Don't take online dating too seriously

[oc16]

Had an online date with a 43-year-old (I'm 45). She was tall (5'7") with long blond hair and resembled Cameron Diaz in the face.

However, there was something off about her (eyes darted around a lot) and a very airhead personality which is big turn off.

She also lived at home with her parents (at 43)

She also didn't drink on the date and said she had to be in early if I didn't mind. The whole date only lasted an hour and I thought she wasn't interested (which was fine by me) but then suggested we go for dinner next week?

I just don't find online dating natural for finding a connection. It's so much more natural to hit it off with a woman off-line (gym, bar, work). You already have chemistry up front and then you go on the date.

Online dating just seems so forced.

As I and others have said, I don't think attractive women who are good catches need to go online to meet men.

If she is attractive and online looking to meet men, there is probably something off about her.

I am not saying this is the case 100% of the time, but I am sure it is most of the time.

 

[jaymbrs]

Had an online date with a 43-year-old (I'm 45). She was tall (5'7") with long blond hair and resembled Cameron Diaz in the face.

However, there was something off about her (eyes darted around a lot) and a very airhead personality which is big turn off.

She also lived at home with her parents (at 43)

She also didn't drink on the date and said she had to be in early if I didn't mind. The whole date only lasted an hour and I thought she wasn't interested (which was fine by me) but then suggested we go for dinner next week?

I just don't find online dating natural for finding a connection. It's so much more natural to hit it off with a woman off-line (gym, bar, work). You already have chemistry up front and then you go on the date.

Online dating just seems so forced.

As I and others have said, I don't think attractive women who are good catches need to go online to meet men.

If she is attractive and online looking to meet men, there is probably something off about her.

I am not saying this is the case 100% of the time, but I am sure it is most of the time.

If you're not a bad looking dude, it's good for getting laid. I've yet to find a woman online who I stayed in contact with for more than a month. It either fizzles out or one of us ghosts the other.

 

[oc16]

If you're not a bad looking dude, it's good for getting laid. I've yet to find a woman online who I stayed in contact with for more than a month. It either fizzles out or one of us ghosts the other.

I agree 100%, it's good for hook ups but awful if you are looking for a "connection".

This article is pretty accurate.

Why Online Dating Is Weird And Unnatural And Doesn’t Work (Updated For 2021) – Double Trust Dating

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Yawn another I suck at OLD post

 

[oc16]

Yawn another I suck at OLD post

More like online dating sucks, not I suck at it

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

More like online dating sucks, not I suck at it

it obviously wouldn’t suck if you didn’t suck at it though

 

[oc16]

it obviously wouldn’t suck if you didn’t suck at it though

Okay Brah

 

[dyldo_swaggins]

I agree 100%, it's good for hook ups but awful if you are looking for a "connection".

This article is pretty accurate.

Why Online Dating Is Weird And Unnatural And Doesn’t Work (Updated For 2021) – Double Trust Dating

But isn't cold approaching just as bad if you are looking for a connection? You know even less about each other and it's more forced. I am not trying to argue, just curious. Would you say social circle is the only viable option when looking for a long term partner?

 

[espanish]

But isn't cold approaching just as bad if you are looking for a connection? You know even less about each other and it's more forced. I am not trying to argue, just curious. Would you say social circle is the only viable option when looking for a long term partner?

no, it's not just as bad. in real life you can tell within 1 minute if there is a connection or if the girl is a waste of your time. is she having sticky eyes? good. is she admiring you? good. is she disrespecting you by playing with her phone? no good. is she manly and calling you bro? no good. with online you waste a week sending stupid texts, and you feel like there is a connection, but when the girl comes out you realize there is no connection. you wasted 1 week and $6 on coffee to find out there was no connection.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

But isn't cold approaching just as bad if you are looking for a connection? You know even less about each other and it's more forced. I am not trying to argue, just curious. Would you say social circle is the only viable option when looking for a long term partner?

I find it really hard to believe that someone can be a God at cold approaching and somehow suck at OLD so bad that they bring up their frustration constantly and consistently

no, it's not just as bad. in real life you can tell within 1 minute if there is a connection or if the girl is a waste of your time. is she having sticky eyes? good. is she admiring you? good. is she disrespecting you by playing with her phone? no good. is she manly and calling you bro? no good. with online you waste a week sending stupid texts, and you feel like there is a connection, but when the girl comes out you realize there is no connection. you wasted 1 week and $6 on coffee to find out there was no connection.

Same thing on OLD, I don't see a difference

 

[sangheilios]

Yawn another I suck at OLD post

OLD is trash for the most part though, swipe apps are even worse. Many profiles a man will see are honestly fake, either they are just bots looking for you to sign up for chatting apps or just fake catfish profiles looking for who knows what. Something else I've been noticing a lot is trannies being on there as well, obviously you swipe left or don't message them but it's become quite common.

For the profiles that are real, this is typically how it goes

- It's quite common for men to get no matches or responses at all from anything they are interested in. This is more the norm for men and they might go a long time before getting a match, response, etc.
- You might get a match but then never get a response at all or get maybe one message that doesn't lead to anything more. This is also a very common thing to experience.
- You might end up matching or even spend time chatting with someone who seems interested but it never leads to any sort of meetup, first date, etc. This is also quite a common thing to experience.

Now, we are already off to a bad start and the numbers aren't looking in your favor to make OLD really worth much effort. Here is what often happens.

- You might actually meet up for a first date and a number of things could happen. You might get a flake from the date, this happens a lot. It's totally possible this chick uses tons of filters and you were pseudo catfished. You also might not really be that into her for a number of reasons. A few years back I had a match from tinder that I met up with that looked very different than her photos, and not in a good way, but I bought her a drink and wanted to give it a shot. I was with this woman for an hour and she literally NEVER asked me a single question about myself and talked about things like her sister and why she'd never had a bf, other stuff that I had no possibility of adding to the conversation. I became very annoyed with the interaction but I remained polite and made my exit, I had no interest in seeing her again. The point I'm getting at is this is a woman you've never really interacted with before, when you meet in person you can generally get a pretty quick idea of whether or not you'd want to take a woman out on a date, etc.

Let's say you have the date and it goes ok. There's also a high possibility that she may not be that into you as well, there are so many different reasons for this that there's no reason to even try to figure it out, exceptions are things like being overly sexual, poor hygiene, etc. She may or may not be open for a second date. If you can get her on a second date I'd say your chance of success at this point is much higher, though not guaranteed. The issue is getting them out on a first date in the first place and them later being interested in going out on a second date. The issue is that women using OLD are entertaining tons of various men, they may even actually like you but have overabundance of options/choices and just pick the one that is most convenient, etc.

It's not impossible, it's just not an ideal way for men to meet women but unfortunately is often the only realistic means for them to do so.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

First, what sets me apart from OLD haters, I have nothing against the other methods other than Social Circle game which I find to be a disguised cope more than anything else.

OLD is trash for the most part though, swipe apps are even worse. Many profiles a man will see are honestly fake, either they are just bots looking for you to sign up for chatting apps or just fake catfish profiles looking for who knows what. Something else I've been noticing a lot is trannies being on there as well, obviously you swipe left or don't message them but it's become quite common.

I have never run in to this issue, but I live downtown in a major US city though. Unless you live in the sticks or an irrelevant secondary city, I don't see this.

- It's quite common for men to get no matches or responses at all from anything they are interested in. This is more the norm for men and they might go a long time before getting a match, response, etc.
- You might get a match but then never get a response at all or get maybe one message that doesn't lead to anything more. This is also a very common thing to experience.
- You might end up matching or even spend time chatting with someone who seems interested but it never leads to any sort of meetup, first date, etc. This is also quite a common thing to experience.

This is how I know most of the OLD haters are full of shvt. Y'all are telling me that during your cold approach sessions, y'all experience an above 50% success rate. I call BS because if you have actually cold approached and been rejected, opposition on OLD is JACK SHVT compared to opposition outside it. I get turned on OLD, who gives a flying fvck because I matched with her while on the toilet or something. There's much much much much much much more investment in a cold approach vs messaging a girl on OLD!

You might actually meet up for a first date and a number of things could happen. You might get a flake from the date, this happens a lot.

SO every date acquired from cold approach/networking is successful with zero flakes? Again, this is common issues with dating in general and not exclusive to OLD. Arguably, you get more dates on OLD, so you experience more dating fatigue than other methods. This is why I am picky AF on OLD and don't go on dates with every girl I match with. OLD has no barriers to entry, so this is a smart method to pursue. Any girl can download Hinge and waste your time vs a girl isn't going to just be open to every guy outside the comfort/privacy of her phone.

It's not impossible, it's just not an ideal way for men to meet women but unfortunately is often the only realistic means for them to do so.

In conclusion, people suck with OLD because they don't know how to use Logistics, suck with pictures, and spam date rather than quality date.

 

[sangheilios]

First, what sets me apart from OLD haters, I have nothing against the other methods other than Social Circle game which I find to be a disguised cope more than anything else.



I have never run in to this issue, but I live downtown in a major US city though. Unless you live in the sticks or an irrelevant secondary city, I don't see this.



This is how I know most of the OLD haters are full of shvt. Y'all are telling me that during your cold approach sessions, y'all experience an above 50% success rate. I call BS because if you have actually cold approached and been rejected, opposition on OLD is JACK SHVT compared to opposition outside it. I get turned on OLD, who gives a flying fvck because I matched with her while on the toilet or something. There's much much much much much much more investment in a cold approach vs messaging a girl on OLD!



SO every date acquired from cold approach/networking is successful with zero flakes? Again, this is common issues with dating in general and not exclusive to OLD. Arguably, you get more dates on OLD, so you experience more dating fatigue than other methods. This is why I am picky AF on OLD and don't go on dates with every girl I match with. OLD has no barriers to entry, so this is a smart method to pursue. Any girl can download Hinge and waste your time vs a girl isn't going to just be open to every guy outside the comfort/privacy of her phone.



In conclusion, people suck with OLD because they don't know how to use Logistics, suck with pictures, and spam date rather than quality date.

Dude, there are a ton of videos on youtube you can see that show stats about the results men are having with OLD sites and apps, they aren't good either. I agree that one of the best benefits of them is that you can do it at your own convenience and POTENTIALLY have access to women that you'd never cross paths with. However, when you then factor in that there are something like twice as many men on tinder in a given area than there are women the numbers are not in your favor. If you thought the women you potentially had access to on a dating app was high what do you think it's like for them? They are going to have so many potential matches to go through that it's overwhelming. Imagine having 100 matches within the first few weeks of being on tinder, how could you possibly go through all of their messages, spend time talking with them etc,? Out of this how many would you even have time to actually meet up with? That's really the problem with OLD, they might actually find you attractive but they are just overwhelmed with the choice of options they have. It's also partially the reason I'd prefer a real life first interaction because at least you are a real person and not just some picture on her phone, much more likely to get a date if you get her (real)number that way.

 

[SW15]

This is how I know most of the OLD haters are full of shvt. Y'all are telling me that during your cold approach sessions, y'all experience an above 50% success rate. I call BS because if you have actually cold approached and been rejected, opposition on OLD is JACK SHVT compared to opposition outside it. I get turned on OLD, who gives a flying fvck because I matched with her while on the toilet or something. There's much much much much much much more investment in a cold approach vs messaging a girl on OLD!

Most approach sessions in the real world are complete shiit.

The common outcome in a real world approach session is a non-approach due to a woman display a lack of receptive behaviors towards being approached. Those are real life "left swipes". The second most common outcome from in-person approaching are conversations that go absolutely nowhere. These are conversations under 60 seconds not resulting in a date offer.

Of the women I actually approach during approach sessions, my approach to date agreement/number exchange rate is nowhere near 50%.

SO every date acquired from cold approach/networking is successful with zero flakes? Again, this is common issues with dating in general and not exclusive to OLD. Arguably, you get more dates on OLD, so you experience more dating fatigue than other methods. This is why I am picky AF on OLD and don't go on dates with every girl I match with. OLD has no barriers to entry, so this is a smart method to pursue. Any girl can download Hinge and waste your time vs a girl isn't going to just be open to every guy outside the comfort/privacy of her phone.

I've had flakes off of real world approaching too.

You're right that most men can arrange more dates on swipe apps than through real life approaching, though that's becoming more and more challenging. Most swipe app arranged dates are complete shiit too. Tons of "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions for a lot of men. "One date, no sex, no second date" type dates aren't even worth showing up to attend.

Dude, there are a ton of videos on youtube you can see that show stats about the results men are having with OLD sites and apps, they aren't good either.....when you then factor in that there are something like twice as many men on tinder in a given area than there are women the numbers are not in your favor.

Yes, true. Men can arrange more dates simply by swiping through a high quantity of women, though this has gotten less effective in recent years due to changes in the algorithm. Swiping more and more can often lead to shadowbanning or a bad display position in the card stack. In the early days of swipe apps, men used to swipe right on everything, unmatch the undesirables, then only message the good ones. Today, most men are sophisticated enough to mix up their right and left swipes. Most men get a mutual match on less than 1% of their right swipes.

If you thought the women you potentially had access to on a dating app was high what do you think it's like for them? They are going to have so many potential matches to go through that it's overwhelming. Imagine having 100 matches within the first few weeks of being on tinder, how could you possibly go through all of their messages, spend time talking with them etc,? Out of this how many would you even have time to actually meet up with? That's really the problem with OLD, they might actually find you attractive but they are just overwhelmed with the choice of options they have. It's also partially the reason I'd prefer a real life first interaction because at least you are a real person and not just some picture on her phone, much more likely to get a date if you get her (real)number that way.

Women's swipe queues can get insanely quickly. The woman below had 1,946 potential right swipes in 2017, which was a long time ago. Women can easily get a 1,000+ swipe queue in a week or less.

Wanting Monogamy as 1,946 Men Await My Swipe (Published 2017)

They met on Bumble and fell into a fun, one-night-a-week, nonexclusive routine — until she realized she liked him.

www.nytimes.com

How does a man stand out among 1,000 potential matches in a swipe queue?

Those 1,000 matches can be accumulated without a woman even actively going through the card stack.

 

[SW15]

I just don't find online dating natural for finding a connection. It's so much more natural to hit it off with a woman off-line (gym, bar, work). You already have chemistry up front and then you go on the date.

Online dating just seems so forced.

As I and others have said, I don't think attractive women who are good catches need to go online to meet men.

If she is attractive and online looking to meet men, there is probably something off about her.

I am not saying this is the case 100% of the time, but I am sure it is most of the time.

I agree that it is forced.

Had an online date with a 43-year-old (I'm 45). She was tall (5'7") with long blond hair and resembled Cameron Diaz in the face.

However, there was something off about her (eyes darted around a lot) and a very airhead personality which is big turn off.

She also lived at home with her parents (at 43)

She also didn't drink on the date and said she had to be in early if I didn't mind. The whole date only lasted an hour and I thought she wasn't interested (which was fine by me) but then suggested we go for dinner next week?

You live in a city with few to no options. You're going to have a difficult time with abundance mentality.

The fact that a woman is expressing interest in a 2nd date with you is impressive. It'd be challenging to walk away from that given your geography issues. She's also not fat. In your area, that's a catch.

Women living with their parents rarely affects their SMV. I've seen women pushing 30 living at home attract men with six figure salaries. I've never met a woman 35+ living with her parents unless her parents are aging badly with health concerns.

 

[Mike32ct]

I just don't find online dating natural for finding a connection. It's so much more natural to hit it off with a woman off-line (gym, bar, work). You already have chemistry up front and then you go on the date.

Online dating just seems so forced.

^This is my biggest issue with OLD. If you hit it off with someone in person, you KNOW you like her, and you KNOW if you're looking forward to meeting up.

OLD is azz-backwards. First, you look at a profile that you think is ok, and then you pretty much have to force yourself to be enthusiastic about a meet up that is little more than a blind date.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Dude, there are a ton of videos on youtube you can see that show stats about the results men are having with OLD sites and apps, they aren't good either.

And Cold Approaching is going to have even worse stats. I just got back from a wedding from where the couple met off Bumble. I've had plenty of decent relationships off Bumble and Hinge. It works, but I understand if you do not like the method and approach to OLD.

However, when you then factor in that there are something like twice as many men on tinder in a given area than there are women the numbers are not in your favor. If you thought the women you potentially had access to on a dating app was high what do you think it's like for them? They are going to have so many potential matches to go through that it's overwhelming. Imagine having 100 matches within the first few weeks of being on tinder, how could you possibly go through all of their messages, spend time talking with them etc,? Out of this how many would you even have time to actually meet up with?

The competition for men on OLD is laughable. 99% of the men on there are mindless NPC bots that have zero idea on how to talk to women. If you have decent pictures, a non-NPC life, and conversating skills then you will set yourself apart from 99% of men on OLD easily. The only guys you are competing against are the super Chad anomalies and guys that fit more of her personal preferences such as she wants a doctor, and this guy is in residency or something. Women have been spammed with pointless dvck since Adam and Eve, this is nothing new lol.

That's really the problem with OLD, they might actually find you attractive but they are just overwhelmed with the choice of options they have. It's also partially the reason I'd prefer a real life first interaction because at least you are a real person and not just some picture on her phone, much more likely to get a date if you get her (real)number that way.

Your girl on the street is going to be overwhelmed with options regardless of OLD or not. Girls are going to be super judgmental anywhere lol.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

^This is my biggest issue with OLD. If you hit it off with someone in person, you KNOW you like her, and you KNOW if you're looking forward to meeting up.

OLD is azz-backwards. First, you look at a profile that you think is ok, and then you pretty much have to force yourself to be enthusiastic about a meet up that is little more than a blind date.

Regardless of any situation, I treat my first dates as quick 30-minute vetting sessions. Usually, the people with homerun first encounters are turn out to be your worst nightmare IMHO.

 

[SW15]

I just don't find online dating natural for finding a connection. It's so much more natural to hit it off with a woman off-line (gym, bar, work). You already have chemistry up front and then you go on the date.

Online dating just seems so forced.

^This is my biggest issue with OLD. If you hit it off with someone in person, you KNOW you like her, and you KNOW if you're looking forward to meeting up.

OLD is azz-backwards. First, you look at a profile that you think is ok, and then you pretty much have to force yourself to be enthusiastic about a meet up that is little more than a blind date.

In a situation where a man approaches a stranger and a sets up a date, he already has the experience of an initial 5-15 minute conversation with her and knows he's attracted to her. This is a good mindset going into the date. There is far less uncertainty as compared to a swipe app or social media DM arranged date.

Why would a culture move from preferred interactions with an initial in-person component to ones that are essentially blind? I remember in the 1990s when blind dates had a HUGE stigma.

In swipe app dating now, it's possible to do video calls before meeting in person. Video calls have a mixed track record in predicting in-person chemistry. By the time a video call is added to the process, the argument can be made that some of the advantages of swipe app dating can be nullified. Additionally, arranging a video call is also a pain. I remember that in the early to mid 2010s, I stopped requiring phone calls prior to dates with women from online dating websites and apps. It was just too difficult to get someone on the phone for a voice conversation, despite the original purpose of the telephone being voice communication.

Swipe apps without video calls are analogous to blind dates, and I don't think a pre-date telephone call ever made a difference.

There is no substitute for an initial in-person experience. Not even a video call.

In conclusion, people suck with OLD because they don't know how to use Logistics, suck with pictures, and spam date rather than quality date.

That's a partial truth.

Logistics: Logistics can always determine whether or not it is useful to use swipe apps or not. The best outcomes someone will get with swipe apps is when you're a man living within walking distance of good date bars. If you set up dates at bars within walking distance of your home, you are in a good position to get laid. For men that don't meet that criteria, it's best to consider other options.

Pictures: A lot of men have legitimate issues with pictures or videos on their profiles. It's a smaller issue compared to others. The big issue is the gender ratios. When men vastly outnumber women, the women get fussier and demand more. You could have excellent pictures but it wouldn't have a great impact as a sub-5 and would barely register an impact as a normie. Looks matter most, and top tier level looks are what carries a profile to success more so than the quality of the pictures. A lot of normies will hire professional photographers for pics though, and that's a trend that's been going on for the better part of a decade.

Spam Dating: I agree with you that this is a big problem. It's also related to the gender ratio. Men barely capture attention on the swipe apps at the normie level.

If you're a normie guy on looks, then you're very likely to have scarcity issues on dating apps. That's why a lot of normies spam date. They do it because of their scarcity. The best way for a normie to get out of scarcity mindset is to choose other options (see last link).

If you're a Giga Chad, then this is your reality on dating.

Wheat Waffles made an excellent video on how to play your cards in dating. In going through the Wheat Waffles flow chart, I got Daygame as my best option. I have been a mostly daygame guy for about a decade, so it served as confirmation that I have done the right thing.

And Cold Approaching is going to have even worse stats. I just got back from a wedding from where the couple met off Bumble. I've had plenty of decent relationships off Bumble and Hinge. It works, but I understand if you do not like the method and approach to OLD.

Not true, simply because most men could not nearly approach as many women in real life as they swipe right on while using an app.

Both paths stink. Approaching strangers is a very difficult path but I think it's still better than swiping. This whole conversations boils down to comparing dog poop with horse poop. It's still poop.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Not true, simply because most men could not nearly approach as many women in real life as they swipe right on while using an app.

Both paths stink. Approaching strangers is a very difficult path but I think it's still better than swiping. This whole conversations boils down to comparing dog poop with horse poop. It's still poop.

I bet I would have a 0% success rate at cold approaching lol. At least with OLD, I have a chance.

In swipe app dating now, it's possible to do video calls before meeting in person. Video calls have a mixed track record in predicting in-person chemistry. By the time a video call is added to the process, the argument can be made that some of the advantages of swipe app dating can be nullified. Additionally, arranging a video call is also a pain. I remember that in the early to mid 2010s, I stopped requiring phone calls prior to dates with women from online dating websites and apps. It was just too difficult to get someone on the phone for a voice conversation, despite the original purpose of the telephone being voice communication.

Swipe apps without video calls are analogous to blind dates, and I don't think a pre-date telephone call ever made a difference.

There is no substitute for an initial in-person experience. Not even a video call.

This is why I am picky AF about who I take out on dates on the apps. I want to bring up again the No barriers to entry for a girl on OLD, so more than likely she is wasting your time if you plan out this elaborate adventure first date. 30-minute coffee or a drink date the most.