend, even if only to hear what the new excuse is.

Lolz I'd be tempted to ask her out to a nice dinner and then flake.

If you see her again OP I'd make a point to minimize the kissing. Her turn to be teased.

 

[BPH]

Lolz I'd be tempted to ask her out to a nice dinner and then flake.

If you see her again OP I'd make a point to minimize the kissing. Her turn to be teased.

Nah I'm not petty like that, the fact that I'm straightforward when it comes to what I want while she's doing all these mental gymnastics is her problem, not mine.

If she flakes and I see her when I'm out again I'll just wave hi and continue on with my night. She's already wasted too much of my time.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Last night I went out for drinks with my friends and spent most of my night hanging out with this girl I'd met back in September. Let me give some background:

• Matched with this girl on Hinge who lives out near West Chester, made plans to hang out when she got back from a NY trip
• Got drinks together and hit it off, she's an au pair living with a host family and I'm 40 minutes away and live with my parents, so the night ends with a BJ(she's notably open when talking about sex; she described how it had "been a while" and that she's only had sex with a few Americans since moving here, so I think she'll probably be open to it the next time)
• Have a 2nd date at a nice bar closer to her since I figure it'd be logistically easier to hook up or go somewhere afterward. Night goes just as well as the first time around but she wants to have sex on a bed and not in a car, and doesn't want to go to a motel, so it ends with another BJ
• I try to plan a 3rd date at night with the idea to pre-book a room, but she continually declines saying that I'm never available during the day and that she thinks "all I want is sex". I told her that at that point I figured she wanted that to be an option but that if she wants to hang out during the day all she has to do is let me know. She doesn't hit me up and is often busy working for her host family so I stop reaching out, delete her number, unfollow
• She hits me through Instagram on Halloween and invites me to come out and see her in West Chester with her friends. This was what started the post I made asking about logistics and whether I should bother. I go with some friends, she's happy to see me, and we spend the night getting drunk, making out, and dancing. She's their ride and still living with her host family so she ends up leaving with her friends and I end up leaving with mine. We made plans to hang out next weekend
• Next weekend comes around and she's sick...the weekend after that she has work...the weekend after she's visiting NY etc so she's back to her old BS. She ends up drunk calling me on FaceTime talking about how hot I am, but that I only want sex, and that she's not sure when she's going to be free because of work, blah blah. She wants to see me next weekend...but then it's her friend's going away party...and the weekend after that she's away again. So again, I write her off and get on with my life. This was probably around early-mid January

So now we're caught up. Anyway...

I'm out in West Chester last night and she was there dancing with her friends and saw me. She gets all smiley and beckons me over and immediately just starts making out with me and dancing on me like she hasn't flaked on almost every plan we made. She introduces me to her hot roommate and another guy friend and tells me about how she's moved into her new spot with the roommate and doesn't have the problem of her host family anymore. I think she's still BSing, but I entertain it since now there isn't a logistics excuse.

Long story short, by the end of the night she leaves with her roommate and says she can't have me over, but the reason why is what I'm trying to understand...

She tells me how there are these 2 other guys that she's talking to and she thinks 1 of them might ask her to be his girlfriend soon. She mentions that she's been seeing him for about a month and that they've already had sex, but that she still considers herself single. She says seeing me here tonight complicated that for her because she's still very attracted to me and really wants me to come over to hers after and f*** her - going so far as to send me her address - but tells me I should just go home, and that she would be free next weekend to see me because she "thinks that'll be before the guy asks her out".

So help me understand this...I'm sure a lot of this falls under her just wanting my attention, but what she described makes no sense to me...she thought all I wanted was sex, and wasn't interested in that - but f***ed this other guy in less than a month. However, she also tells me she's not ready to be in a relationship yet - but is citing that as the reason for me not to come over, since I guess she doesn't want to screw things up with this other guy if he does ask her out. Yet still, she was willing to risk that by immediately going all-in on me at the bar in front of her roommate.

I do my best to judge people by what they DO, rather than what they SAY, but in the case of this girl, I genuinely don't understand the logic...

• Doesn't like that I just want sex...f***s different guy in under a month
• Doesn't want a boyfriend...says no to having me over because it complicates things if he asks her to be his girl
• Wants to wait for this guy to ask her out...perfectly fine spending the night making out with me in front of her roommate
• Wants to have me come over, sending me the address...changes her mind even though the guy isn't there and her roommate already saw everything

Anybody understand what's happening here?

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

• Got drinks together and hit it off, she's an au pair living with a host family and I'm 40 minutes away and live with my parents, so the night ends with a BJ(she's notably open when talking about sex; she described how it had "been a while" and that she's only had sex with a few Americans since moving here, so I think she'll probably be open to it the next time)
• Have a 2nd date at a nice bar closer to her since I figure it'd be logistically easier to hook up or go somewhere afterward. Night goes just as well as the first time around but she wants to have sex on a bed and not in a car, and doesn't want to go to a motel, so it ends with another BJ
• I try to plan a 3rd date at night with the idea to pre-book a room, but she continually declines saying that I'm never available during the day and that she thinks "all I want is sex". I told her that at that point I figured she wanted that to be an option but that if she wants to hang out during the day all she has to do is let me know. She doesn't hit me up and is often busy working for her host family so I stop reaching out, delete her number, unfollow

Dude went on 2 dates and ain't get the puzzy, and was hell bent on going on a 3rd.

All that, and still ain't smash.

This ain't alpha shiit.

 

[pipeman84]

She's got almost 200k followers on her Instagram so I'm sure she gets plenty of validation. My ex only had a few thousand and she would regularly get offers to pay for her stuff/buy her gifts/fly her out etc so I can only imagine what that's like when you add some zeros to that number.

With that amount of followers on IG, what is she doing on Hinge giving BJs to guys she's just met?
Sounds like she has more sexual activity than a part time escort.

 

[BPH]

Dude went on 2 dates and ain't get the puzzy, and was hell bent on going on a 3rd.

All that, and still ain't smash.

This ain't alpha shiit.



View attachment 14072

I'm glad the guy who can't leave his wife came to lecture me about being alpha.

 

[SW15]

She will almost certainly flake again.

I don't deal with flaking crap very well. You're fortunate you've received 2 *******s from her.

Since I don't deal with flaking well, I would be inclined to move on.

You have had sex with nearly 100 women, are 6'0", and fit/muscular. You can generate enough interest from other women to not need to deal with this crap.

 

[Grandma Penkitten]

Dude, NEXT her already.
She's into games more than she is into you.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I'm glad the guy who can't leave his wife

My wife?

Oh, you mean that demon I left and ain't look back since?

came to me to lecture me about being alpha.

Ok, Mr. 3 Dates and no Puzzy

 

[justaroundthecorner]

@OP - you need to get your own place to close the deal more effectively. Lack of it makes you always dependant on the girl having one (and this one already stated that her living condition would not make it comfortable for her). At some point of age (early 20s) living with parents starts to be an issue for a man when it comes to pick up. So you would need to rent at least a room in a hotel which would also make it understandable for her that you are doing it only to close the deal with her (which is meh) if you have already stated that you live with parents.

So she finds you hot but not a boyfriend material - it is to be noted that a lot of women qualify guys by their living conditions/their possessions - so even if you would close the deal in a rented apartment, she might have been hesitant to come over again (same if you would close the deal in your parents house). That's how the things are with women - your material possessions also count.

So stop thinking about this girl (it's over if you have not noticed it yet) and think how to improve your life instead i.e. how fast can you move out on your own terms (if you can move out in the near future). If you can't, what do you need to do first to move out on your terms - and pursue this idea instead even if it takes time.

Btw. from what you have wrote about her behaviour, I assess that she is neither wife material nor LTR material, therefore next her hard this time - her behavior last time could be also a slut defence mechanism's induced to give you a lesson for unfollowing her despite her giving you two BJ's. Nevertheless it got slightly complicated quickly between you two - and it should go smooth, there should be a noticeable progress and she would make it easy for you to meet her if she would be really into you.

Games are played mostly when woman has options and don't want to make a decision - trying to convince a female rationally to make one is a road some guys like to take but it somewhat works in LTRs not in "courting phase".

Courting phase is all about high interest level and sexual energy - there's not enough or none means you are gone.

 

[BPH]

@OP - you need to get your own place to close the deal more effectively. Lack of it makes you always dependant on the girl having one (and this one already stated that her living condition would not make it comfortable for her). At some point of age (early 20s) living with parents starts to be an issue for a man when it comes to pick up. So you would need to rent at least a room in a hotel which would also make it understandable for her that you are doing it only to close the deal with her (which is meh) if you have already stated that you live with parents.

So she finds you hot but not a boyfriend material - it is to be noted that a lot of women qualify guys by their living conditions/their possessions - so even if you would close the deal in a rented apartment, she might have been hesitant to come over again (same if you would close the deal in your parents house). That's how the things are with women - your material possessions also count.

So stop thinking about this girl (it's over if you have not noticed it yet) and think how to improve your life instead i.e. how fast can you move out on your own terms (if you can move out in the near future). If you can't, what do you need to do first to move out on your terms - and pursue this idea instead even if it takes time.

Yeah, I'm not trying to win her over, I'd just like to understand what the goal was here:

The fact that she had sex with a guy sooner than when she was seeing me...despite complaining that she thought all I wanted was sex...and even though she doesn't want a relationship, she doesn't want to invite me over to f*** her...because this other guy might ask her out, but she's perfectly fine making out with me in front of the roommate who I'm sure also knows this other guy.

I don't understand why she's risking something she supposedly wants by messing around with me, but if she doesn't want a relationship with him what's stopping her from bringing me over to hers?

It just didn't make sense to me and I wanted to see if anybody had run into something similar and understood her angle. Maybe @BeExcellent would have some insight from a woman's point of view.

 

[plumber]

sounds straight forward. other guy is her second choice but give boyfriend vibes so she closed the deal. your not giving boyfriend vibes and the animal attraction is not high enough to get past her filter. she likes you, but not enough to lose her mind.

if you give her boyfriend girlfriend vibes she is going to close with you also.

that might be dishonest.....

I did not catch where she is from, but lots of women from other place likes to have boyfriend from abroad. Sounds like she can get all the sex she wants...

 

[BeExcellent]

She will almost certainly flake again. I'll Venmo you $5 if she doesn't. Either she's sick, or she's got work, or she's moving into her place, whatever.

I've got nothing better on my plate at the moment so I'll call to confirm next weekend, even if only to hear what the new excuse is.

Bad idea. I'm with @BackInTheGame78 on this. You are a back up option only.

A girl like this has too many options. Why pick a hot guy who lives with mom & dad when she can have a hot guy with his own place & privacy?

You are not going to slay this girl in your current living arrangement. I know you are good looking, but dealing with sex and her roomate is home or sex when your parents are home simply is not appealing to her. Terrible logistics, better than the host family but still not conducive.

At influencer level followers she's also thinking about optics. Its bad optics for her if she's associated with a guy who cannot take care of himself financially. And that will be her perception of your living situation.

Blow her off. If you want to see where she's at, blow her off. Don't ghost, (that looks but hurt).... text her same day & flake on her.

Then see what she does. Even if she begs, blow her off & tell her you made other plans or something came up.

This is how you get out of "sure thing Steady Eager Eddie" territory & be unpredictable. Her reaction/action when you call to cancel will tell you valuable information. You have nothing to lose here. Right now you are an orbiter.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

sounds straight forward. other guy is her second choice but give boyfriend vibes so she closed the deal. your not giving boyfriend vibes and the animal attraction is not high enough to get past her filter. she likes you, but not enough to lose her mind.

if you give her boyfriend girlfriend vibes she is going to close with you also.

that might be dishonest.....

I did not catch where she is from, but lots of women from other place likes to have boyfriend from abroad. Sounds like she can get all the sex she wants...

Seconded ^

The girl is from Brazil

 

[plumber]

Seconded ^

The girl is from Brazil

in that case I would double down on our idea.

 

[SW15]

At influencer level followers she's also thinking about optics. Its bad optics for her if she's associated with a guy who cannot take care of himself financially. And that will be her perception of your living situation.

A woman at influencer level followers isn't meeting a fraction of her followers in real life.

If a woman has 25,000 Instagram Followers, it's doubt that she's ever met more than 1,000 of those Followers in person. Additionally, the majority of those 1,000 Followers she's met in person are rather superficial interactions in passing. She only has somewhat close relationships with a few hundred of those Instagram Followers. The opinions of 98%+ of her IG Followers are not relevant to real life, though she would get fewer dopamine hits from Likes & Comments if her optics were not on point.

A guy who lives with his parents at ages 25-35 can be a short term, anonymous sexual option but isn't likely to reach boyfriend status. Women in their 20s/early 30s expect a man to at least have an apartment with a roommate, if not their own 1 bedroom apartment for boyfriend status. Having your own pad or a pad with a roommate fulfills expectations for men 30 and under.

Women start to judge men 30-35 more harshly for a roommate in most cities. A roommate is still better than parents.

For men that live alone in apartments, mediocre apartments will be judged more harshly as one gets further along into his 30s.

 

[Solomon]

She wants to retain control of your attention

So much this, anytime you're seeing a woman and she brings up other men it's never a good sign it could mean that she subconsciously wants you step your game up, make you jealous or other reasons regardless. To me it gives me the ICK, I don't compete for women on their terms but mine and If I can't or don't get what I want I walk away or go to other options (spin plates)
Seems she got OP in the backburner as a "Backup" plan in case it doesn't work out with the other guy she truly likes or who is willing to commit.