I need some texting advice

[Dr.Suave]

It's impossible to really know for sure, but generally I've had the opposite experience. I just lost mine for Friday, apparently because my use of an unfamiliar abbreviation for a neighborhood gave her the ick (or something). More talk, more chances to be disqualified on the basis of utter nonsense.

Sounds like her interest level was low. Be glad she saved you time and you can now focus you attention elsewhere.

 

[patb]

Sounds like her interest level was low. Be glad she saved you time and you can now focus you attention elsewhere.

Maybe so. Still, I've found the correlation between text engagement and reliability to be weak at best.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's impossible to really know for sure, but generally I've had the opposite experience. I just lost mine for Friday, apparently because my use of an unfamiliar abbreviation for a neighborhood gave her the ick (or something). More talk, more chances to be disqualified on the basis of utter nonsense.

Doesn't happen to me, I am exceptional during that phase.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I assume you tried to escalate, and was shot down?

Nope, just make out sessions prior to leaving, usually in the parking lot.

That being said, a lot also led to second dates and sex as well.

Just saying that a makeout session by itself doesn't really mean a lot. The woman might be in the mood for that but still not really be interested after she processes things.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Doesn't happen to me, I am exceptional during that phase.

You’ve mentioned you’re a father. Never yet have this girl and I discussed the kids part. She said she didn’t look me up prior to coming (not buying that) but, how do you broach that and I guess, that could certainly throw a curve at this if she finally did look, to say the least?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Going by my own feelings when I have very high interest, I agree with this^. Said it before, but it's instinctive.

Even when our head says not to, to wait till he reaches out to determine his interest level, we can't wait when we have high interest.

I think it's true about women qualifying themselves when we have high interest too. I know I do, again instinctively. .

Remember women, even the hot ones with abundance, are insecure when we have very High interest. Not all, but most.
That's the determining factor. How high or low our interest and attraction is.

Perhaps an extremely self-assured, supremely confident woman like @BeExcellent wour NOT be insecure. Perhaps if she's reading, she might chime in?

@Divorced w 3 YES she intentionally left her hat in your car. But you already knew that.

She's into you. Whether you can keep it going, the fire lit till next date, that's on you.

SHE should be making effort too, it takes two. I do NOT believe it's all on a guy. It's like a dance (i.e a Game, lol)

In THIS case,, I think you should reach ou though. I like what you proposed saying "you left your beanie, baby" or something like.

I'm curious about something cause this is discussed on many female forums, NOT the feminist ones, but regular forums with normal women, lol.. .

You said she's gonna make you "work" for sex. How is that impacting your interest level? Or does it matter?

Does it impact how you view her? As a plate or LTR?

Have you told her you have three kids?

I was channeling my inner Alan Roger Currie… I told her straight up the other night and reiterated my intention yesterday to no avail. I am probably being a little naive but she strikes me as certain level of value oriented. I like that she lives in the same neighborhood as her parents. I am not so jaded as to say she’s not legitimately higher character. With that said is it worth the effort and how do I feel? I am open to pursuing further. She has a quirky way about her that’s kind of hard to fake that I appreciate.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Oh dear. Well now it's really on you then to reach out.

Oh dear? That’s a bit much kitty. Hamster isn’t going to chase itself.

if she can wait a couple days I can send her a photo of her hat on top of Sacajawea on Saturday from UVA hahah

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why is it a bit much? It's just a figure of speech, but anyway, in HER hamster brain lol, your not calling might suggest to her your IL is low.

Especially if you told her you would call when she asked you to.

Anyway, good story, I'm intrigued! For whatever that's worth.

Well, if I’m conveying low IL and then I send a teacher a photo of her missing hat on top of Sacajawea 3 days later I will look like a hero will I not

 

[Divorced w 3]

Lol, I was just about to post that!! Swear.

You're right, intermittent reinforcement, push/pull.

Keep us posted!

Especially in the wake of no morning “thanks again” or “did you get home ok?” Text. Making me think

 

[Divorced w 3]

BTW, I asked earlier what your game is after initial pull and first date, remember?

Well there it is! A big Pull followed by gentle Push.

I think you knew that all along but anyway, it all sounds good.

Have fun climbing Sacajawea.

I'm jealous!

I’m working out the kinks on the game as I go. Especially with kids. Bit of a wrinkle. 20 year olds at the bar don’t tend to ask. Lot of reading here and a lot of fun trying it out

 

[Divorced w 3]

I felt like texting so I did. Didn’t want to make more of it than needed be. She looks like Meadow from the sopranos hence the nickname

 

[Divorced w 3]

 

[Divorced w 3]

I have to be honest. I am not a good texter. I can only an IOI on the face that she gets back quickly, but I am the initiator. I thought switching to pet names may be a good start, but Any pointers on this I am all ears.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why is she calling you 'finance bro'? Didn't you just have your hands (and lips) all over each other last night?

Maybe it's me but it sounds very 'friendshippy.'

A wink emoji after "oh that's a bummer, I thought it was a gift" would've added an element of romantic interest imo.
Somewhat anyway.

Maybe it's me, but the vibe between you seems off. After just having a hot date where your hands (and lips) were all over each other, I would expect some flirty comments, some teasing with winks and other playful emojis.

Nothing too over the top, but something.

Personally I like these followed by a . Yeah I know, I'm weird. lol

Sent in a teasing playful way they can be fun.

I love when men use emojis, they convey a lot without having to say a word.



I understand, you need to feel her interest first before you're able to escalate which makes sense. So you initiate, if she gets back quickly which indicates her interest, you can escalate with higher IOIs. I totally get that (assuming that's the case, I'm just guessing based on what you wrote).

I don't know what to make of this exchange though, her reply calling you "finance bro," was that her playful name for you or something?

Just asking I wasn't there.

Finance bro is a pet name. Running joke as we met down town over the weekend and I def took it up a level but not too crazy, but like Lacoste kicks, powder blue polo sweatshirt, navy pants, and a fade haircut so I was kind of prep but wasn’t a dead giveaway. Ulysses is a known deutsche bank hangout tho. It was actually pretty great being called that considering my age.

The tone, I am trying not to over play my interest. My distance helped in the beginning and I’m pretty sure it’s keeping her going. I legit think she’s kind of shy as well. Despite that she inserted herself in my set and kept telling me I’d be calling her.

other than that, yeah that’s where we’re at. The date was fun. No doubt there.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’ve mentioned you’re a father. Never yet have this girl and I discussed the kids part. She said she didn’t look me up prior to coming (not buying that) but, how do you broach that and I guess, that could certainly throw a curve at this if she finally did look, to say the least?

It's not really a big deal, if she asks just tell her the truth. I always make sure to let them know there is no drama with the ex and that we co-parent well(it's the truth). So many women assume there is ex drama with guys because that is usually the case. I always make sure they know I am not the normal.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Finance bro is a pet name. Running joke as we met down town over the weekend and I def took it up a level but not too crazy, but like Lacoste kicks, powder blue polo sweatshirt, navy pants, and a fade haircut so I was kind of prep but wasn’t a dead giveaway. Ulysses is a known deutsche bank hangout tho. It was actually pretty great being called that considering my age.

The tone, I am trying not to over play my interest. My distance helped in the beginning and I’m pretty sure it’s keeping her going. I legit think she’s kind of shy as well. Despite that she inserted herself in my set and kept telling me I’d be calling her.

other than that, yeah that’s where we’re at. The date was fun. No doubt there.

I wouldn't have offered to drop it off.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wouldn't have offered to drop it off.

I know. I took all the mystery out of the situation doing that. Rookie move. What would you have done.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I am a huge proponent of not ghosting until the date. All that has ever led to is a lot of flakes for me.

I wouldn't necessarily call it rapport, I would just call it having fun and interesting convos. Sometimes even playing a question game with them where we can each ask one question a day of the other person that could be anything. They love that one...

It's taken me a while to develop my methods of testing but suffice to say that it never results in a lost date, usually in women becoming more interested in seeing me.

Thanks man, that Question a Day thing is gold. I'm thinking it will be a huge timesaver for further-off dates.

 

[BeExcellent]

To answer Cat’s question I do not initiate at all in the beginning, ever. Not for about the first month or so, and after that it’s about 60-70% him & about 30-40% me initiating max, ever, over the life of the interaction.

I only deal with men I have high interest in and I take a wait & see stance to gauge his interest in me. I know my value, so I stay quiet & see if he does. I am patient and don’t worry about men who don’t reach out (which is very few), and when a guy does reach out I am receptive & charming & warm (positive reinforcement) and will make plans with him if he asks. But I let him ask.

And because I have the value and because I require investment from men (men who women often don’t require effort from because these are men women chase) these men fall for me. I’m physically attractive but so are lots of women. I’m more interesting more intriguing and have a higher degree of difficulty (read effort/investment required) to obtain…but I’m also charming, sexy, fun, and easy to be with. I am a favorable reflection on the man I am with and men love this.

People love what they invest in. So I screen for a willingness to invest time & effort and I do not ever crowd the space a man needs to choose to make that investment…then he feels good about making the investment because of how I treat him when I respond.

So no. I do not ever chase. The only men I reach out to first are established friends who are strictly friends, never ever a man I have sexual desire for.

 

[BeExcellent]

My approach is polar opposite of the vast majority of women. It can seem like low interest to a low confidence man. I don’t want a low confidence man so it effectively screens those guys out.

Perfect.