Stoicism and Dating: A Match

[holidayad_]

After I ended my long-term relationship 2 years ago, in my search for answers and to avoid going through what I went through, I found my refuge in a few places (and sources of knowledge), including this forum.

Despite being a difficult break-up, I am lucky to have lived this kind of sh!t early in my life.

I started studying seduction, behavior, and philosophy. More specifically, Stoicism.

After reading and asking for advice in this community and starting to have some success in the dating scene, I realized how having a philosophy that guides you as a purpose, when combined with what we say on SoSuave, has power. It helped me to heal. And to grow.

That's how I felt when I started applying concepts of Stoicism with the concepts I learned here and in some books, such as the well-known Rational Male, not only in the dating scene but also in my life as a whole.

Part of this philosophical current is not giving a damn about what others think about you, about how you should control your emotions and always put your reason above your emotions and, of course, not worry about what is out of your control.

Doesn't she answer you? Out of your control.

Did she reject you? Out of your control.

Did she end the relationship? Out of your control.

Or even

Did you not get the job you wanted?

Let it go. On to the next one.

This mindset helped me to keep moving, self-developing, and controlling my anxiety.

Sometimes I get off track but then I remember about these principles.

Basic principles that have helped me get this far and learn how to play the game. Although it often displeases me (as I've already explained in this community), it's a game that there's no escaping. I can't control it. It's about adapting and being able to master it.

My two cents on why stoicism and dating are a perfect match.

 

[BaronOfHair]

After I ended my long-term relationship 2 years ago...

How old were you when said LTR began...




"Despite being a difficult break-up, I am lucky to have lived this kind of sh!t early in my life"



I trust that Stoicism has also enlightened you to the fact that the degree to which such things are "difficult" are predicated on your thoughts and beliefs about them





"I started studying seduction, behavior, and philosophy. More specifically, Stoicism"



Were you reading the seminal texts on the subject, or getting all of your intell off of social media?



"That's how I felt when I started applying concepts of Stoicism with the concepts I learned here and in some books, such as the well-known Rational Male, not only in the dating scene but also in my life as a whole...

Part of this philosophical current is not giving a damn about what others think about you..."




When you've

-Been married for a few decades

-Are an E celebrity who has amassed a sizeable fortune via Patreon donations and the like, who thus doesn't have to sweat interacting with the rest of civilization, several times a day

You can let your hair grow down past your shoulders and walk around in public wearing a beanie like Rollo. Or stroll through the front door of Wall Mart/Tesco with your Megadeath T-shirt draped over your gunt, and rocking a neckbeard caked in Pork Rind crumbs, just like Paul Elam or some other unintentional self-parody who thought it was cute to call himself Sargon when he was 35+. Until then(And let's be honest... Most men are never going to be Z list celebrities, who have the luxury of living the life of "a creative"), it's prudent to be conscientious of your public image, like so https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...-you-are-the-prize.282259/page-3#post-3122206







"Doesn't she answer you? Out of your control... Did she reject you? Out of your control... Did she end the relationship? Out of your control. Or even, did you not get the job you wanted? Let it go. On to the next one"



And if your goal is to get more folks saying "Yes" to you, it's prudent to learn what it takes to significantly increase the prospects of such things coming to pass. I'll start you off

"This mindset helped me to keep moving, self-developing, and controlling my anxiety"



Excellent!!! Now develop some more, by not simply watching that video linked above, but taking notes, and practicing what you've learned



"Basic principles that have helped me get this far and learn how to play the game"

Not to be a killjoy, just simply blunt: It doesn't sound like you're "playing the game" much at this point, quite frankly, so much as you are retreating into your own mind. This isn't a criticism either: Under the influence of The Manosphere, many men these days are doing likewise




"Although it often displeases me (as I've already explained in this community), it's a game that there's no escaping. I can't control it. It's about adapting and being able to master it.

My two cents on why stoicism and dating are a perfect match"

Are you actually dating and mating on a weekly basis, or are you spending 98% of your time thinking about such things? Serious question

 

[holidayad_]

How old were you when said LTR began...

17/18 year-old.

Were you reading the seminal texts on the subject, or getting all of your intell off of social media?

About Stoicism? I read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and "The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and The Art of Living".

Currently reading "Letters from a Stoic".

Are you actually dating and mating on a weekly basis, or are you spending 98% of your time thinking about such things? Serious question

Both. I can date and think at the same time.

 

[BaronOfHair]

17/18 year-old.



About Stoicism? I read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and "The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and The Art of Living".

Currently reading "Letters from a Stoic".



Both. I can date and think at the same time.

Just edited my post, added a link. Check it out, then respond

 

[holidayad_]

Just edited my post, added a link. Check it out, then respond

Yes. I agree that taking care of your image is important.

When I started dressing “better”, and taking some personal care of myself, some things became easier.

 

[BaronOfHair]

17/18 year-old

Way too young to be exclusive. Delighted and relieved that you're out of that one, and that you didn't marry/knock her up

 

[holidayad_]

Way too young to be exclusive. Delighted and relieved that you're out of that one, and that you didn't marry/knock her up

Looking back a few years later, I feel the same way. It cost me a few windows of opportunity.

Patience.

Lesson learned.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Stoicism is fine to a certain point but many people take it too far.

Nobody wants to be with an emotionless robot.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Yes. I agree that taking care of your image is important.

When I started dressing “better”, and taking some personal care of myself, some things became easier.

Kings to you for recognizing this, and not being the sort of folk we've discussed in this thread https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...thing-better-comes-along.282363/#post-3121867

The art of not giving a fu-k is "subtle" I.E. There's a big difference between the mindset "I want people to accept and find me appealing, and I also recognize... Not everyone will, and the cosmos won't collapse if either one person, or even a subset of humanity, doesn't like me", and the state of perpetual adolescence many folks are stuck in today:

"The System is rigged, and people were mean to me in my early childhood, therefore I'm entitled to look and behave like a fool in public, and everyone else needs to still respect me, no matter how repugnant I am"

 

[BaronOfHair]

Stoicism is fine to a certain point but many people take it too far.

Nobody wants to be with an emotionless robot.

Which isn't what Stoicism(Or any other philosophical tradition which has endured for thousands of years)promotes. We're talking mastering one's emotions here, so one doesn't go through life flipping out like https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...the-us-it-appears.281977/page-14#post-3119897 so, each time we encounter a proverbial bump in the road

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Which isn't what Stoicism(Or any other philosophical tradition which has endured for thousands of years)promotes. We're talking mastering one's emotions here, so one doesn't go through life flipping out like https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...the-us-it-appears.281977/page-14#post-3119897 so, each time we encounter a proverbial bump in the road

Yes, I understand that. But that doesn't mean people don't take it too far like they do with many other things.

Think of people who try to lose weight. Many literally cut their calories to almost nothing for long periods of time instead of doing it properly.

Or those who go to the gym that think going 7 days a week without any rest is beneficial.

In general, most people are wired to believe "if some is good, more has to be better" in most aspects of their life.

This would simply be another area where they would use that...

 

[BaronOfHair]

Yes, I understand that. But..

Clearly you don't understand, and are resorting to the sort of(admittedly remarkable) intellectual contortions employed by Woke Warriors, when they oppose encouraging non-white kids to communicate in Standard English rather than almost exclusively in slang https://www.buffalo.edu/ubnow/stories/2021/11/baker-bell-linguistic-racism.html

The years between '16-today have been fascinating ones to live through, in which things which were once self-evident ("You're not a toddler anymore... Constantly being run by your emotions is unacceptable")are now controversial, and crap that is clearly retrograde is now being mistaken for an advanced way of existing

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Clearly you don't understand, and are resorting to the sort of(admittedly remarkable) intellectual contortions employed by Woke Warriors, when they oppose encouraging non-white kids to communicate in Standard English rather than almost exclusively in slang https://www.buffalo.edu/ubnow/stories/2021/11/baker-bell-linguistic-racism.html

The years between '16-today have been fascinating ones to live through, in which things which were once self-evident ("You're not a toddler anymore... Constantly being run by your emotions is unacceptable")are now controversial, and crap that is clearly retrograde is now being mistaken for an advanced way of existing

And clearly you think just because someone learns something means they know how to apply those principles properly in the CONTEXT of their own unique situations, which most people do not...at least not at first.

 

[BaronOfHair]

And clearly you think just because someone learns something means they know how to apply those principles properly in the CONTEXT of their own unique situations, which most people do not...at least not at first.

Yep, once a man has learned to do this

, it's not advisable to apply that same knowledge to Kwang Ping down in Receiving: Dude "earned" a black belt in Tae Kwon Do at age 10, hasn't trained a day in his life since, yet regales everyone in the break room with gasbag tales of being a Mythic Warrior

Life will be much less complicated, if he instead takes advantage of the first opportunity to play Cliff to Kwang Ping's Bruce

 

[holidayad_]

Life will be much less complicated, if he instead takes advantage of the first opportunity to play Cliff to Kwang Ping's Bruce

Legendary.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Legendary.

Yeah. On a side-note, that sequence exposes aspects of Bruce Lee's mythos and career which have all-too-rarely been acknowledged https://conflictresearchgroupintl.c...vs-keeping-it-real-in-the-west-marc-macyoung/

And as verily as I'm sure many of us enjoy Lee's movies, much of what's written in that linked article about the legend of Lee as The Mystic Warrior vs the reality is no less true of damned near every Ayatollah of Red Pill Theology on YouTube. It's remarkably easy to market oneself as a stud de joure, when there's no one else in the room to say: "That's quite a theory. Now produce concrete, tangible evidence that any of that works out in reality"

And just as Bruce made self-defense appear much more complicated than it really is ( Here's the sort of no-frills conversations on the subject people were having a decade or so before Lee rose to prominence https://www.artofmanliness.com/skil...do-unarmed-self-defense-from-the-mad-men-era/ ), by injecting all sorts of flakey woo into the mix, The Manosphere drifted away from focusing brass tacks (

https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/aging-playboy-needs-some-guidance.282154/page-2#post-3117978 )to and into the realm of bizarre theorizing

 

[MatureDJ]

Most men are never going to be Z list celebrities, who have the luxury of living the life of "a creative"), it's prudent to be conscientious of your public image, like so https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...-you-are-the-prize.282259/page-3#post-3122206

It's OVER for SubZCels.

 

[MatureDJ]

The art of not giving a fu-k is "subtle" ...

He who doesn't give a fu-k usually doesn't get a fu-k.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The problem with Stoicism is that if your not careful you can arrive in a constant state of apathy , so balancing hope and faith whilst being simultaneously outcome independent is not an easy mindset too master

 

[BaronOfHair]

The problem with Stoicism is that if your not careful you can arrive in a constant state of apathy....

Ataraxia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ataraxia is the goal