The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[vato]

good lad!

Day 8:

Damn, after reading the text I wanted to send her, I'm so glad I didn't send it. I feel better during the day while working, but it's always at night when I go to bed that I start missing and thinking about her.

 

[Baibars]

Day 8:

Damn, after reading the text I wanted to send her, I'm so glad I didn't send it. I feel better during the day while working, but it's always at night when I go to bed that I start missing and thinking about her.

don’t fight your feelings.
don’t punish yourself. It’s ok you spent a lot of time with her. Allow it and also don’t hate her. Let her go and you can’t do that when you have any feelings of attachment towards her. Hate also makes you attached.
these things where holding me back.

 

[Daniele999]

954 days of NC

Guys, first of all I apologize for my English, I am not a native speaker. I have been reading So Suave (+Roissy & Rollo) for a couple of years, and the advice I read literally changed my life. As in my country there is literally no guy so capable in explaining intersexual dynamics, I really do believe that some of the articles I read have helped me to become a better person, even if I read them as a non-native speaker and most probably, there is a subtle nuance I failed to understand.

My story is rather simple: we have known each other since college (so more than 20 years), but since we finished college we rarely saw each other as she went to study abroad and came home only for holidays. I have been into her since we met for the first time, but since she left our country I started to date girls, lift weights, travel a lot, till I realised I had finally forgot her (after losing so many years lingering like a fool). But........3 years ago she decided to come back for good as someone in her family had passed away. She became more and more friendly and dropped subtle hints that she was interested in more than a friendship (though deep down inside she clearly knew I was into her since we met for the first time and I might be an easy catch). So, we got together, time flew, but still we rarely saw each other, she was always busy, always had something to do, etc....till that moment in which she stopped responding to text messages. I saw it coming, because during the last week she was less and less interested (too busy to go out with me, but she still had time to meet her friends). A mutual friend who knew some of her co-workers told me that she might be into a guy who was her boss at the time, and one of her relatives confirmed me. Please be aware that I did not do anything that would be qualified as beta: I did not supplicate, ask her why we don't see each other more often, why is she texting so rarely, etc. It was obvious I am a bit bothered by the situation, but I had plenty of things to do and I did not confront her.

From the moment she stopped responding I knew I was screwed and that I will never get her back. I was like yeah, it's clear that she was never really interested in me so what can I do, life goes on, I don't need closure because she will tell me some bull**** about things not working anymore (but when you see someone so rarely you can't even talk about a relationship tbh )).

So I never texted her to see what's happening, and during the first 3 weeks I received the following messages:

Her: (after a week): Hey, how are you?

Me: Fine, out with the boys, drinking some beers. How about you?

Her: I went out with a friend

Me: Cool

Her: -

One week after, I posted something on instagram, she texts:

Her: Is this your friend's coffeeshop?

Me: Yep, he is a friend but also a work colleague

Her: enjoy

Me: thanks

Exactly another week from this moment, she texts:

Her: Happy birthyday! Not sure why you distanced yourself/stopped texting, but I hope you're ok, happy and healthy!

Me: Thanks for the birthday wish!

954 days of NC have passed, and I still don't feel quite ok. It's still difficult to accept that someone is gone, that you'll never see the girl you truly liked again. I can't lie, I didn't feel depressed or so low that I couldn't get out, I always did my best to keep moving and forget about what happened. From time to time, I still dream about her and feel awkward in the mornings.

During the past months I have been thinking: I unfollowed her and her relatives on social media, I didn't see any photo of her for 3 years, I don't even know whether she is still home or somewhere else in Europe. How will I feel when I see she is getting married/or she already has kids?

My question is...how do you move on for good and stop dreaming about someone? How do you accept it's over and you're just a memory that will probably fade away as time goes by? How do you accept that she deserves to be happy, and if she is not happy with you, she will be with someone else...

Thank you!

 

[vato]

don’t fight your feelings.
don’t punish yourself. It’s ok you spent a lot of time with her. Allow it and also don’t hate her. Let her go and you can’t do that when you have any feelings of attachment towards her. Hate also makes you attached.
these things where holding me back.

I have ups and downs. Sometimes I think about her and miss her but it's the disrespect that I had to go through that brings out the hate. It balances out the feelings of losing her. But I don't think this is healthy either.

 

[Baibars]

I have ups and downs. Sometimes I think about her and miss her but it's the disrespect that I had to go through that brings out the hate. It balances out the feelings of losing her. But I don't think this is healthy either.

You’re fresh out of the relationship and it’s normal now. Miss her, hate her but don’t act on these feelings. Wish her good luck in your mind and let her go. Don't try to be the wannabe macho. You’re doing the right thing which doesn’t mean you can dislike her instantly or turn off your feelings.
Take your time. I’m doing it too bro.

 

[soulforge]

I have ups and downs. Sometimes I think about her and miss her but it's the disrespect that I had to go through that brings out the hate. It balances out the feelings of losing her. But I don't think this is healthy either.

My ex was crazy, and a bych, so it's easier to get toxic girls.. Harder when she was a quality girlfriend

 

[vato]

Day 9:

Still in no contact. Everytime I get a text or call on my phone, I'm hoping it's from her and when I don't see her name on the notifications I get disappointed.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Everytime I get a text or call on my phone, I'm hoping it's from her and when I don't see her name on the notifications I get disappointed.

Why? She was very disrepectful and she abandoned you. She did you a favor because she showed you her true colors sooner rather than later and now you are free to pursue younger, hotter, and better quality girls.

The Fall & Rise of Alex Rivers

Let me tell you a story about a guy. We will call him Alan Rivers. When Alan Rivers was around 30, he met a cute 27 year old girl. Just when they started dating seriously, a hot 18 year old girl he met at work reached out to him through social media, started playing him hot & cold. So even...

www.sosuave.net

 

[soulforge]

Day 9:

Still in no contact. Everytime I get a text or call on my phone, I'm hoping it's from her and when I don't see her name on the notifications I get disappointed.

She was flirting with your friend right?

You don't miss slags like that, you be glad she is gone.

However.. Don't let a 304 like this ever dump you again. If she is not the best girlfriend to you, giving you the king treatment, the you MUST dump her.

By the way.. no bich is going to give you the King treatment, if you're acting like a weak bich. Always check these hoes when they get out of line, and always make sure you run chit.. not her.

 

[vato]

She was flirting with your friend right?

You don't miss slags like that, you be glad she is gone.

However.. Don't let a 304 like this ever dump you again. If she is not the best girlfriend to you, giving you the king treatment, the you MUST dump her.

By the way.. no bich is going to give you the King treatment, if you're acting like a weak bich. Always check these hoes when they get out of line, and always make sure you run chit.. not her.

You're right. I should be glad. I am glad that she is gone.

I went out tonight with a friend and approached some baddies - explicity chose girls that looked better than my ex. It went really well. Was a bit nervous to approach after not gaming for 3 years. Exchanged some numbers and instas. One girl passed by and told me "what a beauty" - that's a first . Going out tomorrow again and doing the same thing. Feels good after feeling like sh*t for a week.

 

[soulforge]

You're right. I should be glad. I am glad that she is gone.

I went out tonight with a friend and approached some baddies - explicity chose girls that looked better than my ex. It went really well. Was a bit nervous to approach after not gaming for 3 years. Exchanged some numbers and instas. One girl passed by and told me "what a beauty" - that's a first . Going out tomorrow again and doing the same thing. Feels good after feeling like sh*t for a week.

Good job.. the more baddies you approach the easier it gets.

 

[alvinkels]

I don't know why some of you talk to your exes till the extend that it gets that far. I know it is difficult I have been there before but trust you are better off especially if that person has no value to add to your life. NC 200+ days now and she called like 3 days ago and I just danced to my ringtone. My friend said I should call her back probably she wants to tell me something. I told him if it matters she won't just once. Yeah I know I have ego so don't tell me. The thing is that, once I am done with someone especially if they did the call for the breakup over something not reasonable in my case where I literally did nothing wrong: all I did was that I was busy my mom was sick, company being sued and I had to finish my thesis and she was writing exams that week so I didn't communicate much with her and she transposed her childhood traumas on me asking me if I cared about her ‍. After all I did for her that was the question she asked me. I don't want to go into details what I did for her...

Once I walk away I don't look back I don't care what might be happening she could even be dying I still don't care. "I am done!" That's it. She can take her troubles somewhere else...and before I forgot during those days we were not communicating well she was talking to another guy. It is I ignored her calls or messages, she did call or text either. I later found out after the breakup that she and gut have been having phone s*x lol... pathetic!

 

[soulforge]

I don't know why some of you talk to your exes till the extend that it gets that far. I know it is difficult I have been there before but trust you are better off especially if that person has no value to add to your life. NC 200+ days now and she called like 3 days ago and I just danced to my ringtone. My friend said I should call her back probably she wants to tell me something. I told him if it matters she won't just once. Yeah I know I have ego so don't tell me. The thing is that, once I am done with someone especially if they did the call for the breakup over something not reasonable in my case where I literally did nothing wrong: all I did was that I was busy my mom was sick, company being sued and I had to finish my thesis and she was writing exams that week so I didn't communicate much with her and she transposed her childhood traumas on me asking me if I cared about her ‍. After all I did for her that was the question she asked me. I don't want to go into details what I did for her...

Once I walk away I don't look back I don't care what might be happening she could even be dying I still don't care. "I am done!" That's it. She can take her troubles somewhere else...and before I forgot during those days we were not communicating well she was talking to another guy. It is I ignored her calls or messages, she did call or text either. I later found out after the breakup that she and gut have been having phone s*x lol... pathetic!

This is a good mindset..

Something very important to understand here.

If you treated a girl like garbage and she dumped you because of the ill treatment you gave her, then you kind of deserved the dumping.

However if you as a man, tried to be the best man you can be and she still mistreats you or dumps you, you should walk away immediately.

Some of these dudes in the NC thread are staying in touch with exes and chasing, when that girl threw him away like garbage.

 

[DreamAgain]

You really have to cut them out of your life completely. Just block if you have to, don't answer phone calls, don't respond to texts, eventually they will give up, they only want to contact you to harass you and see if they still have power over you.

I think 90 days is a bit early, but 180 days or 6 months and I can say you will be a new and improved version of yourself, learn from your mistakes, and find a much better girl out there for you.

 

[soulforge]

You really have to cut them out of your life completely. Just block if you have to, don't answer phone calls, don't respond to texts, eventually they will give up, they only want to contact you to harass you and see if they still have power over you.

I think 90 days is a bit early, but 180 days or 6 months and I can say you will be a new and improved version of yourself, learn from your mistakes, and find a much better girl out there for you.

Yeh NC needs to be solid NC.

Even if she gets InTouch best to ignore.

 

[Foe]

Day 9:

Still in no contact. Everytime I get a text or call on my phone, I'm hoping it's from her and when I don't see her name on the notifications I get disappointed.

I know this feeling well man, hang in there it gets easier and easier the longer you go NC. It will get to a point where you will get a breadcrumb and you will be disappointed that they even tried.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

 

[Adz--]

Day: Cant remember

Thought I'd share an update. Cant remember how long NC has been, around 3/5 months?. Anyway, things have gotten a lot better, she hasn't reached out and neither have I. My life is a lot better now than it was when I first started NC.

Sorted out my diet and lost a lot of weight, focused on my career and studying which has been paying off and getting through the graft of work/studying.

90% of the in depth thoughts/ memories of the ex have near enough stopped, I still get general thoughts from time to time and catch my self thinking about her but snap myself back to reality as soon as I do.

I've got a plate that we both know where we stand and meet up whenever we feel like and communication is minimum, which is ideal with what I have going on at the moment.

Things do get better, you have to get through the rough to get to the smooth. The question I have now is there anyway to rid of these residual thoughts/ memories, or is it something that will either
A) Fade with time and eventually be gone
B) Remain there as I spent a lot of time with that individual and they had a significant role in my life, but they will subside into a memory where I will laugh or be indifferent to

Adz--

 

[Foe]

A) Fade with time and eventually be gone
B) Remain there as I spent a lot of time with that individual and they had a significant role in my life, but they will subside into a memory where I will laugh or be indifferent to

Truth is, whatever you want. I choose to hold my latest ex as a trophy. Shes no longer allowed in my life but god damn if she wasnt something. Ill think of her in my rocking chair, pretty sure. Another ex, could not care less about. Absolute indifference.

 

[Poppasmurphy]

Upgrade and it will fade. Don’t be surprised if she reaches out randomly in the future when you are totally over her.