Girl taking over a week to respond to a text she initiated!

[viking22]

I've had a few dates with a younger girl (early 20s). 1st date went very well. We arranged to meet for drinks and she made it clear she wanted to continue the date and was pretty touchy feely, holding my hand, linking arms with me and cosying up to me and when I leant in to kiss her goodnight she kissed me back. 2nd date took her to the theatre as it was theatre week so cheap tickets and she enjoyed the show and from the second we sat down she initiated handholding and even when we broke contact to clap at the end of each musical number as soon as my hands returned to my lap she'd reach for them again and she rested her head on my shoulder and we exchanged a few nice kisses as well.

After the 2nd midweek date she texted me the same evening something like "Home safe. Thanks for a lovely evening". I replied something like "Just got home myself. I had a good time too. Goodnight".

That weekend out of the blue she texted me something like "How's your weekend going? Did you get your travel plans sorted?". (I'd mentioned that I had holiday plans which were getting postponed because a holdup with the visa). I waited about six hours and texted back saying "Yeah managed to fly out on Friday and only missed a day of the jazz festival. How's your weekend? Any good brunches or ****tails?"

She replied back within a few hours giving me a detailed account of her weekend (Friday ****tails, Saturday trying an Indonesian restaurant, Sunday day trip) including a photo of some ridiculously girly pink ****tails and then asked how the jazz festival was and that I'd have to tell her all about the holiday and send her photos!"

I replied back saying here's a few photos for a taster and yeah the jazz festival was great open air and a really nice crowd and then enquired about the Indonesian food saying I'd never tried and was it any good?

It has been over a week now and absolutely nothing from her.

She's young so probably has ADHD and is easily distracted and may have simply forgotten to reply and I've heard that Gen Z aren't as into texting as millennials and from the start she has always taken hours to respond speeding up a bit when we are scheduling a date and a more urgent response is required.

But in my experience if a girl is interested in a guy she tries to keep the lines of communication open and wouldn't let a week go without any kind of contact. And her last text was very conversational so she can hardly seem surprised that I responded in the same vein (although I should have pre-empted her by waiting until I returned from holiday to respond!).

Obviously she knows I am on holiday so maybe she is just giving me the space to enjoy my holiday. And maybe she would rather be out exploring local dating options and hanging out with her friends than texting a guy on holiday thousands of miles away (Out of sight, out of mind).

I am in two minds of what to do:

OPTION A: Leave the ball in her court. If she has any interest she might eventually wonder why I haven't been in touch especially as she knows I have been away for over a week and therefore must be returning from holiday soon. And that might motivate her to eventually reach out.

OPTION B: Wait until I return from holiday. Ignore the lack of response. And confidently ask her out on a date. Either she says yes in which case I can try to build more interest or she will come up with some excuse in which case I know for sure that she has lost interest.

I am leaning to OPTION B on the basis that at best her interest level is moderate and therefore she is unlikely to be proactive and young girls especially aren't rational so she probably isn't going to think it is her turn to respond or realize that she was rude/disrespectful by not acknowledging my message and leaving it on unread. And as I will have waited over a week before texting her again I will seem confidently persistent rather than desperate as probably a lot of guys by this point will have chewed her out for not replying or tried to restart the conversation instead of cutting to the chase and simply asking her out.

Thoughts?

 

[BPH]

She's young so probably has ADHD and is easily distracted and may have simply forgotten to reply and I've heard that Gen Z aren't as into texting as millennials and from the start she has always taken hours to respond speeding up a bit when we are scheduling a date and a more urgent response is required.

Don't do that to yourself...you're giving her excuses for her lack of interest as if young people aren't checking their phones constantly.

I think context is important here. You mentioned she's in her 20s, how old are you?

Beyond that, you're playing this game too slowly. You've had 2 dates and all you've done is kiss? And you're keeping a conversation going without making plans - just having this idle chitchat and coming off as more of a friend than somebody who's going to make her cu*.

I'd not text her again, either you hear from her or you don't. Meet other women, and make moves...the 3 Date Rule is something girls made up to not appear slutty - not a delay before you're allowed to grow your balls and seduce her.

 

[viking22]

I'm in my mid 30s.

My holiday plans got in the way a bit. So it was a case of leaving it at one date and seeing her when I got back or squeezing in a midweek date. So we had the first date Sunday 25th August (it was a bank holiday the next day) and then the second date Wednesday 28th August and then on the Friday 30th I flew out on holiday and Sunday 1st a week after our first date she texted me asking if I'd sorted my travel plans and how my weekend was going etc.

I figured out pretty quickly that she isn't into chitchat via text. So before my holiday I just texted her to set up dates. She texted me during my holiday and her text was quite conversational so I responded in kind. But of course then she didn't bother replying so I am feeling a bit stupid and put myself in this situation where I am waiting for her to get back to me.

But yeah with my holiday getting in the way I should have tried to go a bit further on the first date (although no guarantee it would have come off as she is Lithuanian and only been living in UK since about 16 so might not have been fully westernized and she didn't lift a finger when I paid on the dates and while she was touchy feely it was non-sexual holding my hand etc, linking arms with me as we walked, and that old school stuff and she was nuzzling against me like a cat so I was struggling a bit to push things in a more sexual direction.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

BPH is correct. Excessive texting back in forth does nothing to increase her interest level. Ideally, call her, get her on the phone and have a date/plan already in hand. Don't take her out Friday or Saturday.

If she does not answer the phone, text her one more time with a concrete plan. You have other phone numbers and girls in your pipeline, yes...you are spinning other plates (a must)? Call, text, if no response move too other women. You are a busy guy and don't have tine to wait around for girls who are indecisive.

You also need to escalate the physical aspects of this relationship. I never expect more than a kiss on the first date (although it sometimes happens). By the third date you should be sexing her up.

 

[Learning Curve]

I've had a few dates with a younger girl (early 20s). 1st date went very well. We arranged to meet for drinks and she made it clear she wanted to continue the date and was pretty touchy feely, holding my hand, linking arms with me and cosying up to me and when I leant in to kiss her goodnight she kissed me back. 2nd date took her to the theatre as it was theatre week so cheap tickets and she enjoyed the show and from the second we sat down she initiated handholding and even when we broke contact to clap at the end of each musical number as soon as my hands returned to my lap she'd reach for them again and she rested her head on my shoulder and we exchanged a few nice kisses as well.

After the 2nd midweek date she texted me the same evening something like "Home safe. Thanks for a lovely evening". I replied something like "Just got home myself. I had a good time too. Goodnight".

That weekend out of the blue she texted me something like "How's your weekend going? Did you get your travel plans sorted?". (I'd mentioned that I had holiday plans which were getting postponed because a holdup with the visa). I waited about six hours and texted back saying "Yeah managed to fly out on Friday and only missed a day of the jazz festival. How's your weekend? Any good brunches or ****tails?"

She replied back within a few hours giving me a detailed account of her weekend (Friday ****tails, Saturday trying an Indonesian restaurant, Sunday day trip) including a photo of some ridiculously girly pink ****tails and then asked how the jazz festival was and that I'd have to tell her all about the holiday and send her photos!"

I replied back saying here's a few photos for a taster and yeah the jazz festival was great open air and a really nice crowd and then enquired about the Indonesian food saying I'd never tried and was it any good?

It has been over a week now and absolutely nothing from her.

She's young so probably has ADHD and is easily distracted and may have simply forgotten to reply and I've heard that Gen Z aren't as into texting as millennials and from the start she has always taken hours to respond speeding up a bit when we are scheduling a date and a more urgent response is required.

But in my experience if a girl is interested in a guy she tries to keep the lines of communication open and wouldn't let a week go without any kind of contact. And her last text was very conversational so she can hardly seem surprised that I responded in the same vein (although I should have pre-empted her by waiting until I returned from holiday to respond!).

Obviously she knows I am on holiday so maybe she is just giving me the space to enjoy my holiday. And maybe she would rather be out exploring local dating options and hanging out with her friends than texting a guy on holiday thousands of miles away (Out of sight, out of mind).

I am in two minds of what to do:

OPTION A: Leave the ball in her court. If she has any interest she might eventually wonder why I haven't been in touch especially as she knows I have been away for over a week and therefore must be returning from holiday soon. And that might motivate her to eventually reach out.

OPTION B: Wait until I return from holiday. Ignore the lack of response. And confidently ask her out on a date. Either she says yes in which case I can try to build more interest or she will come up with some excuse in which case I know for sure that she has lost interest.

I am leaning to OPTION B on the basis that at best her interest level is moderate and therefore she is unlikely to be proactive and young girls especially aren't rational so she probably isn't going to think it is her turn to respond or realize that she was rude/disrespectful by not acknowledging my message and leaving it on unread. And as I will have waited over a week before texting her again I will seem confidently persistent rather than desperate as probably a lot of guys by this point will have chewed her out for not replying or tried to restart the conversation instead of cutting to the chase and simply asking her out.

Thoughts?

Go with option b.

Also, stop playing text-waiting games. Don't wait 6 hours to replay a text-message unless you are genuinely that busy. Women can sense you playing games miles away.

Lastly, stop forcing your attraction and how you think she is perceiving you based on your own criteria. Look at what she is doing, not what she is saying, her being touchy and feely and kissing does not mean she want's a relationship.

Don't crate your own stories, because you will end up being in a delusional state.

Every single interaction with a woman will show it's course in due time.

 

[Gamisch]

You gotta accept the fact that she most likely ain't feeling you like that. At your age you gotta be ready to let a woman go at ANY MOMENT.

With the age difference between you two it wouldn't last long anyway...

Next time be less romantic untill you've at least hit it a couple of times. As you see, all that romantic shyte did nothing.

Consider this one gone.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I should have tried to go a bit further on the first date (although no guarantee it would have come off

You're scared of losing her and she's sensing it

3 dates in with no sex / foreplay whatever is too long to wait with a young chick like this

They've been brought up highly sexualised to expect men to want to have sex with them asap

You can build sexual tension with her without dragging it out over 3 dates

Older women will wait , younger ones are ready for sex straight away

 

[holidayad_]

Dude, maybe I am leaving a lot on the table by doing this, but when a girl starts to act like that, it’s a bye-bye for me.

One week to answer a text?

Come on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It means someone else has come along she is more interested in and you've been demoted.

Kewp building your pipeline of women.

 

[viking22]

Yeah she hasn't texted me in over a week but I am sure during that period there have been other guys she has been texting.

It is quite common on dating apps for girls to suddenly stop responding because they aren't feeling the conversation or someone else comes along that gets their attention. Although more usual before exchanging numbers/meeting. But I guess the same principle applies.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Everyone's input seems to be on point. It looks like you might have been ghosted or rejected. From what you've described, it seems like she was leading the interaction, and you came across as very focused on the relationship aspect. While women do enjoy adventure and romance, the dynamic you described sounds like it was more to a 10-year marriage. Maybe you should have invited her over to your place or being more physically affectionate like caressing her jeans over her **** and butt would have kept things exciting; to be fair the whole interaction sounds boring and stagnant.

Additionally, you seem to be viewing the situation from her perspective quite a bit, as indicated by the frequent use of "she" in your post. You are in her frame. This suggests that you might be coming off as the "nice guy" in this scenario, and she might have been drawn to someone more assertive. Again, you provided what every guy on her DMs is able to give her instead of being more unique and having more personality.

Lastly, as @Canadian_Man pointed out in one of his previous posts, using the word "even" suggests that you might be overly focused on what the woman was doing, which can signal a heightened emotional sensitivity and difficulty accepting the reality of her current level of interest. It's important to remember that what matters most is her present actions, not past interactions.

It might be best to wait about three months before reaching out again, but for now, focusing on moving forward and letting go is likely the most beneficial approach.

I've had a few dates with a younger girl (early 20s). 1st date went very well. We arranged to meet for drinks and she made it clear she wanted to continue the date and was pretty touchy feely, holding my hand, linking arms with me and cosying up to me and when I leant in to kiss her goodnight she kissed me back. 2nd date took her to the theatre as it was theatre week so cheap tickets and she enjoyed the show and from the second we sat down she initiated handholding and even when we broke contact to clap at the end of each musical number as soon as my hands returned to my lap she'd reach for them again and she rested her head on my shoulder and we exchanged a few nice kisses as well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah she hasn't texted me in over a week but I am sure during that period there have been other guys she has been texting.

It is quite common on dating apps for girls to suddenly stop responding because they aren't feeling the conversation or someone else comes along that gets their attention. Although more usual before exchanging numbers/meeting. But I guess the same principle applies.

She was DTF and you didn't deliver. You don't often get second chances in those situations.

Women don't want guys who don't know how or are afraid to lead them towards sex

 

[viking22]

Very good point. I was enjoying the affection and reciprocating it instead of getting sexual. Similarly I let her lead the text conversation and mirrored her conversational style when I should have taken advantage of the fact I was on holiday to simply wait until I was back before responding. So along the way I must have killed any attraction she has for me.

It’s been a good learning experience. Generally I’m good at escalating and sleeping with girls quickly when I have no romantic interest in them. But have to remember to behave the same way with all girls

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Very good point. I was enjoying the affection and reciprocating it instead of getting sexual. Similarly I let her lead the text conversation and mirrored her conversational style when I should have taken advantage of the fact I was on holiday to simply wait until I was back before responding. So along the way I must have killed any attraction she has for me.

It’s been a good learning experience. Generally I’m good at escalating and sleeping with girls quickly when I have no romantic interest in them. But have to remember to behave the same way with all girls

You didn't necessarily kill it, but you likely caused things to stall and another guy knew how to keep pushing the pedal and ended up with her in bed.

Once that happens it's game over for the other guys most of the time.

 

[Glassguy]

No response is a response my man. You didn't bang her or physically/sexually escalate and poof....she's gone.

You treated her like a gf when she has done nothing to deserve it.
You could hit her up with a phone call and don't mention her disappearing. Just set up a time for her to come over and hang out. Enough dates.

If she doesn't answer the phone, don't text. Just leave the ball on her side if the net and if you never hear from her, so be it. There are too many attractive chicks who don't make things difficult out there.
Ans don't repeat the mistakes you've already made with new women going forward.

Sexual tension and good created anxiety (time and distance) are what makes a woman think about you in your absence. NOT love. Especially not after just a few dates.
Do you honestly think you created good sexual tension with her based on your interactions?

 

[Canadian_Man]

Lastly, as @Canadian_Man pointed out in one of his previous posts, using the word "even" suggests that you might be overly focused on what the woman was doing, which can signal a heightened emotional sensitivity and difficulty accepting the reality of her current level of interest. It's important to remember that what matters most is her present actions, not past interactions.

I agree, he was emotionally over-invested, though maybe not as much as some others here in the recent past have been

 

[SW15]

The interaction is likely dead. Situations like these are why I dislike text messaging and am sometimes disappointed in the move away from voice calls. I'm sure there were plenty of instances though in the landline/early cell phone era where phone calls were not returned.

The phone is a device that has caused a lot of problems for men over time. I tend to recommend limiting its use. There have been great debates on this forum about use of the phone.

 

[viking22]

Yeah. The old Doc Love advice was to only use the phone to arrange dates and disappear otherwise. That would have spared me a lot of trouble with this girl. Although most girls do like to text between dates as it makes them feel connected and moves things along and as they are texting lots of guys then if you don't play along she will simply text someone else and try to build a connection with them.

Yeah there wasn't much sexual tension. She was affectionate and touchy feely on our dates so I guess she felt comfortable with me but it was my job to try and break that physical rapport by breaking boundaries and touching her sexually.

And the timing of my holiday probably didn't help either and probably contributed to things fizzling out.

Probably easier to start fresh. I think I've made far too many mistakes and turning things around would be too much work.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The interaction is likely dead. Situations like these are why I dislike text messaging and am sometimes disappointed in the move away from voice calls. I'm sure there were plenty of instances though in the landline/early cell phone era where phone calls were not returned.

The phone is a device that has caused a lot of problems for men over time. I tend to recommend limiting its use. There have been great debates on this forum about use of the phone.

Meh, there are proper ways to text and ways not to text...too many men do the latter instead of the former.

Or try to mask the issue by not texting much

 

[Dr_jitsu]

The interaction is likely dead. Situations like these are why I dislike text messaging and am sometimes disappointed in the move away from voice calls. I'm sure there were plenty of instances though in the landline/early cell phone era where phone calls were not returned.

The phone is a device that has caused a lot of problems for men over time. I tend to recommend limiting its use. There have been great debates on this forum about use of the phone.

I am 62 and back in the day it was soooo much better. Especially before caller ID. Call a gal, let it ring, no answer no problem. Call a day or two later, space things so she does not know it is you and nearly every time you would get her on the phone.

Then you could chat her up, get some convo going and boom ask her out. If she says yes, great, if no move on. There was no waiting, no uncertainty. And actually getting her on the phone was a great way to chat her up to the point that she would want to make the date. Talking on the phone is so much more masculine than texting. I used to date close 4 out of 5 women I would get phone numbers from back then.

This is just one of the many ways that technology has ruined dating. It is also why today you need plans and strategies.