soulforge
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2013
- Messages
- 6,189
- Reaction score
- 4,933
My "No Contact" journey.
I was in a 2 year relationship with what I'd have to call a "unicorn" - young (22, I was 30 when I met her), intelligent, beautiful and somewhat virginal. I was in my prime Game when I met her. I was super confident and getting regular sex from different women. I wasn't in the mindset for monogamy, but I was in-between jobs and figured getting a nice GF might be a good idea while I get my career back on track.
It worked really well. Having a GF allowed me to concentrate more on my work, without the persistent distractions of sex with new women. My new GF was also a complete love slave. Utterly devoted.
I began to settle....but not for long. Eventually, I began to itch for my old life and started meeting other women again behind my GF's back. I orchestrated this through dating apps.
She caught me several times messaging women. I had lazy passcodes on my phone (1st pastcode was 121212, second passcode was 982198). The final time she caught me was by far the worst. She found videos that I had taken of me pounding another woman on our bed. I suppose it's quite unforgiveable. She tried to break up with me, but she kept coming back. She stayed with me for another year, and I made sure that she didn't catch me cheating again. I did continue to cheat, but it felt bitter. I wasn't proud of myself, but it felt like I had to hedge against my now weak position in the relationship. I wanted to keep 2 in the kitty in case she decided to leave me. I sensed that my relationship was in imminent danger. She tried to pull the rug, unsuccessfully, several times over the course of the final year of our relationship.
My relationship with her finally ended on March 14, 2020. She had gradually begun distancing over the final year of our relationship - I figured she had decided there was no future, and she'd lost trust and respect for me. I'd also started smoking a lot of weed and had somewhat "checked out" emotionally. I was hurt by the obvious deterioration of the relationship and I felt powerless to stop it - It felt like too much effort. What made this period of decline harder was that there were great moments with her interspersed. Still lots of sex, great little weekends together and I still saw her most days.
I eventually got sick of the instability. I decided to smoke her out. We had a fight about it and I dared her to leave me.... and she left in tears. It was a bad fight and I'm not proud to say that I definitely scared her with my anger. She called me for the next 2 days and I ignored her - I felt in a strong position at this point. I figured I'd taught her a lesson and she'd come crawling back - submissive again.
After a week I decided I wanted her back, and she had been radio silent for 5 days. I called her and I discovered I was blocked everywhere. I spent the next week trying to get around the block. I made all the mistakes and lowered my value by trying to contact her - I never begged, but I did try hard to establish dialogue. I got blanket-blocked everywhere (Facebook, Whatsapp etc). I was completely cut off without a word.
About 2 weeks after the breakup, I went to her apartment and buzzed her intercom. She answered and told me through the intercom that she was seeing a therapist about me and she didn't feel safe seeing me. She said she didn't want the relationship to continue. I was relaxed and calm during the chat - again, no begging.
I then went into No Contact for almost 60 days. Still blocked, and still not a word from her.
After the No Contact period I realised I still wanted her. I decided to take a gamble.
I sent her a "clean slate" message on LinkedIn (the only place I wasn't blocked). Nothing beggy or needy in the message, just an acknowledgment of mistakes I had made and some cheeky/funny/relaxed comments about a big, new apartment that I have procured in a nice area of the city. I also told her to look after my shirts (that she still has).
No reply to my LinkedIn message and it's been a week. I don't think she's even opened the message.
From here I'm going indefinite No Contact and I'm going to try and move on. Part of me hopes that I'll see her again one day.
I've learned a lot from this experience. I've never been dumped before, so it was something I really struggled with. Huge ego hit. I spent a long time in denial, thinking that if I could just talk to her then I'd be able to seduce her.
It took months for me to accept that the severed connection was real.
I'm rebuilding now - reading all the old Game stuff that has helped me so much over the years (Heartiste, Rollo, Todd V).
I could never relate to friends in the past that got hung up on girls that dumped them. I can understand and relate to it now, even though my situation is different and I deserved to get dumped for frequent cheating and being emotionally neglectful.
Thanks for reading!
Sounds like she is staying away from you and seeking therapy because you mentally screwed her over.
I don't blame her for blocking you.. She is much better off without you.
Your ego took a hit, that is the only reason why you are chasing.