Interesting thread, my perspective is that the obvious answer is "yes" as a way to maximize one's reproductive success, while still experiencing a stable family life later on. It's the best of both worlds in a sense, as you would achieve quantity and then quality.
This is just ideal maximization of male mating preferences. The female version might be something similar, like 'party around with hot guys' in their 20s, then get wifed up by the millionaire in her 30s, just in time for a kid or two. Alpha fvcks, beta bucks.
It's the interplay of these opposing dynamics which creates competition between humans and allows the 'better' (more attractive, stronger, smarter, more resourceful, etc) genes to eventually propagate. Our evolutionary strategies have evolved as such, and men and women's interests are often in opposition to each other (hence "the game"). Most women aren't pure party sloots because that strategy would not lead to keeping around a male partner (who needs to have a good idea of his paternity) to help support and raise the child. Humans are still the most complex species, and are mainly K-selected, i.e. the offpsring are weak, mature slowly, and need lots of investment.
But if you take away consequence and accountability from women, i.e. remove the risk of having kids due to easily accessed birth control, watch how their behavior and preferences change.
@BeExcellent I'd love to get a picture of how said old lady was acting in her 20s. In my experience with women, they rationalize their emotions relative to their current hormonal state and social value. It's so easy for a 30+, 40+, 50+, etc woman to espouse the value of not being promiscuous, settling down, etc. It's another thing whether they actually acted on those values *when it mattered* - when they were young and attractive with the most mating and reproductive potential.
There's exceptions, but most older women I've known and dealt with, hell even my own mother and aunt, who follow exactly this hypocrisy I described.
Fair question. I was a socially awkward teen and although pretty I was extremely naïve and inexperienced. In high school I dated a boyfriend but I never saw him in any state of undress and we never had sex. He was a year older than me and went to the military. I was a varsity athlete and had a heavy academic load and very strict parents.
When I went to university I joined a sorority, was elected to student government and played soccer. I obtained both a BS degree in Biology and a BA degree in English simultaneously within 4 years. I was premed and academics took a lot of time. I did make many friends, many of whom I still am close to. I dated some but didn’t understand how to be girly, having been a tomboy as a teen, so I would have crushes on guys but typically they would find me socially uncalibrated, shy and inexperienced. I was great at being a buddy or friend but I had no idea how to be girly. I had no idea about sex as I hadn’t had any.
At 20 I met my first real boyfriend. We dated 2 years, yes on sex, he showed me many things but he broke my heart and cheated/left me for a far more experienced woman. Then I was 22. I met my now friend from Vegas, we dated a year. He wasn’t being serious enough about me so I broke things off and walked away. For him I have always been the one who got away. We remain friends and he is an investor in my business endeavors. I trust him with my kids and my money. But we are not going to rekindle things after 35 years, lol.
From age 22 to 27 in a LTR. He was very handsome and proposed 6 months into the relationship. This freaked me out since I didn’t feel we knew each other well enough to marry, so I said “Maybe but not yet”. We dated another 4.5 years until I found he was cheating behind my back being a playboy. I dumped him. Everyone thought we would eventually marry, his family, my family, all our friends…I dumped him, moved away & never looked back. His mother and I were very close. She told me that it shattered him when I left. He loved me but didn’t think twice about sneaking around. For him too I was the one who got away.
I never cheated. Not on anyone.
27-28 I dated a dentist from NYC who I met on the NYC subway. We stopped due to distance & remain friends today.
From 28-30 I dated a guy a bit older (41) and this guy too started talking marriage fairly early on. He had an anger problem however and I distanced myself until he started seeing other women. That way he could be the one who broke up in his mind as he was dangerous.
At 30 I dated the professional model for a few months but he was terribly insecure and a total workaholic, so I let that go. After I married friends told me how he had said what a mistake he had made in letting me leave…
And the next man was the nightclub owner who became my husband who I was with 20 years & three children. He proposed 6 months in. I was 31 when we married.
My fiancé of today proposed about 9 months in. So I’ve always been seen as marriage material.
Between LTRs I get literally bombarded with interest, the majority of which I decline. I date with an eye towards a man’s character because I do not date casually. If I award a man with my time it is because I like him & want to explore getting to know him. I do not sleep together quickly as I am still getting to know someone. And men have told me that they didn’t realize I liked them because I didn’t leap in bed right away. I come off a little aloof and at times a little austere. That isn’t who I am but that is the impression my cautious nature initially can give off. I didn’t do that with my fiancé. I made a conscious effort to show him that I had interest in him and we have both chemistry & connection which I saw early on. So I was less conservative, which was emotionally uncomfortable for me. It worked out well however so it’s all good.
There were a few instances where I lost interest after getting physically involved, and a couple times men picked someone else over me. So I’ve had a few STRs along the way. My pattern after divorce was I didn’t date at all for the first year, then an 18 month distance LTR, then a 3 year LTR that I left, 9 months LTR that ended (and I met my fiancé that same night.). I think I had been single a whole 2 hours.
I’ve always been a relationship gal and men figure out very early on that is who I am and they recognize my value. I’ve never pressed for a relationship. Men have always pursued that with me. Usually I’ve been the one to end things, with the exception of my first real relationship…which made me more cautious not less. That took some working through.
I am generous by nature and patient. But I won’t tolerate BS indefinitely. Men have mistaken my kindness for weakness at times…until they realize it wasn’t weakness at all. But by then it’s too late. My ex husband has never dated or had sex since I left. He has told me candidly that I am not replaceable. Certainly not now in his 50s as he let himself go. I wish he’d date. He just isn’t interested.
