I need some texting advice

[BeExcellent]

To answer Cat’s question I do not initiate at all in the beginning, ever. Not for about the first month or so, and after that it’s about 60-70% him & about 30-40% me initiating max, ever, over the life of the interaction.

I only deal with men I have high interest in and I take a wait & see stance to gauge his interest in me. I know my value, so I stay quiet & see if he does. I am patient and don’t worry about men who don’t reach out (which is very few), and when a guy does reach out I am receptive & charming & warm (positive reinforcement) and will make plans with him if he asks. But I let him ask.

And because I have the value and because I require investment from men (men who women often don’t require effort from because these are men women chase) these men fall for me. I’m physically attractive but so are lots of women. I’m more interesting more intriguing and have a higher degree of difficulty (read effort/investment required) to obtain…but I’m also charming, sexy, fun, and easy to be with. I am a favorable reflection on the man I am with and men love this.

People love what they invest in. So I screen for a willingness to invest time & effort and I do not ever crowd the space a man needs to choose to make that investment…then he feels good about making the investment because of how I treat him when I respond.

So no. I do not ever chase. The only men I reach out to first are established friends who are strictly friends, never ever a man I have sexual desire for.

 

[BeExcellent]

My approach is polar opposite of the vast majority of women. It can seem like low interest to a low confidence man. I don’t want a low confidence man so it effectively screens those guys out.

Perfect.

 

[Divorced w 3]

To answer Cat’s question I do not initiate at all in the beginning, ever. Not for about the first month or so, and after that it’s about 60-70% him & about 30-40% me initiating max, ever, over the life of the interaction.

I only deal with men I have high interest in and I take a wait & see stance to gauge his interest in me. I know my value, so I stay quiet & see if he does. I am patient and don’t worry about men who don’t reach out (which is very few), and when a guy does reach out I am receptive & charming & warm (positive reinforcement) and will make plans with him if he asks. But I let him ask.

And because I have the value and because I require investment from men (men who women often don’t require effort from because these are men women chase) these men fall for me. I’m physically attractive but so are lots of women. I’m more interesting more intriguing and have a higher degree of difficulty (read effort/investment required) to obtain…but I’m also charming, sexy, fun, and easy to be with. I am a favorable reflection on the man I am with and men love this.

People love what they invest in. So I screen for a willingness to invest time & effort and I do not ever crowd the space a man needs to choose to make that investment…then he feels good about making the investment because of how I treat him when I respond.

So no. I do not ever chase. The only men I reach out to first are established friends who are strictly friends, never ever a man I have sexual desire for.

People do work harder when they have a vested interest. I agree. I wonder what you think of my little situation over the past few pages and whether I’m in similar boat, where she did make the initial and very definitive approach but since I have been the initiator. The time in person has been incredibly solid. Lots of kino, lots of positive body language, heavy making out with zero sex not for lack of effort or communicated intent on my aide. So what’s your read, if you wouldn’t mind, on why my girl gets back to me in short order but doesn’t start the convo herself?

 

[BeExcellent]

People do work harder when they have a vested interest. I agree. I wonder what you think of my little situation over the past few pages and whether I’m in similar boat, where she did make the initial and very definitive approach but since I have been the initiator. The time in person has been incredibly solid. Lots of kino, lots of positive body language, heavy making out with zero sex not for lack of effort or communicated intent on my aide. So what’s your read, if you wouldn’t mind, on why my girl gets back to me in short order but doesn’t start the convo herself?

To me, If she is responding warmly and well she is doing her part. If you want a feminine woman you want someone who is NOT trying to do or be in the male role of pursuer, leader, initiator. That’s masculine energy and it isn’t what feminine women do, modern empowerment (more masculine energy) aside.

Furthermore if you are a desirable man she can see that. So if you fall silent and do not reach out she is observing your interest level (or lack thereof) and your other options for she will assume you have other options if you are a sought after man (if she is high interest she is going to see you as desirable.). If she is discreet and secure in herself she will say nothing and will not ask about other women, but she will assume there are some. So your window to show interest is limited before she either assumes you prefer someone else instead of her and she loses interest or she isn’t getting indicators of interest at all and she moves on. Or she’ll simply choose another man over you who is making an effort to show his interest. In any of the above scenarios you lose out if you wait for her to reach out.

Men miss quality women expecting that quality women will pursue but that is not what a quality woman does.

Here’s how I meet men. I get well dressed out and I go somewhere. And then I am receptive to the men around me. I only select from men who show interest in me. And from there I am my charming engaging self.

My fiancé kept staring at me the night we met out at a venue. He saw me headed over and preemptively cleared me space right beside him (and he kept staring)…So I said hello & he made sure a conversation ensued, made sure he got my contact info., contacted me at 9am the next morning and immediately asked me out. He did not play games, did not act like a pen pal, did not d1ck around. Straight to the point, asked me out in his very 1st text to me. I said yes and we met at 11am for our first date.

There was no question he was interested in ME. You should hear him tell the story, it’s quite charming.

You ask her out. You shoot your shot. A man is direct and makes his interest known. He doesn’t beg but he makes clear what he wants.

You’ve done that here. If anything she thinks you are a bit full of yourself. It’s a fine line right? Confidence is cool but arrogance is annoying. No woman worth having wants to be another notch count on a player’s belt (unless you know the player is not going to be able to do without you….) and in that case you are much more than the player bargained for, and he’s all about a relationship then.

So it’s your move. Make one. Be a man but also show some humanity. A relationship is built on initiation/reception interactions. If those are mutually positive exchanges of value? That is what you want. Wash rinse repeat.

 

[Divorced w 3]

To me, If she is responding warmly and well she is doing her part. If you want a feminine woman you want someone who is NOT trying to do or be in the male role of pursuer, leader, initiator. That’s masculine energy and it isn’t what feminine women do, modern empowerment (more masculine energy) aside.

Furthermore if you are a desirable man she can see that. So if you fall silent and do not reach out she is observing your interest level (or lack thereof) and your other options for she will assume you have other options if you are a sought after man (if she is high interest she is going to see you as desirable.). If she is discreet and secure in herself she will say nothing and will not ask about other women, but she will assume there are some. So your window to show interest is limited before she either assumes you prefer someone else instead of her and she loses interest or she isn’t getting indicators of interest at all and she moves on. Or she’ll simply choose another man over you who is making an effort to show his interest. In any of the above scenarios you lose out if you wait for her to reach out.

Men miss quality women expecting that quality women will pursue but that is not what a quality woman does.

Here’s how I meet men. I get well dressed out and I go somewhere. And then I am receptive to the men around me. I only select from men who show interest in me. And from there I am my charming engaging self.

My fiancé kept staring at me the night we met out at a venue. He saw me headed over and preemptively cleared me space right beside him (and he kept staring)…So I said hello & he made sure a conversation ensued, made sure he got my contact info., contacted me at 9am the next morning and immediately asked me out. He did not play games, did not act like a pen pal, did not d1ck around. Straight to the point, asked me out in his very 1st text to me. I said yes and we met at 11am for our first date.

There was no question he was interested in ME. You should hear him tell the story, it’s quite charming.

You ask her out. You shoot your shot. A man is direct and makes his interest known. He doesn’t beg but he makes clear what he wants.

You’ve done that here. If anything she thinks you are a bit full of yourself. It’s a fine line right? Confidence is cool but arrogance is annoying. No woman worth having wants to be another notch count on a player’s belt (unless you know the player is not going to be able to do without you….) and in that case you are much more than the player bargained for, and he’s all about a relationship then.

So it’s your move. Make one. Be a man but also show some humanity. A relationship is built on initiation/reception interactions. If those are mutually positive exchanges of value? That is what you want. Wash rinse repeat.

This is well thought out and insightful and I appreciate it. I am traveling this weekend with my hands full and limited time to respond properly. I let her know I was out of town for weekend. I have a back and forth opinion on texting between next meetup. Especially without sex a couple of times.

I offered to bring her hat back on Tuesday which she was obviously happy about. If you’re me what’s the move between here and Tuesday?

Also, as for Tuesday, she knows I work in the city hence it not being a massive problem dropping her stuff off. To me, this trip should result in her making/ordering food and / or sex, preferably both. Thoughts on that?

 

[Dr.Suave]

@Divorced w 3 you can take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt but gonna say anyway fwiw.

I think @Be made some great points.

Also, it's like I said earlier either to you or OP but many of you guys are great at initially pulling and getting the first date, but unable to maintain and move forward after that.

You said you need HER to show interest before you're able to escalate with higher IOIs yourself.

Why? You had a great date, she was all over you physically but not ready for sex which is understandable and typical of women 30+ who have had some experience and as @BeExcellent said, have no interest in being another notch on your belt.

Based on that, why can't you just assume she's highly attracted and interested, why do you need her to initiate and chase?

One of the issues I'm seeing is admittedly you're not used to dealing with women 30+, your preferred demographic is early-mid 20s.

Well, 30+ women are not going to respond or behave like women 20-25 who have less experience and will chase.

So in that sense I agree with what @Dr.Suave said, she may be too old for you.

I'm wondering how you were able to build attraction and intimacy with your ex wife?

I mean she fell in love with you, and I assume vice versa, that required you to be vulnerable. An emotion you appear to be uncomfortable feeling and expressing.

Even re something as indicating your strong interest after the first date.

Think about it. She asked you to text when you got home. You were tired so didn't.

Not even something as simple as "hey I'm home, had a great time, exhausted gonna crash, talk to ya soon."

Then the following day, your first text was "thanks for the hat."

I mean WTF man, really?

I'm sensing fear in your posts, wtf are you so afraid of?

If all you want is the bang, then my advice is forget about this girl and move on.

But IF you really like this chick and want something more, a bit deeper than merely a bang, another notch, then consider my words, and @Be's, step the hell up and stop being so afraid. Take a damn risk.

Take or leave.

Ciao.

@Divorced w 3

Just in case you didnt read @catsmeow2 post, the TLDR version is that basically shee agrees with me that she is too old for you bro. Spin younger plates.

 

[Divorced w 3]

@Divorced w 3

Just in case you didnt read @catsmeow2 post, the TLDR version is that basically shee agrees with me that she is too old for you bro. Spin younger plates.

Is it just me or does she not seem interested?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Is it just me or does she not seem interested?

The hat girl? Why do you think she is not interested?

 

[Divorced w 3]

The hat girl? Why do you think she is not interested?

if hat girl was interested I should hear from her, no? I understand the points made by the two ladies above but the hamster is a real thing and it does not seem to be running. Only thought I have against that thesis is that she seems a bit nervous

 

[Dr.Suave]

if hat girl was interested I should hear from her, no? I understand the points made by the two ladies above but the hamster is a real thing and it does not seem to be running. Only thought I have against that thesis is that she seems a bit nervous

You are overthinking bro. Keep it simple. Stick to the basics.

1.- Ask her out. She has to say yes or counter offer, otherwise its a no.
B.- You escalate. She might not open her legs today but as long a you get away with a little bit more each time, sometimes there nothing wrong with being patient. Especially if you have other plates. Who cares if this one takes a little bit longer to open her legs?

 

[Dr.Suave]

In @Divorced w 3 ´s case, hes not gonna lose that girl, he is gonna dogde a bullet. At 33 years old that girl is around epiphany phase and "is over" with ONS, FWB, Casual sex, etc. and shes ready to settle down with a nice beta provider. She will soon have marriage rabies and baby rabies if she doesnt already.

 

[Divorced w 3]

In @Divorced w 3 ´s case, hes not gonna lose that girl, he is gonna dogde a bullet. At 33 years old that girl is around epiphany phase and "is over" with ONS, FWB, Casual sex, etc. and shes ready to settle down with a nice beta provider. She will soon have marriage rabies and baby rabies if she doesnt already.

If that is true, then who has the leverage?

 

[Dr.Suave]

If that is true, then who has the leverage?

If you have other plates, you. If you have One-itis and/or scarcity mentality, she does.

 

[Divorced w 3]

It sounds like he's really into her though.

I agree with your post about taking her out! The entire post.

Hence the video I uploaded.

I agree that taking someone out for a date is a big IOI for me, but don’t read too hard into the interest in being technically proficient as a minor obsession… I didn’t go from summer One-itis to smashing college students by not being a good student

 

[Divorced w 3]

If you have other plates, you. If you have One-itis and/or scarcity mentality, she does.

Agree. It was somewhat rhetorical. She’s cool no doubt and tbh every now and then the idea of having a teacher around to help out periodically, not terrible

 

[BeExcellent]

This is well thought out and insightful and I appreciate it. I am traveling this weekend with my hands full and limited time to respond properly. I let her know I was out of town for weekend. I have a back and forth opinion on texting between next meetup. Especially without sex a couple of times.

I offered to bring her hat back on Tuesday which she was obviously happy about. If you’re me what’s the move between here and Tuesday?

Also, as for Tuesday, she knows I work in the city hence it not being a massive problem dropping her stuff off. To me, this trip should result in her making/ordering food and / or sex, preferably both. Thoughts on that?

Here’s my advice. You send her a photo of her hat doing something interesting. Atop a fence post in the country, in a pretty garden, on a statue or a gargoyle if there is one low enough. You say nothing else you just send an intriguing photo.

Here what this communicates: You are somewhere doing something interesting yet you were thoughtful & amusing enough to think of her and send a momento by way of a photo.

If she responds in a (+) way you say “Too bad you are not here under your hat” with a winking emoji or happy purple devil emoji and you continue with “See you Tuesday” and a smiling emoji.

Then you don’t have to say anything else until Tuesday when you’ll want to confirm place & time.

Less is more. People think more about you when you give them space to wonder about you early on.

That’s my play. Others may disagree, but you want to show her you’re thinking of her and yet remain a bit mysterious at the same time.

Cheers.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Here’s my advice. You send her a photo of her hat doing something interesting. Atop a fence post in the country, in a pretty garden, on a statue or a gargoyle if there is one low enough. You say nothing else you just send an intriguing photo.

Here what this communicates: You are somewhere doing something interesting yet you were thoughtful & amusing enough to think of her and send a momento by way of a photo.

If she responds in a (+) way you say “Too bad you are not here under your hat” with a winking emoji or happy purple devil emoji and you continue with “See you Tuesday” and a smiling emoji.

Then you don’t have to say anything else until Tuesday when you’ll want to confirm place & time.

Less is more. People think more about you when you give them space to wonder about you early on.

That’s my play. Others may disagree, but you want to show her you’re thinking of her and yet remain a bit mysterious at the same time.

Cheers.

Great idea. Had a similar one. Then brought hat in house and left it. If I add a line under it saying you’re hat would be on ‘x’ object is that too much?

 

[BeExcellent]

Too much. The whole idea is to let her mind fill in the blanks my dear.

Just an interesting photo of the hat. Nothing more.

And NOT on you or your junk either. Lol.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Too much. The whole idea is to let her mind fill in the blanks my dear.

Just an interesting photo of the hat. Nothing more.

And NOT on you or your junk either. Lol.

Alright so I don’t have the hat, I’ll just take a sick photo and go with the rest of it. Appreciate ya

 

[Divorced w 3]

Alright so I don’t have the hat, I’ll just take a sick photo and go with the rest of it. Appreciate ya

@BeExcellent