Advice from the old lady:
People cheat for different reasons. Some for the thrill (predominantly men do this), some for attention (predominantly women do this), some to serve ego, some out of lack of self control, and onward.
All cheaters cheat out of lack, out of a void within themselves and the void is gnawing at them such that they risk damaging the “exclusive” relationship secondary to the deceit and breach of trust.
Not too long ago I got involved with my playboy friend. Prior to my current relationship, and I met my fiancé while out with the playboy actually. The playboy had fancied me since meeting me while I was with a prior LTR. Very early on we had a talk about things. The playboy had been suddenly and rudely indoctrinated into the red pill mindset when he caught his wife cheating, who he ADORED and loved with all his being, and that broke his psyche so badly that he swore off allowing himself to ever love like that again.
He had consciously decided, since he is socially adroit and highly intelligent, as well as tall, trim & good looking, to leverage those traits into closely studying female behavior and having sex with who ever he liked. I told him if he wanted things to go anywhere with me, I require absolute honesty, and zero double standards, meaning if he was going to see whoever & do whatever he pleased, I was similarly allowed the same freedoms. I was recovering from the sudden loss of a relationship with a man I had loved deeply but had left abruptly after intolerable behavior.
What developed was an open relationship with rock solid trust at its core. If I had a date or had Saturday night reserved for someone else, I said so. If he had someone else he was going to spend time with, he said so. There were no secrets or deception, and there was no judgement. And over time HE became more and more emotionally attached to me, which freaked him out because as he fell in love it scared him to be so invested in a woman. People would meet us together and assume not only that we were married but that we had been happily married 10 years or more. Other women he had been involved with would tell me he was in love with me & they were at once envious and amazed at our interaction. But he knew that ultimately an open situation was not my goal; he knew eventually he would lose me. After we had a weekend trip together which brought us very close, the next weekend we were out with another couple. He got horrendously drunk and flipped out. We broke things off. That night I met my fiancé. I think I was single a whopping 2 hours.
Relationships can only succeed where trust is intact. Cheating, by definition is deception. A lie. It tramples and ruins trust. Have the strength of character to be honest and open about what you need. Be fearlessly bold in this regard. Whatever construct you determine for your relationships be honest with yourself and your partner.
The thing I learned in my involvement with my playboy friend was that for some men, sex is different from love, and this did not threaten me as long as he was truthful. I knew I had his heart, and there was plenty of sex as well, but he saw sex less as a means of emotional connection and more as something outside the emotional intimacy that we built. Ultimately it was the emotional intimacy that he could not handle in the context of knowing what I ultimately wanted, and knowing that in time he’d lose me.
My fiancé is aware of the construct in that relationship, has met my playboy friend (and out of respect for my man I do not maintain that friendship)…but it was an experience that exemplifies the logic held around here in many ways.
Deception destroys trust, period. When you destroy trust you destroy the faith someone has placed in you as a human being. Have the courage to be honest about who you are and what you need. Be fearless.
Sneaking around is for liars and weak people who lack character.