DreamAgain
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2016
- Messages
- 654
- Reaction score
- 676
- Age
- 34
I have had a string of 5 bad first dates so far and I'm suspecting the problem is with me, and I would like some advice as to what to do.
Basically, I have tried to maximize my looks as much as possible, improve my style, fitness, my finances are in order, and I have had some success in getting numbers of girls 7-8 years younger than me in bars (I'm 31). I don't have an age cutoff for the girls I approach, I just go to the ones that look physically appealing, and they happen to be in this age group.
Nevertheless, I have had despite initial success in number closing and setting up first dates, I have had bad first dates where I have been turned off to even try to physically escalate because the conversations have gone horribly.
I try to be as educated as possible across a spectrum of topics, and not talk about them in a dry manner but infuse storytelling aspects to keep them interesting to whomever is listening. I have actively worked on this and practiced it, so even obtuse technical topics at my work I can explain to a layman in some manner that can pique a person's interest.
Where I have been turned off though, is that in return these girls have only really talked about where they want to travel or have traveled, what recent restaurants they have eaten at or where they want to eat, or telling me gossip about their friends that I don't care about. I have tried to feign interest in this to sleep with these girls but at the end of the night this approach is so antithetical to my philosophy of self improvement that I just get completely demotivated, end the date politely with some nonrelated justification and there is no further interaction after this.
Travel in itself is interesting but the gist of what I have learned is that the only reason these girls have traveled is to take pictures for their social media. They did nothing to immerse themselves in the local culture, to perhaps learn the local language where they went, or any insightful comments about how the place they went differs from where they are now.
Further, on the food front, I mean this to me is entirely banal, I appreciate a good meal but there are a million other things that are more interesting to me than if a place was "sooo good" or "sooo bad". I can fake interest in this and spin up some anecdotes of my own but this is an instant demotivater for me to continue the date.
Lastly, the gossip front, well this is self explanatory but to give some concrete examples. "My friend xyz recently did this and I couldnt believe it because I didnt think she was that type of person, yada yada yada", or "Person abc did something that affected this relation in my social circle and I find it surprising". I can give more specific examples if needed.
Nevertheless, I am losing hope in dating and I understand the suggestion to stop hitting on girls in bars or on swipe apps, but I have largely failed in other types of meetup attempts. I have tried running clubs, co-ed sports leagues, meet ups of various kinds through facebook, and I have only met older women there that I do not find attractive, or if they are younger they are already in relationships. So bars/clubs and apps are my only avenues at this age.
What should I do?
Basically, I have tried to maximize my looks as much as possible, improve my style, fitness, my finances are in order, and I have had some success in getting numbers of girls 7-8 years younger than me in bars (I'm 31). I don't have an age cutoff for the girls I approach, I just go to the ones that look physically appealing, and they happen to be in this age group.
Nevertheless, I have had despite initial success in number closing and setting up first dates, I have had bad first dates where I have been turned off to even try to physically escalate because the conversations have gone horribly.
I try to be as educated as possible across a spectrum of topics, and not talk about them in a dry manner but infuse storytelling aspects to keep them interesting to whomever is listening. I have actively worked on this and practiced it, so even obtuse technical topics at my work I can explain to a layman in some manner that can pique a person's interest.
Where I have been turned off though, is that in return these girls have only really talked about where they want to travel or have traveled, what recent restaurants they have eaten at or where they want to eat, or telling me gossip about their friends that I don't care about. I have tried to feign interest in this to sleep with these girls but at the end of the night this approach is so antithetical to my philosophy of self improvement that I just get completely demotivated, end the date politely with some nonrelated justification and there is no further interaction after this.
Travel in itself is interesting but the gist of what I have learned is that the only reason these girls have traveled is to take pictures for their social media. They did nothing to immerse themselves in the local culture, to perhaps learn the local language where they went, or any insightful comments about how the place they went differs from where they are now.
Further, on the food front, I mean this to me is entirely banal, I appreciate a good meal but there are a million other things that are more interesting to me than if a place was "sooo good" or "sooo bad". I can fake interest in this and spin up some anecdotes of my own but this is an instant demotivater for me to continue the date.
Lastly, the gossip front, well this is self explanatory but to give some concrete examples. "My friend xyz recently did this and I couldnt believe it because I didnt think she was that type of person, yada yada yada", or "Person abc did something that affected this relation in my social circle and I find it surprising". I can give more specific examples if needed.
Nevertheless, I am losing hope in dating and I understand the suggestion to stop hitting on girls in bars or on swipe apps, but I have largely failed in other types of meetup attempts. I have tried running clubs, co-ed sports leagues, meet ups of various kinds through facebook, and I have only met older women there that I do not find attractive, or if they are younger they are already in relationships. So bars/clubs and apps are my only avenues at this age.
What should I do?