Step aside, boys,
I've been locked up Six times. Unfortunately, I now lose any 'street cred' because the longest I've been behind bars was around two hours. I've never eaten the powdered eggs (or so I'm told that they serve).
I've also had to do three or four side-road sobriety tests. I was never "knee wobbling" but in my state, even a .08 can get you locked up. I always somehow passed (I hope to not jinx this btw). I'm pretty sure that I probably exceeded the .08, but probably not by much. In other words, I wasn't a danger to anyone or myself (with flying colors, I passed all the physical tests)
Case and point: Presentation is everything. I have no tattoos, I always wear button downs (and a suit while in court). I never look unassured while speaking to an officer, but I also do not project any flamboyance. I speak to them "peer to peer" and with respect.
It humbles me to admit this, but of all the tickets I've talked myself out of, I have never been able to charm a female officer completely. The best I got is having a female officer knock my 78 in a 55 down to "70 in a 55." Anything over 15 miles is an immediate loss of license.
Here's my (so-called) "rap sheet." And by the way, not only do I have a clean record (I have passed every employment background check) but I also have no charges showing up on line (fortunately, these occurred before the internet was in heavy use).
Age 21
Back during college years, we used to go to this eerie looking vacant motel (it hadn't been in operation for about 20 years) and party it up. Apparently, one night we were too loud and got reported.
Arrested for Trespassing. Spent about two hours in a "holding cell." Called an ex girlfriend to bail me out.
Verdict: Prayer for judgement
Age 24
Had over 12 points on my drivers license; which equals a six month revocation. I drove anyway. Pulled over while on a date. The girl I was seeing bailed me out. I was there somewhere between an hour to 90 minutes.
Verdict: an additional year of loss of license.
Age 25
I'm at a local convenience store and spotted some neighbors/friends. They were throwing a party. I suggested they hop in my car and we'd drive to a grocery store for a better beer selection and prices. They were the punk rock crowd and I was in my suit and tie. A cop across the street found this suspicious and got behind me and called in my tag. I was still driving while license was revoked (having too many points).
Spent about 90 minutes in a holding cell. Current girlfriend that I was seeing bailed me out.
Verdict: An additional year of loss of license. .
Age 26
I'm leaving a local club and spotted the bar-cop frisking someone I knew. I didn't like what I observed (the cop was throwing his weight around). I pulled my car back in (still driving without a license) and walked out with my hands above my head. I said... "I don't like what I thought I saw, I'm unarmed and my hands are up in the air, but I'm going to stick around to see that it doesn't happen again." The bar-cop said with a swagger...that if I'm not careful, I could go downtown with him. My response? "You're just a rent-a-cop." I found out real quickly that they can call for back up. I was down town for about an hour. The girl that I'd been seeing for a couple of months bailed me out.
Verdict: Dismissed (I knew the club owners and they said that they wouldn't show up).
Age 26 (not a typo)
The roads are slippery and I rear-ended a driver. She doesn't notice that her drivers side received damages. We exchange insurance information (I told her that I'd "misplaced my license."). I figured that by the time she saw the damages that she'd file a claim, and that would be the end of it. I was wrong. A few days later, there's a knock at my door. When it's announced that "it's the police" I open my wallet and handed my friend cash (bail money). I open the door and was taken down town. I was "in holding" for less than an hour. In court, the judge asked why I'd risk it - knowing that my license was revoked. I responded "your honor, I might drive without a license, but I'd never drive without insurance." Those in the courtroom busted out with laughter. The judge shook his head.
Verdict: "Dismissed"
Age 33
I was doing a side gig and getting paid under the table (taxes were already killing me). Toward the end of the service, he decided to not pay. Under the circumstances, I didn't really have a leg to stand on. For a couple of months, I'd go by where his wife was working and occupy her time (she was retail and I was a customer and so, she had to put up with it). This drove him crazy! His reaction was almost worth the loss of income. He called me and I made a mistake. I said "you better hope that I don't come down with a terminal illness because that's when things will actually get serious". I received a police visit for "communicating threats." I was in holding for about 30 minutes. When I explained the situation to the magistrate, I was released on my own recognizance. I didn't expect him to show up for court, but he did. I sat directly behind him and (before we were called) I said... "you realize that under oath, it'll be mentioned that you were paying someone under the table." He suddenly had a change of tune.
Verdict: Prayer for judgement ( I found out later that he knew the judge).
For the past 25 years, I've kept out of trouble. HeII, I've made more people angry on facebook than anyone I know and I can't even get thrown in "facebook jail."
