Totally humiliated by family when gf was around

[Black Widow Void]

Unfortunately, the world is filled with people like this. Though inexcusable, there is a 'reason' that explains this behavior.
These people have a low self-image, and consequently play the denial game. When you arrive, it's "game over" for them. They can no longer play the pretend game because you (in reality) actually possess the qualities that they envy. Subconsciously, it's as if you arrived with a mirror and now they are faced to look at themselves. They suddenly feel publicly exposed.
Because they have trouble accepting their reality (they truly do not like themselves) they attempt to feel better about themselves by knocking down the perceived (so-called) 'offender.'

Some people reading this may think that the above analogy is far fetched. I'll provide another example that will hit closer to home.

You all will notice that when a new form member joins this site with girl trouble... that over half the forum members attempt to degrade him in some fashion. Their behavior exemplifies the same theory as described above.
The insulting more established forum member does not like themselves. When the new forum member speaks about a girl, it's a reminder that he actually had a recent girl (this makes the bitter more established forum member jealous - because in reality, they haven't).
Or at best.... the heartbreak expressed by the new forum member is a reminder to the bitter forum member about their own past behaviors. Once again, it's the "mirror" thing. The old bitter forum member doesn't like being reminded of his failures and so ... to 'prove' to himself that he's above it, he will proceed to put down the newer forum member.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I have this gf. Decent looking chick in her mid 20s'. I usually dont bring my girls around my guy friends but during COVID there is not much to do so I will occasionally break that rule. All of my friends are chill and respectful. Family on the other hand were not. I met up with couple of a cousins. Very close with one and sort of close with the other.

These guys starting roasting me non stop. They were trying to show off in front of my girl. I even warned my girl in the parking lot that these guys will turn in comedians once they are around her. I didn't know it will be this bad. Cracking jokes on family is cool. Thats how guys bond but jokes are often ways to hide secret animosity. It gives you plausible deniability when confronted about the joke. Its cowardly.

One cousin openly was hitting on my girl. I played it cool in front of the ladies. I had to check him in private about that. Of course the excuse was " oh cousin I didn't know". The other one I had to check him publicly because he kept trying to humiliate me with jokes. It went bad. Real bad. Big blow out.

The thing that hurt is that my gf was laughing the whole time. The jokes were funny to her. She was also entertaining the cousin who kept chatting her up. Her excuse was " I didn't realize he was hitting on me because he is your cousin". In the car she apolizged endlessly but I am now looking for an exit in the relationship.

There are so many red flags here than in the chinese government building, both family and girlfriends.

As a general rule when someones behaviour makes your gut uncomfortable its not because of the situation but because of whats behind it...and Im referring to your girlfriend and not your toxic cousins.

Dont get me wrong, that stuff happened to all of us and in my case when I was a teenager was even worse than yours and I was the butt of the jokes at family meetings, even called gay cause I had no gf in my teens...but it suddenly stop once I got a decent size and people knew I didnt mind to pick up fights and check people in public possibly offending their own partners in front of them and asking "so what".

Take this piece of advice from me, cut anything toxic from your life especially when it comes of "family" plus when it comes of girls use the gut rule...if your gut is restless that means that something is not right.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Take all gfs to meet your cousins. You'll cut right through her act and find the real her. Dump this chick.

How would a "good" girlfriend have handled it? I know with my "good" women they stand with me even if there's jokes. And if it went over the top they would've noticed and wouldn't like it. They wouldn't pile on top with the cousins.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There are so many red flags here than in the chinese government building, both family and girlfriends.

As a general rule when someones behaviour makes your gut uncomfortable its not because of the situation but because of whats behind it...and Im referring to your girlfriend and not your toxic cousins.

Dont get me wrong, that stuff happened to all of us and in my case when I was a teenager was even worse than yours and I was the butt of the jokes at family meetings, even called gay cause I had no gf in my teens...but it suddenly stop once I got a decent size and people knew I didnt mind to pick up fights and check people in public possibly offending their own partners in front of them and asking "so what".

Take this piece of advice from me, cut anything toxic from your life especially when it comes of "family" plus when it comes of girls use the gut rule...if your gut is restless that means that something is not right.

Important rule of growth and self respect is remove things that are keeping you stuck or pulling you down.

 

[Who Dares Win]

How would a "good" girlfriend have handled it? I know with my "good" women they stand with me even if there's jokes. And if it went over the top they would've noticed and wouldn't like it. They wouldn't pile on top with the cousins.

Women no matter how dumb they are still have a good instinct for when it comes of social settings, a girl can tell when someone is mocking or is hostile toward her boyfriend.

If she doesnt openly side with him it means she is either not that attracted from him or simply doesnt respect him.

Important rule of growth and self respect is remove things that are keeping you stuck or pulling you down.

Solid copy.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm not a big fan of cousins. Because they are family, they feel like they can get away with more.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I'm not a big fan of cousins. Because they are family, they feel like they can get away with more.

They are usually close enough to think they are entitled to special treatment but far enough to think they can do what they want.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm not a big fan of cousins. Because they are family, they feel like they can get away with more.

Im not a big fan of family in your business or going along with their bullshyt. But its up to the girl to maintain the respect. If she sense ill play she shouldn't like it because she likes you more.

 

[Pandora]

Unfortunately, the world is filled with people like this. Though inexcusable, there is a 'reason' that explains this behavior.
These people have a low self-image, and consequently play the denial game. When you arrive, it's "game over" for them. They can no longer play the pretend game because you (in reality) actually possess the qualities that they envy. Subconsciously, it's as if you arrived with a mirror and now they are faced to look at themselves. They suddenly feel publicly exposed.
Because they have trouble accepting their reality (they truly do not like themselves) they attempt to feel better about themselves by knocking down the perceived (so-called) 'offender.'

Some people reading this may think that the above analogy is far fetched. I'll provide another example that will hit closer to home.

You all will notice that when a new form member joins this site with girl trouble... that over half the forum members attempt to degrade him in some fashion. Their behavior exemplifies the same theory as described above.
The insulting more established forum member does not like themselves. When the new forum member speaks about a girl, it's a reminder that he actually had a recent girl (this makes the bitter more established forum member jealous - because in reality, they haven't).
Or at best.... the heartbreak expressed by the new forum member is a reminder to the bitter forum member about their own past behaviors. Once again, it's the "mirror" thing. The old bitter forum member doesn't like being reminded of his failures and so ... to 'prove' to himself that he's above it, he will proceed to put down the newer forum member.

Very interesting perspective.

 

[Pandora]

Guys i forgot to add this detail. When i first walked in my cousin pulls a seat for her next to him. I half jokingly said " hey P keep your hands off my girl". He laughed

A few minutes later he asks her so " what is he to you? Is he like a brother becuz i seen you with him last time".

She looks at me and says " like a brother" with a smile on her face like she was testing me. I was so confused as to what just happened. I didnt really process it.

So later that night Im telling her that her behavior is unacceptable. I bring up that brother statement. She had 2 excuses

1.) " oh i feel very insecure in our relationship. You pissed me off earlier when you said you dont want to bring me around your friends...like what are you hiding? " And " oh you always ask me what i would do if you ( me) cheated." And " oh you dont talk like we are gonna be together forever" blah blah

Then she swithced her excuse to

2.) Oh i thought he was joking about the brother thing.

Her whole thing is that she was extra nice to him becuz he was my couisin and she thought he was joking the whole time.

Just typing this makes me angry. This girl is done, im out. I gotta fade out slowly becuz our parents know each other. Small community.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Guys i forgot to add this detail. When i first walked in my cousin pulls a seat for her next to him. I half jokingly said " hey P keep your hands off my girl". He laughed

A few minutes later he asks her so " what is he to you? Is he like a brother becuz i seen you with him last time".

She looks at me and says " like a brother" with a smile on her face like she was testing me. I was so confused as to what just happened. I didnt really process it.

Dude... How did the energy feel at that moment? She looked at you, but what was her attitude?

So later that night Im telling her that her behavior is unacceptable. I bring up that brother statement. She had 2 excuses

1.) " oh i feel very insecure in our relationship. You pissed me off earlier when you said you dont want to bring me around your friends...like what are you hiding? " And " oh you always ask me what i would do if you ( me) cheated." And " oh you dont talk like we are gonna be together forever" blah blah

Then she swithced her excuse to

2.) Oh i thought he was joking about the brother thing.

This entire gender divide has both genders acting really "ratty". Back when people had more "class" there were still "ratty" people, but it just wasnt' so common and considered "cool".

Her whole thing is that she was extra nice to him becuz he was my couisin and she thought he was joking the whole time.

Just typing this makes me angry. This girl is done, im out. I gotta fade out slowly becuz our parents know each other. Small community.

She was really nice to your cousins, and left you feeling like a third wheel in the situation? Almost like she would bridge over to them? And it wasn't you being extra insecure?

What does your parents think about her and her family? There were families that my parents said don't go around, like "don't go around the XYZ family, they are CROOKS"...

 

[Alvafe]

Good call. Also, simply don't bring women to meetups with your cousins anymore. This will never stop, since you can't beat up your family/friends for sh*t like that.

you can't?, I think I said this once when the guy had his GF cheat on him with his brother, the good thing about family is you can punch then in the face without a care, that at the very least make then never invite you again or make the one hit never show his face up, save time, your time

dumping the girl is the way to go, he will keep his standards

Yes I agree. It is different when its family. I barely go and visit them and we all grew up together. Yes family thinks they dont have to respect you for whatever reason. Often you friends treat you better than family. Family is your own worst enemy.

The reason I say close is because I am referring to the past. Me and the one cousin were once poor together, lived in crappy apts together, been through a lot of stuff together in the past. Nowadays we are not so close. I was referring to how we grew up.

just one thing are you good now on money departament and cousins are not? that would explain the ridiculous blue pilled behavior, course I would open a new hole on then all, with is I do when anyone try to be the clown on my expense, I turn the table, fast, hard and with no mercy, and now the target is him

 

[Jack12345]

Guys i forgot to add this detail. When i first walked in my cousin pulls a seat for her next to him. I half jokingly said " hey P keep your hands off my girl". He laughed

A few minutes later he asks her so " what is he to you? Is he like a brother becuz i seen you with him last time".

She looks at me and says " like a brother" with a smile on her face like she was testing me. I was so confused as to what just happened. I didnt really process it.

So later that night Im telling her that her behavior is unacceptable. I bring up that brother statement. She had 2 excuses

1.) " oh i feel very insecure in our relationship. You pissed me off earlier when you said you dont want to bring me around your friends...like what are you hiding? " And " oh you always ask me what i would do if you ( me) cheated." And " oh you dont talk like we are gonna be together forever" blah blah

Then she swithced her excuse to

2.) Oh i thought he was joking about the brother thing.

Her whole thing is that she was extra nice to him becuz he was my couisin and she thought he was joking the whole time.

Just typing this makes me angry. This girl is done, im out. I gotta fade out slowly becuz our parents know each other. Small community.

Sounds like your cousin took control of the group.. this is ok when is someone u respect and trust. Prbbly not the case. Shouldnt let the girl answer the question, needed answer yourself this would let ur cousin to know who's the boss. Your gf behavior and analyzing is irrelevant due to the fact you dealing here with dynamics between males

 

[Jack12345]

Sounds like your cousin took control of the group.. this is ok when is someone u respect and trust. Prbbly not the case. Shouldnt let the girl answer the question, needed answer yourself this would let ur cousin to know who's the boss. Your gf behavior and analyzing is irrelevant due to the fact you dealing here with dynamics between males

From time to time you open threads on very deep near philosophical issues, so i assume you like analyzing things, your cousins probably knows that (cant be sure without knowing you) and uses it for his advantage

When u told this guy dont touch my girl the thing that goes in the girls brain "this guy knows to touch girls".. you made him sound cool while hes probably not that cool.. would assume something in your family just not working and u need to check if you should keep them in your life, or at least to take a long break

 

[Solomon]

OP you came of lookng as Beta that's why she was laughing at you and not with you
In situations like this, the only way to win is to roast them back or better yet don't bring your girls around your cousins

I use to have a room mate like that, great at roasting, so I was always on guard.

 

[Jack12345]

OP you came of lookng as Beta that's why she was laughing at you and not with you
In situations like this, the only way to win is to roast them back or better yet don't bring your girls around your cousins

I use to have a room mate like that, great at roasting, so I was always on guard.

his family made him look that way, pretty fckd up situation being with these ppl

 

[mrgoodstuff]

OP you came of lookng as Beta that's why she was laughing at you and not with you
In situations like this, the only way to win is to roast them back or better yet don't bring your girls around your cousins

I use to have a room mate like that, great at roasting, so I was always on guard.

Does he "roast" to make himself look better? Or is it really light hearted fun?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your girl dont know the actual dynamics between you and your family if you keep staying in contact with them, if you keep seeing them she assume they're ok even if you say they're not, and your relatives would use this.. they dont assume they doing something bad

Yes, it's why I said he could survive the one time meetup. But if he keeps subjecting himself to it she will assume he's okay with it. It was still up to her to be cognizant of what was going on and to not give it extra support. But in these days, many many women are going along with the greater in numbers group, it doesn't matter if you are her "man" or not. Because they are more "trashy" over all vs the "old days"...

 

[Jack12345]

Yes, it's why I said he could survive the one time meetup. But if he keeps subjecting himself to it she will assume he's okay with it. It was still up to her to be cognizant of what was going on and to not give it extra support. But in these days, many many women are going along with the greater in numbers group, it doesn't matter if you are her "man" or not. Because they are more "trashy" over all vs the "old days"...

How would you act in a situation that you know someone covertly try to make u look less dominant in a company of girls and hes not a stranger?

 

[Pandora]

you can't?, I think I said this once when the guy had his GF cheat on him with his brother, the good thing about family is you can punch then in the face without a care, that at the very least make then never invite you again or make the one hit never show his face up, save time, your time

dumping the girl is the way to go, he will keep his standards




just one thing are you good now on money departament and cousins are not? that would explain the ridiculous blue pilled behavior, course I would open a new hole on then all, with is I do when anyone try to be the clown on my expense, I turn the table, fast, hard and with no mercy, and now the target is him

Yes the cousin hitting on my girl is a financially messed up. Multiple DUIs, divorce, cant keep a job etc.

You are right i should have gotten violent. In the moment you dont want to overreact so you under react. I regret not putting my hands on him. I allowed it to get this far.