How Important Is Communication In A LTR?

[soulforge]

Soul weren't you spinning some plates? Did you go exclusive after you dropped that girl you weren't into anymore?

I went exclusive with this one around 6 weeks ago, and I dropped the other plate as I simply don't fancy her anymore

 

[soulforge]

Unless you say something, this is going to bug you and you'll start to imagine things and get angry at her for those imaginary things.

State your boundaries and let her decide, in or out.

"Hey, you didn't text me when you got home like you usually do. For me, when I'm in a LTR I like to just hear that you're safely home. This is kind of important to me. If it's not important to you, then let maybe me know and I guess we're not really compatible after all."

Something to this effect. Just be sure to practice what you preach.

Will it not make me look pathetic and weak letting her know my expectation on this?

She has messaged me asking if everything is ok

 

[Murk]

Ignore her calls and texts for a day or two. She couldn’t send you a morning text because she had a dude in her bed she was sucking off. She felt too guilty or maybe just doesn’t care that’s why she’s acting like nothing happened. Movie night with Tyrone then back to his for a creampie and anal.

 

[soulforge]

Ignore her calls and texts for a day or two. She couldn’t send you a morning text because she had a dude in her bed she was sucking off. She felt too guilty or maybe just doesn’t care that’s why she’s acting like nothing happened. Movie night with Tyrone then back to his for a creampie and anal.

So she just rang me now. I took the call..

Anyway she wanted to know why I am not talking etc.. I simply told her that I have been busy.

She asked how I am. I told her I am ok...

I simply told her, you didn't let me know if you got home ok last night, and for me that's a deal breaker.

She basically said that she was tired and she is sorry she didn't message and it won't happen again.

She claims I didn't reply back to one of her messages, but that isn't true, I did reply back.

So she apologized again and said it won't happen again.

I don't know man, I get serious doubts about this girl.

She sent me two messages on WhatsApp, and then two on FB and than rang me too.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Thanks mate. The video wasn't sent as proof, she usually just sends things like that.

However the trust situation is becoming a problem. If she goes out, the minimum should be just letting me know she got back ok.. not only that, she didn't even text me like she normally does in the morning.

Something is very off there.. First no message to let me know she got home ok, then no good morning text or a text to let me know why she didn't text last night.

And now she has messaged me, asking how my day has been, like as if nothing has happened.

Clearly these are shvt tests to see if I lose my cool over her pulling away like that .

Do you think I should communicate and let her know what is up? As she sent me a text asking if everything is ok and why I am not replying.

Clearly she knows what is up, but she won't say it.

You might be right, or might not be. I just don't think that is the main issue here. The main thing is your mental peace is at stake, thread carefully. Peace of mind is one of my standards when it comes to women and especially if it's a woman I want to commit to. Can she offer me peace of mind? The answer has to ALWAYS be a sounding yes, no two ways about it.

To your question and the main point of your post, obviously, it bothers you. So do communicate that to her. Just do it in a well-composed manner. Control your emotions and don't sound jealous or possessive as it translates to insecure.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

So she just rang me now. I took the call..

Anyway she wanted to know why I am not talking etc.. I simply told her that I have been busy.

She asked how I am. I told her I am ok...

I simply told her, you didn't let me know if you got home ok last night, and for me that's a deal breaker.

She basically said that she was tired and she is sorry she didn't message and it won't happen again.

She claims I didn't reply back to one of her messages, but that isn't true, I did reply back.

So she apologized again and said it won't happen again.

I don't know man, I get serious doubts about this girl.

She sent me two messages on WhatsApp, and then two on FB and than rang me too.

The fact that you are freaking out over this tells me that either you have a good enough reason not to trust her or you are crae crae lol.

 

[soulforge]

The fact that you are freaking out over this tells me that either you have a good enough reason not to trust her or you are crae crae lol.

I do have a good reason not to trust her now.. Bvch didn't even let me know when/how she got home. I did trust her prior to this.

 

[Murk]

She played dumb as well like an idiot, keep smashing her but use the weekdays to monkey branch/spin other plates this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

 

[soulforge]

You might be right, or might not be. I just don't think that is the main issue here. The main thing is your mental peace is at stake, thread carefully. Peace of mind is one of my standards when it comes to women and especially if it's a woman I want to commit to. Can she offer me peace of mind? The answer has to ALWAYS be a sounding yes, no two ways about it.

To your question and the main point of your post, obviously, it bothers you. So do communicate that to her. Just do it in a well-composed manner. Control your emotions and don't sound jealous or possessive as it translates to insecure.

I have to be honest with you man... 4 months in and it's not been much peace of mind, has been some ups and downs.

This is why I intend to pull back. And asses how I want to handle her.

As for my conversation with her.

I simply told her this.

"It's quite important me, that you got home ok and safe. You should be letting me know this, just as standard practice, especially when it's late at night"

I didn't shout or get emotional, simply said it as matter of fact.... I also didn't question her about last night, what she did, where she went as that would come across as jealous.

She basically told me herself that she got home early and didn't text me, as she thought I would be going to sleep. I actually don't buy that as an excuse.

So I suppose she will either take on board what I have said, or she will act up even further.

I know for a fact that I need to pull back a little and maybe even flip the script on her, give her a taste of her own medicine

 

[soulforge]

She played dumb as well like an idiot, keep smashing her but use the weekdays to monkey branch/spin other plates this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

This definitely isn't going anywhere. By the way I'm by nature a very suspicious person, and I study quite carefully a persons patterns around me.

Last night when she didn't contact me, I noticed that she was online FB messenger for several hours.

To be honest, when she is out out or getting fuked by someone or getting drunk etc, she would definitely be offline.

The fact that she was online tells me she was likely at home

 

[Stanley]

I have to be honest with you man... 4 months in and it's not been much peace of mind, has been some ups and downs.

This is why I intend to pull back. And asses how I want to handle her.

As for my conversation with her.

I simply told her this.

"It's quite important me, that you got home ok and safe. You should be letting me know this, just as standard practice, especially when it's late at night"

I didn't shout or get emotional, simply said it as matter of fact.... I also didn't question her about last night, what she did, where she went as that would come across as jealous.

She basically told me herself that she got home early and didn't text me, as she thought I would be going to sleep. I actually don't buy that as an excuse.

So I suppose she will either take on board what I have said, or she will act up even further.

I know for a fact that I need to pull back a little and maybe even flip the script on her, give her a taste of her own medicine

I think you guys just need to have a conversation and communicate more clearly.

Establish boundaries and make them clear. If you don't trust her you don't trust her, try and address that... otherwise just move on. This is a relationship and not a plate so you gotta use nuance. If you haven't had a piece of mind while being committed to her there is probably a reason for that, listen to your gut but also your head. If the relationship has been defined then boundaries and expectations should've been clear from that point onwards.

@Modern Man Advice hit it on the head.

 

[soulforge]

I think you guys just need to have a conversation and communicate more clearly.

Establish boundaries and make them clear. If you don't trust her you don't trust her, try and address that... otherwise just move on. This is a relationship and not a plate so you gotta use nuance. If you haven't had a piece of mind while being committed to her there is probably a reason for that, listen to your gut but also your head. If the relationship has been defined then boundaries and expectations should've been clear from that point onwards.

@Modern Man Advice hit it on the head.

Well some boundaries have been clearly laid out from day one.

01. No Male friends
02. No Nights Out in Bars/Clubs
03. No travelling alone or with the girls

This particular boundary I didn't feel I needed to spell out to her, as it's just fvckin common sense.

Now that I have made it clear to her, guess will have to see how she reacts to it.

To be honest man, I feel so shvtty for even having to communicate this to her.

Also if this was a shvt test, it kinda failed. In the end she messaged me 4x times trying to find out what is up, then she ended up ringing me.

I could have handled it a little differently by ignoring her a call a few times.

Also I felt stupid having to say to her, that that the issue is we need to have a quick chat about last night

 

[Stanley]

Well some boundaries have been clearly laid out from day one.

01. No Male friends
02. No Nights Out in Bars/Clubs
03. No travelling alone or with the girls

This particular boundary I didn't feel I needed to spell out to her, as it's just fvckin common sense.

Now that I have made it clear to her, guess will have to see how she reacts to it.

To be honest man, I feel so shvtty for even having to communicate this to her.

Also if this was a shvt test, it kinda failed. In the end she messaged me 4x times trying to find out what is up, then she ended up ringing me.

I could have handled it a little differently by ignoring her a call a few times.

Also I felt stupid having to say to her, that that the issue is we need to have a quick chat about last night

Don't over think it. If it is a **** test it is a ****ty one. I wouldn't want a girl for an ltr who tests me when I all I ask for is clear communication she got home safely. It isn't 'beta' it isn't weak. Don't play games with her remain direct, clear and composed.

 

[soulforge]

Don't over think it. If it is a **** test it is a ****ty one. I wouldn't want a girl for an ltr who tests me when I all I ask for is clear communication she got home safely. It isn't 'beta' it isn't weak. Don't play games with her remain direct, clear and composed.

Well I was pretty direct about, how letting me she got home safe is just standard practice and is something she should be following through.

I won't lie, she didn't put up a fight... She apologized and said it won't happen again.

However I think I need to distance myself a little from her. I'm in no rush to LTR her..

I think anymore issues from her, from here on, it will have to be a straight up next

 

[Stanley]

Well I was pretty direct about, how letting me she got home safe is just standard practice and is something she should be following through.

I won't lie, she didn't put up a fight... She apologized and said it won't happen again.

However I think I need to distance myself a little from her. I'm in no rush to LTR her..

I think anymore issues from her, from here on, it will have to be a straight up next

Instead of distance how about you just take some space for yourself?

Don't think of it as pushing her away, don't do that if you like her. Instead focus inwards and compose yourself. Come back to the whole thing with a clear head and remain in your frame. The abundance of responses here can cloud and distort your judgement. You mention you are not a trusting person, I am not either. With that in mind I recognize most responses here will push you to be excessively cautious when it may not be warranted... Only you know in reality what things are.

The fact she apologized and said it won't happen again is good. Perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt 'within reason' and see if her words match her actions in the future. If they don't you have your answer and should know how to proceed.

Yes, communication in a relationship is important both in the overt and covert realm. It is not cliche.

 

[soulforge]

I am certain this girl is full of lies.

She sent me a message 30 minutes ago, telling me that she is going to try and sleep and goodnight.

The within 5 minutes she is back on Facebook messenger chatting away.

The gloves are coming off man, I'm simply going to ignore the schvt out of her from tomorrow onwards

 

[Stanley]

I am certain this girl is full of lies.

She sent me a message 30 minutes ago, telling me that she is going to try and sleep and goodnight.

The within 5 minutes she is back on Facebook messenger chatting away.

The gloves are coming off man, I'm simply going to ignore the schvt out of her from tomorrow onwards

If you're certain then cut the cord

 

[soulforge]

If you're certain then cut the cord

Well look at it this way.. She tells me that it's her bedtime and she will try to sleep, she goes offline. Then comes back onto Facebook messenger pretty much immediately and stays on it.

That could be seen as her getting rid of me, by saying goodnight. Then only to come back to chat to whoever once I have gone

 

[soulforge]

@soulforge your girl is a liar, has very little if any respect for you and I would seriously consider ending your relationship.

I'm sorry man.

Yeh I mean I have noticed her do this before.. not only now.

Noticed her say goodnight to me, then stay on Facebook messenger after I have gone.

Usually for about 15 minutes after I have gone. Tonight she said goodnight to me, and stayed on for half an hour and longer.

She is still on it now.

Anyway she is addicted to social media and will claim that she couldn't sleep if I question her on it.

By the way, this conversation I had with her about respecting certain boundaries, could quite easily be seen as an opportunity by her to manipulate or play even more games.

I think it's like she simply has no consideration.

I'm going to cut her loose.. I think first start with distancing myself... Let her hamster spin, then will dump her.

It's getting totally ridiculous

 

[Stanley]

Yeh I mean I have noticed her do this before.. not only now.

Noticed her say goodnight to me, then stay on Facebook messenger after I have gone.

Usually for about 15 minutes after I have gone. Tonight she said goodnight to me, and stayed on for half an hour and longer.

She is still on it now.

Anyway she is addicted to social media and will claim that she couldn't sleep if I question her on it.

By the way, this conversation I had with her about respecting certain boundaries, could quite easily be seen as an opportunity by her to manipulate or play even more games.

I think it's like she simply has no consideration.

I'm going to cut her loose.. I think first start with distancing myself... Let her hamster spin, then will dump her.

It's getting totally ridiculous

You don't trust her just end it