Another Sexless LTR - How to stay?

[MrPwr]

You must ask yourself. Is this woman the type to do a permanent 180, turn things around and be a great match
For a LTR? Only two answers. My guess is NO. She disrespects you, its been over for a long time. IMHO

Permanent 180? probably not permanent, but perhaps we are here because I'm not doing something she needs me to do to stay attracted.
That's why I am here, trying to learn what I can and see what works. I'd rather not eject before I figure out the countermeasures.

She already is a great match for an LTR minus the no sex. Hence my hesitation to Eject.
I really do detest the woke idiots the people factories are churning out these days and she isn't one of them in the slightest.

 

[MrPwr]

As crude, as it might sound, this is a really objective gauge of what is. If your engaged do NOT get married until this is fixed.

Two problems with this.

1. she is not excited/interested to have sex with you.
2. she does not care/admire/respect/care about you enough to comply.

When if this problem is solved, you are only about halfway fixed for the big picture. She will have sex with you at a lower interest level than you need for a permanent LTR. But it is in the right direction.

I HATE to be the first one to add, but in this level of interest, she is emotionally available for advances from other men. I have personally watched low sex drive women become high sex drive with a different dude. Not saying this is happening, but if she is not hooked to you in this way that channel is open. For your well-being, it is useful to have a mate that is eager for you. Do not accept less than that.

Definitely will not be getting married. To any hoe xD
I have seen far too many marriages fail to believe they can work. the few that do, are perpetual engagement. Will marry on deathbed.

She has, in the past initiated, completely to my surprise. lingerie, cold beer ready, the works. I have no idea what caused her to do it but I know she has it in her.

As for being advanced upon by other men, she ain't wearing her ring right now, and I don't think she has for a few weeks. So that is entirely possible (though also possible with it on, her attitude not wearing it says more)

 

[manfrombelow]

You don't stay with sb who doesn't want you, you only GTFO. Come on man.

 

[deadmasterx]

Alright, that's an awful thing and I totally understand you at this point.

There was a point, no so far ago, of my relationship where I stood almost one week without making sex with my girlfriend. It probably doesn't compare to your case in a matter of time, but I learned something from it. In a talk with my girlfriend, we reached this point. She told me some things that I didn't really get and then I asked her some good quality questions. Long story short, whenever she felt that I was more interested in SEX than in HER, her legs would close. Honestly, I never thought about that before she told me, it never passed in my head before.

So it comes in three things for you to think about and fix your relationship (even if fixing means breaking it):

1) If she feels that sex is something that you are taking from her, she won't feel like doing it with you.
I would love to explain this topic further, but even I didn't understand it to the point of being really able to explain to someone. I think it is something that you just feel, and she surely feels it too. Of course you love her, of course you want to **** her hard, but the thing is to keep the balance. Be interested in your girl, ask her about her day, cuddle sometimes. Women are emotional beings, they go from wild sex to cute cuddling in a minute. Just sail in the sea of her emotions, don't try to turn it into a pool. Flow with it. Be true with your feelings, and associate these desires with her. I want to have sex with you, not just have sex. That's the idea.

2) If she's not feeling loved and understood, her legs will close
It doesn't depend on the base of your relationship, for example, in mine we make sex at least 3 times a week, but usually almost everyday unless something happens (first days of period, we can't meet, etc). Let's suppose that sex isn't happening, and the same time you can feel that she isn't that excited about being with you. Your man radar will start to beep, you know that there's something wrong.

Instead of doing something stupid like going to your man cave trying to guess what's wrong, go talk to her. Sit down, get her close to you (I usually put my girlfriend on my lap, subconsciously asserting some dominance, loving and caring) and then ask her about how is the relationship going, tell her that you felt her distant lately, and add any other details that you find relevant, ask her what's going on.

If you don't have the balls to do that (because you can't make a direct approach), you're gonna play "Rate Me" game. It's the same pattern, you two sit together, you ask her to rate you and say the things she liked and disliked about the relationship lately. You will do the same to her. As she expose the problems (there will be problems, make sure to keep on asking until she open up), don't take it personally. Even if it offends you deeply to the core, try to learn something from it. If you were doing things right, she wouldn't be feeling this way, neither would you, so take your chance. If you don't really get something that she said, propose a situation, ask her once more, repeat what she said and confirm if that's what she really meant by saying that. Don't be lazy. Also, expose the things you felt, I think it's needless to say that you won't be whining, begging or anything like that. Communicate "you did this, you acted like this and I didn't like it". Be assertive.

Also, listen and do your best to understand her point. I'm not telling you to accept, I'm telling you to understand. When she's speaking, the only things you will say are "Tell me more, honey", "So I did this, this and that and you felt this way?", "So you felt this way?", "What do you mean?", "How did you feel about that?". Religiously repeat some of the things she said to confirm, especially if you think you didn't get it right. If you feel that you got everything, you repeat themain points of what she said and then ask her "Did I miss something? Do you think I got your point?".

3) Is this the kind of relationship you want?
As you said before, you'd have sex a few times in the month before, now it's 0. Are you the kind of guy that is okay to have little sex with your woman? If so, then you might be okay keeping the relationship. If you're like most guys, you probably won't be feeling good enough by having it a few times a week, because it's gonna make you feel like you're not living to your full potential, that you can have more, that you can do more. Well, if that's so, your relationship needs an even deeper change.

Analize these points and think about it with yourself. You must man up and communicate your boundaries and needs in a effective way. It is not okay to have a sexless relationship. It is not okay to be disrespected. It is not okay to have problems and not communicate. Remember, communication is the key to avoid drama. If you don't communicate, or have a poor communicating girlfriend, you are going to have a hard time. Use the "Rate Me" game as a window to say that, something along the lines "Honestly, I feel like our relationship is going sexless and that's not something that I want. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship".

Or am I better off splitting now, while she still has a chance to have kids with someone else/on her own? << This is a big issue for me. I don't want to **** her over. She is still very important to me.

That's nice of you, but it shouldn't be your concern right now. You both are in a relationship to have your needs met. If you feel that there's something missing, you communicate. Some guys can do that in a non verbal way, others feel like doing it in a verbal way. If you can do both of them, great. You'll be a good communicator and a man of action.

Keep in mind that in relationships, you either grow together or grow apart. If your needs aren't being met, you talk to her about that and if she isn't willing to put an effort in the relationship, then there's no why being together. You must always pursue your happiness, being fulfilled in your job and have a great relationship. If she can only give you a sexless half-ass one, it's better for you to go after something better.

 

[bat soup]

G'day!
I recently dropped a red, and it hit bloody hard.

I have been in an LTR with a bird for 4+ years.
For years I have, like a good little AFC, accepted her rejections for sex and her reasoning as fair and that her needs (though frustrating) came before mine, even being a good little worker slave, built her a new kitchen and got a "thanks."
Late last year I proposed. Not sure if I subconsciously thought that she was not-intimate because I wasn't showing enough commitment, or for some other silly reason.

Dropped a giant rock on her dainty hand, well more than I could afford.
I got a "yes" and a pash and that was it. But I was still blue pilled, so I didn't put up a fight.

But after a few months it was unbearable.
With few other options and the social conditioning of "talking will make it better" I reverted to overtly communicating my dissatisfaction with her lack of interest/attraction/sex.
I have never, in any relationship, had to beg for it. But I did, and felt so gross that It turned me off.
This was my lowest point and I went looking for answers and found the manosphere.

I read "laws of attraction" and a colleague put me on to "the rational male" which were my red pill.

I am an undergrad, still with 2yrs to complete.
I have a good job/employer but I also can't work much due to studies. The more I work, the less study I get done. and the sooner I graduate, the sooner I can make BANK.

Right now I am ENTIRELY living in her frame. She currently earns a lot, has her house with equity and is the provider in our relationship. It wasn't always the case, when we met I was in the early stages of my career working full time and completely independent.

She is 33 (im 30) and wants kids, and we agreed that if kids were on the table for us that my degree would happen now or never, and better for the kids for it to happen. So we agreed that she would work and I would live rent free with her to get my degree asap so her eggs don't shrivel up.

Then the sex stopped like someone flipped a switch. She was never highly sexual, but when we lived apart I was at least getting it a few times a month. Which even back then I was dissatisfied with but our vastly different schedules were mostly to blame.

How do I get out of her frame, and get her into mine, is it salvageable?
Or am I better off splitting now, while she still has a chance to have kids with someone else/on her own? << This is a big issue for me. I don't want to **** her over. She is still very important to me.
We might as well be housemates. Actually I have had housemates that I ****ed more.
I would rather stay, and fix it. We have literally no other issues than her lack of attraction for me at present.

TLDR:
She is the breadwinner - I am in her frame
I'm nearing my peak SMV - she is on her way down
She is not ****ing - I want the sexytime

Thanks for making it through that novel!

If she doesn't want to have sex with you, the relationship is over. Leave. Go back to living alone and find other women to bang.

 

[MoMoses]

Ok, where to start.

I recently dropped a red, and it hit bloody hard.

Thank you @RickTheToad for clearing this one up because I had no idea what this ment. Must be a British thing...

For years I have, like a good little AFC, accepted her rejections for sex and her reasoning as fair and that her needs (though frustrating) came before mine, even being a good little worker slave, built her a new kitchen and got a "thanks."

This is bad. Her reasoning is fair and her needs come before yours? This is even worse. You build her a kitchen and she treats you like a good dog that fetched his ball? At this point I can already tell your relationship has been in trouble for some time. There's no sexual tention and she obviously doesn't have a challenge in you. More on this later..

Late last year I proposed. Not sure if I subconsciously thought that she was not-intimate because I wasn't showing enough commitment, or for some other silly reason.

Come on man! No! Basic female psychology: the moment they think/know they have you things start going downhill. You always need to keep her on her toes a little bit. I'm not saying you shouldn't commit to a relationship, but she always has to have some doubts you might walk one day if she isn't treating you right. Your relationship was already in trouble and proposing at this point is like rewarding her behavior. It can only make things worse in this situation. Trust me!

Dropped a giant rock on her dainty hand, well more than I could afford.
I got a "yes" and a pash and that was it. But I was still blue pilled, so I didn't put up a fight.

There... told you

But after a few months it was unbearable.
With few other options and the social conditioning of "talking will make it better" I reverted to overtly communicating my dissatisfaction with her lack of interest/attraction/sex.
I have never, in any relationship, had to beg for it. But I did, and felt so gross that It turned me off.
This was my lowest point and I went looking for answers and found the manosphere.

We were all blue pilled at one point. My low points are even so far under sea level it's a wonder I didn't drown.

Right now I am ENTIRELY living in her frame. She currently earns a lot, has her house with equity and is the provider in our relationship. It wasn't always the case, when we met I was in the early stages of my career working full time and completely independent.

This is a major, major attraction killer and may explain the lack of sex. Although it seems the sex was never really there, right? You never want to be dependant on a woman. As a man, you need to be independant and free at all times. Women want to be part of your world and not the other way around. It's ok if you make less money than her, it's even okay to live in her house, but you need to compensate in an other way. Be very masculin and dominant, become her rock in other ways. She has to look up at you and if this isn't the case career or moneywise it needs to be in a different way. Social value for instance, or you absolutely killing it in a hobby like acting or painting. You get where I'm going with this right?

If you're living at her place rent free and are making less money so she needs to provide for you, she' in her masculin frame. This means by default that you are now in a sort of feminine frame (I'm not saying you're some sort of nancy boy or weak, I'm merely talking 'bout a delicate balance of power in the relationship). A woman doesn't feel sexual attraction for a guy if she's in the masculin role in the relationship. This goes from being the one in charge, being the one to deal with problems, being the one who always needs to speak up when in public, to... being the provider of shelter and income. There's no doubt in my mind that the core of your sexual problems as a couple lay in this situation.

She is 33 (im 30) and wants kids, and we agreed that if kids were on the table for us that my degree would happen now or never, and better for the kids for it to happen. So we agreed that she would work and I would live rent free with her to get my degree asap so her eggs don't shrivel up.

Another concession. Now she even knows you want kids with her. You're not going anywhere. You're living at her place with no place to go because you're not making enough money. You want to marry her so you wanna stick around and now you want kids with her? Raising kids is a two-three decade project. So where is the challenge? She's got you and she doesn't even have to give you sex in order for you to stick by her. Again.. where the F is the challenge in this?

Then the sex stopped like someone flipped a switch. She was never highly sexual, but when we lived apart I was at least getting it a few times a month. Which even back then I was dissatisfied with but our vastly different schedules were mostly to blame.

As I predicted.. when they know they have you all mystery and all attraction goes out the window.

 

[MoMoses]

How do I get out of her frame, and get her into mine, is it salvageable?

Now we're getting to the good stuff. Glad you asked.

Now, know this. I have never been in a relationship as long as yours. I usually walk as soon as trouble sets in, or even sooner because I don't have any problems getting another girl. This is giving me a lot of freedom. This abundance mindset is what gives me power in relationships. You need this kind of power too!

Right now she thinks she has you. Right now she knows you'll be there, whatever happens and how bad she is treating you. It doesn't matter. There is no sexual tention. There is no need for her to have sex with you. She lost attraction. We need to flip the scipt on her.

I read some guys here are talking about dread game. These guys know how things work. They have been around. I would advice something quite similar. The end goal is the same: she needs to f-ing know you can walk out on her and she needs to F-ing step up her game if she wants to keep you.

Know this: words don't mean shiit. Talking about this won't do you any good. She needs to FEEL that you can walk, not HEAR about it. Now obviously, living together complicates things. Normally you can startle her by disappearing on her for a few days, but in this case this is a bit difficult.

However, I would pull back from the relationship. Emotionally speaking. Be more quiet, be more reserved. Let her feel something is going on and that you may have doubts about the relationship. Plant the seed that she might actually lose you. Do not give in and tell her what's going on, not even when she asks you. Her own imagination is you best friend in this case. She will wonder.. is he seeing someone else? Is there another girl? Did I do something that really turned him off this time?

After she starts pressuring you into telling her what's up you can tell her you have doubts about the whole relationship. That you aren't happy anymore and miss intimacy. At this point you should redraw even more and maybe spend some days with your parents. Let her know you need space to think about things.

This will drive her nuts. She will either start chasing you and try to patch things up (this is where you want her) or she will give up and the relationship is over (but it was already over, this would just speed things up and you will win years).

This being said, I would walk out of this relationship immediately, but I respect the fact that you wanna make things work, so this is how I would do it.

Remember: simply talking about it with her won't change jack shiit. She needs to FEEL she can lose you in order for her to change. People (not just women alone) always respond better to what they may lose, rather to what they might win.

Hope this helps

edit: one thing though. 1 out 50 or so women are more or less a-sexual, meaning they don't need it at all. If your lady is like this.. well.. then she will not change and you need to either respect this or walk and find someone who equals your sex drive.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Not currently an option.
I have made choices in my employment and education that would be shooting myself in the foot massively if I renegged on. Give it 5months and those will be done and I can go in any direction

Dont get her pregnant in that time! Everything else is secondary (saving the relationship included)!

If she had low sex-drive from the start of your relationship, you are not going to turn this around, you are not going to save her.

IF she all of the sudden shows higher sexual interest, she might be trying to get pregnant.

My guess is she sees you as the beta-provider for her future kid/s and chose you because of your age, your looks and because you will earn decent money after your education is finished.

Truthbomb:

NOTHING is going to be better once you are married and have a kid! You WILL NOT have more sex then now.
If anything she will feel more empowered due to the legal system standing behind her and has even less respect for you.

If you want to have a sexlife in the next 30 years, get the hell outa there asap.

 

[RickTheToad]

Ok, where to start.



Thank you @RickTheToad for clearing this one up because I had no idea what this ment. Must be a British thing...



This is bad. Her reasoning is fair and her needs come before yours? This is even worse. You build her a kitchen and she treats you like a good dog that fetched his ball? At this point I can already tell your relationship has been in trouble for some time. There's no sexual tention and she obviously doesn't have a challenge in you. More on this later..



Come on man! No! Basic female psychology: the moment they think/know they have you things start going downhill. You always need to keep her on her toes a little bit. I'm not saying you shouldn't commit to a relationship, but she always has to have some doubts you might walk one day if she isn't treating you right. Your relationship was already in trouble and proposing at this point is like rewarding her behavior. It can only make things worse in this situation. Trust me!



There... told you



We were all blue pilled at one point. My low points are even so far under sea level it's a wonder I didn't drown.



This is a major, major attraction killer and may explain the lack of sex. Although it seems the sex was never really there, right? You never want to be dependant on a woman. As a man, you need to be independant and free at all times. Women want to be part of your world and not the other way around. It's ok if you make less money than her, it's even okay to live in her house, but you need to compensate in an other way. Be very masculin and dominant, become her rock in other ways. She has to look up at you and if this isn't the case career or moneywise it needs to be in a different way. Social value for instance, or you absolutely killing it in a hobby like acting or painting. You get where I'm going with this right?

If you're living at her place rent free and are making less money so she needs to provide for you, she' in her masculin frame. This means by default that you are now in a sort of feminine frame (I'm not saying you're some sort of nancy boy or weak, I'm merely talking 'bout a delicate balance of power in the relationship). A woman doesn't feel sexual attraction for a guy if she's in the masculin role in the relationship. This goes from being the one in charge, being the one to deal with problems, being the one who always needs to speak up when in public, to... being the provider of shelter and income. There's no doubt in my mind that the core of your sexual problems as a couple lay in this situation.



Another concession. Now she even knows you want kids with her. You're not going anywhere. You're living at her place with no place to go because you're not making enough money. You want to marry her so you wanna stick around and now you want kids with her? Raising kids is a two-three decade project. So where is the challenge? She's got you and she doesn't even have to give you sex in order for you to stick by her. Again.. where the F is the challenge in this?



As I predicted.. when they know they have you all mystery and all attraction goes out the window.

Not my comment, that's from the OP.

 

[MrPwr]

Now, know this. I have never been in a relationship as long as yours. I usually walk as soon as trouble sets in, or even sooner because I don't have any problems getting another girl. This is giving me a lot of freedom. This abundance mindset is what gives me power in relationships. You need this kind of power too!

I'm not sure how to externalise it but I am well aware of the abundance available to me. being over 6'3" tall does wonders on its own.

I read some guys here are talking about dread game. These guys know how things work. They have been around. I would advice something quite similar. The end goal is the same: she needs to f-ing know you can walk out on her and she needs to F-ing step up her game if she wants to keep you.

I have successfully implemented some dread game already (credit to Rollo Tomasi, the Rational Male). But I am not sure she is of the impression that I could or would walk anytime.

I have been thinking about getting dressed up and going out, saying im "seeing a friend" but then just going to my uni library to study (my friend is book, because low funds, not sustainable if I need a backup plan to eject)
But really, I'm probably more likely to pick up there than anywhere. I don't think I have seen so many honeys in one place in my life :O So is it worth just saying I'm going to uni for a late night sesh? xD

Know this: words don't mean shiit. Talking about this won't do you any good. She needs to FEEL that you can walk, not HEAR about it. Now obviously, living together complicates things. Normally you can startle her by disappearing on her for a few days, but in this case this is a bit difficult.

Words are such a tiny part of communication with women! I learned this the hard way! I dunno about dissapearing for a few days but I dont have any reason to maintain her schedule. I could switch to night classes so it seems like im always out, and or the suggestion above?

However, I would pull back from the relationship. Emotionally speaking. Be more quiet, be more reserved. Let her feel something is going on and that you may have doubts about the relationship...

I have already implemented this too, and I think she noticed. After an argument, that spurred after I resisted a **** test and stood my ground on it. I really could have handled it better but my primary goal was not to concede on my position and maintain my values. She then left abruptly for several hours to see a mate, and came back and apologised and said she loved me a few times (to which I simply smiled, and diverted)

edit: one thing though. 1 out 50 or so women are more or less a-sexual, meaning they don't need it at all. If your lady is like this.. well.. then she will not change and you need to either respect this or walk and find someone who equals your sex drive.

I know she very much enjoys sex, and very much enjoys me going down on her. I can tell a faker, you can fkn feel it, and she ain't. I have no doubt her sex drive is on the lower side, but it shouldn't be zero. Apparently there is some new nasal spray for women, like instant viagra? the future is bright for not-horny bitches who actually give a **** but are chemically fkd.

Thanks for the advice! that was very helpful

 

[MrPwr]

Dont get her pregnant in that time! Everything else is secondary (saving the relationship included)!

Most certainly not. I not ready for a kid. I would abstain first.

If she had low sex-drive from the start of your relationship, you are not going to turn this around, you are not going to save her.

IF she all of the sudden shows higher sexual interest, she might be trying to get pregnant.

I probably wont get any more than I was already getting, but surely I could get some more horsepower out of this model? more than zero** where's the key at?

My guess is she sees you as the beta-provider for her future kid/s and chose you because of your age, your looks and because you will earn decent money after your education is finished.

I am absolutely certain of this. She has communicated it to me overtly. To the point that she complained about me spending all my time working and not sharing the parenting load. This is despite her intentions to quit her job and be a stay-at-home-mom asap. I told her when she dealt that horrendous proposal if she wasn't going to work, then she would be squatting for her income, I would tolerate zero fat lazy hoe draining my bank account. I said it with some jest, but serious enough for her get the message.

NOTHING is going to be better once you are married and have a kid! You WILL NOT have more sex then now.
If anything she will feel more empowered due to the legal system standing behind her and has even less respect for you.

Ooof. I get the less sex after kid. Have heard about it plenty from older guys. But is that due to schedule/lifestyle ? or just "I got what I wanted from you, now you're foohked, try and leave beach"


Thanks for your insight!

 

[MoMoses]

I'm not sure how to externalise it but I am well aware of the abundance available to me. being over 6'3" tall does wonders on its own.

I have successfully implemented some dread game already (credit to Rollo Tomasi, the Rational Male). But I am not sure she is of the impression that I could or would walk anytime.

I wasn't saying you can't get other chicks. I'm pretty sure you can

Rollo Tomasi's great and it's also great to read that you tried dread game already. You're no noob, that's good! It's not easy for me or any of the other guys here to have a clear picture of what is going on in your relationship. We just try to give you a few pointers based upon our experiences. But, if you did dread and she was unimpressed this either means she didn't buy it and in that case she lost even more attraction (they are sharks man, they smell fake like blood in the water) or she just didn't care and in that case your relationship is in a very bad state. Either way.. the situation is bad and I agree with everyone else here: do not marry this chick. Just don't.

What I am about to say may sound like a diick move, but I'd say... ride this one out. Finish your studies, get your degree, find that higher paid job and then... get the F out of there and find yourself some pus_sy that is purring to see you.

You'll be happier

I respect the fact that you wanna save your relationship (I wish I was that big of a man, but I ain't), but ask yourself this... is this the kind of woman you wanna spend the next 40-50 years with? Like really? I think we both know the answer to that one my friend. Let's be real here.

If I were to have the choice between being in a relationship with a woman who's 3 years older than me and withholds sex from me, and being in a relationship with a chick who's 15 years younger than me and rides me like I was the black stallion I'd know who to pick.

Just sayin man.. just sayin
I'm no women hater, not at all, but don't waste your best years on a woman who's treating you like you're her younger brother.

Thanks for the advice! that was very helpful

Anytime. I'm at home right now recovering from a work incident. Have all the time in the world for this forum and going on dates

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Live a double life. Start socking money away into a secret savings account and gtfo when you have enough for your own apartment. Don't give any warning that you're leaving until the last minute.

 

[Lookatu]

As everyone said, get out now.

DON'T get married to HER or have any babies with HER.

Don't be her sugar baby b1tch and retain some dignity. Be independent and do stuff on your own terms. Who cares if it will take you longer to get your degree?

Get out of the Disney Dream matrix.

Why would you wanna marry or live with someone that doesn't enjoy sex as much as you do in the first place?

Otherwise, I would suggest banging other girls while you live with this broad until you get your degree but it seems like you care too much about her. Can't say the same for her though.

DO NOT TRY TO SALVAGE THIS RELATIONSHIP! The writing is on the wall which you can't see right now.

I'd consider yourself lucky to have found this forum to knock some sense into you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Its not even about the sex as much as the disrespect. She does not respect you as a man, she only wants to use you for her biological imperative.

Some of em don't "respect" anyone as a man...

 

[MrPwr]

As everyone said, get out now.

DON'T get married to HER or have any babies with HER.

Don't be her sugar baby b1tch and retain some dignity. Be independent and do stuff on your own terms. Who cares if it will take you longer to get your degree?

Get out of the Disney Dream matrix.

Why would you wanna marry or live with someone that doesn't enjoy sex as much as you do in the first place?

Otherwise, I would suggest banging other girls while you live with this broad until you get your degree but it seems like you care too much about her. Can't say the same for her though.

DO NOT TRY TO SALVAGE THIS RELATIONSHIP! The writing is on the wall which you can't see right now.

I'd consider yourself lucky to have found this forum to knock some sense into you.

Tough love haha I like it.
Marriage is not on the table, I have niether the funds nor the interest in it. I have told her this. Or for kids for that matter. It is not happening (especially given that babies require sex to occur first)

I don't need to bang other girls just to leave her. I have enough self control to handle my **** until I am ready to leave. Even if that is 6months. I did nofap just to see if I could. Was fkn tough but did wonders for me.

I really would prefer to do my degree on my own terms, rather than getting destroyed by overload to get it done asap.
It would take longer but the outcome would be much better.
A close friend (who is a bit older) got his physics Bachelors at just 2-3x units per semester and working just enough to cover his ****. He is now doing his PhD on Nano Chem/graphene tech. He didn't fk around with sexless shielas, his primary goal was Academia, his mission was cool af science ****.

I am coming around to the idea of just calling it on this relationship.
Its tough.
I am not in a position to just up and leave, so giving it some work while I get myself into a better position makes the most sense to me. Though I know it is probably over already, why not do both?

Thanks for your insight

 

[MrPwr]

Live a double life. Start socking money away into a secret savings account and gtfo when you have enough for your own apartment. Don't give any warning that you're leaving until the last minute.

I think this is the most I can manage.

 

[MrPwr]

I wasn't saying you can't get other chicks. I'm pretty sure you can

All good mate, I didn't assume you meant that

...But, if you did dread and she was unimpressed this either means she didn't buy it and in that case she lost even more attraction (they are sharks man, they smell fake like blood in the water) or she just didn't care and in that case your relationship is in a very bad state...

Oh I think the dread game had an instant positive response, I didn't make that clear in my earlier statement. She did react to the dread game, but I don't think the reaction was so severe that she now thinks I could leave at any time. that might take more dread game.
Also marriage is definitely not happening

What I am about to say may sound like a diick move, but I'd say... ride this one out. Finish your studies, get your degree, find that higher paid job and then... get the F out of there and find yourself some pus_sy that is purring to see you.

For sure! I don't need a gf and before her I was a perpetual bachelor, longest relationship was about 9 months. I feel like it would be a **** move to be a leach on her though. I don't want to cost her the possibility of having kids so that I could have free rent. I would just leave and continue at it.

I respect the fact that you wanna save your relationship (I wish I was that big of a man, but I ain't), but ask yourself this... is this the kind of woman you wanna spend the next 40-50 years with? Like really? I think we both know the answer to that one my friend. Let's be real here.

As a person, yes. She is my best friend. That is why this is tough.

If I were to have the choice between being in a relationship with a woman who's 3 years older than me and withholds sex from me, and being in a relationship with a chick who's 15 years younger than me and rides me like I was the black stallion I'd know who to pick.

If I had no other connection with the younger girl I might get bored with her anyway. Am I asking too much for wanting both??

Hope you get well soon mate!

 

[MrPwr]

Maybe I am just being paranoid, but she just spent an unusually long amount of time getting ready for work. And was wearing a lot of makeup for a nightshift. I know she does nightshift from time to time but she is transitioning between two jobs at the moment, and I have nfi what her schedule is.

 

[Kotaix]

This is exactly why a man must always make enough money to be independent. You're very lucky you aren't married and you don't have a bunch of overhead mortgage costs.

Dread isn't going to work. You already told her you aren't going to have kids with her or marry her, so she's very likely looking for other guys that will give her that. Don't underestimate the power of the baby rabies. She knows her clock is ticking down fast and women will do whatever it takes to have kids. I've seen two examples in my family:

My sister gave my brother in law an ultimatum, kids or I walk. She got kids, but they are happy together.

My cousin went and had deliberate unprotected sex at 43 with some guy she barely knew to get a kid. She claimed it was an accident to save face, but I know from my sister that she planned it out. She never had any intention of letting him see his kid either and it hurts to see the damage growing up fatherless has on a young boy