I find myself in a situation (MARRIED!)

[Alpheta]

So here goes.

My wife and me have been married for more than a year. We get along quite well. Shes a ''good'' wife in that she cooks cleans and stays home. Weve had our ups and downs however this one is getting me thinking.

5 days ago, at work, we are speaking over the phone and suddenly theres an argument over some small problem. She doesn't like what I said regarding something and got slightly disrespectful. Before putting the phone down, i told her if she doesn't cut it out, i wont be speaking to her and will do only when i get home (which is in 4 days.) Lo and behold! she still talking chit so i just hang up. Now these small little arguments tend to happen and they get ironed out after a day or two of me ignoring her. In this situation i did not intend to ignore her for more than a day. Anyways, I blocked her (due to the annoying emotional texts that i know will be coming after hanging up.) and go about my day.

The next morning I get a knock on the front door (i stay in a care house which is part of my job) and theres my wife. Annoyed at me as to why I blocked her. I told her to leave and follow up by shutting the door on her. She left after a while and that was it. After that, i didnt hear a word from her. Normally she would harass me through private call etc however i got nothing. I decided to leave her blocked as for me she took it too far and came to my workplace.

Now, I return home after 4 days and shes got a pulled face. Nonetheless, she serves me food and then leaves for the room. Eventually I go to the room to rest and there she lying down with a pulled face. So i just ignore her. She then starts the argument again. This time I dont take her chit and literally shout at her for daring to come to my workplace. I leave the room. A few hours later i need to head back to work. As im about to leave she holds the door and asks me why I cant sit down and talk to her. I tell her i dont need to as ive made myself clear. SHe crossed the line by coming to my workplace just because I blocked her. SHe comes up with a petty argument and i tell her i dont have time. She says if i cant apologies (as i swore at her in the initial argument) then she will need to go home to her parents. I tell her that if she cant understand that she crossed the line, then she is more than welcome to leave for her parents. I then leave for work.

I go back home tomorrow morning.

EDIT: Im quite certain shes bluffing as when i came home food was made, my bag was packed and she did an online course that i needed done for speeding. I know she wants to be okay but she wants it on her terms. Thats the issue.

 

[Stoic]

Here's my thoughts man. I've been married and divorced.

You said your wife is overall a good woman.

She maybe said something disrespectful but then came back to you in what seems like an act of forgiveness and to iron things out. You might be being overly sensitive. What did she say that was so disrespectful?

I dont think you give your wife the silent treatment. I think that's wrong. You can do that to plates and one night flings, but not a wife, man.

Best of luck man.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So do you have a question or did you just want to tell the story?

 

[Alpheta]

Here's my thoughts man. I've been married and divorced.

You said your wife is overall a good woman.

She maybe said something disrespectful but then came back to you in what seems like an act of forgiveness and to iron things out. You might be being overly sensitive. What did she say that was so disrespectful?

I dont think you give your wife the silent treatment. I think that's wrong. You can do that to plates and one night flings, but not a wife, man.

Best of luck man.

Well its the way she spoke. Ive always been very strict on her and the way she speaks as I know if i let her talk out of line shell become disrespectful real quick. She never swore etc but her mannerism was harsh etc. Kind of un-wifely like if that makes sense.

Now i understand that maybe ignoring her may have been harsh but she wouldnt be quiet and for me i felt her slight disrespect and emotional argument needed no engagement hence the hanging up and blocking.. However her turning up at my work place is crossing the line. Its the sole reason i decided to keep ignoring her.

 

[Alpheta]

So do you have a question or did you just want to tell the story?

My bad. Well I guess I want peoples thoughts on this scenario. As I said in the edit, I feel like shes giving mixed signals. Still making food but pulling a face. Not wanting to own up to her mistake of coming to my workplace and expecting me to apologies when she deff crossed the line.

 

[bat soup]

So here goes.

My wife and me have been married for more than a year. We get along quite well. Shes a ''good'' wife in that she cooks cleans and stays home. Weve had our ups and downs however this one is getting me thinking.

5 days ago, at work, we are speaking over the phone and suddenly theres an argument over some small problem. She doesn't like what I said regarding something and got slightly disrespectful. Before putting the phone down, i told her if she doesn't cut it out, i wont be speaking to her and will do only when i get home (which is in 4 days.) Lo and behold! she still talking chit so i just hang up. Now these small little arguments tend to happen and they get ironed out after a day or two of me ignoring her. In this situation i did not intend to ignore her for more than a day. Anyways, I blocked her (due to the annoying emotional texts that i know will be coming after hanging up.) and go about my day.

The next morning I get a knock on the front door (i stay in a care house which is part of my job) and theres my wife. Annoyed at me as to why I blocked her. I told her to leave and follow up by shutting the door on her. She left after a while and that was it. After that, i didnt hear a word from her. Normally she would harass me through private call etc however i got nothing. I decided to leave her blocked as for me she took it too far and came to my workplace.

Now, I return home after 4 days and shes got a pulled face. Nonetheless, she serves me food and then leaves for the room. Eventually I go to the room to rest and there she lying down with a pulled face. So i just ignore her. She then starts the argument again. This time I dont take her chit and literally shout at her for daring to come to my workplace. I leave the room. A few hours later i need to head back to work. As im about to leave she holds the door and asks me why I cant sit down and talk to her. I tell her i dont need to as ive made myself clear. SHe crossed the line by coming to my workplace just because I blocked her. SHe comes up with a petty argument and i tell her i dont have time. She says if i cant apologies (as i swore at her in the initial argument) then she will need to go home to her parents. I tell her that if she cant understand that she crossed the line, then she is more than welcome to leave for her parents. I then leave for work.

I go back home tomorrow morning.

EDIT: Im quite certain shes bluffing as when i came home food was made, my bag was packed and she did an online course that i needed done for speeding. I know she wants to be okay but she wants it on her terms. Thats the issue.

I think you need to calm down and not drag let these things drag on for so long. If neither of you are willing to back down you´ll end up at war.

The whole situation reminds me of a girl I was dating that was very stubborn and that could hold onto resentments for a long time. Whereas I tend to get pissed off quickly and overreact but I soon calm down and forget about it within a few minutes. I´d calm down 5 minutes later but as she didn't, she´d make me angry again and so the cycle would continue.

Sometimes neither of you is right or wrong, you´re just different. You need to figure out a way of deescalating these situations and keeping things stable otherwise it can spiral out of control.

 

[CBear]

She's your wife and the way you deal with disagreements is by ignoring and blocking her instead of communicating and setting rules like a real masculine leader would do? I feel bad for her in this situation. Hopefully she has enough self respect to deal with it accordingly in this case.

 

[Bigpapa]

My bad. Well I guess I want peoples thoughts on this scenario. As I said in the edit, I feel like shes giving mixed signals. Still making food but pulling a face. Not wanting to own up to her mistake of coming to my workplace and expecting me to apologies when she deff crossed the line.

You are playing like this because you think you have her , not because you genuinely think she was disrespectful

women sometimes are annoying , but in your case she was sweet and all after

I think the problem on her side is that she thinks that you are sleeping away and she is testing your commitment to her

for sure you are exaggerating and not leading her towards a mutual beneficial relationship

 

[Alpheta]

She's your wife and the way you deal with disagreements is by ignoring and blocking her instead of communicating and setting rules like a real masculine leader would do? I feel bad for her in this situation. Hopefully she has enough self respect to deal with it accordingly in this case.

Well Ive set the rules since day 1. In this case, she came to my workplace only because i blocked her. I feel thats an overreaction and something that can be a problem in the future if not dealt with. Ive ignored her so that she understands she messed up and once she is understanding of it, I will discuss how she went too far and also be understanding however, first and foremost I need her to come to the table in an understanding mindset and not an argumentative one.

Its worked before only this time shes also dragged it.

 

[Bigpapa]

Well Ive set the rules since day 1. In this case, she came to my workplace only because i blocked her. I feel thats an overreaction and something that can be a problem in the future if not dealt with. Ive ignored her so that she understands she messed up and once she is understanding of it, I will discuss how she went too far and also be understanding however, first and foremost I need her to come to the table in an understanding mindset and not an argumentative one.

Its worked before only this time shes also dragged it.

You were the first to exaggerate by blocking her for no real reason

 

[Alpheta]

You are playing like this because you think you have her , not because you genuinely think she was disrespectful

women sometimes are annoying , but in your case she was sweet and all after

I think the problem on her side is that she thinks that you are sleeping away and she is testing your commitment to her

for sure you are exaggerating and not leading her towards a mutual beneficial relationship

I agree. She wasnt disrepectful in your conventional way but disrespectful to how she normally is.

She was sweet, sure,and i was more than willing to talk to her however, if i sit and talk to her when shes in a mood then all she wants to do is frame me as being wrong, then that just defeats the whole purpose.

 

[Alpheta]

You were the first to exaggerate by blocking her for no real reason

Well i blocked her knowing she will send 1000 messages about how bad of a person i am. I can't be asked to read that and that energy is not needed for me when im working. That was truly the reason. Her coming to my workplace is ott as im not leaving her or doing anything other than not talking to her.

 

[Lookatu]

In this case, she came to my workplace only because i blocked her.

You said it. How else is she supposed to communicate with you if you blocked her? And what married couple blocks each other or tolerates it? That is something you do in dating or with plates, not your wife.

You've only been married for a year and you're not off to a good start. Let me ask you if you are this fresh in and already arguing, what is your reason to stayed married?

If you still love/like her, I think it's up to you to put aside your ego and listen to her(do not say anything but just hear her out fully) and calmly see if you guys can resolve things as a team(both of you being on the same team rather than on opposite teams).

 

[TonyTenner]

I don't want to come across like Jordan Peterson "negotiate with your woman" but there's some truth to it. You're not the authority in every situation just because you're a man. For example, was at a restaurant recently and my gf said "can you not text your friends while we have dinner?" I continued to text, and she got annoyed. I said "you're right" and put away my phone, because she was. I get the impression you're being unfair to your wife.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Personally, I think you overreacted.

Blocking your wife? You do that to stupid b*itches you date, not your wife. You accepted her negative qualities (example: 1000 emotional messages) when you married her--because you knew what they were and who she was going in.

I get the impression you're not in the US; maybe eastern Europe or Asia. There are cultural differences. I'm always of the school of thought (in the US anyway) you DO need to communicate, especially when married, and not go silent to see who breaks first. When you get married they say "for better or for worse" meaning you marry all the good qualities...and the bad ones too. That's why people shouldn't get married right away. You need time to see the whole person, good and bad.

You need to be the bigger person here and reach out and communicate with her. Fact is, YOU may be the one who needs to make some changes. In a marriage you do need to "negotiate" and talk things through. It's a different set of rules as opposed to playing the dating scene. It's not "weak," it's what adults do. Or, pay the price. Literally in divorce court. Immature boys and girls play head games. Marriage is a commitment for a reason--you're committed to making things work. All you can do is your part and put the other person in a position to succeed, not to dig in on you.

You need to circle back and talk with her and come to a détente. If she feels "heard" it can make all the difference and make your life 100x easier, and it's such a small investment.

True DJs know how to communicate and solve problems.

Good luck.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you are having these type of issues this soon the obvious answer is you should never have gotten married. You both sound immature and acting like a couple of 5 year olds.

I think both of you need to grow up and learn how to communicate properly in a respectful way.

 

[r4zorsharp]

If you are having these type of issues this soon the obvious answer is you should never have gotten married. You both sound immature and acting like a couple of 5 year olds.

I think both of you need to grow up and learn how to communicate properly in a respectful way.

Right on

 

[Epimanes]

Grow up.... be the captain... listen to her concerns. React in a calm manner and address it accordingly. Ignorong her and blocking her is highschool drama BS .... good luck man.

 

[metalwater]

you're getting a vibe from her that you don't like. and then you react and then she does it again and then you react and she does it again. and then later she does it again and you react. after you react she waits for some time and does it again... she is never going to permanently stop talking back to you. the key is to get to a place in your mind so that if she tells you that you washed your hands with the wrong soap and that was stupid that it REALLY doesn't bother you because you don't care what her opinion is on such things.

make sure to always tell her about how things are going for you in a GOOD way when you talk on the phone. how you solved something or how you helped someone. You're sort of in an LDR, albeit only part of the time.

for your long term plans, figure out a way to either get more money for what you do and then save/invest or have more flexibility on where you can be at what times. meaning you can travel for work is ok, but have the flexibility to go home at any time you want and often. do not let yourself stay a traveling prisoner. no disrespect intended, your doing awesome to be taking care of business and yourself and family, just for yourself work out a way to improve. for now, it may look to her like your a slave of the boss. this is very relevant to your questions.

Make sure great sex when you see her as often as you can. if she is resisting that ever, RED FLAG!!!!

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

So when you actually catch her...come back and post.

You wife has suitors knocking.

it's good to see someone else knows whats going on here