The cognitive dissonance of women is astounding

[Robert28]

Robert.......you know,I typically agree with 99.999999999999999999% of everything you say......

but I'm gonna have to side with the women on this one. Got various reasons as to why.





Well.....it KINDA IS like a high or "ultimate" compliment. If they used it towards EVERY GUY they tried to befriend,ok....you're right. But if it's only sparingly.....towards someone they have a long-time/close friendship with,I can see why it'd be considered higher than just an acquaintance they see from time to time. Now....look at what YOU SAID..........


" they couldn’t understand a guys point of view of a term they used to describe ONE OF their guy friends.

According TO YOU.....they applied the term to ONE OF their guys friends.....not to all.....not to each and every one of them.

So if they used the term rarely......like every now and then,I can see their point of it being considered a high compliment. It's not one I would ever want to hear if I were attracted to the girl,lol........but I can see their point.




Well Robert (and again...according TO YOU),they're not using it to EVERY GUY they come across. If they were,I'd agree with it being creepy. But my understanding here is,it's applied only once in a blue moon.

And to be completely honest,if a guy ends up in a super close friendship with a girl and she sees him that way.......it is HIS fault. Especially if he originally meant to get something sexual going on with her.





Well......women are just that......women. You can't expect them to see/understand things from A MALE'S point of view....just like you're struggling to see it from theirs. They're actually making SENSE.


Tell me.......do you think those women were virgins? Probably not. Well.....that means they've had sex. Ok....well? If they've had sex,do you think it was with one of those guys they considered to be "like family"? I doubt it. Ok.......so that means they DON'T CONSIDER every guy they come across to be "like family"........and the "family" guy just happens every now and then.

You make it seem as if they were hunting down guys to make "like family".


And it's not like we guys don't do it too...we just do it in a manly/more masculine way. Have you ever called a male friend,"Bro"? Ever heard the phrase "Bros before höes"? You DO KNOW....that "bro" is short for brother......right? We guys do it too.





Lol.....Robert....

Something tells me you've had a ROUGH HISTORY in the realm of women and dating. I seriously doubt this mindset all originated just from this reddit/online conversation you had a day ago.





Now here......I'm with you. I had the same issue in my past with women. I eventually figured what I WAS DOING wrong (hence my name "Igetit!") and this hasn't been an issue for me in over 20 years. It's pretty simple,really.

They just saw YOUR PRESENT BEHAVIOR/ATTITUDE............that was created by your past issues with women being too close. That's what they saw. They're not aware of the havoc it caused in your dating life. If they saw the issues it caused,they'd likely understand where you were coming from.





I agree.......but the guy they say that to DIDN'T START OUT THERE.


NO MAN just out of the blue walks up to a girl he's never seen before/didn't know exist and she instantly pulls out the "you're like family to me" line. Approaches don't go like that. I've NEVER walked up to a complete stranger,who was a chick I was trying to talk to and her tell me I was like "a brother to her" after knowing her all of 2 seconds. You have to INVEST TIME and incorrectly interact with the girl for her to give you that type of reaction.

Those women aren't talking about men who approached them out of the blue.......they're talking about guys THEY'VE KNOWN and been around for a while.

I hear what you're saying......but it REALLY IS the guy's fault if he repeatedly gets this type of reaction out of women.


Look.......if you get rejected 50 times....and all 50 times the girl said,"You're like family to me" during the rejection.......then I can understand you freaking out or overreacting just merely upon hearing the phrase........but RANDOM WOMEN having a discussion with you about the phrase aren't going to be aware of the negative association you got with it.

They use it every now and then. You got it tattoed in your mind from past rejections. Of course you two are gonna butt heads over it.

No, you’re right, I had that “like a brother” crap thrown at me when I was 15 and I never forgot how worthless it made me feel. What’s worse is the girl that said it knew me for A YEAR. We saw each other in school and maybe hungout once a week outside of school. When I hear this “like family” or “like a brother” crap I get PTSD. I know exactly what the guy must be feeling because I’ve been there and dont want that happening to other men. Women say don’t fvck zone us!” well dont family zone us. I’ve had it happen to me once and it’s never happened to me again, even in relationships I won’t get too close to a girl emotionally now because of my past dealing with that crap. Why can’t being friends or best friends be enough? Leave it at those if you want to friendzone a guy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

No, you’re right, I had that “like a brother” crap thrown at me when I was 15 and I never forgot how worthless it made me feel. What’s worse is the girl that said it knew me for A YEAR. We saw each other in school and maybe hungout once a week outside of school. When I hear this “like family” or “like a brother” crap I get PTSD. I know exactly what the guy must be feeling because I’ve been there and dont want that happening to other men. Women say don’t fvck zone us!” well dont family zone us. I’ve had it happen to me once and it’s never happened to me again, even in relationships I won’t get too close to a girl emotionally now because of my past dealing with that crap. Why can’t being friends or best friends be enough? Leave it at those if you want to friendzone a guy.

A gay lol. Just joking. They have the right to fvck who they want. I guess that response is the universe letting us know we need up our game and meet more ladies.

 

[Robert28]

A gay lol. Just joking. They have the right to fvck who they want. I guess that response is the universe letting us know we need up our game and meet more ladies.

Well what baffled me is I got brother zoned hard and yet I had many other options of women. It only happened once and had never happened again, I’ve been friendzoned but not like that. I dont think I changed anything up drastically about myself, but maybe I did after that. Maybe it was just the girl and her insecurities, I dunno. It didn’t become a pattern though thank God.

 

[bat soup]

No, you’re right, I had that “like a brother” crap thrown at me when I was 15 and I never forgot how worthless it made me feel. What’s worse is the girl that said it knew me for A YEAR. We saw each other in school and maybe hungout once a week outside of school. When I hear this “like family” or “like a brother” crap I get PTSD. I know exactly what the guy must be feeling because I’ve been there and dont want that happening to other men. Women say don’t fvck zone us!” well dont family zone us. I’ve had it happen to me once and it’s never happened to me again, even in relationships I won’t get too close to a girl emotionally now because of my past dealing with that crap. Why can’t being friends or best friends be enough? Leave it at those if you want to friendzone a guy.

If you hear the word "friends" or "brother" from a girl, the best response is simply never speak to her again. The quicker you make a move, the easier this is to do. Don't create a history with women that haven't proven their worth yet.

 

[christie]

The girl who says 'like a family' is just giving a heads up....to him, people around him etc.

There's another thread where a guy is being pressured to date a coworker. He should use the line, " but she's like family".

It might help. I don't know if it works for guys to clearly state intentions(lack of) or not.

It seems like it is still a respectful and appreciative thing to say to be clear about intentions with communicating with the opposite sex you're not interested in 'that way'
Maybe its not with certain male personalities.

How would a girl know? The guy its said to, would ideally retort immediately he doesn't like being called that, like Robert28 did.

That's authentic.

 

[Robert28]

The girl who says 'like a family' is just giving a heads up....to him, people around him etc.

There's another thread where a guy is being pressured to date a coworker. He should use the line, " but she's like family".

It might help. I don't know if it works for guys to clearly state intentions(lack of) or not.

It seems like it is still a respectful and appreciative thing to say to be clear about intentions with communicating with the opposite sex you're not interested in 'that way'
Maybe its not with certain male personalities.

How would a girl know? The guy its said to, would ideally retort immediately he doesn't like being called that, like Robert28 did.

That's authentic.

But see when I speak up about not liking being called that, I got shamed by not only women but some men too. I got called immature and all, so why would a guy ever speak up about something he didn’t like when he knows he’s going to get jumped on? And people say “make your intentions clear!”, and when a guy does it’s “oh all you want is sex, get away fvck boi!”. I get told I’m overreacting but I’m not, I have a right now to want to be referred to as that stuff. Some might call it immature but others see where I’m coming from.

 

[logicallefty]

Chick: Logicllefty, you are like family!
Logicallefty: Ok We don’t have to tell anyone when we commit incest. We can keep it “in the family”

Smart azz comments aside, I’ve had lots of success playing along with the initial friend card. You act like all you want from them is friendship as well, then hit them at some vulnerable moment for the lay. Play the game!

 

[Robert28]

If you hear the word "friends" or "brother" from a girl, the best response is simply never speak to her again. The quicker you make a move, the easier this is to do. Don't create a history with women that haven't proven their worth yet.

The guy can’t win then either. If he ghosts it’ll be “we were friends for so long and he just up and threw me away like I was nothing, I dont know why. Poor pitiful me”. I’ve made moves early, and I’ve still been friendzoned. The girl I mentioned when I was 15, we kissed many times and I still got family zoned lol

 

[Robert28]

Chick: Logicllefty, you are like family!
Logicallefty: Ok We don’t have to tell anyone when we commit incest. We can keep it “in the family”

Smart azz comments aside, I’ve had lots of success playing along with the initial friend card. You act like all you want from them is friendship as well, then hit them at some vulnerable moment for the lay. Play the game!

I’ve tried that, they just cringe like “ewww”. Lol They see me with other girls better looking than them so they know I’m not a creep and can get other women.

 

[bat soup]

The girl who says 'like a family' is just giving a heads up....to him, people around him etc.

There's another thread where a guy is being pressured to date a coworker. He should use the line, " but she's like family".

It might help. I don't know if it works for guys to clearly state intentions(lack of) or not.

It seems like it is still a respectful and appreciative thing to say to be clear about intentions with communicating with the opposite sex you're not interested in 'that way'
Maybe its not with certain male personalities.

How would a girl know? The guy its said to, would ideally retort immediately he doesn't like being called that, like Robert28 did.

That's authentic.

The girl who says 'like a family' is just giving a heads up....to him, people around him etc.

There's another thread where a guy is being pressured to date a coworker. He should use the line, " but she's like family".

It might help. I don't know if it works for guys to clearly state intentions(lack of) or not.

It seems like it is still a respectful and appreciative thing to say to be clear about intentions with communicating with the opposite sex you're not interested in 'that way'
Maybe its not with certain male personalities.

How would a girl know? The guy its said to, would ideally retort immediately he doesn't like being called that, like Robert28 did.

That's authentic.

Men should make a move quickly to avoid these situations in the first place.

"Like family" is just a weasel word way of saying "I don't find you attractive". I think most men would prefer being told the truth rather than being lied to.

 

[Lookatu]

When will guys learn that it's pointless to argue with women.
Just agree and amplify to fvck them and if they carry on conversations and conform to your thought processes and beliefs, then think about putting them in the LTR potential category. Otherwise, your energy is better spent elsewhere and it will also slow down your aging process too.

All women start off as plates unless proven otherwise. Minimal energy, stress, inconvenience, investment unless they prove otherwise.

 

[Robert28]

Men should make a move quickly to avoid these situations in the first place.

"Like family" is just a weasel word way of saying "I don't find you attractive". I think most men would prefer being told the truth rather than being lied to.

I think that’s my biggest complaint. It’s like they’re giving you a compliment while kicking you in the balls at the same time.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think that’s my biggest complaint. It’s like they’re giving you a compliment while kicking you in the balls at the same time.

I totally get what you are saying. But I don't think that (in most cases) they are purposely using it as an "in your face" put-down or neg.

When a chick says to a guy, "You're like a brother to me," I think she pretty much means that at face value. It means it's a guy she is super comfortable with but doesn't want to hook up with. I don't think it's usually intended as an insult in that context (even though it understandably can be.)

Now if she's speaking to OTHER females, then it might be a "coded message" or "dog whistle" of sorts. "Date Bob? Nah, he's like a brother to me." In that case, she's using a "shorthand/girl_code" to convey to her gfs that she has zero physical attraction to him and/or he's a cool person with subpar looks.

 

[Robert28]

I totally get what you are saying. But I don't think that (in most cases) they are purposely using it as an "in your face" put-down or neg.

When a chick says to a guy, "You're like a brother to me," I think she pretty much means that at face value. It means it's a guy she is super comfortable with but doesn't want to hook up with. I don't think it's usually intended as an insult in that context (even though it understandably can be.)

Now if she's speaking to OTHER females, then it might be a "coded message" or "dog whistle" of sorts. "Date Bob? Nah, he's like a brother to me." In that case, she's using a "shorthand/girl_code" to convey to her gfs that she has zero physical attraction to him and/or he's a cool person with subpar looks.

But I know what they mean even if they don’t. Why can’t just say friends and leave it at that? You can be friends and feel like you’re super close to someone, you don’t have to make it weird by telling them “you’re like a brother to me”. Women know when a guy likes them and is attracted to them, they just want to weird you out when they say that and then you’re backed into a corner. If you ghost her you’ll look like the bad guy for “throwing away a long time friendship when she didn’t do anything. She’s the poor victim” but if you stay you have to be around a girl that thinks you’re ugly and wants to be close to you. It’s weird and it’s hurtful. I want no part of anything like that.

 

[Robert28]

It's only a kick to the balls if you let it be. It IS a sign that maybe you didn't position yourself right. But you have a wide range of choices for how you comport yourself after you hear a thing like this. What they expect you to do is either qualify yourself or reject yourself. Instead, laugh it off (she's a silly little girl after all) and disqualify yourself.

Women float from moment to moment and they have no ironclad rules. Like I said, stop taking them so seriously. You're astounded by their cognitive dissonance because you're taking their words at 100% face value. They have value in the moment, maybe, but that's it.

No you’re right. The girl that told me that expected me to spend holidays with her and **** like that. Why the hell would I? In all honesty it made me not want to be around her because it made me uncomfortable. I mean, yeah I positioned myself to be in that spot somehow but how come no other girl has ever done that to me? Usually you have to make a mistake several times before you realize it’s something you did, but like I said, it never happened again and I don’t think I made any drastic changes about myself or the way I acted. Now, if 4 girls in a row were all like “you’re like family to me” then I would KNOW I was doing something wrong, but it was just that one time and it scarred me. It’s something I can’t laugh off and it’s affected me from getting close to women on an emotional level no matter what. Hell I won’t even meet a girls parents and family now unless we are sleeping together because I’m afraid of being family zoned again.

 

[Mike32ct]

I’ve been called the “brother” many times and still do. I’ve known all along EXACTLY what it means, but I typically haven’t taken it personally.

But I do think it reinforces the importance of looks. And it proves that there is nothing significantly wrong with my personality.

But I fully understand your point Robert. An argument can be made that it’s an insult. It is an arguable point.

 

[Robert28]

I’ve been called the “brother” many times and still do. I’ve known all along EXACTLY what it means, but I typically haven’t taken it personally.

But I do think it reinforces the importance of looks. And it proves that there is nothing significantly wrong with my personality.

But I fully understand your point Robert. An argument can be made that it’s an insult. It is an arguable point.

God if I’d been called that many times I would probably swear off women forever. One time was enough for me. I just refuse to be friends with women because if this stuff, they have to make it weird. Truth be told I dint get along with my family, if that’s how they want to be treated then that’s fine by me.lol

 

[RickTheToad]

You can take a term and it’ll mean something COMPLETELY different between men and women. I was debating these two women tonight and couldn’t believe they couldn’t understand a guys point of view of a term they used to describe one of their guy friends. The term was “like family”. These two women were convinced that referring to a guy friend as “like family” was some high compliment, the ultimate of friendships. I countered that it’s creepy and insulting. Of course the reeeeee’d saying I was immature and needed to “grow up”. I explained to them “if I EVER told any of my male friend ‘dude you’re like family’ or ‘dude you’re like my brother’ they would probably call me a homo”. Unless I’m on a team or my guy friend is dying before my eyes, guys don’t use terms like that towards each other. But women? They seem hell bent on adopting every man that they befriend. Friendship isn’t good enough, no, they gotta make it weird and go that extra mile......like the guy is some adopted foreign exchange student they took off the streets and brought in. They told me I was a sexist and a misogynist because I had issues with letting women get too close where they viewed me as a “brother” or “like family”. They couldn’t grasp that when women say that it’s basically saying “you’re so unworthy of dating me that I’m gonna family zone you so don’t get any ideas”. To men it’s the ultimate rejection but to women it’s supposedly the ultimate compliment, the super bowl of friendship, the highest honor. No wonder men and women can’t get along, we can’t even agree on the basic of sh!t.

I think it has a lot to do with social media and entitlement (false sense). Social media might be the downfall of modern society. There's a lot of PC in everything nowadays. Don't forget about hive mentality and getting the approval from all here friends. It's a strange world these days.

 

[Robert28]

When they say that just tell them "sorry im not into incest" ...but im open to roll playing"

I think maybe your investing to much into your sense of self by what these girls say.

I could be. I wish I’d thought of that to say back then.lol Now I don’t even get close enough to them to even be a friend much less like a brother. I’ve had many women tell me I’m hard to read and I’m thinking “yes! That’s exactly what I want you to think. Don’t even think of friendzoning me b!tch”.

 

[bat soup]

I think that’s my biggest complaint. It’s like they’re giving you a compliment while kicking you in the balls at the same time.

It's a good example of women saying something that sounds nice, but is actually something bad. You have to look through their words and see the action underneath.

These words translate as "not interested". Same as "friends" or "I'm busy" or "not that kind of girl". All lies and all mean the same thing.

The best reaction is to forget her and move on.