Date lost interest in me after meeting in person

[Manure Spherian]

Its not bragging if its true.

Bragging is not inherently false or true.

Probably no one here is angry at women, pretty or ugly. At worst they are frustrated.

 

[sangheilios]

For the record @pipeman84 is exactly correct about how I found this forum. The ex wife of my first LTR post divorce was dignosed BPD. The woman was diabolical to her ex husband, and sadly to her children as well. My divorce was final in March of 2014; I found this site in December of 2015. He was embroiled in ongoing child custody drama despite his divorce being final in early 2015. We met in the summer of 2015, through a social dancing group on Craigslist. Over time his situation became impossible for a relationship between the court stuff and her financial bludgeoning of him through the courts (she was a multi millionnaire so money was no object. I had never seen such evil from anyone in all my life...) so we parted amicably in 2016 so he could get his life straightened out. We stayed in touch & he is happily remarried to a sweet gal; he knows I am happily remarried as well.

So I found the BPD thread initially.

I stayed because much of the solid content here encourages men to develop to the best of their abilities. Much of the philosophy here echoes things that were important to my father, and reflective of things I have observed in nightlife mating environments all my adult life. So I contribute where I think it might offer something to the discussion. And because men often do not think my life is real, I get asked to explain much context that would not otherwise be necessary.

Then people complain that I'm bragging.

Its not bragging if its true. Why would I lie? And how could my content be so consistent over 10 years unless its true? You don't have to make up a thing if you tell the truth.

Honestly its silly to say a beautiful woman's perspective is useless here. I know how men simp, I know the corny PUA lines, I have been on the receiving end of that all my adult life.

Meanwhile there are various posts pointing out attractive female bloggers trying to help men.

I have always made it a point to be honest with men if they approach and I'm not interested. I am always kind, but direct. And I been complimented for having grace in those situations more times than I can count.

I was never a girl to flake. If I agreed to meet someone I did. I don't like having my time wasted and I am respectful of others so as not to waste theirs; I keep my commitments. I refused to give my contact to any man I wasn't attracted to. And frankly that was the vast majority of men. It is what it is.

I have never understood the fascination with me personally here. I'm simply one voice and I have a singular opinion.

What's odd to me is that I represent exactly the type of woman most men around here would be delighted to have an opportunity to date etc. Perhaps the anger at me represents an anger at women generally, especially beautiful (translation: priviledged) women.

I don't understand that. I mean on the one hand I do (Law 36: Disdain What You Cannot Have from Robert Greene's Laws of Power)....but if you want to be successful with high quality attractive women, you as a man need to understand the landscape in which such women exist.

So if you don't like me, use your "Ignore" button. Otherwise I simply offer a perspective. Same as anyone else here.

Are you aware that this lengthy and incredibly detailed post elaborating as to why you are not a troll or living a fantasy life on here proves our point? You need to see a therapist, and I'm not saying that to be hurtful.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bragging is not inherently false or true.

Probably no one here is angry at women, pretty or ugly. At worst they are frustrated.

I disagree...plenty of people here are women haters and it's obvious when you read their posts.

Their goal is to "get revenge" and cause these women the same pain they have felt from them.

A really sad existence if you ask me.

 

[BeExcellent]

Bragging is not inherently false or true.

Probably no one here is angry at women, pretty or ugly. At worst they are frustrated.

Certainly that's true (the frustration). I don't know how to be anyone other than myself, same as anyone else here.

If I refuse to answer I'm stonewalling or being evasive; if I respond I'm bragging. It's my life. I have worked very hard to be where I am; and yes I got lucky genetics and a good family. It is what it is. I've also been through some shjt. I'm not going to apologize for any of it. That's silly.

Enough about me. Clearly our OP ran into a girl he found very attractive who didn't feel the same way. All he can do is accept it and move on at this point.

 

[sangheilios]

For the record @pipeman84 is exactly correct about how I found this forum. The ex wife of my first LTR post divorce was dignosed BPD. The woman was diabolical to her ex husband, and sadly to her children as well. My divorce was final in March of 2014; I found this site in December of 2015. He was embroiled in ongoing child custody drama despite his divorce being final in early 2015. We met in the summer of 2015, through a social dancing group on Craigslist. Over time his situation became impossible for a relationship between the court stuff and her financial bludgeoning of him through the courts (she was a multi millionnaire so money was no object. I had never seen such evil from anyone in all my life...) so we parted amicably in 2016 so he could get his life straightened out. We stayed in touch & he is happily remarried to a sweet gal; he knows I am happily remarried as well.

So I found the BPD thread initially.

I stayed because much of the solid content here encourages men to develop to the best of their abilities. Much of the philosophy here echoes things that were important to my father, and reflective of things I have observed in nightlife mating environments all my adult life. So I contribute where I think it might offer something to the discussion. And because men often do not think my life is real, I get asked to explain much context that would not otherwise be necessary.

Then people complain that I'm bragging.

Its not bragging if its true. Why would I lie? And how could my content be so consistent over 10 years unless its true? You don't have to make up a thing if you tell the truth.

Honestly its silly to say a beautiful woman's perspective is useless here. I know how men simp, I know the corny PUA lines, I have been on the receiving end of that all my adult life.

Meanwhile there are various posts pointing out attractive female bloggers trying to help men.

I have always made it a point to be honest with men if they approach and I'm not interested. I am always kind, but direct. And I been complimented for having grace in those situations more times than I can count.

I was never a girl to flake. If I agreed to meet someone I did. I don't like having my time wasted and I am respectful of others so as not to waste theirs; I keep my commitments. I refused to give my contact to any man I wasn't attracted to. And frankly that was the vast majority of men. It is what it is.

I have never understood the fascination with me personally here. I'm simply one voice and I have a singular opinion.

What's odd to me is that I represent exactly the type of woman most men around here would be delighted to have an opportunity to date etc. Perhaps the anger at me represents an anger at women generally, especially beautiful (translation: priviledged) women.

I don't understand that. I mean on the one hand I do (Law 36: Disdain What You Cannot Have from Robert Greene's Laws of Power)....but if you want to be successful with high quality attractive women, you as a man need to understand the landscape in which such women exist.

So if you don't like me, use your "Ignore" button. Otherwise I simply offer a perspective. Same as anyone else here.

@The Duke @pipeman84

This response here proves everything I and others have been saying about this individual. I honestly get really creeped out reading this, this is NOT normal. When I read this, I honestly imagine someone frantically typing away on their keyboard while experiencing distress and confusion, almost as if this individual's entire existence is at stake lol.

The limitless rotation of these insane stories is crazy enough, such as how her father was friends with a senator lol. In addition to all of this, there is the endless repetition about being a beautiful woman who gets so much attention from men that she has to reject them left and right. This person even went out of his/her way to put up a profile picture of a modeling photo with the word "Proof" stamped over it lol, as if it verifies anything. This nonsense itself offers absolutely NOTHING to the forum at all and @Manure Spherian is totally on the mark with his points he made earlier. What's even crazier is that this freak has been posting using this persona on here for almost an entire decade.

I could continue to say more on here, but I really don't need to, this person should be banned from this forum and should honestly be seeking professional help.

 

[The Duke]

@The Duke @pipeman84

This response here proves everything I and others have been saying about this individual. I honestly get really creeped out reading this, this is NOT normal. When I read this, I honestly imagine someone frantically typing away on their keyboard while experiencing distress and confusion, almost as if this individual's entire existence is at stake lol.

The limitless rotation of these insane stories is crazy enough, such as how her father was friends with a senator lol. In addition to all of this, there is the endless repetition about being a beautiful woman who gets so much attention from men that she has to reject them left and right. This person even went out of his/her way to put up a profile picture of a modeling photo with the word "Proof" stamped over it lol, as if it verifies anything. This nonsense itself offers absolutely NOTHING to the forum at all and @Manure Spherian is totally on the mark with his points he made earlier. What's even crazier is that this freak has been posting using this persona on here for almost an entire decade.

I could continue to say more on here, but I really don't need to, this person should be banned from this forum and should honestly be seeking professional help.

Just take what works for you, and ignore the rest. I'm not going to debate what you believe to be true or false, its pointless.

 

[SW15]

It is my hope that @Samol11 moved on from this quickly.

One of the best assets for an online dater is a short memory.

Short memory and having thick skin (not reacting emotionally to negative outcomes) help a lot in online dating. Rejections are high and the "one date, no sex, no second date" interaction is common.

This even happens for men with solid game.

 

[pipeman84]

@The Duke @pipeman84

This response here proves everything I and others have been saying about this individual. I honestly get really creeped out reading this, this is NOT normal. When I read this, I honestly imagine someone frantically typing away on their keyboard while experiencing distress and confusion, almost as if this individual's entire existence is at stake lol.

The limitless rotation of these insane stories is crazy enough, such as how her father was friends with a senator lol. In addition to all of this, there is the endless repetition about being a beautiful woman who gets so much attention from men that she has to reject them left and right. This person even went out of his/her way to put up a profile picture of a modeling photo with the word "Proof" stamped over it lol, as if it verifies anything. This nonsense itself offers absolutely NOTHING to the forum at all and @Manure Spherian is totally on the mark with his points he made earlier. What's even crazier is that this freak has been posting using this persona on here for almost an entire decade.

I could continue to say more on here, but I really don't need to, this person should be banned from this forum and should honestly be seeking professional help.

I don't get why you get so worked up about this. You disagree with some or all of her viewpoints? That's fine, ignore or debate her ... she's an articulate poster. I disagree and debated with several things she posted.

You can't imagine a person like she presents herself really exists and that she's on this forum? C'mon man. Did you read my previous post? Let me add another example ... do you believe Elon Musk exists? How does that guy have time to post on X on a multitude of topics, run multi billion dollar companies, play video games, have +10 kids and so on?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Essentially she did not want to fvck you after she saw you in person.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Op hasnt logged in since Jan 6 at the time of this writing

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Hi, I recently went on a date with the a girl I met off a dating app.

We texted for about 3 days before the date and it was honestly the best connection I’ve felt over text, the banter was flowing and we matched each others humour (something I’ve not experienced before).

Fast forward to the date (which was a walk among nature) and the vibe felt completely different. Maybe I was a bit nervous and she said she was ill, but her interest was much less than it was on text I.e. I was asking her all the questions, she barely smiled or asked me any questions. The banter was also massively missing.

After the date she said it went okay but the vibes in person didn’t match the vibe on text.

This has dented my confidence quite a bit as she was extremely attractive, and I’m struggling to understand what I did wrong. Was she not as attracted to me as she thought? Maybe I wasn’t being playful although I did try to crack a few jokes and she never did like on text.

I just would like to know how I can learn from this and not take it personally, because it felt personal the way she lost interest when she saw me. Especially as a similar thing happened (but not as good a connection on text) a month ago.

Ive worked massively on my appearance and confidence in the past couple of years and are starting to get dates with much more attractive girls than I’m used to. Perhaps my old insecurities and lack of confidence are holding me back thinking I don’t deserve a girl like this or something. But the fact I couldn’t match the vibes on text got me wondering as to whether it’s a confidence issue.

thanks a lot.

This is yet another example as to why direct game is far superior to indirect.

Those entire 3 days were a mirage...it looked promising from afar, only to get up close to find out nothing is there.

Mode One (direct communication) prevents shiit like this.
...

This is also why cold approach is superior to OLD.

With cold approach, what you see is what you get...no surprises.

With OLD, the pictures don't necessarily reflect reality.

Ain't nobody tryna hear me tho.

 

[maturin]

OP this is called Chistopher Cross syndrome. He was a lite rock musician that hit it huge in the late 70s 80s with his green album. Songs were constantly on the radio. His primary audience was 30 or 40 something house wives. In the late 80s he made an appearance on letterman or the tonight show w Johnny Carson, not sure. After that appearance his record sales tanked and he never rebounded to his early success.

What happened. Those women had built up an image of him that was probably along the lines of Elvis in his prime. Cross was an ordinary good guy, who is also a highly talented professional musician that couldn't come close to living up to the imagination. He looked and behaved nothing like they dreamed up in fantasy land.

You went on a blind date and ran into the imagination wall. It might havebeen over the minute you said hello. Wtf cares. Next..

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP this is called Chistopher Cross syndrome. He was a lite rock musician that hit it huge in the late 70s 80s with his green album. Songs were constantly on the radio. His primary audience was 30 or 40 something house wives. In the late 80s he made an appearance on letterman or the tonight show w Johnny Carson, not sure. After that appearance his record sales tanked and he never rebounded to his early success.

What happened. Those women had built up an image of him that was probably along the lines of Elvis in his prime. Cross was an ordinary good guy, who is also a highly talented professional musician that couldn't come close to living up to the imagination. He looked and behaved nothing like they dreamed up in fantasy land.

You went on a blind date and ran into the imagination wall. It might havebeen over the minute you said hello. Wtf cares. Next..

Which is why you never spend weeks or months talking to women before meeting...they will have developed an image of you in their mind and you almost assuredly won't be what they think you are in person.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I disagree...plenty of people here are women haters and it's obvious when you read their posts.

Their goal is to "get revenge" and cause these women the same pain they have felt from them.

A really sad existence if you ask me.

I would say the vast majority of people here are not "out for revenge". I'm not getting this kind of vibe from SS.

 

[SW15]

You went on a blind date and ran into the imagination wall. It might havebeen over the minute you said hello. Wtf cares. Next..

Which is why you never spend weeks or months talking to women before meeting...they will have developed an image of you in their mind and you almost assuredly won't be what they think you are in person.

It's a common experience for interactions that start behind an electronic screen (computer or smartphone) to fall flat in real life. This is a major shortfall of online dating and something that has been true in both the website based era of online dating and the current era of swipe apps that was ushered in by the arrival and huge growth of Tinder in 2012-2013.

Telephone conversations are not an effective predictor of an in-person experience either. Additionally, it is getting more difficult to get women under 40 at this point to agree to a telephone conversation prior to a date.

Video chats might help prevent some dates and represent an in-person experience best. However, it is trouble to set up video chats as well. If you're going to go that length from your swiping/texting, it's just better to meet women in real life.

I agree with the idea that an imagination wall can exist and lead to a lot of lackluster dates. Online dating is good at producing dates that likely would not happen off of real life, initial interactions. This is bad for men because men absorb the financial cost of these dates. Additionally, these failed dates also have an emotional cost.

 

[DJ Novice]

In terms of in person dates I can relate a recent experience that may help.

A 45 year old on Bumble reached out to me about a month ago (I’m 56). Her profile pictures were a 9 but in real life she dropped to a 7 - 8. Still good looking for her age but it was obvious her profile pictures had been doctored.

I had one bar date with her that ended ok. She reached out to me on New Year’s Eve. I set up a second date and offered to pick her up and drive her to a boathouse for lunch which she accepted.

The date went well. Her conversation was a lot about how all her friends were jealous of her looks and mateguarded their boyfriends and husbands from her. Basically all the problems of being attractive. I told her that it goes with the territory and if she wanted a break from it then maybe become a guy for a day and see how invisible she would become. She laughed at this.

She then proceeded to show me all the guys who were interested in her via dating apps and Facebook/Instagram DMs. This included a TV personality and other high status/net worth guys. There was plenty of interest for her.

The amount of simping from these guys was embarrassing. Professions of love, how she was so beautiful, multiple messages a day etc. She basically ignored them. Good for validation of her looks and ego but that’s it.

She also told me about previous dates/boyfriends which included her staying with a guy for a week in another state (no s*x). When he told her that he was coming to stay with her she dumped him immediately. Also other examples of guys leading with their wallets and being very possessive and jealous which she wasn’t impressed by.

I dropped her back to her place and she texted me that she really enjoyed my company. I replied that I did as well and we should catch up again which she hearted (for those of you wondering I picked up early on through conversation that a same day lay was not on the cards).

While only a sample size of one it shows the importance of not showing neediness/insecurity and giving a woman time and space to think about you, not simping for an attractive woman, staying aloof/cool and having an attitude of IDGAF about the outcome of any date. Basically not being like 99% of most guys.

 

[maturin]

I would say the vast majority of people here are not "out for revenge". I'm not getting this kind of vibe from SS.

To blame women for the way they are wired is like being angry at the winter for being cold. RP rage makes sense. There's a reddit sub married red pill in which this is evident and understandably so. A bunch of guys who got obliterated in marriage and later found the rp. You know the story.

The men today have the whole psych breakdown on your phone. Id have killed for that. We, the guys preinternet knew none of this. 85% of guys were hard BP and doubled down on BP teachings and romance. The thing that most got me when i first encountered it was the preselection stuff. Attraction grows when they see you with other women. But itmakes sense and is logical. A man who knows what he's doing and presents well can have a field day with the lover approach. Normies with low skills will always be locked into the provider roll. Most Woman, especially hot women, want the feelings, tingles, adventure roller coaster and dominance and disapproval from the lover.

 

[maturin]

The amount of simping from these guys was embarrassing. Professions of love, how she was so beautiful, multiple messages a day etc. She basically ignored them. Good for validation of her looks and ego but that’s it.

Its pathetic. This is frame and lack thereof. It's approval seeking which will be followed by heavy up front investment. The only role open to them is as middling boring provider. This weak behavoir disqualifies them as the lover. Confidence is tied to frame. Frame is basically ones world outlook, and place within it. Its vitally important.

 

[Solomon]

In terms of in person dates I can relate a recent experience that may help.

A 45 year old on Bumble reached out to me about a month ago (I’m 56). Her profile pictures were a 9 but in real life she dropped to a 7 - 8. Still good looking for her age but it was obvious her profile pictures had been doctored.

I had one bar date with her that ended ok. She reached out to me on New Year’s Eve. I set up a second date and offered to pick her up and drive her to a boathouse for lunch which she accepted.

The date went well. Her conversation was a lot about how all her friends were jealous of her looks and mateguarded their boyfriends and husbands from her. Basically all the problems of being attractive. I told her that it goes with the territory and if she wanted a break from it then maybe become a guy for a day and see how invisible she would become. She laughed at this.

She then proceeded to show me all the guys who were interested in her via dating apps and Facebook/Instagram DMs. This included a TV personality and other high status/net worth guys. There was plenty of interest for her.

The amount of simping from these guys was embarrassing. Professions of love, how she was so beautiful, multiple messages a day etc. She basically ignored them. Good for validation of her looks and ego but that’s it.

She also told me about previous dates/boyfriends which included her staying with a guy for a week in another state (no s*x). When he told her that he was coming to stay with her she dumped him immediately. Also other examples of guys leading with their wallets and being very possessive and jealous which she wasn’t impressed by.

I dropped her back to her place and she texted me that she really enjoyed my company. I replied that I did as well and we should catch up again which she hearted (for those of you wondering I picked up early on through conversation that a same day lay was not on the cards).

While only a sample size of one it shows the importance of not showing neediness/insecurity and giving a woman time and space to think about you, not simping for an attractive woman, staying aloof/cool and having an attitude of IDGAF about the outcome of any date. Basically not being like 99% of most guys.

I don't think this post is the flex that you think it is, sounds like a major AW a lot of attention from other guys why is she sharing text&dm's with you? seems to me like she is treating you like an orbiter if she was sexually interested in you she would not do that, women know better.

 

[itouchyou]

I don't think this post is the flex that you think it is, sounds like a major AW a lot of attention from other guys why is she sharing text&dm's with you? seems to me like she is treating you like an orbiter if she was sexually interested in you she would not do that, women know better.

disagree, sounds like she is insecure and is trying to demonstrate how desirable she is