I’m cheating on her at this moment

[darksprezzatura]

I understand both the views in this thread.
Cheating = Lying and deceiving
Cheating = Strategy to spread seed

I’d never cheated on a relationship before, but once I did, I was in pain and guilt. Continuing to cheat more didn’t resolve anything. It was selfish on my part


What this helped me realise is that I cheated due to my expectations not being met. Even when some of those expectations weren’t justified.

My woman’s unavailability when I wanted to communicate, meet etc pissed me off because I didn’t trust her. The issue is, even when she hasn’t given me any real reason, and has just showered love on me. Ironically, I broke her trust due to my own trust issues.

I’ve realised that it can hurt the person who betrays just like the person who got betrayed.

This helps me understand that not everyone is inherently untrustworthy, and even someone breaks your trust, they would regret and feel guilt and pain, they will suffer.

Maybe with the loss of someone who loved them, or in silence with the guilt/pain.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I understand both the views in this thread.
Cheating = Lying and deceiving
Cheating = Strategy to spread seed

I’d never cheated on a relationship before, but once I did, I was in pain and guilt. Continuing to cheat more didn’t resolve anything. It was selfish on my part


What this helped me realise is that I cheated due to my expectations not being met. Even when some of those expectations weren’t justified.

My woman’s unavailability when I wanted to communicate, meet etc pissed me off because I didn’t trust her. The issue is, even when she hasn’t given me any real reason, and has just showered love on me. Ironically, I broke her trust due to my own trust issues.

I’ve realised that it can hurt the person who betrays just like the person who got betrayed.

This helps me understand that not everyone is inherently untrustworthy, and even someone breaks your trust, they would regret and feel guilt and pain, they will suffer.

Maybe with the loss of someone who loved them, or in silence with the guilt/pain.

It sounds like you need therapy.

 

[BeExcellent]

Life is a journey; a process of maturation and becoming. OP you are maturing as a human being.

Cheers

 

[EyeBRollin]

What this helped me realise is that I cheated due to my expectations not being met. Even when some of those expectations weren’t justified.

That is not why you cheated. You can have the perfect woman meeting 100% of your expectations… guaranteed you will still feel the urge for other pvssy. It is biological. The entire porn industry is built off of this urge..

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Deception destroys trust, period. When you destroy trust you destroy the faith someone has placed in you as a human being. Have the courage to be honest about who you are and what you need. Be fearless.

Sneaking around is for liars and weak people who lack character.

So when's the last time you went out in public without any makeup BE (i.e., as a man would)?

Noone is refuting that. It's about how one handles that urge, both men and women cause women can feel that urge too.

That's what defines commitment and separates the strong from the weak, imo.

Gentlemen, this is the thanks we get for building the world.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Noone is refuting that. It's about how one handles that urge, both men and women cause women can feel that urge too.

Not in the same way as a man but she can feel sexual desire too for another man depending on the man.

What does a woman sacrifice that is commensurate to a man rejecting his biological imperative?

 

[Murk]

I hope you took a shower before having sex bruh....cant take a dump and then go fuyk right away hahah eww

This was my first thought. I sh*t in the morning and shower straight after. I couldn't imagine smashing a new girl while being dirty.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Lol, where did I say or even suggest to "reject" it? This biological "imperative"?

Lord I am so sick of that word lol but anyway, when in a committed relationship or marriage, you don't reject it, you handle it. You deal with it like a mature adult.

By either being honest about it like my dad was and like @Be suggested, or you fight the urge out of respect for your relationship, your partner and yourself.

Or don't commit in the first place.

It's called having integrity, which sadly is sorely lacking in our society today, imo.

This does not answer the question. Men are ingrained by the creator to fvck around. Society expects him to reject this programming. What do women offer as a commensurate sacrifice?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Anyway, as I said earlier, it's a futile argument, we will never agree on this, which is fine.

You are promoting the female mating strategy over the male mating strategy. Encouraging men to be sexually monogamous is analogous to encouraging women to date broke men.

 

[BeExcellent]

So when's the last time you went out in public without any makeup BE (i.e., as a man would)?

Often. I rarely wear makeup. I have good skin, and not wearing make up avoids wear and tear on my face. I have also habitually avoided sun exposure and if I know I’m going to be in sun I wear sunscreen and often a hat. Nothing ages you faster than over exposure to the sun. I can get up, brush my hair, wear something cute & go out. Even if I do wear make up it’s typically, mascara & lipstick only. I do not wear makeup at work ever. I have found it creates distraction.

I’m pretty without it. Always have been.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Well since you've tossed our Creator into the discussion, how about pregnancy and enduring the pain of childbirth? Or risking other injury, including in some unfortunate circumstances death?

To bear your offspring?

That is a woman’s natural role. An equal sacrifice is something counter to natural female programming. (I.e. you should give broke men a chance)

 

[EyeBRollin]

Right back at ya mate.

Best of luck with your marriage.

Don’t get personal.

The answer is women are not asked sacrifice anything counter to their natural programming. Men have to sacrifice for “the good of society.” And based on the data, it doesn’t work. Women are still sharing men.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Don’t get personal.

The answer is women are not asked sacrifice anything counter to their natural programming. Men have to sacrifice for “the good of society.” And based on the data, it doesn’t work. Women are still sharing men.

There's Women's Lib, but no Men's Lib.

I usually don't endorse feeding Cats scraps, but this is a good takedown.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well since you've tossed our Creator into the discussion, how about pregnancy and enduring the pain of childbirth? Or risking other injury, including in some unfortunate circumstances death?

To bear your offspring?

That's the ultimate sacrifice as what's written in the Bible and how many people believe.

Meanwhile you're out fvcking other chicks.

Nice.
.

Ya missing the bit about wars and occupational death and whatnot

Not here to change your mind.

Nor anyone else's right?

Gentlemen, this is what bullsh1t looks like.

There is no good reason for this poster to be here.

Meow

 

[EyeBRollin]

There's Women's Lib, but no Men's Lib.

It is rich. If society wants men to be monogamous, women need to give average and below average men a chance. That’s how everyone would get “their person.” Problem is women refuse that idea. Women instead share the winners.

 

[Pandora]

Advice from the old lady:

People cheat for different reasons. Some for the thrill (predominantly men do this), some for attention (predominantly women do this), some to serve ego, some out of lack of self control, and onward.

All cheaters cheat out of lack, out of a void within themselves and the void is gnawing at them such that they risk damaging the “exclusive” relationship secondary to the deceit and breach of trust.

Not too long ago I got involved with my playboy friend. Prior to my current relationship, and I met my fiancé while out with the playboy actually. The playboy had fancied me since meeting me while I was with a prior LTR. Very early on we had a talk about things. The playboy had been suddenly and rudely indoctrinated into the red pill mindset when he caught his wife cheating, who he ADORED and loved with all his being, and that broke his psyche so badly that he swore off allowing himself to ever love like that again.

He had consciously decided, since he is socially adroit and highly intelligent, as well as tall, trim & good looking, to leverage those traits into closely studying female behavior and having sex with who ever he liked. I told him if he wanted things to go anywhere with me, I require absolute honesty, and zero double standards, meaning if he was going to see whoever & do whatever he pleased, I was similarly allowed the same freedoms. I was recovering from the sudden loss of a relationship with a man I had loved deeply but had left abruptly after intolerable behavior.

What developed was an open relationship with rock solid trust at its core. If I had a date or had Saturday night reserved for someone else, I said so. If he had someone else he was going to spend time with, he said so. There were no secrets or deception, and there was no judgement. And over time HE became more and more emotionally attached to me, which freaked him out because as he fell in love it scared him to be so invested in a woman. People would meet us together and assume not only that we were married but that we had been happily married 10 years or more. Other women he had been involved with would tell me he was in love with me & they were at once envious and amazed at our interaction. But he knew that ultimately an open situation was not my goal; he knew eventually he would lose me. After we had a weekend trip together which brought us very close, the next weekend we were out with another couple. He got horrendously drunk and flipped out. We broke things off. That night I met my fiancé. I think I was single a whopping 2 hours.

Relationships can only succeed where trust is intact. Cheating, by definition is deception. A lie. It tramples and ruins trust. Have the strength of character to be honest and open about what you need. Be fearlessly bold in this regard. Whatever construct you determine for your relationships be honest with yourself and your partner.

The thing I learned in my involvement with my playboy friend was that for some men, sex is different from love, and this did not threaten me as long as he was truthful. I knew I had his heart, and there was plenty of sex as well, but he saw sex less as a means of emotional connection and more as something outside the emotional intimacy that we built. Ultimately it was the emotional intimacy that he could not handle in the context of knowing what I ultimately wanted, and knowing that in time he’d lose me.

My fiancé is aware of the construct in that relationship, has met my playboy friend (and out of respect for my man I do not maintain that friendship)…but it was an experience that exemplifies the logic held around here in many ways.

Deception destroys trust, period. When you destroy trust you destroy the faith someone has placed in you as a human being. Have the courage to be honest about who you are and what you need. Be fearless.

Sneaking around is for liars and weak people who lack character.

Great story. You said a lot of truth here. Sneaking around is for liars and weak people. In a more ideal society women would already know that men fyck around occasionally.

Maybe in this gynocentric society men should start telling women " i love you with all my heart, i will provide and protect you. Everyonce in a blue moon I may have meaningless sex with a tramp I barely know. I dont know why I do it...i just do. Sorry". Im sure that will turn out well.

Kinda like Jodi.

 

[Pandora]

Well since you've tossed our Creator into the discussion, how about pregnancy and enduring the pain of childbirth? Or risking other injury, including in some unfortunate circumstances death?

To bear your offspring?

That's the ultimate sacrifice as what's written in the Bible and how many people believe.

Meanwhile you're out fvcking other chicks.

Nice.
.

To be fair Catsmeow I think men where designed to have multiple wifes. Most of the Old Testament patriarchs had multiple women. So..........does that not show that God sanctions male promiscuity?

If men were allowed to have multiple wives then cheating would be uneccesary. Yet again those crazy Muslims and Mormons were on to something.

 

[Pandora]

It is rich. If society wants men to be monogamous, women need to give average and below average men a chance. That’s how everyone would get “their person.” Problem is women refuse that idea. Women instead share the winners.

Women: I want my man hot af, also to be 6 foot 3 with wash board abs, perfect face, 2 million in the bank, wanted by all the other women...........but he better not cheat.

He better excercise more self control than I have EVER excercised in my fat, muffin top, single mother azz life. He must ignore the MOST powerful instinct in his body. He must ignore 10 million years of evolution and enough testosterone to kill a small cat. Yup....seems fair.

 

[BeExcellent]

There are men, @Pandora, who have the character not to have sex outside the relationship, and that is a choice those men make irrespective of urges. A man might have the urge to drink to excess, to party, to fight, gamble to excess, to drive recklessly etc. There are always urges to do things. The impulse control exercised to be faithful in many ways no different. I mean shooting heroin might be one hell of a rush too, but is it a good idea? That must be answered by each man according to his code of conduct.

All I’m saying is have integrity about who you are & what you are about. At the end of the day I’m not interested in an open arrangement and never have been - for me - and I have enough value added that I can find men who sign on for a committed loyal relationship. Not everyone wants that. But rather than justify the behaviors as “male imperative” or some other generalization people hide behind, own it as that is who you are and what you want at this juncture.

The problem of course is, if you are dealing with a woman who doesn’t agree with that arrangement and who has enough value & self esteem to walk away from it? Well. Many a man has started lying because he wants his cake & eat it too & knows his primary partner will not accept such an arrangement. So rather than exist in his truth he deceives.

That truly is the devil’s playground.

 

[Pandora]

There are men, @Pandora, who have the character not to have sex outside the relationship, and that is a choice those men make irrespective of urges. A man might have the urge to drink to excess, to party, to fight, gamble to excess, to drive recklessly etc. There are always urges to do things. The impulse control exercised to be faithful in many ways no different. I mean shooting heroin might be one hell of a rush too, but is it a good idea? That must be answered by each man according to his code of conduct.

All I’m saying is have integrity about who you are & what you are about. At the end of the day I’m not interested in an open arrangement and never have been - for me - and I have enough value added that I can find men who sign on for a committed loyal relationship. Not everyone wants that. But rather than justify the behaviors as “male imperative” or some other generalization people hide behind, own it as that is who you are and what you want at this juncture.

The problem of course is, if you are dealing with a woman who doesn’t agree with that arrangement and who has enough value & self esteem to walk away from it? Well. Many a man has started lying because he wants his cake & eat it too & knows his primary partner will not accept such an arrangement. So rather than exist in his truth he deceives.

That truly is the devil’s playground.

I agree. There are men who dont cheat. Lemme ask this. If these men had access to the hottest women and would not get caught...would they still be faithful?