I am really struggling to get girls - would like new ideas.

[Bingo-Player]

You have a legitimate complaint about Instagram. You have more followers than you are following, which is good.

On LinkedIn, you aren't shiit until you have at least 15,000 - 30,000 Connections/Followers. I'm thinking Instagram is likely the same way. Although your current ratio is good and a legitimate point of pride, you don't likely have enough followers to impress the most attractive women on Instagram.

Bro you need to read this back to yourself , this is a fake B.S world you are literally playing on her terms even entertaining this fuC kery

This mindset of caring what women think of you , follower counts , social presenting

It's toxic and weak ASF

 

[Bingo-Player]

OP you are asian no offence but hookup culture within your demographic is virtually non existent because of all the religious and social constructs surrounding it

Pickup has become complex enough without the above ,

Your biggest issue is going to be finding a woman in another demographic who will actually give you a shot at the pu$$Y until you get to that stage everything else will be futile

Dating apps are basically window shopping , girls have VERY short attention spans on them and are highly likely to move on to the next shiny object ( person) very quickly

You need to get into the real world and start trying your luck , you will know quickly wether a girl will entertain you or not

 

[SW15]

Bro you need to read this back to yourself , this is a fake B.S world you are literally playing on her terms even entertaining this fuC kery

This mindset of caring what women think of you , follower counts , social presenting

It's toxic and weak ASF

I don't use swipe apps or try to slide into DMs on Instagram. There's a reason why I've chosen to avoid those paths.

OP you are asian no offence but hookup culture within your demographic is virtually non existent because of all the religious and social constructs surrounding it

Pickup has become complex enough without the above ,

You need to get into the real world and start trying your luck , you will know quickly wether a girl will entertain you or not

I agree that approaching strangers in the real world is his best option. He's in London and there's a strong street approaching culture there. Guys like Tom Torero, James Tusk, Troy Francis, etc. have done street approaching videos in London.

@boom786 did mention that he is mostly meeting Asian women in London. My guess is that these are South Asian women. He is South Asian. There might not be much casual dating in South Asian cultures in London, but there are longer term dating opportunities. Is pre-marital sex in exclusive relationships commonly done? In the United States, pre-marital sex happens in almost all non-marital relationships.

 

[boom786]

If you’re 8/10 you don’t need to do anything. Just don’t give off serial killer vibes. girls will initiate.

Yh man might be overrating myself and physique is quite bad like 4/10 - but facially thought I was higher around 7/10 but fairs. In real life, I get indicators of interest from some girls but not too much but yh need to work gym game and also need to work on vibzing better - often the frame I set is that I am super cool guy and better than everyone else like ****y funny and try to not give girls attention but yh might not be the best way always so learning but thanks for the feedback man, appreciate it.

 

[boom786]

You are 23, but let's put the "focus on yourself first" talk aside. You are putting in the effort, and that is half of the battle if anything 75% of the fight. Most men give up at the first or second or third failure. What will make you YOU and be successful whether that's in finance, career, business, or women will be determined by how many times are you willing to fall down, get up, and do it all over.

To your question, it's hard to say without knowing you personally. This means knowing how you think, behave, think of yourself, and yes unfortunately what you look like. Most times, if not all, it's not about you per se (although there are things you can do to make those things better), it's really the state of modern dating and how women think and behave (especially post Covid-19). I think most of us became very socially awkward post-pandemic.

I guess it depends on how well aware you are of your flaws both mentally and physically. I will also say that things often are often pushed farther away when we force them or chase them. Things that are not meant for you simply slip away and we have to not take that personally.

My motto: Things I've lost I was not meant to have and people that walk out were not meant to be in my life. Keep trying and figure out what you can control and improve. You don't want people telling you those things, life wouldn't be interesting if it was easy.

One of my life rules: Never take anything personally. This is something I still work on because yes, failure after failure gets to you but I am willing to keep on getting up.


Modern Man Advice

yh man can definitely never give up - and of course need to focus on building the correct foundations. I think long term I'll be fine but recently just been taking lots of losses with girls lol.

One thing I've constantly been playing Corey Wayne - try twice, be blunt and then never message again game but results don't seem to be great for getting laid and you lose a tonne of girls. For getting an LTR maybe but now I'm going to play around with funny persistence game and see how that goes - generally I'm never needy these days cause of good emotional self-control and always having potentials on my phone but let's see how persistence game goes.

 

[boom786]

Look into Morrocan and Tunisian women, aim guessing you are in the UK now where things are a lot tougher for ethnics like you.

The good thing about Morroco is you have the liberal girls in the big cities and the traditional wife material in the countryside. Morrocan women are very good looking too like Pokimane

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
yh might just go to Tunisia to practice dating and getting laid, right now not worried about a wife or an LTR as I'm 23 so got time. And luckily I'm Pakistani so can just go back home and get a respectful wife that isn't too materialistic even though it's getting harder there as well - this dating stuff is lowkey a genuine global problem but a lot worse in the West but I guess all we can do is keep trying and improving and trying our best to create good relationships.

 

[boom786]

You are overrating yourself. An 8/10 is a 6’ tall, blonde haired white dude that is in shape and makes 6 figures. If you were an 8/10, you wouldn’t be struggling to get girls online.

----------------------------------
Yh probably man - I get good matches on Muzzmatch (250) so brown people or Muslim dating but tinder and hinge nothing - and yh I do think it's a bit harder being brown but just have to keep pushing lol - going to hit the gym soon and gonna lose a few kilos but wanted to sort out my online dating funnels first which I was struggling with. I didn't get how I wasn't getting dates despite what I thought were good photos that were edited but fairs guess just going to have to improve. Thanks for the feedback

 

[boom786]

Not bad. It does look like you are trying hard to look cool. Also your pictures don’t come across as authentic nor masculine. You have ethnicity working against you as well. The South Asian dudes I know that pull hard with all races are muscular, have good teeth, are clean shaven, and have a clean cut haircut.

Yh man need to work on muscle game more and just keep improving. Teeth and hair and stuff is good - maybe not in that vid but mostly but yh odds are against us a little bit but just need to keep trying and improving and I think eventually will get there within 6 months, I've been trying pretty hard for the past 9 months and just sorting out my life with a few chances but yh guess just need to push harder,

 

[kavi]

A couple of points.

Your friend in another city is getting liad more often both due to looks/game but especially location. He is probably getting with English and Euro type girls with a few asian girls here and there. Thats cos he is in a city with fewer brown guys and a different vibe.

You are in London and you have things very very much stacked against you.

Firstly, you seem to be focusing more on Asian girls and then you are saying you want to get laid and have fun. This is not what I am into but I will just let you know straight up Asian girls have a strategy of treating asian guys really badly in the dating/casual and general social interaction sphere. They mostly see you as 'Marriage Capital' and they will try as much as possible to be cold and harsh to brown guys unless it is a marriage thing. Brown girls also know that white and black girls are not giving much love to brown guys hence they feel you have no where to go and hence cannot counter their coldness towards you.

There are brown guys out there who get casual stuff from brown girls but that is mostly a university or social circle thing. After leaving uni and graduating these girls atm are purely about the white/black casual guys.

You can do well with white girls and other ethnicities but your game needs to be better. More IRL social interaction and definitely need to work on vibe, body language, style etc. You are lacking in all departments.

Your style is like a poorer version of Andrew Tate, player vibe but it is not congruent cos you are not that guy. You need to go in as a bread and butter decent-looking, decent career confident masculine guy. Keep the style simple and to the point. No shades.

There has to be something about me they find attractive. I don't imagine models with 10 - 15k followers respond to random guys on IG unless they find them attractive in some way. They have too many guys messaging them and liking their posts. When I DM girls I don't comment on their looks and try to comment on other non-physical qualities about them, maybe that's what is working?

Here's my instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julianlyonsmusic/

The above user has better style than you. It is much simpler and he isnt trying to be a wanna-be Andrew Tate player type, his style is simple and on-point. It gives a more real IDGAF vibe. Photos are mostly of himself on his own rather than focusing on lavish nightlife or whatever.

You need to lose the shades and the jacket it is all weak styling. All this relates to who you are IRL. Your photos dont even expose your height and there are too few full length body shots in that IG.

Other than that you need to get out in IRL and meet women and develop the style, body language, confidence, game etc. You should be fousing on white or other girls not asian girls. For the asian girls you need to be really really clued on cos they are toxic as **** and completely negative and destructive atm with brown guys. They will only consider you as a marriage provider type guy and even then they will expect to be placed above you as a princess.

 

[boom786]

( I was once like you, out of marriage, nice guy, clueless about what work with women, until I found this place and it's invaluable information.
All I say below is from my experience and what worked for me.)

So, No, it's not a good first date. You lost here before you had her; why? Because you tried too hard to impress her to please her .This is the result of your scarcity mindset. Your actions put her on a pedestal before you even know her.

The first date should be low-key, like a drink or coffee, where YOU are the one who qualifies her, check if she suits to you ,not vice versa.
This is not an empty mantra when you have the right mind set. (I did reject women that I didn't like at the first date)

I never did more than a coffee or drink on a first date and rarely had flake for a second date and onward. (The main reason I attribute to screening hard for the high-interest level, not going for mediocre interest in hoping it'll get better . )

It's all in the mindset. You have to lose yourp scarcity mindset. Your scarcity mindset is a death sentence to your sex life.

Now stay with me here. To do so, you have to fu*k as many women as you can; only then you'll be able to lose your scarcity mindset. But to get to this point, you have to start from somewhere.
That somewhere point is the point where girl will start F you.
So, Lower your standard as much as you need and start from the bottom. ( lower standrt/bottom = the point where girls start F you. )

Then you'll notice,as you start losing your scarcity mindset, your quality of the girl you'll date and F will get higher.

Also, I can tell you that girls know if they are going to F you in the first few minutes after seeing and talking to you. ( I used to ask a girl, usually after few sex times, when they knew they wanted to F me, and all of them said almost the same = "I found you attractive and sexy few minutes into the date")
So to this effect, you have to lose your fat and get a sexy look. That means a lean sexy look.
(well, that works for me, but I'm lucky here, as my swimming and proper diet doing this job for me).

Women look at you and ask themselves: " do I want to F this guy?" if she is not feeling it straight away, she won't F you, and it doesn't meter where you'll take her for a first date.

Now, don't get it wrong. I'm not a Chadd,I'm far from it, but my mindset is on point. ( not to brag but not once did a woman comment about how I carry myself with confidence, calmness, and assurance and how that is so sexy in their eyes,and combined it with my lean masculine body from swimming, it's a no-brainer)

Like you, I started from the bottom. F anything came my way until I lost my scarcity for pus*y and my confidence sky rockets, and women could sense it.
From that point onward improving was a neutral path for me, learned what work and what not, and interacting and sexing women got easier as time went by.


good luck.

Thanks for detailed response man, appreciate it - and yh just today hopefully getting a girl to be coming back to my place this Friday and I'm learning about things like building a vibe and dealing with **** tests in a good manner, through practice, learning from my friend and just watching lots of Ytube - I ignored guys like Todd V and Playing With Fire and followed Corey Wayne/AMS too much maybe but just trying to learn and see how it goes.

I am starting to think just getting a girl really emotional works well and just being super laid back - rather than never talking to her again - before if a girl would not message i'd just never hit her up again but now I'm starting to think as long as you're in control of the frame it can work and she's replying fast it can work - it's only been a week since I'm trying this but let's see. I might be wrong but experimenting and playing around with it.

I often let girls walk so i don't have a scarcity mindset in that way but I do think i come across as too nice and pleasing on the date and didn't recognise **** tests that much and defo need to work on my physique.

Long term fingers crossed I think I'll be fine as I get older and better but for was seeking advice on this thread to just help with short term and cause i was feeling down and confused and you guys have been great man offering lots of perspective and now I have new hope and like 2 girls lined up so let's see.

Luckily I can get like 20 new girls on Instagram that follow me back every day so I can often practice on them and hopefully that will help us overcome whatever plateaus but yh like some of the guys in the chat said also need to approach more in real life. But yh thanks again for the perspective! Will definitely do cheaper dates from now!

 

[boom786]

Totally disagree with the above. The scarcity mindset is all internal...thinking that you get rid of it by fvcking skanks and fatties is ridiculous.

Firstly, there's nothing wrong with your looks when dressed (to look good naked you should probably lose 15kg and hit the gym), it's all in your vibe. Secondly, don't take what those guys (or anyone for that matter) say as gospel, use your critical thinking skills and intuition to assess the info. Make that invitation that involves spending money after you've already built rapport and established you like the girl and she likes you. Thirdly, the girls don't put you in beta because you pay per se, they do that because they get your 'approval seeking' vibe and sense you're trying to buy them.

Fairs man thanks for your perspective. I think yh you're right about the vibe I think I was not calling out girls **** enough and had poor frame control and wasn't being assertive in the right way - but learning and hopefully going to get better. Definitely need to hit the gym as you say and just need higher volume man - hopefully, we break the plateau soon - thanks again!

 

[boom786]

A couple of points.

Your friend in another city is getting liad more often both due to looks/game but especially location. He is probably getting with English and Euro type girls with a few asian girls here and there. Thats cos he is in a city with fewer brown guys and a different vibe.

You are in London and you have things very very much stacked against you.

Firstly, you seem to be focusing more on Asian girls and then you are saying you want to get laid and have fun. This is not what I am into but I will just let you know straight up Asian girls have a strategy of treating asian guys really badly in the dating/casual and general social interaction sphere. They mostly see you as 'Marriage Capital' and they will try as much as possible to be cold and harsh to brown guys unless it is a marriage thing. Brown girls also know that white and black girls are not giving much love to brown guys hence they feel you have no where to go and hence cannot counter their coldness towards you.

There are brown guys out there who get casual stuff from brown girls but that is mostly a university or social circle thing. After leaving uni and graduating these girls atm are purely about the white/black casual guys.

You can do well with white girls and other ethnicities but your game needs to be better. More IRL social interaction and definitely need to work on vibe, body language, style etc. You are lacking in all departments.

Your style is like a poorer version of Andrew Tate, player vibe but it is not congruent cos you are not that guy. You need to go in as a bread and butter decent-looking, decent career confident masculine guy. Keep the style simple and to the point. No shades.



The above user has better style than you. It is much simpler and he isnt trying to be a wanna-be Andrew Tate player type, his style is simple and on-point. It gives a more real IDGAF vibe. Photos are mostly of himself on his own rather than focusing on lavish nightlife or whatever.

You need to lose the shades and the jacket it is all weak styling. All this relates to who you are IRL. Your photos dont even expose your height and there are too few full length body shots in that IG.

Other than that you need to get out in IRL and meet women and develop the style, body language, confidence, game etc. You should be fousing on white or other girls not asian girls. For the asian girls you need to be really really clued on cos they are toxic as **** and completely negative and destructive atm with brown guys. They will only consider you as a marriage provider type guy and even then they will expect to be placed above you as a princess.

--------------------------
Bro this was excellent feedback man - yh I think I've definitely been coming across as too much of a good guy - right now I'm talking to a Pakistani girl and hopefully she's coming back to my place on Friday first time and the way I got her was talking of smoking up and drinking and being a hoe and that might be the right way to go about it. I've struggled to bring out the hoeish side of Pakistani/Asian girls so far - so many of them just act like straight prudes so I've had difficulty asserting frame but I think for me frame skills are improving over the past few days and hopefully will get better - going to try improve my frame and take them out less to give less of the romantic vibe. I was following Corey Wayne game that says take her on a dinner date/pay on the first date but now I'm feeling unsure about that a bit so going to try change a bit. Gonna do more stuff like shisha, weed, light touch drugs, drinking etc and see how that goes. Sadly even Asian girls are hoes these days lol - but yh need to go for white girls more as well - I've tried but just haven't had good results ever except with like 1 white girl.

And yh man on the style point the shades thing might be a bit much and should have better posts and the insta you shared is really good - so going to work on that a bit more and going to try treat more asian girls like hoes/sexualising more and meet more girls in real life rather than relying on insta

 

[boom786]

OP you are asian no offence but hookup culture within your demographic is virtually non existent because of all the religious and social constructs surrounding it

Pickup has become complex enough without the above ,

Your biggest issue is going to be finding a woman in another demographic who will actually give you a shot at the pu$$Y until you get to that stage everything else will be futile

Dating apps are basically window shopping , girls have VERY short attention spans on them and are highly likely to move on to the next shiny object ( person) very quickly

You need to get into the real world and start trying your luck , you will know quickly wether a girl will entertain you or not

------------
Thanks for this man - issue has been opportunities to go out cause of time / self improvement etc cause of just working on stuff and money and reading and trying insta game and not doing cold approach - but got a lot of that sorted out now so will try go out more. I came across 3 girls that were down to F in real life but they all worked at my workplace so that's an issue. But going to be more outgoing and see how that goes.

Also yh Asian girls are difficult but hopefully will be able to break through resistance through learning or will just move to other girls as you said. One mistake I made was trying to hard to kiss / sexualising too much on the first date with girls that are too prudish and that scared them off - but obvs that is also an indicator they weren't warm enough for me as in had low buying interest. I'm realising that just getting the girl emotional positively and talking about herself will usually get her hot for you - but at times I was being a bit of a retard and a bit too logical / show boating with these girls which backfired - so definitely need to improve in person game.

As a side note do you think raw cold approach can work? Tbf I don't plan on ever going to a mall for 2 hours just to approach girls cause too busy for that but happy to do it on journeys to and from places but just wanted your opinion, thanks man!

 

[boom786]

Of course, it's an internal mindset.

Op is most likely a virgin. He's aiming high without any experience and shot down time after time.

He has to start somewhere. Lowering his standard to get experience and losing his poisoning pus*y scarcity is a temporary sit-back.
Of course, F low quality is not a permanent solution to puss*y.

After a few lays, his mindset will shift; he'll lose this puss*y scarcity and gain confidence and experience.
From here, he will only climb up to a better quality.

As long as he doesn't have experience, he'll continue to make mistakes time after time, lost the girls time after time, and won't understand what he doing wrong.

He can try and hit 8 and 9 as much as he wants, but as long as he has this puss*y scarcity, he goes nowhere.( unless he's super chad, which he is not)

Yh man thanks for this. I think I've been reading too much via books and approaching too little in real life. As for going for ugly girls I've genuinely tried but to be fair so far have been unwilling to go for girls below 5 in looks. That being said even girls that are 5 and above are insanely validated so even they can be tricky at times lol. But yh need to improve fast or lower standards fast. I've fooled around with girls and been on quite a few dates but I've been blind to **** tests at times and escalated too fast so hopefully we can course correct soon. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Rainman4707]

Judging by the photos you seem like a nice guy. You may give off the vibe of being too nice, too soft and that might push girls who look for someone more masculine away. On the other hand, you could be a target to some gold diggin' b!tch, so be alert.

@pipeman84 how does he "seem" like a nice guy?

 

[boom786]

LOOOOOL Oh **** that is you.

Im a SC regular too. You may have seen me on some videos.

Im from a UK Muslim background too but I am not a Muslim anymore and ID as non-religious fyii

Its hard for every1 at the moment.

I have a lot of exp with this and am willing to work with you, tutor and mentor but I am not sure what I can do really. Firstly you are too young to really make an impact and then ontop of that value and game is something that today is hard to learn and find your place.

But I will dm and we can talk if you want. We can even meet at SC lool. You know I have a friend group at SC with some white girls where I was running some high level game and looking to do a poly thing. That group is still around and the girls still interesting but I am waiting to see how things develop. I am also in talks to do a poly thing with some hot girls from the muslim background so I know what I am talking about.

I love it how we come from the same background and dealing with the same type of girls (asians, pakis) etc lol but I also interact with white girls alot it is kinda the same.

Where it differs is today asian girls are not being cool to asian guys and they are giving a lot of easy and free love to white and especialy black men. That is something you will need to contend with and push back against but it requires high level of game awareness and knowledge.

Loool small world man - but tbf would ideally like to keep my So Suave exposure low to the public but happy to chat and I'll reply to you in a second and yh man even asian girls are really hard these days but hopefully can become amazing enough to plow through resistance through pure attraction better physique, better lifestyle, better game, better frame, better status but let's see. As far as coaching maybe we can share some insights and meet in person to see if we can mutually help each other in any way!

 

[boom786]

You are 23, most men are your situation because it is hard for most men your age. The perfect thing to do would be to focus on yourself/career/business until you are near your 30s. However, I completely understand that this isn't feasible lol. You are better off getting in a relationship with a girl that doesn't drain your M.E.A.T and focusing on developing yourself. Chasing Tail gets old fast and you will have plenty of time to do that at a less vulnerable time.

Yh man that's true and thanks for that - lowkey have a small insecurity though that once i get rich and established girls only gonna like for me beta side of things so that's why I wanna develop alpha side of things as fast as possible. Long term I'm not so worried about being rich (cause I'm very good with money) or having insane beta game and could probably get a nice loyal wife from Pakistan but I do want to improve the alpha/sexual/physical/mouth piece/ player side of my game ASAP hence the effort and practice but let's see and thanks for the insight man - always encouraging to know that we win in the end as long as we work on ourselves!

 

[boom786]

Money, job, clothes, all that dont mean jack chit to girls so dont even bring that into the equation.

The girls just arent that sexually attracted to you, your personality might be off putting. Try to be more fun and less serious. Get drunk with them, go clubbing. Show them you are a fun guy, make them laugh and theyll want to fvck.

----------------------
Yh man realising this a bit late - emotions uber alles with girls, and the money side of the equation is very under valued these days - that was a strength of mine so I tried doubling down on that but it hasn't worked so now going to have to find other forms of value like vibe, more fun, more drinking, more drugs, more emotional spikes, better physique etc. I wish I had this insight more a few months ago but it is what it is and thanks for pointing that out man!

 

[pipeman84]

@pipeman84 how does he "seem" like a nice guy?

That's the impression I get, particularly from the 3rd and 6th photo. The kind of guy who would ask the girl 'can I kiss you'...that kind of vibe.

 

[boom786]

You rate yourself pretty high man, I always gave myself a 7ish, photo feeler have me a 9 bit I got a wheat waffles evaluation and he gave me a 5!!

To be fair I think wheat has a bit of small man syndrome thing happening. At the end of the day the market determines the value and if your not getting it then something is up.

The good news is the one thing black pill will give a guy to increase value is weight so if are packing a bit extra make that the focus.

There is such a thing as over game, the guys on here who get that understand the issue straight away, and so do the girls. Less is more allot of the time, knowing all the Redhill, pua is sometimes too much.

You have to live it, which you are and you will learn.

Yh man I've realised after this thread I think I'm over rating my self - Wheat would give me a 4-6 max I think lool I know he rates on the low side.

In terms of game I think I was making mistake and being too obsessive about power frames and looking better than her and never ever chasing even one bit AMS/Corey Wayne style - always being like a coquette and really super laid back but now I'm starting to question that a bit and going more for rollercoaster emotion game after looking at Todd V and Playing With Fire so let's see how that goes - and just being like a cool but non-needy funny joking semi-persistent guy messaging girls a few days after and not taking small excuses or objections as rejection and so far I'm seeing better results by 30% although it's only been 3 days i.e since I started this thread