The woman should come out and tell us when they want sex

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Second, no therapist will encourage their clients to visit prostitutes.

Don't be so sure about that.
A woman with excellent vision was seeing a therapist, claimed she should've been born blind; therapist supported her delusion and encouraged her to blind herself. Permanently. No 'tape your eyelids shut for a week and see how you like it', but she ruined her eyes and now she's blind.
Hope she's happy.

 

[corrector]

Don't be so sure about that.
A woman with excellent vision was seeing a therapist, claimed she should've been born blind; therapist supported her delusion and encouraged her to blind herself. Permanently. No 'tape your eyelids shut for a week and see how you like it', but she ruined her eyes and now she's blind.
Hope she's happy.

If there therapist is hot she can offer herself and check for reactions.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If there therapist is hot she can offer herself and check for reactions.

ok, for a moment I thought we could have a conversation here, but this response throws me for a loop. What are you saying / suggesting here?

 

[corrector]

ok, for a moment I thought we could have a conversation here, but this response throws me for a loop. What are you saying / suggesting here?

You were joking about your last post right?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

It would make a lot more sense (for both parties) if the woman would come out and tell us when they want sex. I can explain.

A lot of guys are reluctant to propose sex too soon (as we don't want to potentially scare her away). We're forced to read her clues of whether she wants sex.

Here's the problem, however: Guys aren't mind readers. I have no doubt there have been many cases where a woman wants sex from a guy, but ends up not getting sex from him (because he isn't 100% sure whether he should propose sex).

The solution? The woman should propose sex. Hardly any men will say no. The woman ends up getting the romp she wants. The guy isn't forced to rely on reading clues. Win-win for both parties.

Women do initiate sex. Either ‘kino’ or ‘verbal.’.i’m assuming you mean women you are not currently having sfx with. ‘2 examples: ‘Kino’. My first Tinder date started rubbing my inner thigh when we were Ubering to a bar. ‘
verbal’. Hanging out with a coworker at a company BBQ. She leans over and whispers ‘I don’t have a gag reflex.’.
Due to your being on the spectrum, you may not pick up on such things.

 

[GoodMan32]

If you pass for neurotypical, then you have mild Asperger's? When you say "on the spectrum", that includes people with severe Autism, and you're probably right that women will run from that. It's yours to reveal or not, but I'd say "mild Asperger's" instead of "on the spectrum" (and not on a first date).

I claim you could have turned the whole leftovers topic to your advantage by how and when you brought it up. When you invited her to watch the stars, let that suggestion sink in. Don't ask about leftovers yet (it's not like your fridge is nearby). It's better to say nothing about the leftovers after setting the mood, and then go from the restaurant to your rooftop. Spend time looking at the stars, and hopefully start touching and holding each other.

When she's in a good mood, you could ask "What are we going to do with those?" (about the box of leftovers). Notice this is asking, not telling. This doesn't assume she'll go back to your apartment, like your leftovers comment. You build up the mood - the romantic time touching each other under the stars. And then you ask about the box, which is really asking if she wants to spend time with you in your apartment. There's other approaches, of course - I just wanted to show a better way of bringing up the same topic (leftovers), but improving the when and the how.

Ok, good point, you're right (about finding better timing to mention the leftovers).

Yeah, I have a mild case. As for why I'm reluctant to tell a woman I'm pursuing about my condition, here's why:

Of all the jobs I've had, only one job officially knew about my condition. My boss at that job (after finding out about my condition) treated me like a child for the rest of the time I worked there.

Other jobs I've had since then (including my current job) have never treated me like a child; they've merely viewed me as the quirky but conscientious employee.

I've learned it's better to refrain from telling those I know in person about my condition.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You were joking about your last post right?

Not at all. Far as I know, it happened in the U.S.

 

[GoodMan32]

I don't get this thread. Is this about women that know you, or women that don't know you? Is this thread about relationships?

Not necessarily about established relationships. In an established relationship, you know you're getting sex. My thread could apply to the initial dating process, however.

It's not about total stranger women. It's about women who know you on some level.

Basically, my point is, when a woman is flirting with you, she should tell you if she wants sex. Then the guy isn't put in the difficult position of guessing whether he should pounce on her.

 

[corrector]

Women do initiate sex. Either ‘kino’ or ‘verbal.’.i’m assuming you mean women you are not currently having sfx with. ‘2 examples: ‘Kino’. My first Tinder date started rubbing my inner thigh when we were Ubering to a bar. ‘
verbal’. Hanging out with a coworker at a company BBQ. She leans over and whispers ‘I don’t have a gag reflex.’.
Due to your being on the spectrum, you may not pick up on such things.

This.

 

[BeExcellent]

Not necessarily about established relationships. In an established relationship, you know you're getting sex. My thread could apply to the initial dating process, however.

It's not about total stranger women. It's about women who know you on some level.

Basically, my point is, when a woman is flirting with you, she should tell you if she wants sex. Then the guy isn't put in the difficult position of guessing whether he should pounce on her.

My messages are not mixed signals. Social interactions are nuanced and differ depending on variables you cannot know in advance. However I understand what you are saying. Because of the ASD you have the characteristic black and white binary thinking. That is why you are very uncomfortable with uncertainty and an unknown outcome. But you cannot just waltz into an interaction with a woman and tell her you are after sex and that’s it if you are trying to hide your real agenda. That way of approaching is creepy, and if you are doing a poor job of disguising your intent, your intent will come out in your vibe and that is MORE creepy.

If you go Mode 1, you are no longer trying to mask your intent, OK? You are being totally direct and upfront. That is congruent, which will reflect in your vibe. Being handsome gives you an advantage here, as women are typically more sexually receptive to a man they find attractive. But if you go this route, which might actually feel more comfortable for you since it cuts the BS, you need to commit to it. You can’t politely ask. You simply state your intent and smile or smirk, and let her respond.

The other option you could try is to share that you are Aspy and you love sex but kinda don’t “get” all the social pretense leading up to sex, but you’d enjoy finding a cool girl who “gets you” to date & enjoy sexually. If you tell a woman this and she already finds you attractive, you’ll be surprised that there are girls who will then take initiative and you could get laid (and possibly a relationship or FWB) by being brutally honest.

You’ll get shot down some, sure. But you’ll also get laid some, and you’ll be more in character with who you really are in the process.

So those are your options:
1. Mode 1
2. Be cool but reveal the Aspy thing & let the chick show you what’s up
3. Get comfortable with meaninglessness and conversation.

Option 2 is best in my view, followed by Option 1. Option 3 is most difficult and frustrating for you.

Thoughts?

 

[GoodMan32]

Women do initiate sex. Either ‘kino’ or ‘verbal.’.i’m assuming you mean women you are not currently having sfx with. ‘2 examples: ‘Kino’. My first Tinder date started rubbing my inner thigh when we were Ubering to a bar. ‘
verbal’. Hanging out with a coworker at a company BBQ. She leans over and whispers ‘I don’t have a gag reflex.’.
Due to your being on the spectrum, you may not pick up on such things.

Even being on the spectrum, I'm aware inner-thigh rubbing (or telling a guy she doesn't have a gag reflex) is a clue.

I don't recall a woman ever being that direct with me.

 

[GoodMan32]

My messages are not mixed signals. Social interactions are nuanced and differ depending on variables you cannot know in advance. However I understand what you are saying. Because of the ASD you have the characteristic black and white binary thinking. That is why you are very uncomfortable with uncertainty and an unknown outcome. But you cannot just waltz into an interaction with a woman and tell her you are after sex and that’s it if you are trying to hide your real agenda. That way of approaching is creepy, and if you are doing a poor job of disguising your intent, your intent will come out in your vibe and that is MORE creepy.

If you go Mode 1, you are no longer trying to mask your intent, OK? You are being totally direct and upfront. That is congruent, which will reflect in your vibe. Being handsome gives you an advantage here, as women are typically more sexually receptive to a man they find attractive. But if you go this route, which might actually feel more comfortable for you since it cuts the BS, you need to commit to it. You can’t politely ask. You simply state your intent and smile or smirk, and let her respond.

The other option you could try is to share that you are Aspy and you love sex but kinda don’t “get” all the social pretense leading up to sex, but you’d enjoy finding a cool girl who “gets you” to date & enjoy sexually. If you tell a woman this and she already finds you attractive, you’ll be surprised that there are girls who will then take initiative and you could get laid (and possibly a relationship or FWB) by being brutally honest.

You’ll get shot down some, sure. But you’ll also get laid some, and you’ll be more in character with who you really are in the process.

So those are your options:
1. Mode 1
2. Be cool but reveal the Aspy thing & let the chick show you what’s up
3. Get comfortable with meaninglessness and conversation.

Option 2 is best in my view, followed by Option 1. Option 3 is most difficult and frustrating for you.

Thoughts?

I have my reasons of why I'm reluctant to admit to being on the spectrum. That being said, option 2 is potentially worth trying. Maybe I don't even have to come out and admit I'm on the spectrum. I could say something like "socially awkward," "grew up sheltered," "have a hard time picking up on a woman's cues," etc.

Since you're one of the few female posters, would you be ok with me sending you some photos for an honest opinion (on DM)? When I said I'm an 8 and a half, that's based on a comment I heard on a dating site in 2012. I could use a more current opinion.

 

[corrector]

I have my reasons of why I'm reluctant to admit to being on the spectrum. That being said, option 2 is potentially worth trying. Maybe I don't even have to come out and admit I'm on the spectrum. I could say something like "socially awkward," "grew up sheltered," "have a hard time picking up on a woman's cues," etc.

Since you're one of the few female posters, would you be ok with me sending you some photos for an honest opinion (on DM)? When I said I'm an 8 and a half, that's based on a comment I heard on a dating site in 2012. I could use a more current opinion.

Here is a puzzle: Is the Riddler from the Gotham TV show 8.5?

 

[BeExcellent]

I have my reasons of why I'm reluctant to admit to being on the spectrum. That being said, option 2 is potentially worth trying. Maybe I don't even have to come out and admit I'm on the spectrum. I could say something like "socially awkward," "grew up sheltered," "have a hard time picking up on a woman's cues," etc.

Since you're one of the few female posters, would you be ok with me sending you some photos for an honest opinion (on DM)? When I said I'm an 8 and a half, that's based on a comment I heard on a dating site in 2012. I could use a more current opinion.

I sent you a DM.

If you go about things with Option 2 and explain it as you stated in your first paragraph above, that will go a long way in getting a woman to understand you better & give her the cue to show you what’s up. And if you get asked directly about whether you are on the spectrum? Say “Pretty much” and chuckle or smile & put your hands up in this gesture:



That will make you more accessible to women. Won’t guarantee a lay but it gives you a direction to go in and a strategy to try.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Here is a puzzle: Is the Riddler from the Gotham TV show 8.5?

6.

 

[BeExcellent]

Here is a puzzle: Is the Riddler from the Gotham TV show 8.5?

He’s tall and trim with good hair & facial symmetry. He has a kind face despite playing a bad guy. He’s baby faced really. I’d rate him a 7.5 or 8, he’s too baby faced & clean cut for me, but many women would find him attractive.

Looks are super subjective. Just because I don’t find him an 8.5 doesn’t mean other women wouldn’t. I don’t find Jamie Dornan super attractive either, but he’s also trim with good hair & facial symmetry. Less goody 2 shoes though. I rate him also 7.5 or 8.

 

[corrector]

That's good feedback. If Riddler is rated a 7.5 or 8 from @BeExcellent, but the baby face would make him off-putting, and @Hamurabimbi would rate him a 6, then I guess the average of both rounds it to about a solid 7, or more or less the same scale as @SW15 such as a mid/upper-tier normie depending on the vibe and how he is presenting himself. That is not a chad-lite and being on a spectrum would hurt Riddler's chances, if Riddler was hypothetically on the spectrum. Someone like Riddler would need some game to seal the deal.

 

[BeExcellent]

That's good feedback. If Riddler is rated a 7.5 or 8 from @BeExcellent, but the baby face would make him off-putting, and @Hamurabimbi would rate him a 6, then I guess the average of both rounds it to about a solid 7, or more or less the same scale as @SW15 such as a mid/upper-tier normie depending on the vibe and how he is presenting himself. That is not a chad-lite and being on a spectrum would hurt Riddler's chances, if Riddler was hypothetically on the spectrum. Someone like Riddler would need some game to seal the deal.

Some women would find him a 9 or 9.5. It’s super subjective. Same as when you guys compare attractiveness in women.

 

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[corrector]

Some women would find him a 9 or 9.5. It’s super subjective. Same as when you guys compare attractiveness in women.

Of course there are always going to be outliers. I'm sure I can get someone to think I'm a 7/10 and in the right circumstances good enough as a beta-provider although I'm rated 3/10 objectively (ie I was married before, so that already did happen). That goes without saying. However, when doing ratings, you generally like to look at the average rating for most people in order to calibrate strategy and assess opportunity costs if you opt for escortcelling/MGTOWing escorts.

In OP's case, whether he is paying an opportunity cost with civvies if he's overly spoiling himself with escorts and is missing out.