She wants me to call and text her more...is this a trap?

[jnMissouri]

Tl;DR

Long story short, we hit it off on our first date, she called me a few days after and talked about us taking our profiles down and dating exclusively. We did and kept dating. She is asian and traditional, so she wanted to wait a whiiiile before having sex. She invited me over for dinner fourth date, (after I had suggested she cook us dinner on the date before that, kind of inviting myself over, but she called me and gave me an actual time and date), she's the kind of girl that wanted to be in a relationship before intimate, and had wanted us to take our profiles down after our first date, date exclusively. High interest, we really hit it off. At dinner, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together, as in, she stopped the show and talked about it then we proceeded after things were smoothed over. Her concern was that I'm not serous about her. She also said she wants me to call her to make dates, not text, every guy texts, she said it makes her feel special if I call her. But I worry that complying with the request will be bad for attraction. We are in a an official relationship now, but why change if what I'm doing is working. I see her once a week, she initiates most calls and texts. I avoid being too available.



More Details:

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her that I don't, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar. She had counted the times I called her and analyzed our text volume each week, I'm on her mind with what I'm doing, why change?

 

[bat soup]

Tl;DR

Long story short, we hit it off on our first date, she called me a few days after and talked about us taking our profiles down and dating exclusively. We did and kept dating. She is asian and traditional, so she wanted to wait a whiiiile before having sex. She invited me over for dinner fourth date, (after I had suggested she cook us dinner on the date before that, kind of inviting myself over, but she called me and gave me an actual time and date), she's the kind of girl that wanted to be in a relationship before intimate, and had wanted us to take our profiles down after our first date, date exclusively. High interest, we really hit it off. At dinner, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together, as in, she stopped the show and talked about it then we proceeded after things were smoothed over. Her concern was that I'm not serous about her. She also said she wants me to call her to make dates, not text, every guy texts, she said it makes her feel special if I call her. But I worry that complying with the request will be bad for attraction. We are in a an official relationship now, but why change if what I'm doing is working. I see her once a week, she initiates most calls and texts. I avoid being too available.



More Details:

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her that I don't, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar. She had counted the times I called her and analyzed our text volume each week, I'm on her mind with what I'm doing, why change?

She sounds like a Filipina. Am I wrong?

 

[Kotaix]

That is controlling behavior if I ever saw any. She wanted to start dating exclusively after ONE date??

She is a single mom. She's not high interest, she has a vested interest in locking you down, and once she does she'll probably be ten times more demanding.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Tl;DR

Long story short, we hit it off on our first date, she called me a few days after and talked about us taking our profiles down and dating exclusively. We did and kept dating. She is asian and traditional, so she wanted to wait a whiiiile before having sex. She invited me over for dinner fourth date, (after I had suggested she cook us dinner on the date before that, kind of inviting myself over, but she called me and gave me an actual time and date), she's the kind of girl that wanted to be in a relationship before intimate, and had wanted us to take our profiles down after our first date, date exclusively. High interest, we really hit it off. At dinner, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together, as in, she stopped the show and talked about it then we proceeded after things were smoothed over. Her concern was that I'm not serous about her. She also said she wants me to call her to make dates, not text, every guy texts, she said it makes her feel special if I call her. But I worry that complying with the request will be bad for attraction. We are in a an official relationship now, but why change if what I'm doing is working. I see her once a week, she initiates most calls and texts. I avoid being too available.



More Details:

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her that I don't, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar. She had counted the times I called her and analyzed our text volume each week, I'm on her mind with what I'm doing, why change?

Sounds like she holds the frame in the relationship. She is leading. You are effectively the female in the relationship dynamic.

Get a hold of yourself.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Barrister]

Tl;DR

Long story short, we hit it off on our first date, she called me a few days after and talked about us taking our profiles down and dating exclusively. We did and kept dating. She is asian and traditional, so she wanted to wait a whiiiile before having sex. She invited me over for dinner fourth date, (after I had suggested she cook us dinner on the date before that, kind of inviting myself over, but she called me and gave me an actual time and date), she's the kind of girl that wanted to be in a relationship before intimate, and had wanted us to take our profiles down after our first date, date exclusively. High interest, we really hit it off. At dinner, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together, as in, she stopped the show and talked about it then we proceeded after things were smoothed over. Her concern was that I'm not serous about her. She also said she wants me to call her to make dates, not text, every guy texts, she said it makes her feel special if I call her. But I worry that complying with the request will be bad for attraction. We are in a an official relationship now, but why change if what I'm doing is working. I see her once a week, she initiates most calls and texts. I avoid being too available.



More Details:

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her that I don't, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar. She had counted the times I called her and analyzed our text volume each week, I'm on her mind with what I'm doing, why change?

A lot of red flags here, OP.

1. Asking to be exclusive after ONE date should have your warning bells going off. You have been here since 2014. Come on brother. This is not normal behavior and probably indicates a Cluster B personality.

2. You met not only her parents but her child on date #4 and did not expect that it was going to happen? So she didn't tell you. You don't see this as a problem? I agree with others she is trying to lock you down. Further, it is clearly a manipulation tactic. If you try to exit after this "oh I am so embarrassed you met my family and now you are leaving me and my kid won't understand!" Can see this coming a mile away.

3. She is already going to use sex as a weapon by acting as gatekeeper. She is linking you "behaving" and doing what she wants with sex as the reward. Horrible dynamic.

You need to EXIT NOW and not look back.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

She wanted to start dating exclusively after ONE date??

That's so funny that it is not even funny...

 

[Smok1nAce]

I haven't read anything in op but the title alone screams controlling and delusional.

Call and text more? are kidding!? is this middle school. She sounds very insecure and wants you to "fill in" for it. That's no ones job but herself.

If you want to continue with her I'd countine on, pretend she didnt say anything this time and everytime and know she will most likley continue with "unusual" demands form you.

But don't get to emotionally involved with her, remember that at anytime things could get bad very quick and you want to leave unscathed and unattached, financially, emotionally, and socially.




EDIT. After I read OP.

You might have a good one on your hands OP. Most guys on here would kill for a women to say, lets be exclusive after one date. If she invited you to meet her family it sounds like they (Her Family) take relationships seriously. I'd still take what I said orginnaly and keep it in mind. But I think if you had sex already its "ok" to give a little bit on your part. Calling to set up dates is fine. But calling and texting to "stay in touch" all day is never a good idea. (This is because you start to get emotionally invested.)

 

[EyeBRollin]

Texting is bad all around so just cut that shvt out.

This one isn’t rocket science, OP. She wants you to call her more. That means give her some non-sexual attention on the phone, 30 minutes or so, every 2-3 days. After a few weeks of that she will want it daily. This is just the natural relationship progression. Contrary to the misinformed posts in the thread, women don’t just set up traps. It is men that misinterpret them. (“Women do not lie, men don’t listen”).

If you just want to fvck this girl with no relationship, just abort now. She’s not a woman cut out for that arrangement.

 

[Smok1nAce]

Texting is bad all around so just cut that shvt out.

This one isn’t rocket science, OP. She wants you to call her more. That means give her some non-sexual attention on the phone, 30 minutes or so, every 2-3 days. After a few weeks of that she will want it daily. This is just the natural relationship progression. Contrary to the misinformed posts in the thread, women don’t just set up traps. It is men that misinterpret them. (“Women do not lie, men don’t listen”).

If you just want to fvck this girl with no relationship, just abort now. She’s not a woman cut out for that arrangement.

This guy knows whats up.

Think carfully OP this is the type of girl one would marry if everything clears out in a year or two. Play your part.

 

[rjc149]

To answer your question in a vacuum as general relationship advice, without all the other issues and red flags in this specific case that other posters noted: when an otherwise healthy woman asks for more communication, it’s not a trap. This is her telling you how to meet her needs and make her happy in the relationship. Ignore her needs at the relationship’s peril. If she’s attractive, there are plenty of dudes out there who will not neglect her emotions in order to “hold frame” and “be alpha.” She’ll be entertaining those offers pretty soon.

This woman sounds needy, clingy, and controlling. She has an obvious anxious attachment style and she doesn’t feel like your emotional connection is secure. Once she felt it was secure and you reassured her, her legs open up, as you experienced. This is how all women operate. No emotional connection = dry vagina.

You’ll need to decide if this is the type of woman you can date. You’ll need to meet her needs to keep her around, otherwise, don’t expect to.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When a woman knows she can control everything she loses interest.

Much better to have her get a little upset while she is excited by trying to tame you than for you to take yourself for her

 

[jnMissouri]

No, she is not a Filipina. I've dated women of her culture once before though, they are usually very traditional, relationship first then sex kind of girls.

As I said, we REALLY hit it off on our first date. She's a ten and veeery successful financially, owns her own company, so the comments about her looking for a provider are way off. Needy? Mmmmm...trust me she can have ANY guy she wants, she's hot and successful and she doesn't play games. I would say I've left her uncertain about how I feel about her as someone here said in this thread, and that was partly my goal, to send mixed signals and keep her guessing if I REALLY like her....compared to guys who bring her flowers all day at her company and try to hit on her left as if she is the last woman on Earth.

The advice here is mixed. Some people are like better to have her a little upset you don't call often (which is my philosophy) but others are like, well she gave it up so you can give her a little more validation now. I think the truth is right in the middle, yeah I can give her a little now. Calling her to setup dates is probably best, it serves an actual purpose, not just to chat. My last gf was a LDR, we saw each other once or twice a month when she flew here to see me for a week at a time. SHE would call and video chat with me DAILY (except weekends when I go out with my friends to pursue my hobbies) for 2-3 hours a day. In that case, I'd say it helped keep the connection since we didn't see each other every week.

But I won't do it all the time, once in a while, like for example when I want to setup a date. Sometimes it's easier on the phone, and to be fair, she did call me to invite me over for dinner, pick the day, time, etc. So she treats me the way SHE wants to be treated. Worst case scenario, if I sense her losing interest because of the calls, I'll back off a little. I think being attuned to her responses to changes in behavior from me is a key way to assess the impact of this, but I don't want to stop being a challenge.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No, she is not a Filipina. I've dated women of her culture once before though, they are usually very traditional, relationship first then sex kind of girls.

As I said, we REALLY hit it off on our first date. She's a ten and veeery successful financially, owns her own company, so the comments about her looking for a provider are way off. Needy? Mmmmm...trust me she can have ANY guy she wants, she's hot and successful and she doesn't play games. I would say I've left her uncertain about how I feel about her as someone here said in this thread, and that was partly my goal, to send mixed signals and keep her guessing if I REALLY like her....compared to guys who bring her flowers all day at her company and try to hit on her left as if she is the last woman on Earth.

The advice here is mixed. Some people are like better to have her a little upset you don't call often (which is my philosophy) but others are like, well she gave it up so you can give her a little more validation now. I think the truth is right in the middle, yeah I can give her a little now. Calling her to setup dates is probably best, it serves an actual purpose, not just to chat. My last gf was a LDR, we saw each other once or twice a month when she flew here to see me for a week at a time. SHE would call and video chat with me DAILY (except weekends when I go out with my friends to pursue my hobbies) for 2-3 hours a day. In that case, I'd say it helped keep the connection since we didn't see each other every week.

But I won't do it all the time, once in a while, like for example when I want to setup a date. Sometimes it's easier on the phone, and to be fair, she did call me to invite me over for dinner, pick the day, time, etc. So she treats me the way SHE wants to be treated. Worst case scenario, if I sense her losing interest because of the calls, I'll back off a little. I think being attuned to her responses to changes in behavior from me is a key way to assess the impact of this, but I don't want to stop being a challenge.

Game principles are just that; principles. Women can sniff out and decipher disingenuous game from actually having a masculine frame. The former comes off as “game playing” or just being a plain old jackass.

If she is telling you she wants more attention, it means she wants more attention. You are being too cold. That means re-calibrate. Failure to heed this will lower her interest level quickly and she will be out.

Pick up the phone and call this broad. She has earned some phone time.

 

[rjc149]

The advice here is mixed. Some people are like better to have her a little upset you don't call often (which is my philosophy) but others are like, well she gave it up so you can give her a little more validation now. I think the truth is right in the middle, yeah I can give her a little now.

If you're interested in keeping this woman around, she does not sound like the type who will tolerate being starved for emotional validation and subsisting on your rationing because it's "alpha" to willfully neglect a woman's emotional needs and "beta" to fulfill her requests for more closeness.

Over-doing "game" in order to manipulate her emotions comes from the same exact place of lack, fear, and neediness.

If you're going to spike negative emotions to deliberately upset her (which tells me you're not ready to have a healthy relationships with women), you need to then reward her with a glut of validation and "beta" sweetness in order to spike positive emotions. You cannot spike negative emotions, then toss her a scrap when she protests. She will be out.

Being emotionally available to a woman is not the same as being emotionally reliant on a woman. Learn the difference.

 

[zinc4]

Tl;DR

Long story short, we hit it off on our first date, she called me a few days after and talked about us taking our profiles down and dating exclusively. We did and kept dating. She is asian and traditional, so she wanted to wait a whiiiile before having sex. She invited me over for dinner fourth date, (after I had suggested she cook us dinner on the date before that, kind of inviting myself over, but she called me and gave me an actual time and date), she's the kind of girl that wanted to be in a relationship before intimate, and had wanted us to take our profiles down after our first date, date exclusively. High interest, we really hit it off. At dinner, her family was there, they seemed to like me. We slept together and I spent the night. She did say she wants me to call and text her more before we slept together, as in, she stopped the show and talked about it then we proceeded after things were smoothed over. Her concern was that I'm not serous about her. She also said she wants me to call her to make dates, not text, every guy texts, she said it makes her feel special if I call her. But I worry that complying with the request will be bad for attraction. We are in a an official relationship now, but why change if what I'm doing is working. I see her once a week, she initiates most calls and texts. I avoid being too available.



More Details:

To my surprise her entire family was there, I played it cool, figured nothing was going to happen sexually, but just be meet the fam. We all seemed to hit it off, her kid liked me, her sister even tried to get her more drinks then turned to me and said you're spending the night right, wink, etc. She happened to be wearing a slinky dress designed to easily come off....

Everyone eventually went to bed, we got hot and heavy on the couch, she said let's go to my room. We went, I'm moving her around on the bed, and you know, kissing her neck, ears, licking her nipples, etc. Go for the panties and she goes wait. Let's talk. In the four weeks we've been dating, you almost never initiate texts and rarely call me. How many times have you called me, twice when I asked you to, I call you far more often. She said it's a red flag, like I'm getting bored with her, not serious about her, she understands that I'm busy but can't be too busy to text, etc. She says it doesn't show her I'm serious about her even though I say I am. I was able to show her some texts to a friend about her that made her melt. So we talked for a bit more, she wants me to show her I'm serious about her then after 30 or so minutes I made my move again....and down on her I go, then her on me and then a good pounding. Left the next morning, though I lingered a little longer than I should have.

I texted her the next night so she doesn't think I hit it and split. One thing I wonder though, SHOULD I text and call her more? Seems like it does bother her that I don't, she liked to text me daily our first week, called me every couple days and tried to get me to call her. I worry that if I comply with her request, she'll lose interest. Either because it's accommodating behavior our because we become TOO familiar. She had counted the times I called her and analyzed our text volume each week, I'm on her mind with what I'm doing, why change?

These women who demand too see how "serious you about thm" are always bat**** crazy and controlling. I have dated a lot of those.

The best way to deal with them is to show them you that you are not afraid of walking away. OP defend yourself. Tell her you arent a big phone person in general a good relationship requires trust. If you don't trust me then that is a problem.

Guage her response and don't back down from your position. Don't let her cuck you. These kind of women are very good at manipulating things to her favor completely to hold all of the power in the relationship.

 

[DonJuanjr]

She's a ten and veeery successful financially, owns her own company, so the comments about her looking for a provider are way off

So what... Her cerebellum and brain stem don't know it's 2021 and meat can be bought in grocery stores.

 

[BadBoy89]

when an otherwise healthy woman asks for more communication, it’s not a trap. This is her telling you how to meet her needs and make her happy in the relationship. Ignore her needs at the relationship’s peril. If she’s attractive, there are plenty of dudes out there who will not neglect her emotions in order to “hold frame” and “be alpha.” She’ll be entertaining those offers pretty soon.

I would agree up until the man sleeps with her. Once he sleeps with her and she asks for “more” communication, she is trying to switch the relationship to her terms. If a man does everything and she sleeps with him, how can she want MORE from him when her value is DECREASING?

Before a man sleeps with her -> communicate like crazy with her, talk about love, security, sex, roses, whatever.
After a man sleeps with her -> Do not say one more word about yourself.

 

[bat soup]

No, she is not a Filipina. I've dated women of her culture once before though, they are usually very traditional, relationship first then sex kind of girls.

As I said, we REALLY hit it off on our first date. She's a ten and veeery successful financially, owns her own company, so the comments about her looking for a provider are way off. Needy? Mmmmm...trust me she can have ANY guy she wants, she's hot and successful and she doesn't play games.


I would say I've left her uncertain about how I feel about her as someone here said in this thread, and that was partly my goal, to send mixed signals and keep her guessing if I REALLY like her....compared to guys who bring her flowers all day at her company and try to hit on her left as if she is the last woman on Earth.

The advice here is mixed. Some people are like better to have her a little upset you don't call often (which is my philosophy) but others are like, well she gave it up so you can give her a little more validation now. I think the truth is right in the middle, yeah I can give her a little now. Calling her to setup dates is probably best, it serves an actual purpose, not just to chat. My last gf was a LDR, we saw each other once or twice a month when she flew here to see me for a week at a time. SHE would call and video chat with me DAILY (except weekends when I go out with my friends to pursue my hobbies) for 2-3 hours a day. In that case, I'd say it helped keep the connection since we didn't see each other every week.

But I won't do it all the time, once in a while, like for example when I want to setup a date. Sometimes it's easier on the phone, and to be fair, she did call me to invite me over for dinner, pick the day, time, etc. So she treats me the way SHE wants to be treated. Worst case scenario, if I sense her losing interest because of the calls, I'll back off a little. I think being attuned to her responses to changes in behavior from me is a key way to assess the impact of this, but I don't want to stop being a challenge.

I had the opposite experience with Filipinas. Anyway, with this girl I think you need to strike a balance. Doing exactly what she says and calling/texting constantly might well backfire. Women often think they know what they want, but you have to observe their actions not their words.

She seems to have responded well to the what you were doing, even if she says otherwise. Don't overdo it, though. If a woman feels unappreciated she can get pisssed off and leave you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is wanting to see how much control she can expert early in the relationship. The more you give, the more she will try and take.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

She's comparing you to the access that another man has given her, any time a **** test like this pops up 9/10 it's because there is another guy in the picture, not banging her but his presence is enough to make her feel empowered to question you