The most confident way to ask a woman out via text

[Dr_jitsu]

Been very sporadically talking to a chick I met about three months ago through a friend. Super hot, super nice, super great chemistry between us in person. Extremely difficult woman to feel out though overall as far as if she's really into me at all. It's been stressful gaming her the few times I've seen her in person. Finally about a month ago I got her number and texted her about something casually to feel her out. Unfortunately I was met with some flat responses, some of which even included misspellings which I found quite odd, though if nothing else, she did continue to text a few times to finish up the convo even when not asked anything. Still, I was somewhat turned off and decided she wasn't worth asking out. I texted her one more time a week later and again was given a flat/brief response, also with a misspelling. I ended up privately speaking to someone who knows her a bit though who told me she is a "very dry texter". I find that weird considering how normal and chatty she is in person, but I digress.

In conclusion I've decided though that I have nothing to lose and am going to ask her out anyway just to see what she says. I want to craft up a bit of a strong yet casual text offer, but I'm still brainstorming. Usually never think this hard about asking a chick out, and I know if she's really interested in a romantic way she'll go anyway, but I just feel like there's a little weirdness about this chick so I want to make her as comfortable as I can. Right now I have something that goes like this: "So what would you think about grabbing a drink next week? I know a fun spot. No worries if you can't"

Any thoughts or advice on the matter much appreciated..

No, no, and no! You met this woman 3 months ago. You should have gotten her number then since you had "great chemistry". Waiting 3 months only KILLS her interest in you. And you should have been spinning plates the whole time. You should be opening women daily, getting at least 1 or 2 (or 3) phone numbers every week. Instead you are hung up on this one gal and obsessing over what text you can send to "fix" the situation.

You can't fix it. You should have had that great chemistry conversation on day 1, gotten the number, and then 2-3 days later texted her. A few (not many) texts later you should have asked her out.

All of this should have happened in less than a weeks time.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Been very sporadically talking to a chick I met about three months ago through a friend. Super hot, super nice, super great chemistry between us in person. Extremely difficult woman to feel out though overall as far as if she's really into me at all. It's been stressful gaming her the few times I've seen her in person. Finally about a month ago I got her number and texted her about something casually to feel her out. Unfortunately I was met with some flat responses, some of which even included misspellings which I found quite odd, though if nothing else, she did continue to text a few times to finish up the convo even when not asked anything. Still, I was somewhat turned off and decided she wasn't worth asking out. I texted her one more time a week later and again was given a flat/brief response, also with a misspelling. I ended up privately speaking to someone who knows her a bit though who told me she is a "very dry texter". I find that weird considering how normal and chatty she is in person, but I digress.

In conclusion I've decided though that I have nothing to lose and am going to ask her out anyway just to see what she says. I want to craft up a bit of a strong yet casual text offer, but I'm still brainstorming. Usually never think this hard about asking a chick out, and I know if she's really interested in a romantic way she'll go anyway, but I just feel like there's a little weirdness about this chick so I want to make her as comfortable as I can. Right now I have something that goes like this: "So what would you think about grabbing a drink next week? I know a fun spot. No worries if you can't"

Any thoughts or advice on the matter much appreciated..

Stop using text for communication. In person is always preferred. Text is not sexy or attractive.

 

[Bokanovsky]

In conclusion I've decided though that I have nothing to lose and am going to ask her out anyway just to see what she says. I want to craft up a bit of a strong yet casual text offer, but I'm still brainstorming.

Classic example of analysis paralysis. All you need to say is "hey, what are you doing this weekend? Do you want to grab a drink?" If she's interested, she will say yes. If she isn't, she will come up with an excuse. It's not rocket science.

Usually never think this hard about asking a chick out, and I know if she's really interested in a romantic way she'll go anyway, but I just feel like there's a little weirdness about this chick so I want to make her as comfortable as I can. Right now I have something that goes like this: "So what would you think about grabbing a drink next week? I know a fun spot. No worries if you can't"

Why would you say that? Do you really think that she will be worried if she can't? I can assure you that she won't be.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Classic example of analysis paralysis. All you need to say is "hey, what are you doing this weekend? Do you want to grab a drink?" If she's interested, she will say yes. If she isn't, she will come up with an excuse. It's not rocket science.


Why would you say that? Do you really think that she will be worried if she can't? I can assure you that she won't be.

It's analysis paralysis bc the OP doesn't have very good game. In a case like this where the chick has lukewarm interest you want to value-add with the comms. Make the date pitch funny or interesting, throw a dhv in there if you can, while making the text casual and short. Easier said than done but that's the ideal.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Been very sporadically talking to a chick I met about three months ago through a friend. Super hot, super nice, super great chemistry between us in person. Extremely difficult woman to feel out though overall as far as if she's really into me at all. It's been stressful gaming her the few times I've seen her in person. Finally about a month ago I got her number and texted her about something casually to feel her out. Unfortunately I was met with some flat responses, some of which even included misspellings which I found quite odd, though if nothing else, she did continue to text a few times to finish up the convo even when not asked anything. Still, I was somewhat turned off and decided she wasn't worth asking out. I texted her one more time a week later and again was given a flat/brief response, also with a misspelling. I ended up privately speaking to someone who knows her a bit though who told me she is a "very dry texter". I find that weird considering how normal and chatty she is in person, but I digress.

Don't be too alarmed about the dry texting.

Believe it or not, even in today's age, some folks are better verbal communicators than texters.

Case point, a few weeks ago, a chick I met at the airport (she works there) showed interest in me and I gave her my number.

I went Mode One on her and she passed the test.

Long story short, she ain't a texter..hardly at all.

She is wayyy more social and outgoing in person and even over the phone, but she told me that texting just ain't her thang.

In fact, I have another homegirl that don't like texting because "people who like to text usually have something to hide" (her bullshiit logic, not mines).

I said all that to say, don't trip on the dry texting too much...it just simply ain't a preference for some folks.
.......

In conclusion I've decided though that I have nothing to lose and am going to ask her out anyway just to see what she says. I want to craft up a bit of a strong yet casual text offer, but I'm still brainstorming. Usually never think this hard about asking a chick out, and I know if she's really interested in a romantic way she'll go anyway, but I just feel like there's a little weirdness about this chick so I want to make her as comfortable as I can. Right now I have something that goes like this: "So what would you think about grabbing a drink next week? I know a fun spot. No worries if you can't"

Any thoughts or advice on the matter much appreciated..

I am direct guy, so I can only give direct advice.

First, determine what kind of relationship you want to have with her...and then ask (request) for her to join you in such a relationship.

This can be accomplished before any paid meet & greet dates.

Never take a woman out on a paid date until a woman accepts your "relationship" requests...or unless she is at the very least open to it.

 

[New_Journey]

First, determine what kind of relationship you want to have with her...and then ask (request) for her to join you in such a relationship.

This can be accomplished before any paid meet & greet dates.

Never take a woman out on a paid date until a woman accepts your "relationship" requests...or unless she is at the very least open to it.

"Hey I barely know you, I'm looking for a fvck buddy, do you accept?" Nice way to step on your d!ck. Not all women are as dirty as the ones you date dude. He can be direct but not desperate like you.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

"Hey I barely know you, I'm looking for a fvck buddy, do you accept?" Nice way to step on your d!ck.

Nice way to misrepresent what I'm saying, junior.

You're assuming that direct means "explicit", but it doesn't.

You can be direct without being explicit..so, instead of saying that bullshiit you said above (however, there is a time and place for that approach, just not in this case), the OP could say, if he is looking for a fuk buddy relationship with her..

"I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment, but I'd like to share your sexual (and/or) intimate companionship next weekend" (or whenever).

See the difference, junior?

No X-rated language is required to get the point across to her, that you wanna SMASH.

Not all women are as dirty as the ones you date dude.

Yeah, because the women you date are so holistically wholesome, and so innocent in their minds, bodies, and spirits.

Foh.

He can be direct but not desperate like you.

When go to a restaurant and order your food, you are direct about what you want to order right?

Are you vague and ambiguous about what you order? No.

Does that mean you are desperate (starving)? No.

So, have that same courage and confidence in your dating life.

Grow some balls, and be a man...for a change.

But this is all high level shiit that most men ain't ready for.

It takes a certain caliber of man to reach those levels of enlightenment.

Doesn't seem like the best fit for you.

 

[New_Journey]

"I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment, but I'd like to share your sexual (and/or) intimate companionship next weekend"

"Excuse me miss, I will be home next weekend, but would you care to share your vaggine with me and have companionship"

Hahaha this forum never fails to humor me. Are you from India?, cause that line is pathetic, in my humble opinion.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She's probably got a guy already, but you would have known that a long time ago if you hadn't been so averse to being direct. You should have just sent her that text (link to spam bullsh1t) asking her out as soon as you got her number.

Great, now we get spam links embedded in our posts, as if I was the one who put it there. This web site sinks a little lower every day.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

"Excuse me miss, I will be home next weekend, but would you care to share your vaggine with me and have companionship"
Hahaha this forum never fails to humor me. Are you Indian?

So basically, what you're saying is..

"I'm not attractive enough for a woman to want to jump my bones shortly after she encounters me."

If you want to laugh at something, laugh at that.

 

[New_Journey]

So basically, what you're saying is..

"I'm not attractive enough for a woman to want to jump my bones shortly after she encounters me."

If you want to laugh at something, laugh at that.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, champ.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"Are you up for grabbing drinks sometime?" Or "Let's grab drinks Friday night".

Realistically it doesn't matter. She already knows if she is going to say yes or not. You trying to figure out the best way to ask her is meaningless.

It won't change the answer.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

She's 100% single. Thanks.

That is a steep leap of faith thing to say with such conviction until you really dig deep in her drawer. Keep one foot grounded in the basics.

Women who want to spend time with you will make themselves available to you. It's really that simple. Maybe this one needs some fine-tuning or maybe she doesn’t. Remember most chicks want to have escapades from the rat race matrix once in while too. Be that spontaneous son of a gun that will leave a mark.

Shoot her a picture of you enjoying a glass of wine somewhere with a cinematic view or even in your own home with a nice background. Just write “Come join me”. Pull a 360 from all the other men that ask her. Women tend to get off on you leading. Most likely she will put up the b!tch shield but you never know until you shoot your shot.

Nothing you do will ever game a girl for you as well or as much as her own imagination.

If you keep getting lazy forced txts with resistance just burn the lead to the ground and move on.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

This thread is a few days old now - did you ever end up asking her out??

And yeah, like other said, you spent too much time texting this chick. Texting KILLS attraction. The only reason women typically give you the number - assuming they're interested - is so you can call or text them for a DATE. Most women are annoyed by men who text them casually just to text. All they're thinking is, "dude, get to the point, I KNOW you want to bang me so just ask me out." And when you don't? Well, he who hesitates... you get the idea.

Simple way to ask any woman out: "Hey ____, was thinking we should meet up to do ______, I'm free (day 1) or (day 2), lmk what works for you." Boom! Done! Super easy!

 

[JST8828]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Straight up, brother. You are just the lesser guy on her roster. Not only did she not bother ask on that text anything related to your mere existence, she put you on the rock bottom of her priorities without batting an eye. Avoid sailing into orbiter waters. This chick got her attention somewhere else. Fvck it. Her loss. You nod where other men would sob. You might not see it now, but this is God’s work for your emotional resiliency and to have a bird’s eye view on low interest women.

Like I wrote you up there
Women who want you, will make themselves available to you. If shes dodging you, she doesn't like you. And there is little to nothing you can do to change her mind on that. Screen, don't convert.

 

[Smartone84]

These are the types of chicks that will reach back out trying to flirt once their higher orbiters are lost. Maintain frame though. Don’t ever forget that she originally took a sh-t on your offer to take her out.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

This text was way too long, and framed in a way that put her in control. No bueno.

Let's break it down:

"So was (trip) all you had hoped for?"

This was not a necessary question. You don't really care about her trip like that, you just want to get with her. At best, you could have said "Hey, welcome back!" Aside from that, though, IF you were going to ask her this question, you should have sent it as a solo text. You basically sent 4 different text to her in ONE text. On a phone, I have found the longer a text reads, the more desperate you look to women. Your text shouldn't be more than 3 to 4 lines long visually.

"Looks like I'm not going to be running into (location) anytime soon."

Why did you feel the need to tell her that? Again, it doesn't matter. Maybe you said it hoping she's read that and think "Man, if I want to see him, I'd better say 'yes' to this date." That's not how this works. Again, it was an unnecessary sentence which is causing you to get to the point of the text much later and only making it longer.

"What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip?"

Sentence-framing is important, and sending a request as a question makes you feel weak to women. I've had more success telling women I want to take them out vs. asking them IF they want to go out. The reason? One feels confident, and one feels like you're begging.

For example, I could use your questions and re-frame it as a sentence:

"Hey, welcome back! We should grab a drink and catch up to chat about your trip; I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, whichever works for you"

This version ASSUMES that her answer is already going to be 'yes' vs. your version which is basically giving the feeling of a man who hopes he isn't going to bother her too much by requesting her time.

"My treat."

If you're asking her out, this is already assumed, and thus isn't necessary.

Now, to be fair, you could have said it the way I just did and she still could have rejected you. But the probability is higher for success when you start coming at women from a position of confidence in everything you do. The more times you present yourself in ways that indicate you're too into her or putting her on a pedestal, the lower and lower your chances get each time you contact her of her wanting to go out with you.

 

[JST8828]

This text was way too long, and framed in a way that put her in control. No bueno.

Let's break it down:

"So was (trip) all you had hoped for?"

This was not a necessary question. You don't really care about her trip like that, you just want to get with her. At best, you could have said "Hey, welcome back!" Aside from that, though, IF you were going to ask her this question, you should have sent it as a solo text. You basically sent 4 different text to her in ONE text. On a phone, I have found the longer a text reads, the more desperate you look to women. Your text shouldn't be more than 3 to 4 lines long visually.

"Looks like I'm not going to be running into (location) anytime soon."

Why did you feel the need to tell her that? Again, it doesn't matter. Maybe you said it hoping she's read that and think "Man, if I want to see him, I'd better say 'yes' to this date." That's not how this works. Again, it was an unnecessary sentence which is causing you to get to the point of the text much later and only making it longer.

"What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip?"

Sentence-framing is important, and sending a request as a question makes you feel weak to women. I've had more success telling women I want to take them out vs. asking them IF they want to go out. The reason? One feels confident, and one feels like you're begging.

For example, I could use your questions and re-frame it as a sentence:

"Hey, welcome back! We should grab a drink and catch up to chat about your trip; I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, whichever works for you"

This version ASSUMES that her answer is already going to be 'yes' vs. your version which is basically giving the feeling of a man who hopes he isn't going to bother her too much by requesting her time.

"My treat."

If you're asking her out, this is already assumed, and thus isn't necessary.

Now, to be fair, you could have said it the way I just did and she still could have rejected you. But the probability is higher for success when you start coming at women from a position of confidence in everything you do. The more times you present yourself in ways that indicate you're too into her or putting her on a pedestal, the lower and lower your chances get each time you contact her of her wanting to go out with you.

I appreciate this breakdown and see where you're coming from. You make some great points, though I do feel its a little ballsy and putting a lot of pressure on which I'm sure women won't be crazy about if they're on the fence about you like this one definitely was. Assuming a woman is just going out with you (I.e. "We should grab drinks on Tues or Thurs. Whichever works for you") you as opposed to something a little less pressurized such as "We should grab a drink to catch up. Let me know what you think".

The only thing is with this woman is that in the grand scheme of things there really was very little rapport. As I mentioned, while we did meet a few months go, we really only interacted a handful of times, briefly, and then when it came to texting there were literally all of two conversations and about 7 total texts. I understand confidence is absolutely huge, but to go at her saying "We should grab a drink....", well I know it sounds a bit wild, but I just didn't feel like I was there with her yet. It just would have felt too forward. Like I also mentioned, this chick was a little weird and a bit socially awkward so it made progressing with her quickly kind of difficult. She also works in a store that I go to quite often and don't want to create any uncomfortable feelings there, so it was a slippery slope and this wasn't your average random chick you meet in a bar one night and then ask her out 48 hours later. Thanks.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.