is it normal to get ghost'd after 5 dates without warning?

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes hormonal profile makes sense lol. I see instinctual, interesting.

Yes before that, I was very stoic and unimpressed/more chill. 100% after the last date I got too emotional.

There were definitely things "bubbling" but the positives outweighed the negatives (at that point in the dates and interaction)... but obviously she connected more dots after date 5 and I got too needy trying to meet up couple times in same week.The main thing being I probably went from appearing to like her 80%.. to liking her 120%.

I still want to end things or get closure on it though or her perspective ... for my motivation and because "Game or not" or "saving face" or not I find it rude to try to ghost me like this after all time we spent together. That's just my opinion!


---
she had told me before on date 2 or 3 how comfortable she felt around me (what you're saying about emotions and being a rock, "right the ship"). So maybe I can get it back to that? Possible!

I know I've read it's a case of "what have you done for me lately", but I did previously indicate those traits you mentioned to her ^^.. but obviously most recently I did not lol.

You fail to realize that women base things on past experiences they have had with guys and from past experiences, they have found that guys that act like you by "falling in love" so quickly and who make this woman the center of their universe are likely to be future psychos or stalkers they have to deal with.

Just keeping it real with you. You may feel this is "normal" behavior, but rest assured it is not and is cringe behavior to most women once it passes a certain threshold.

This triggers them to literally run as if they are scared for their safety. The worst thing you can do while dating is trigger this feeling or thought in a woman because there is never any coming back from it. They would rather not date anyone for 5 years than date that guy.

This woman owes you absolutely nothing. The fact you think she does makes me think you are very inexperienced in relationships and how things typically work.

Move on. Date other women. Your obsession over this woman after 5 dates is telling me she was right to ghost you. Right now her friends are all telling her how she dodged a bullet with you and she is agreeing with them.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Haven't read all the other posts but its all way too much too fast

I learnt the hard way last year that women do not respond well to men expressing emotional attachment to them

You HAVE to keep her wondering and let her feel like she's won you how long that takes depends on a variety of factors

women are absolutely ruthless in mate selection now the old sort of love letters and poems dont work anymore its all seen as cringe

I mean if I was a woman I would probably find it quite amusing to have a man write me a poem but then I would be thinking

" hang on why doesnt this guy have anything better to be doing , I have him where I want him"

its far better to come across as detached and have her try and get things out of you to form that attachment

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Haven't read all the other posts but its all way too much too fast

I learnt the hard way last year that women do not respond well to men expressing emotional attachment to them

You HAVE to keep her wondering and let her feel like she's won you how long that takes depends on a variety of factors

women are absolutely ruthless in mate selection now the old sort of love letters and poems dont work anymore its all seen as cringe

I mean if I was a woman I would probably find it quite amusing to have a man write me a poem but then I would be thinking

" hang on why doesnt this guy have anything better to be doing , I have him where I want him"

its far better to come across as detached and have her try and get things out of you to form that attachment

It's seen as future psycho/stalker behavior and they become afraid for their safety and what will happen if they have to dump the guy after a year if he is already acting like that after 5 dates.

They usually have had bad previous experiences with these types of guys as well that let's them know things will go badly.

 

[Bingo-Player]

You fail to realize that women base things on past experiences they have had with guys and from past experiences, they have found that guys that act like you by "falling in love" so quickly and who make this woman the center of their universe are likely to be future psychos or stalkers they have to deal with.

Just keeping it real with you. You may feel this is "normal" behavior, but rest assured it is not and is cringe behavior to most women once it passes a certain threshold.

This triggers them to literally run as if they are scared for their safety. The worst thing you can do while dating is trigger this feeling or thought in a woman because there is never any coming back from it. They would rather not date anyone for 5 years than date that guy.

This woman owes you absolutely nothing. The fact you think she does makes me think you are very inexperienced in relationships and how things typically work.

The thing is yes a lot of men are very very wet when it comes to meeting and interacting with women , but it is very very easy to get carried away and women are ruthless in manipulation and laying traps for men to fall into

Its like on one hand they want attention and will bait that attention out in any way shape or form , then when that attentions been actualised its ghost time

I can see why men get super pi$$ed off because its very very difficult to be authentic/ genuine and maintain womens interest

You constantly have to be unbothered by her nonsense which again is a very very difficult state of mind to achieve for the average man because he simply does not have the experience with a large enough sample of women to achieve it

I had to burn through maybe 150 interactions with women last year for it too all finally start making sense that is a lot of approaches most men are never going to make

So most men do default to that attachment style which inevitably later progresses into stalker mode when the woman is done having her fun

I struggle to find much sympathy for women who lead men on and get lumbered with stalkers and at least 60% of the time I believe this is the case as I know exactly how women operate

 

[EyeBRollin]

I was doing everything great till post date 5. Just thought 2 months and sex was "long enough" to be more open about how I feel. Big mistake!

Correct. We don’t “open up” to women. You can vent to your therapist, father, brother, or trusted male friends.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

while I did "mess up" I won't get into details about things she was doing that led me to believe what I was doing would be reciprocated. She was also being VERY romantic etc.., so was it a trap? I guess so.

 

[EyeBRollin]

while I did "mess up" I won't get into details about things she was doing that led me to believe what I was doing would be reciprocated. She was also being VERY romantic etc.., so was it a trap? I guess so.

Yep. They don’t be fair. Anything you say can and will be used against you.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Yep. They don’t be fair. Anything you say can and will be used against you.

really sucks, ironically with past relationships I kept it "cool and detached" throughout because I genuinely didn't care as much and just let things played out, but for first time when I actually did "care" and thought it was fine to be more open.. this happens.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

This woman owes you absolutely nothing. The fact you think she does makes me think you are very inexperienced in relationships and how things typically work.

while I agree with your points in general, I feel you're being unnecessarily harsh. The woman spent a LOT of time dangling ideas and roles about us to me VERY early on in the dating process as well, including lots of texts and talking on phone for long periods of time. This does not feel like a 100% my fault situation but closer to 70-30 (which still gives me blame). Her going from 100 to 0 so quickly was a shock to me.

 

[Bingo-Player]

while I agree with your points in general, I feel you're being unnecessarily harsh. The woman spent a LOT of time dangling ideas and roles about us to me VERY early on in the dating process as well, including lots of texts and talking on phone for long periods of time. This does not feel like a 100% my fault situation but closer to 70-30 (which still gives me blame). Her going from 100 to 0 so quickly was a shock to me.

its not 100% your fault but as a man you will have to shoulder 100% of it and thats the end of it

You can kick and scream but nothing will change women are allowed a insane amount of freedom in modern dating to pull stunts like the one you have been through and accept zero consequences

Every guy goes through this sort of sh1t and its why a lot of men end up with women way below their own SMV because they simply cannot hack it with women they find more attractive

Just lick your wound in private and get on with it , every woman is a new opportunity to present a new and improved version of yourself

 

[PlatoPacks23]

its not 100% your fault but as a man you will have to shoulder 100% of it and thats the end of it

You can kick and scream but nothing will change women are allowed a insane amount of freedom in modern dating to pull stunts like the one you have been through and accept zero consequences

Every guy goes through this sort of sh1t and its why a lot of men end up with women way below their own SMV because they simply cannot hack it with women they find more attractive

Just lick your wound in private and get on with it , every woman is a new opportunity to present a new and improved version of yourself

yeah I just feel depressed now, but still going to go out

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You answered your question. This girl is a SPOT ON hopeless romantic. Learn to spot the classic signs of a hopeless romantic and either pump and dump or leave her for the streets.

They're not even worth the time it takes to get them into bed in most cases.

They are good for trolling though.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

while I agree with your points in general, I feel you're being unnecessarily harsh. The woman spent a LOT of time dangling ideas and roles about us to me VERY early on in the dating process as well, including lots of texts and talking on phone for long periods of time. This does not feel like a 100% my fault situation but closer to 70-30 (which still gives me blame). Her going from 100 to 0 so quickly was a shock to me.

The issue continues to be that you refuse to believe that things you view as positive are actually negatives that fall on you and are again situations where you were given rope to hang yourself and did so willingly.

Spending lots of time talking on the phone is not something you should be doing with women. Once again that signals to them you have nothing going on in your life and nothing better to do than talk to her. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, it's about what she PERCEIVES to be the truth.

Essentially her going from 100 to 0 is her giving you chance after chance to show her something other than what you kept showing her but you kept showing her the same things over and over. Just got to the point where it was a few too many times and then you really made sure to kill your chances for good measure with the poem.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

The issue continues to be that you refuse to believe that things you view as positive are actually negatives that fall on you and are again situations where you were given rope to hang yourself and did so willingly.

Spending lots of time talking on the phone is not something you should be doing with women. Once again that signals to them you have nothing going on in your life and nothing better to do than talk to her. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not, it's about what she PERCEIVES to be the truth.

Essentially her going from 100 to 0 is her giving you chance after chance to show her something other than what you kept showing her but you kept showing her the same things over and over. Just got to the point where it was a few too many times and then you really made sure to kill your chances for good measure with the poem.

No I understand these things are not good to do. I let emotions get in the way.
And yes perception matters most

I guess the confusion is in that 5th date SHE was the one who initiated, said what day to meet, was super excited to see me (texted multiple times) and then was still positive on text after.. but then got flakey once I started pushing too much

I would think if that was true above it’d be going from like 100 to 60 to then 0. Not 100 to 0.

I would still think she has lots of positive feelings for me? But it just got suffocated by me neediness which I think is fixable

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

went out on 5 dates with this woman, on 5th date we hooked up. before that we had spent a LOT of time together to point where (even early on) she was crying, blushing and saying "How perfect I was". 4th date was for like 8+ hrs and she said it was the best date she's ever had/had in years....she was even playfully talking about our kids names, how I was first relationship she's had in a while (she was in a LTR before that), and cooking meals for me.

anyway admittedly after hooking up I did get fairly needy... wrote her a poem thing that was probably too serious (which she hearted and said was so special... but in retrospect probably a mistake), and then tried to call her twice but she didn't pick up.. (when prior to that we had talked on phone like 3 times at like 30-50 minute each time). When I tried make plans twice, first time she said she couldn't but offered another day.. then agreed to it.. then cancelled day off. Then most recently invited hr out and she said she couldn't for work but then asked me a question and then that was it.


Now obviously, I plan on just not inviting her out anymore (possibly 1 more time in like 2 weeks and ending it)..... but is it common in dating to just ghost someone after 5 dates and like 50+ hours together? Like I'd think common courtesy would be to just be honest about it esps given amount of time we've spent together, and how she talked about how much she valued "kindness" etc...


So not really a question of what should I do.. but more of that is just common? Or is this a rare case of someone?

If this is how things go in general, I just feel like I can't ever let my emotions get involved and not trust anyone whatsoever no matter what is shared..

"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions."

– Epictetus, The Enchiridion

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

OP: I don’t know how to say this gently, so I won’t.

You’ve been told repeatedly by the assembled that you messed up and that there’s no coming back from it. You continue to ask how to get her back. No one here believes you can stop asking the same question and rationalizing the behavior.

Do what you think is necessary, but the assembled believe that the result will be the same no matter what you do.

So why keep on asking the same question repeatedly?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

OP: I don’t know how to say this gently, so I won’t.

You’ve been told repeatedly by the assembled that you messed up and that there’s no coming back from it. You continue to ask how to get her back. No one here believes you can stop asking the same question and rationalizing the behavior.

Do what you think is necessary, but the assembled believe that the result will be the same no matter what you do.

So why keep on asking the same question repeatedly?

Bc of the past prior 4 dates and all her texts and things said previously. Also I know “action over words” but her words have been very loving still despite not meeting up.

Yeh I’m. Rationalizing , obviously when you meet someone you instantly click with once every 5 years it’s tough to let go or see if there are any other avenues when it goes from 100-0

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bc of the past prior 4 dates and all her texts and things said previously. Also I know “action over words” but her words have been very loving still despite not meeting up.

Yeh I’m. Rationalizing , obviously when you meet someone you instantly click with once every 5 years it’s tough to let go or see if there are any other avenues when it goes from 100-0

When you are coming from a place of scarcity and lack, you CANNOT succeed with women. Period.

This mindset is the exact opposite of what actually attracts and maintains women's interests and desires.

You have pedastalized this woman to be special when she simply is not and you would have found this out the longer you dated her. The belief that there is only one woman out there that is truly special is a mindset that will cause you a lot of pain in dating and end up with you settling eventually.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

When you are coming from a place of scarcity and lack, you CANNOT succeed with women. Period.

This mindset is the exact opposite of what actually attracts and maintains women's interests and desires.

You have pedastalized this woman to be special when she simply is not and you would have found this out the longer you dated her. The belief that there is only one woman out there that is truly special is a mindset that will cause you a lot of pain in dating and end up with you settling eventually.

yup treat every woman same no one’s special,

and yes I don’t want to settle so will do my best to work it or actively not focus on it

 

[Clockwerk50]

I didn’t read all the replies except the first page.

But yea. You probably didn’t smash, the relationship got stale for her, and she may have question your qualities as a leader. She didn’t want to hurt your feelings.