Current situation

[Lynx nkaf]

If you can't respect yourself enough to quit lusting after this one-woman who doesn't want you, instead of focusing on yourself and finding a woman who DOES want you, then I agree the best course of action is to message her daily and until it is finally clear to you that she will never be interested in you again no matter what you do. Maybe her repeated rejections of you will finally make you feel how pitiful this is and thus serve as the motivation you need to start respecting yourself and move-on.

this works (embarassed comment from the corner)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

this works (embarassed comment from the corner)

She'll reject him, and he will feel like shyt behind all women until he gets another one.

 

[Barrister]

This may actually be the best advice since all the logic in the world wont work on our hurting friend here. He's still fixated on the day she will contact him to set a playdate for the children. He doesn't want to move on and that's the problem here.
Sometimes a second harsh rejection makes us go from fantasy land into reality where we can move on for real.

Problem is that more than likely there won't even be a response. She will just completely ignore him which I am guessing will make it hurt even worse. I think he just needs to start talking to other women. He probably won't be in the right mindset at first and will strike out when he is still obsessing over the ex but it will be the start of the recovery process.

 

[RicBoy]

If you can't respect yourself enough to quit lusting after this one-woman who doesn't want you, instead of focusing on yourself and finding a woman who DOES want you, then I agree the best course of action is to message her daily and until it is finally clear to you that she will never be interested in you again no matter what you do. Maybe her repeated rejections of you will finally make you feel how pitiful this is and thus serve as the motivation you need to start respecting yourself and move-on.

I respect myself enough to not reach out. In fact I have been in NC for 3 months. But I do have hope I can maybe re-attract her in August and after every time she comes around to pick up my son and sees all the changes I've made. In guessing the kids are gonna meet twice a month. Sometimes my son will sleep over her place., other times her daughter will sleep over my place.

I was unemployed and living with a roomate when I was dating her. Now I have my own place near the sea, I work 2 jobs and I have 2 cars parked in from of my house and I'm moving my son to live with me in August. He has been living abroad with my parents. I'm hoping my changes and if I play it cool during the kids exchange she might get interested in me again

 

[Lynx nkaf]

pretty much. Harsh lesson that won't be repeated when the next one ends. If it ends.

She'll reject him, and he will feel like shyt behind all women until he gets another one.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

pretty much. Harsh lesson that won't be repeated when the next one ends. If it ends.

What usually happens right away is many of us mens will pick a new situation that's a continuation of the old. I'm not sure whether we project the old emotions and energy into the new situation, or that the new lady was on the wavelength already, but it usually happens for a while to many men. To choose a new woman, but yet somehow stuck in the same or a similar position.

It brings me joy when I do hear the few stories of the next woman being a 180 turn around for a guy coming out of a bad position, that his life is brightened and it's a huge change for the increase. It's just usually guys end up jaded or picking the same type of woman who continues the old position.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I respect myself enough to not reach out. In fact I have been in NC for 3 months. But I do have hope I can maybe re-attract her in August and after every time she comes around to pick up my son and sees all the changes I've made. In guessing the kids are gonna meet twice a month. Sometimes my son will sleep over her place., other times her daughter will sleep over my place.

I was unemployed and living with a roomate when I was dating her. Now I have my own place near the sea, I work 2 jobs and I have 2 cars parked in from of my house and I'm moving my son to live with me in August. He has been living abroad with my parents. I'm hoping my changes and if I play it cool during the kids exchange she might get interested in me again

Still trying to "how do I get my ex back?", which many of the dating coaches sell for their largest cash cow. The best thing you can do is if you ever wanted her back, is to get a new woman, have a great time and a great life.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

What usually happens right away is many of us mens will pick a new situation that's a continuation of the old. I'm not sure whether we project the old emotions and energy into the new situation, or that the new lady was on the wavelength already, but it usually happens for a while to many men. To choose a new woman, but yet somehow stuck in the same or a similar position.

It brings me joy when I do hear the few stories of the next woman being a 180 turn around for a guy coming out of a bad position, that his life is brightened and it's a huge change for the increase. It's just usually guys end up jaded or picking the same type of woman who continues the old position.

How to solve that?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

How to solve that?

Some would argue MGTOW.

A short 3-6 month MGTOW self imposed might not be a bad idea while you re-prioritize yourself. I do suggest having sex with "friendlies", women who actually like you and are good for your energy.

You can't be "hurt" or "mad at women" when picking or getting with a new one. It attracts more fvcked up shyt. Get over the hurt, and be true to yourself

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Some would argue MGTOW.

A short 3-6 month MGTOW self imposed might not be a bad idea while you re-prioritize yourself. I do suggest having sex with "friendlies", women who actually like you and are good for your energy.

You can't be "hurt" or "mad at women" when picking or getting with a new one. It attracts more fvcked up shyt. Get over the hurt, and be true to yourself

That seems reasonable and can be accomplished.

 

[dude99]

Problem was, I dated her for 7 months, 6 of them unemployed, she started saying she was running out of money. Then last month together, I started working at her company and she was my supervisor. After work I would go to her place, she was cooking cleaning, washing my clothes daily and cooking meals for me to take to work. I was at her place 6 days a week easily. In the evenings talking about work work work.. All I did was working talking about work, have sex with her...i totally stopped having my own life, drop going to the gym, I'm a gym rat for many many years, stopped going out with friends.

This work was often 10 to 12 hours a day and I was extremely tired.

It's not like I was needy or beta, but she just got fed up having me around. She liked me but when she started to see this is getting really serious she started to pull back.

I wasn't smart enough to pull back myself, and started to pursue more, more nights at her place, demanding even more sex... She started to test me and last 2 weeks we didn't have much sex twice a week only. We used to have 10 to 30 times per weekend. I now realize I'm idiot to demand so much sex.
She got really angry "why are u complaint that we only have sex twice a week?"... She was going to some cancer check up thing (doctor said it's beginning of cancer or could be) , plus work, some neighbor had stolen her daughter new bike.. Lots on the plate and me annoying to have sex constantly.

The night of the fight, we talked, and we planned to make things nice again, no more work talk, (we worked together, she was my boss), she spent all day texting me kisses etc.. We had a romantic home dinner, kisses, cuddling, but then she didn't want sex she said she didn't feel like having... I shouted at her and said I was gonna leave her, I shoved her, she fell on the bed, I jumped on her, called her bixh, be a woman.. And started to rip off her pants... I was very drunk, she was a bit drunk.. I only wanted to scare her. In my mind it was a game but I was drunk..

She kicked me out of the house at 2am..

She asked space to think if she wanted to continue... I kept calling and texting and apologizing for a month... 5 days after the fight.. I went to her place to talk unannounced, she got scared and broke up right there.

She said to her friends, that for weeks even months, every morning on her way to her car, she would be scared thinking I would be hiding somewhere to hurt her.

I really fuk Ed up... It's done its done..

I apologized a million times.. And last time when we had kids exchanged, she even let me take her daughter for dinner, she was more friendly

But then she tested me, triggered me and I fell for it.. Started to call her fat bich (she has bulimia, eats and vomits).. And she came out and said "you haven't changed, how can I feel safe with you? Do you think by insulting me, it will make me run back to you? I never want anything to do with you anymore"... Then she blocked me everywhere.

She will come around sooner or later because of the kids, I need to be calm and collected this time.

She is probably gone, she said she started seeing a guy. She will never forget me for all of this. Her words:" you disrespect me, my daughter, and my home. I'll never forgive you for all of this, NEVER... I never want nothing to do with you, I despise you, you make me sick"

This girl didn't speak to her dad for years because a little argument he had with her daughter. Let alone forgiving me.

I hate to say it but after reading your first paragraph she saw you as a deadbeat that she saw supporting and that turned her off of you.
She felt trapped and seen you as a burden and when you shoved her that gave her the out she needed without looking like the bad person.

You best way to deal with this is to improve yourself. Learn from the stupidity of all of this, change your ways and just go live a good life. That is the best way to move on. Trying anything with this girl now will be nothing but a waste of time.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I hate to say it but after reading your first paragraph she saw you as a deadbeat that she saw supporting and that turned her off of you.
She felt trapped and seen you as a burden and when you shoved her that gave her the out she needed without looking like the bad person.

You best way to deal with this is to improve yourself. Learn from the stupidity of all of this, change your ways and just go live a good life. That is the best way to move on. Trying anything with this girl now will be nothing but a waste of time.

You do KNOW that some women PREFER a silver tongued deadbeat? As if you are a highly motivated and driven successful guy, she will tear you down with the quickness, and cheat on you with her preference of a guy. The guy you see as a "loser". That same "loser" see's you as a "loser" because you break your back while he lays back and gets fed grapes. And I'm a driven guy, but I do see the other side of the picture.

Women in the working world and business women were in competition with the hard charging, driven, self motivated high standard and successful guy. In their benefit they "employed" the silver tongue deadbeat, who lets her feel smarter and like a strong provider, and the physical what you would call "thug", a more physical and less brainy guy for protection and intimidation.

They chip and strip away at driven guy, not providing him validation and support, because they want to be that guy.

 

[Aniki1818]

Just you going back and forth so many times on this thread shows you are a clinger.

First mistake is working for her. She subconsciously already lost respect and attraction. You never apologize. Even if you have cheated, you do it in other ways "mistakes were made" you tell her to move past it. That builds attraction. What I've learned through my own mistakes is that even if it never works out, maintaining respect keeping frame is priority. You are a high value male with your own prospects. You do not need her. She pulls away the first time, you agree and increase that NC and ignoring two fold. You are indifferent even if that's not how you feel. Every time you apologize, you move a step down. Do a complete 180 and keep hoping she will come around, even though we all know she won't. I know others are saying cut ties between you kid and hers. But that is not up to you, let the kids bond and have their own lives. It can be used in the future for her to make contact. That is your chance to demonstrate your high value again. IF she uses that as point of contact, you still can not take her back. You use that as a chance to gain respect. Contact should be minimal or none. IF she begs to get ****ed. Then you do it AND STILL MOVE ON. She is gone dude, understand that. Convince yourself and her that YOU are the one done with her.

It'll never be the same. It is always better to build new than fix old relationships.

Read the Rational Male and start plate spinning.

 

[RicBoy]

Just you going back and forth so many times on this thread shows you are a clinger.

First mistake is working for her. She subconsciously already lost respect and attraction. You never apologize. Even if you have cheated, you do it in other ways "mistakes were made" you tell her to move past it. That builds attraction. What I've learned through my own mistakes is that even if it never works out, maintaining respect keeping frame is priority. You are a high value male with your own prospects. You do not need her. She pulls away the first time, you agree and increase that NC and ignoring two fold. You are indifferent even if that's not how you feel. Every time you apologize, you move a step down. Do a complete 180 and keep hoping she will come around, even though we all know she won't. I know others are saying cut ties between you kid and hers. But that is not up to you, let the kids bond and have their own lives. It can be used in the future for her to make contact. That is your chance to demonstrate your high value again. IF she uses that as point of contact, you still can not take her back. You use that as a chance to gain respect. Contact should be minimal or none. IF she begs to get ****ed. Then you do it AND STILL MOVE ON. She is gone dude, understand that. Convince yourself and her that YOU are the one done with her.

It'll never be the same. It is always better to build new than fix old relationships.

Read the Rational Male and start plate spinning.

I improved a lot on these few months. I got 2 jobs, 2 cars and my own place. And I'm moving my son to live with me next summer.. I really did a lot of changes.

Surely I was a loser, clinger, beggar, and a lot of other stuff I did but in reality I have changed and she will see the difference for sure whe she comes around. I still have a long way tho. I finally went no contact and I stuck to it, it's been 3 months and it is already something. I'm sure she gets the picture at this point that if she doesn't reach out she won't hear from me again.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I improved a lot on these few months. I got 2 jobs, 2 cars and my own place. And I'm moving my son to live with me next summer.. I really did a lot of changes.

Surely I was a loser, clinger, beggar, and a lot of other stuff I did but in reality I have changed and she will see the difference for sure whe she comes around. I still have a long way tho. I finally went no contact and I stuck to it, it's been 3 months and it is already something. I'm sure she gets the picture at this point that if she doesn't reach out she won't hear from me again.

WTF are you trying to prove?. This board understands LIFE. Don't try and fight it. There is nothing you can do but live well and enjoy a romantic life with someone who is better with you. Pining after her keeps your life from being BLESSED. Your hurting yourself.

 

[RicBoy]

My son's birthday today. 5pm he told me my ex and her daughter didn't wish him yet.
Then he said that he texted my ex reminding her its his birthday.
God dam it... She is gonna think I put him up to it and get a nice ego boost.

He speaks almost daily with her daughter. But hasn't spoken to my ex since mid March.

 

[Aniki1818]

Bro. Stop this.

 

[Aniki1818]

I know it's torture. To keep thinking what she thinks about you. Your only job right now it to keep NC and let the time pass. That's it.

Either find a distraction or keep sulking over it. I, personally find it hard to do things when I'm fked up over a girl. Doing activities or staying home. Either way, the time WILL pass. Don't worry.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Bro. Stop this.

What these thoughts means, is he's not busy enough in his own life and not enjoying his own life enough. He's sitting on a icecooler on the side of the road watching the traffic going by, reminiscing about what could've been in the past. It's an obsessive thought loop. To break it, you set goals and start working on them, making progress daily. You have fun events and people you look forward to being around. For the romance section you find an attractive woman who likes you alot who wants to share her body with you. After 6-12 weeks of new woman, the old and the fantasy of what it could be will be minimized. You will be enjoying your growth, the fun things you have to do and your new woman too much to be beating a dead horse.

 

[Aniki1818]

It's been almost 2 months now since mine left me after me pouring my heart out. You don't think I think about what she thinks? You don't think I check my phone everyday whenever I get a text thinking that it's her? I didn't break NC. It's hard now because we're still in lockdown here

This too shall pass.