Current situation

[oldmanofthesea]

One month before we broke up, maybe 2 or 3 weeks she said she was feeling smothered. I take it was because we were working together, she was my boss and I was at her place day and night...then the argument where I was abusive, then all the begging and insulting. I really don't know how all this ended up this way..

This is what I mean. You say you fvcked up, you list what you did, then you say you don’t understand?!?! What don’t you understand?

 

[Glassguy]

You obviously didnt learn from your mistakes the first time around so you do it again?

Unreal. At some point you reap what you sow.

 

[RicBoy]

Hard to lead this woman. She is very masculine. She leads about 45 workers in her company, most of those workers are afraid of her. I heard many workers telling a out her. She does kick boxing also. She said she prefers bone cracking than massage. I seem to attract a lot of girls like this. My other ex was the same. They both were in leading position In their jobs, single moms,have a car, their own house etc.

My ex had 4 relationships and 5 flings or so, left all the guys at the drop of a dime

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You can lead a masculine woman. Masculine or feminine, ALL women WANT to be lead even if they act like they don’t. If you don’t lead them, they will all respond the same: by becoming argumentative and ultimately leaving you.

I dated a self-proclaimed lesbian a couple years ago. She was this cute, tiny petite, 9 body, 7-8 face, elite athlete, natural blonde, perfect skin. 10 years younger than me. She never dated a guy before me. She could be quite feminine in her charms and body language and dress, but was also very masculine in terms of how firm she was in scheduling, in her opinions, in her bragging on her achievements (mostly success in athletic competitions but also in career), and in her unavailability. She would conform and liked to conform but I had to give her the chance to do it and the only way to make that work was to out-wait her. Example: I want to see her so I ask her to meet up on a given date and she says she is busy that day and doesn’t offer an alternate day. If I asked her would another day work, she would say she has x and y and z on subsequent days. That would turn her off. So I would tell her “no problem” when she declined my initial invite, then NEVER reach out to setup another date again until she did. Sometimes it would take 2 weeks before she would suggest it. You simply can’t wait that long if you are NEEDY! But invariably, on one of the days she said she had something going on, she would call me and tell me the race was cancelled or whatever and ask if I was free. The right response to that is “No I’m not I already have other plans since you said you weren’t available.” (even if I didn’t actually have plans). If you are NEEDY you can’t do that and instead jump at the chance to see her. She would immediately become very feminine in response, her voice would get higher and she would become submissive and ask when I could see her etc. A lot of forum regulars would claim what I describe above should be normal behavior from a man in dating, and I agree, but this girl and I were together for nearly a year. Usually these kind of games stop after a few months. But because she was so strong and masculine, I had to be on my toes forever with her.

Bottom line: The more masculine the woman, the more masculine you must be. You attract the masculine types because they think they want a beta male they can lead around by the collar but it’s just another example of how women don’t know what they want. I literally never thought those words would come out of my mouth and it still sounds subversive and sexist but repeated first-hand experiences have firmly engrained this fact into my mind.

 

[RicBoy]

I wasn't really needy per se. She said was too controlling and wanted to change her. And she got smothered. One day at work she told me, go wash your car. I told her don't you ever speak to me like that in the middle of the office and she hated it. In fact I was fired weeks later I bet she pulled some strings.

I was 6x days a week at her place. She cooked me dinner, washed my clothes to work daily, cooked me breakfast, cooked me meals to take to work. She really got fed up to have me around. And in one argument we had, she started talking ****, I pushed her, she fell on the bed. And I shouted to her and she got scared. She put me out of her house at 2am and never let me in again.

Ofc then I became needy and called and text and called some more...

But I did a lot of beta stuff looking back.. Every time we had a little argument, I would be the one to apologise and call her and try to solve things.

Anyways I'm done with her. She things I'm violent. And her best friend, who is married to my cousin. Last week my cousin had an argument with his wife, he punched the wall and broke his hand. So now my ex probably thinks we are all violent and nuts.

 

[RicBoy]

I was in an inactive ground on messenger with my ex and 7 other people. The group has been silent for like 9 months. Yesterday someone started to talk there and some others answered.

I removed myself from the group. Was this fine? Better for the no contact?

They were people I met through my ex a year ago, but they were not close friends to me by any means.

 

[Visionist]

So she does kickboxing and likes to crack bones but she got scared that you pushed her.

She clearly didn't want you leaving the little beta box she'd placed you in.

Women MUST always know you're stronger than them. Physically and mentally. It establishes your masculine frame over (repeat: over. Not alongside) her and ensures she'll always follow your lead.

I remember one girl, friend of friends. We met as a group and I had a good laugh with her. She was a dancer, but not the lithe, slender type. She was relatively muscly. I told her "pick me up and carry me on your back". She did, out in public. Even though she was demonstrating her physical strength, it was at my request. She was carrying me, submitting to me.

Your ex sounds like a low quality woman. Manipulative. It's not fair on your son to keep sending him over to her. What kind of message are you sending your son? That it's Ok to chase a woman who spurned you? Your son needs your guidance.

No more playdates for your son.

 

[RicBoy]

So she does kickboxing and likes to crack bones but she got scared that you pushed her.

She clearly didn't want you leaving the little beta box she'd placed you in.

Women MUST always know you're stronger than them. Physically and mentally. It establishes your masculine frame over (repeat: over. Not alongside) her and ensures she'll always follow your lead.

I remember one girl, friend of friends. We met as a group and I had a good laugh with her. She was a dancer, but not the lithe, slender type. She was relatively muscly. I told her "pick me up and carry me on your back". She did, out in public. Even though she was demonstrating her physical strength, it was at my request. She was carrying me, submitting to me.

Your ex sounds like a low quality woman. Manipulative. It's not fair on your son to keep sending him over to her. What kind of message are you sending your son? That it's Ok to chase a woman who spurned you? Your son needs your guidance.

No more playdates for your son.

Problem was, I dated her for 7 months, 6 of them unemployed, she started saying she was running out of money. Then last month together, I started working at her company and she was my supervisor. After work I would go to her place, she was cooking cleaning, washing my clothes daily and cooking meals for me to take to work. I was at her place 6 days a week easily. In the evenings talking about work work work.. All I did was working talking about work, have sex with her...i totally stopped having my own life, drop going to the gym, I'm a gym rat for many many years, stopped going out with friends.

This work was often 10 to 12 hours a day and I was extremely tired.

It's not like I was needy or beta, but she just got fed up having me around. She liked me but when she started to see this is getting really serious she started to pull back.

I wasn't smart enough to pull back myself, and started to pursue more, more nights at her place, demanding even more sex... She started to test me and last 2 weeks we didn't have much sex twice a week only. We used to have 10 to 30 times per weekend. I now realize I'm idiot to demand so much sex.
She got really angry "why are u complaint that we only have sex twice a week?"... She was going to some cancer check up thing (doctor said it's beginning of cancer or could be) , plus work, some neighbor had stolen her daughter new bike.. Lots on the plate and me annoying to have sex constantly.

The night of the fight, we talked, and we planned to make things nice again, no more work talk, (we worked together, she was my boss), she spent all day texting me kisses etc.. We had a romantic home dinner, kisses, cuddling, but then she didn't want sex she said she didn't feel like having... I shouted at her and said I was gonna leave her, I shoved her, she fell on the bed, I jumped on her, called her bixh, be a woman.. And started to rip off her pants... I was very drunk, she was a bit drunk.. I only wanted to scare her. In my mind it was a game but I was drunk..

She kicked me out of the house at 2am..

She asked space to think if she wanted to continue... I kept calling and texting and apologizing for a month... 5 days after the fight.. I went to her place to talk unannounced, she got scared and broke up right there.

She said to her friends, that for weeks even months, every morning on her way to her car, she would be scared thinking I would be hiding somewhere to hurt her.

I really fuk Ed up... It's done its done..

I apologized a million times.. And last time when we had kids exchanged, she even let me take her daughter for dinner, she was more friendly

But then she tested me, triggered me and I fell for it.. Started to call her fat bich (she has bulimia, eats and vomits).. And she came out and said "you haven't changed, how can I feel safe with you? Do you think by insulting me, it will make me run back to you? I never want anything to do with you anymore"... Then she blocked me everywhere.

She will come around sooner or later because of the kids, I need to be calm and collected this time.

She is probably gone, she said she started seeing a guy. She will never forget me for all of this. Her words:" you disrespect me, my daughter, and my home. I'll never forgive you for all of this, NEVER... I never want nothing to do with you, I despise you, you make me sick"

This girl didn't speak to her dad for years because a little argument he had with her daughter. Let alone forgiving me.

 

[Visionist]

So what's stopping you moving on? You said you have another job, your own place, car, cash.

Why would you even want to go back to her for any reason?

 

[RicBoy]

So what's stopping you moving on? You said you have another job, your own place, car, cash.

Why would you even want to go back to her for any reason?

I guess I just want to know if there is anything to do here after you read my last post in regards to get her back and be a family with the kids?

When what do you think of my last post?

Been in NC for 1 month since she last came to pick up my kid. My kid is now with his mother in a other country. He will be back in summer.

My birthday comes in 4 weeks. I guess if she doesn't reach out it's game over?

 

[Visionist]

You should abandon all fantasies about this girl. She has shown her true colours and destroyed any illusions you used to have. All fantasies about starting a family in this situation.

You and your son are all the family you'll ever need. If you raise him to respect his masculinity and never submit to women, never pedestalize them. If you're religious, self respect is next to Godliness. If you aren't, it's above even that.

And for Heaven's sakes stop obsessing over your birthday and whether she'll contact you. How about planning something fun for you and your son for your birthday, instead?

You have serious oneitis.
We've all been there.
Time to stop.

 

[RicBoy]

Ok man. Good advice for sure.
There are a few things about her that really I wasn't OK with anyways.

These girl has a bunch of male friends. They really are just friends. Before she met me she had a friends with benefits thing going on for a while. She is 33 and has a 13 year old daughter. She had sex with him on a Friday. Met me me Saturday. Next Saturday I went on a date with her and we had sex on first date. He left this guy on a drop of a dime with no explanarions. She had 4 relationships and another 5 or 6 flings, she dropped them all. None of them were good enough for her, always something wrong...

Also when she was with me, she would go coffees sometimes with male friends she had slept with.. She then stopped when I said it's not OK. But then accused me to be controlling, to try to change her and her personality and that we are diferent.. She says she prefer guys than women as friends, than women are problematic. She is a bit masculine and not a submissive woman at all.

 

[RicBoy]

Why you say about her true colors? You think she is not a good partner?

 

[Visionist]

She prefers the company of men to women because, being a woman, she knows that women make terrible friends. They'll smile at you then turn around and talk $hit about you, behind your back.

Classic toxic femininity.

Her true colours are everything you've typed. She's masculine, for one. Why be with a masculine woman?

No more single mothers for you. They're single for a reason.

 

[RicBoy]

No more single mothers for you. They're single for a reason.

Dude that made me laugh. Haha

Ur right

 

[RicBoy]

Would there be any point after a few months of no contact to write her an email or letter to apologize once gain for shoving her during the argument and all ny behaviour after the break up (insults, begging, etc)... I apologized right after the incident but I figure after a few months quiet would have more impact?

 

[bcude]

The answer is no. You apologized once and that is enough, but i know that your brain wants to find ways to build a potential bridge towards her and you feel that you need her validation because you feel guilty and somewhere deep down you feel "maybe, just maybe". You're clinging onto hope. Hope is your biggest enemy.
This will pass with time.

No letters, nothing. It will not have your desired effect, it will have the opposite effect since you're showing that you're not over her after such a long time.

In fact you should not want her anymore, when you feel that way you're on the right track. Everything else is not helping you.

Now go and create an awesome life for you and your son!

 

[Visionist]

Never apologize to a woman again in your life, for any reason.

Instead of thinking about this low quality woman, focus on enjoying yourself. With the viral hullabaloo and depending on where you are that might not be easy for now. Get more plates when you can, open women and get more numbers.

No more contact with the single mum, now or ever, and no more playdates for your son. He needs to learn how to deal with low quality women too.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

Would there be any point after a few months of no contact to write her an email or letter to apologize once gain for shoving her during the argument and all ny behaviour after the break up (insults, begging, etc)... I apologized right after the incident but I figure after a few months quiet would have more impact?

You are on a hamster wheel.
You have your answer.
Accept your answer.
Every continuing post about this particular woman is you getting back on your hamster wheel.

 

[RicBoy]

Ok guys makes a lot of sense. Not to repeat myself, but this girl has issues seems like. She left all guys she dated. She didn't speak to her father for years because one little argument he had with her daughter. She holds resentment towards people. Not gonna forgive me any time soon for pushing her.

She was smothered because I was always at her place, she was cooking for me, and saw me as an extra mouth to feed, I was unemployed for 90% of our relationship. Didn't have much going on and lost my frame and she was all I had kind of thing. I think she used the argument as an excuse to get rid of me.

OK guys I won't send any more apologies, will look weak and will show her i haven't moved on.