Totally humiliated by family when gf was around

HyenaPrince

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He couldve gotten up and left as soon as it was too much bullshyt.
In some situations you can't leave immediately. What if you're with good friends and some guy your group just met tries to roast you in front of your boys?

Leaving here looks weak and will lower your respect within the group. You have to fight back sometimes.
 

mrgoodstuff

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In some situations you can't leave immediately. What if you're with good friends and some guy your group just met tries to roast you in front of your boys?

Leaving here looks weak and will lower your respect within the group. You have to fight back sometimes.
If it was your entire family in on it and nothing you can do. You can say "i don't have to put up with this shyt" get your girl and leave.
 

HyenaPrince

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If it was your entire family in on it and nothing you can do. You can say "i don't have to put up with this shyt" get your girl and leave.
The best would be to anticipate that kind of self-destruction and prevent that from happening altogether.

If you're benevolent or rather naive enough to assume that negative events associated with these people from past behaviours, won't occur again, then yes, you should leave.
 

mrgoodstuff

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The best would be to anticipate that kind of self-destruction and prevent that from happening altogether.

If you're benevolent or rather naive enough to assume that negative events associated with these people from past behaviours, won't occur again, then yes, you should leave.
They don't change.
 

mickdollaz

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The only reason he took her to see his cousins was to "entertain" her. The reason being, she didn't find hanging out with him entertaining enough. Meaning, it was doomed from the very beginning. There was no true attraction there, just mutual boredom.
 

HyenaPrince

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They don't change.
That's why I'm saying. If you're unlucky enough to have had experienced that kind of toxicity, then why even try it again?

The chain of events doesn't start right at that time where that person starts talking to you. It starts the moment you decide to make plans with those people. After that it's an autonomous engine up to a certain point - like many decisions in life.
 

mickdollaz

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That's why I'm saying. If you're unlucky enough to have had experienced that kind of toxicity, then why even try it again?
The only legitimate answer is because of the incredibly poor judgment of Pandora. He has no one to blame but himself. He's trying to pin this on his cousins, on his now ex, anyone but himself.
 

Pandora

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How so? Why not dump her? She clearly needs attention outside her relationship. Women always feel the emotions of each and every person in the room. She clearly was full of sh*t when she tried to play innocent. She has to be more considerate when it comes to her man. Why didn't she feel the tension between him and his cousins? After the first sh*tty joke she should have pulled back from the other guys and stick to him the whole time. She's in her mid 20s and not 19. There's no excuse for being inattentive.
Yeh dude exactly. Im not buying that she didnt feel the tension between me ans my cousin. I even told her many times before that i dont like the guy. She is well aware of this fact. They have met before, but then he was more chill.

I even went off on him in front of the group and she still didnt get it?
The dynamics are discussed in detail in another thread.


Basically, women are "heat seeking missiles" instinctively seeking out the most alpha male in any room. Your status has clearly been diminished and she no longer respects you.

A simple way to handle this in the future is to tease the guys back, unloading just as much ammo as they throw at you, but with a smile on your face the entire time. It's a defensive measure only, don't go on the offense, or get angry. Just stand your ground and give as much as you get.

But yeah, this one was over before it even began. Telling her you wouldn't bring her around your (male) friends telegraphs a lack of confidence. It's one thing not to, which is perfectly normal and understandable, but it's another thing to tell her you won't. It makes it all too obvious you lack the confidence to keep a girl's interest in light of potential competition.

For those guys trying to draw lessons, there aren't any really. This is some small town hillbilly bullsh-t. Such scenarios are filled with insecure, hyper-aggressive losers who only derive a sense of importance by trying to humiliate others. Their job washing dishes at Arby's certainly ain't cuttin' it.
I agree with everything you said. Just to clarify the reason i told her " i wont bring you around my friends" is because she often puts words in my mouth when recalling stories. I didnt want her to say some crazy ish that I told her in confidentiality about one my friends. She is one of those girls that mis interprets the facts.

But you are right. I was avoiding confrontation like a wimp. I am deep down a really chill dude. Thats my Achilles heal. Even if i know i can kick your azz i will put up with a lot of sh*t until its gets too blantant.

I could have destroyef my loser cousins self esteem easily. He has no job no car etc. And he is out of shape and cant fight. But i didnt. Next time I will go all the way. If there is a next time.
 

Bible_Belt

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I have this gf. Decent looking chick in her mid 20s'. I usually dont bring my girls around my guy friends but during COVID there is not much to do so I will occasionally break that rule. All of my friends are chill and respectful. Family on the other hand were not. I met up with couple of a cousins. Very close with one and sort of close with the other.

These guys starting roasting me non stop. They were trying to show off in front of my girl. I even warned my girl in the parking lot that these guys will turn in comedians once they are around her. I didn't know it will be this bad. Cracking jokes on family is cool. Thats how guys bond but jokes are often ways to hide secret animosity. It gives you plausible deniability when confronted about the joke. Its cowardly.

One cousin openly was hitting on my girl. I played it cool in front of the ladies. I had to check him in private about that. Of course the excuse was " oh cousin I didn't know". The other one I had to check him publicly because he kept trying to humiliate me with jokes. It went bad. Real bad. Big blow out.

The thing that hurt is that my gf was laughing the whole time. The jokes were funny to her. She was also entertaining the cousin who kept chatting her up. Her excuse was " I didn't realize he was hitting on me because he is your cousin". In the car she apolizged endlessly but I am now looking for an exit in the relationship.
Allow me to be a d1ck and kick you while you're down.

You're too sensitive. That's why those cousins rip on you, because they can tell it upsets you. Bullies like easy prey. You need to find out the real reason inside your mind why all of this happens. You are the only one who should be in control of your emotions, not anyone else. When you gain that control, you won't get upset, and then they'll get bored and quit.
 

Pandora

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Just to be clear i did eventually check my cousin. He backed off and didnt talk to her again. I did it in private though. I prob should have done it in public.
 

HyenaPrince

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Just to be clear i did eventually check my cousin. He backed off and didnt talk to her again. I did it in private though. I prob should have done it in public.
People always perceive your behavior more intensively if it's not perfectly balanced. If you're too confident, "you're arrogant". If you say nothing, "you're weak". If you don't take their sh*t, "you're too aggressive".

The motherf*ckers in the back rows have it easy. They aren't in the spotlight and can judge you from a safe position. Always hated that kind of behaviour. You look around and they look away or shrug their shoulders. This is why you can't entrust the outcome of a situation to someone else. You have to handle it yourself and never consider what other people think about you.
 

Suave88

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I disagree with this advice and would say the opposite. Pandora doing this is the equivalent of doing a sting operation. He found out he wasn't compatible with his girlfriend and so now he knows what to do moving forward.
Well, I disagree with this. The man has to protect his girl and prevent her from flying away to other punk. Who the heck is he gonna fvck when She is gone? I know he is free to look into other prospects but with time and though, he may or not find another girl and lay this one off.
Also, based on What I read it was not the girl who was flirting with the cousins, but the other way around. The problem here are the cousins, and not the girl. Somehow, she had to be nice to the family.
 

HyenaPrince

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Who the heck is he gonna fvck when She is gone? I know he is free to look into other prospects but with time and though, he may or not find another girl and lay this one off.
I saw some similar comment from you last week I believe. Why are you against dropping a woman whose behaviour is inappropriate? He'll find a better woman within days or weeks, tops. Being nice to his family and laughing at jokes that are directed at him in a malicious way, are two different worlds.
 

Pandora

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Allow me to be a d1ck and kick you while you're down.

You're too sensitive. That's why those cousins rip on you, because they can tell it upsets you. Bullies like easy prey. You need to find out the real reason inside your mind why all of this happens. You are the only one who should be in control of your emotions, not anyone else. When you gain that control, you won't get upset, and then they'll get bored and quit.
But when 2 guys are making you the butt of the almost every joke its kinda difficult to stay chill. Even the Dalai Lama would be pissed right? What would you have done?

Its not the insults per se its the principle behind it. I shoulda just beat his azz or threaten him with violence. Lesson learned.
 

Pandora

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Well, I disagree with this. The man has to protect his girl and prevent her from flying away to other punk. Who the heck is he gonna fvck when She is gone? I know he is free to look into other prospects but with time and though, he may or not find another girl and lay this one off.
Also, based on What I read it was not the girl who was flirting with the cousins, but the other way around. The problem here are the cousins, and not the girl. Somehow, she had to be nice to the family.
I can see that argument. Thats the argument she was kinda trying to make. This argument is 50% right. The other 50% is her encourging that nonsense. She could have just clung on to me and stopped walking next to him. She also could have stop responding to him. She knew i didnt like him from before we got out the car.

Her excuse as to why she didnt cling on to me is because she didnt want to seem like she is smothering me. She is so insecure that it makes her do stupid and erractic stuff.

When we were friends i never knew she was this insecure as a romantic partner. If i had known i prob would not have dated her.
 

Suave88

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I can see that argument. Thats the argument she was kinda trying to make. This argument is 50% right. The other 50% is her encourging that nonsense. She could have just clung on to me and stopped walking next to him. She also could have stop responding to him. She knew i didnt like him from before we got out the car.

Her excuse as to why she didnt cling on to me is because she didnt want to seem like she is smothering me. She is so insecure that it makes her do stupid and erractic stuff.

When we were friends i never knew she was this insecure as a romantic partner. If i had known i prob would not have dated her.
She could have actually been using your cousins to test you. Dont dumpt the girl.
 

Pandora

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She could have actually been using your cousins to test you. Dont dumpt the girl.
Why not dump the girl? And explain the using cousins to test me? Kinda like a sh*t test? Yeh.....ima fail this one every time. I cant keep calm when other men keep berating me and my girl is trying to make me jealous. But i do think thats a real possibility brotha. Prob was a test
 

Suave88

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I saw some similar comment from you last week I believe. Why are you against dropping a woman whose behaviour is inappropriate? He'll find a better woman within days or weeks, tops. Being nice to his family and laughing at jokes that are directed at him in a malicious way, are two different worlds.
You are right. I am against dropping girls unless you can no longer fvck or use them.

Even if you have 2 or more plates. It is best to ghost them, give them the silent treatment, but never break. Then, reconnect.

If I were OP, I ignore the incident, but I never bring her to meet with family or friends again. She is not an exotic pet.

He should start to look for other plates and keep this one in store. He should just use her for sex and or get money or perks from her.

He should actually start to date other girls and lie to this one. and meet her at least once a week only.
If any of the cdescribing.cousins ask about her, he should just say she has another and different boyfriend and moved out of town. The end.
 

Suave88

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Why not dump the girl? And explain the using cousins to test me? Kinda like a sh*t test? Yeh.....ima fail this one every time. I cant keep calm when other men keep berating me and my girl is trying to make me jealous. But i do think thats a real possibility brotha. Prob was a test
Test or not. I dont like the type of cousin you are describing.
 

Pandora

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The only legitimate answer is because of the incredibly poor judgment of Pandora. He has no one to blame but himself. He's trying to pin this on his cousins, on his now ex, anyone but himself.
You mean poor judgement meaning bringing her around my cousins in first place?
 
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