Girl flaked on me after schedule a date

[SW15]

In today's dating world, keeping the prospect warm is important. Sending her one text per day, about anything really, would have saved this date for you. Being the strong silent type over text when she doesn't even know you will bomb every time if the girl is even half attractive. Next time, keep the idle chit chat going until date day. Send her a link to a cool band, tell her something funny that happened to you, whatever. Women thrive on communication.

I would argue that 'prospect warming' is more of a thing from tech-based date arranging methods than arranging dates from in-person approaches. If someone is arranging dates from in-person chats, I think they can go 3-4 days from the initial approach until the day of the date without a phone call or text.

As I said earlier, back in 1985, when a man set up a date from an in-person approach, he didn't call her on her landline telephone every day for the 4 days in between the approach and the first date. That communication effort would have been considered odd up until text messaging came around in the 2nd half of the 2000s.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The idiotic rule of "ghost until the date" will cause more flakes than anything else.

It's not a rule, it's just normal practice. Why waste hours texting back and forth with a girl you might have no chemistry with in person? Who has time for that sh!t?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not a rule, it's just normal practice. Why waste hours texting back and forth with a girl you might have no chemistry with in person? Who has time for that sh!t?

Right...because the only options are hours of texting or nothing.

Love the all or nothing mentality of so many here.

Newsflash all the options in between are also there.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Right...because the only options are hours of texting or nothing.

Love the all or nothing mentality of so many here.

Newsflash all the options in between are also there.

Turn on your thinking cap for a second. Most people who use swipe apps talk to and set up dates with multiple girls because it's a numbers game. If you have to send "maintenance texts" to every girl you've arranged a date with that is literally hours of your time. It's stupid and unnecessary. I can't remember the last time a girl canceled on me for the same reason as the girl in OP's post. Most likely she had low interest to begin with and just used it as an excuse (or she has mental issues).

 

[member160292]

Turn on your thinking cap for a second. Most people who use swipe apps talk to and set up dates with multiple girls because it's a numbers game. If you have to send "maintenance texts" to every girl you've arranged a date with that is literally hours of your time. It's stupid and unnecessary. I can't remember the last time a girl canceled on me for the same reason as the girl in OP's post. Most likely she had low interest to begin with and just used it as an excuse (or she has mental issues).

Yeah, my prospects masturbate to my profile pics and think about what I wrote in my bio non-stop

 

[CornbreadFed]

As I said earlier, back in 1985, when a man set up a date from an in-person approach, he didn't call her on her landline telephone every day for the 4 days in between the approach and the first date. That communication effort would have been considered odd up until text messaging came around in the 2nd half of the 2000s.

Calling a girl on the phone definitely takes more commitment and can be seen as a date itself today. Texting on the other hand is not the same and requires less energy. You can control the flow of the conversation when it comes to texting too.

Turn on your thinking cap for a second. Most people who use swipe apps talk to and set up dates with multiple girls because it's a numbers game. If you have to send "maintenance texts" to every girl you've arranged a date with that is literally hours of your time. It's stupid and unnecessary. I can't remember the last time a girl canceled on me for the same reason as the girl in OP's post. Most likely she had low interest to begin with and just used it as an excuse (or she has mental issues).

Wtf is this shvt? All I am reading is that you lack the ability to hold a normal conversation with a female, so you mitigate your Achilles heel by ghosting a girl til the date. “Hi, how has your day been?” is so hard and stressful to send?

 

[Dr.Suave]

I can't remember the last time a girl canceled on me for the same reason as the girl in OP's post. Most likely she had low interest to begin with and just used it as an excuse

This. I was thinking this too.

 

[SW15]

Calling a girl on the phone definitely takes more commitment and can be seen as a date itself today. Texting on the other hand is not the same and requires less energy. You can control the flow of the conversation when it comes to texting too.

I think the best thing is to remove as much technology from the initial stages of dating as possible. Limit the calls and texts to the absolute minimum. The absolute minimum is subjective.

Calling women on telephones is a fading art and has been for the last ~15 years. There are women today who are 35-40 years old who are not very conversant on telephones.

Once the early stages of dating have passed, I believe in more phone calls than text messages.

'prospect warming'

The idiotic rule of "ghost until the date" will cause more flakes than anything else.

There isn't a lot to discuss in between setting up the date and going on the date. I can see the value in the idea of keeping silent so as to not dissuade the woman from showing up on the date.

The biggest part of the problem is the lack of a face-to-face experience. Setting up dates from behind an electronic screen causes a whole host of issues that are not easy to navigate. I found the 'prospect warming' concept to be annoying. In general, I had poor experiences with tech-based methods of arranging dates and decided to only arrange first dates face-to-face.

I have had multiple women from swipe apps text me the day of the first date to confirm it was still happening. The woman that @holidayad_ interacted with could have done this and all would have been well. Instead, she acted like a self-centered spoiled brat.

If a person is managing their in-person life well, they would not have a need for the tech-based dating methods, especially swipe apps.

It's very difficult to manage an in-person life well and meet enough prospects to get dates. This is more of a male problem than a female problem in offline dating. At some point, usually in their 30s-40s, women start getting approached less in real life and then turn to swipe apps for more options.

As a man, when I am in first date arranging mode, it feels like a 2nd job. It doesn't matter whether I am using apps, DMs, or doing in-person approaches. All are massively time consuming.

 

[Dash Riprock]

sorry but no. why would you send someone a link to a band that you enjoy when you don't know anything about her? this is not your gf, this is some random girl.

Sorry pal. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm trying to help you. I do it (send links on music) and it works great.

Send her your recipe for a spinach soufflé then.

Good luck.

 

[espanish]

so texting a girl is too much investment , but spending 1-3 hours of your free time/money on a stranger isn’t? Oh wait, y’all don’t go on dates, the 10s just come straight to your places. Let’s just invite a stranger in to our apartment whom I’ve only had a brief conversation with because texting is too much investment. Come on bro, you are better than this.

the difference is texting is not required, but spending 1-3 hours of your free time/money on a stranger is. you said it yourself, you can't expect a stranger to come into your apartment. if you send her a stupid text "how are you today?" "how was your day?" "are you excited about our date next week?" I just don't see what purpose that serves.

 

[CornbreadFed]

the difference is texting is not required, but spending 1-3 hours of your free time/money on a stranger is. you said it yourself, you can't expect a stranger to come into your apartment. if you send her a stupid text "how are you today?" "how was your day?" "are you excited about our date next week?" I just don't see what purpose that serves.

that was just an example. The main purpose of texting a girl prior to the date is qualifying her and learning key things about her rather than going in blind. In addition, to her thinking you are a creep for ghosting her and flaking.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Hello guys,

Last week I scheduled a date with a chick that I exchange some texts from Tinder. The date was supposed to be today.

However, after I set the date, she decided to flake telling me:

"You disappeared. You didn't even develop a conversation and you want to go out with me today. I'm out."

The point is that before I set the date we talked for 2-3 days. So I developed a conversation. Only stopped to text her after I scheduled the date.

Just answered with "Ok. Cool" and now she blocked me. First time that this kind of thing happened to me. F*cking disappointed.

Have you guys ever had a woman get mad at you? And the reasons that come out of her mouth for being mad at you make absolutely no sense?

she blocked me

Can someone explain how this was warranted?

Most likely she had low interest to begin with and just used it as an excuse.

Thank you. This above statement can be read in the course Introduction to Women..... first page, first paragraph.

OP, himself, recognized it. Something's not adding up.

However, like a well placed joke, usually these excuses have some truth to them.

Can we all agree on this: This woman was mad at him.

Women, in this situation, don't get mad at men they have low interest for.

It sounds like it was quite the opposite. 2 to 3 days of talking. Women have fallen in love with men for less.

Low and behold, we find out they exchanged whatsapp, instagram. So, blocking him from Tinder was just a gesture.

10 to 1 odds she reaches back out to him within the next 3 months. Either that or finds a way to have a "chance" encounter with him.

 

[Robert28]

The idiotic rule of "ghost until the date" will cause more flakes than anything else.

Yep. I had to learn this the hard way several times. The sad thing it was taught on here, still is to some extent “only text to set up dates! Nothing else!” You can’t do that **** these days, you’ll get flaked on every time. You better be somewhat of an entertaining monkey, just don’t text all dang day but you better text everyday. Dating is fast pace these days, one slip up and you’re out.

 

[espanish]

that was just an example. The main purpose of texting a girl prior to the date is qualifying her and learning key things about her rather than going in blind. In addition, to her thinking you are a creep for ghosting her and flaking.

so you set up the date (let's meet wednesday at 7 pm) and then you ask her questions about her? makes no sense. so what if these texts make you believe that you are not compatible? then you cancel the date?

 

[espanish]

Sorry pal. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm trying to help you. I do it (send links on music) and it works great.

Send her your recipe for a spinach soufflé then.

Good luck.

1) I am not your pal, buddy
2) I am not arguing, this is a debate
3) ok so I will give you my number, I want you to text me your favorite band, what you are doing for the weekend, what you had for lunch, to a complete stranger.

 

[pipeman84]

Yep. I had to learn this the hard way several times. The sad thing it was taught on here, still is to some extent “only text to set up dates! Nothing else!” You can’t do that **** these days, you’ll get flaked on every time. You better be somewhat of an entertaining monkey, just don’t text all dang day but you better text everyday. Dating is fast pace these days, one slip up and you’re out.

Yeah, it's called being a challenge, Doc Love came up with this notion, Corey Wayne used it as well in his book. The idea is two fold: 1. it shows you're a busy guy with standards. Such a guy doesn't have time to chit chat and that kind of communication is beneath him. He knows rapport is built during face to face interaction.
2. to weed out low interest women.
But if the guy has no life, no self esteem and is desperate to meet any hoe from swipe apps, then definitely being an 'entertaining monkey' as you put it is a must.

 

[CornbreadFed]

so you set up the date (let's meet wednesday at 7 pm) and then you ask her questions about her? makes no sense. so what if these texts make you believe that you are not compatible? then you cancel the date?

If y’all aren’t compatible then y’all weren’t meant to be and you just saved yourself 3 hours and 40 dollars minimum. OLD is full of time wasters, so screening out time wasting women is important to being successful on there. Why would you want to waste your time and resources on someone that’s not compatible with you when you can spend it on a better potential prospect?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah, it's called being a challenge, Doc Love came up with this notion, Corey Wayne used it as well in his book. The idea is two fold: 1. it shows you're a busy guy with standards. Such a guy doesn't have time to chit chat and that kind of communication is beneath him. He knows rapport is built during face to face interaction.
2. to weed out low interest women.
But if the guy has no life, no self esteem and is desperate to meet any hoe from swipe apps, then definitely being an 'entertaining monkey' as you put it is a must.

Misapplication of concepts is where so many guys get in trouble. What you are talking about has absolutely zero to do with that

 

[holidayad_]

Low and behold, we find out they exchanged whatsapp, instagram. So, blocking him from Tinder was just a gesture.

She blocked me everywhere, actually. Crazy.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The idiotic rule of "ghost until the date" will cause more flakes than anything else.

Yup.

First off, I avoid over-texting before the 1st date. I also do not lay out concete plans right away; things can change, there's no point. I tend to use the time leading up to the date to setup plans/logistics or just send super basic "maintenance" texts.

The day of, I usually will say something like "I'll text you when I head out" or I may say "I am a bit busy today, let's meet 30 minutes later" as a way to confirm if she's still invested since it forces her to acknowledge and agree.

My flake rates have gone down a lot by doing this. That said, I still tend to schedule at 2-3 dates on the same day regardless.