Hello to all,
First time posting here so I will do my best to keep it short and to the point. A little bit of context first, i read through numerous threads posted here and after searching for answers on the web it is an absolute pleasure to see how many insightful people are giving advice here. I am 30 yrs old, serial monogamist as i spent most of my 20s in serious relationships. That being said i have been around and usually do not have trouble making a girl fall for me ( the problem is more finding a girl that I actually like... i m definitely not Brad Pitt but i am very picky when it comes to sleeping with someone... i have tried to change that as it's really more of a nuisance than anything else but without success)
My last 2 Exs were diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. I guess i kinda have a type, since i had it good during my life, blessed by loving parents that are well off, i always try to help the girls i m involved with which usually does not end well for me.. (debt, ruined relationships with family members and friends, etc.) So about 6 months ago (after being kinda of a hermit after my last relationship which ended in a fiery fury) i meet a girl abroad that actually lives in my country. Needless to say it was love at first sight, phenomenal connection, same values, same taste in things, beyond amazing sex, we seemed really perfect for each other, the only thing that was off is that off the bat she told me she s BPD and actually went through therapy and maybe its best that i stay away... Obviously i did not listen as i figured previous relationships have prepared me for this, maybe it's just my curse to be attracted to BPD girls and for them to be attracted to me and this time it ll be different.. Well i wasnt wrong... We have been "dating" for the past 6 months breaking up like clockwork every two weeks and flying all across the country to spend time together (about every weeks). I have never been in such a destructive pattern as when things are good - they are beyond anything i ve encountered, but every now and than out of the blue there is a break up initiated by her as she s "unsure about me", "doesnt feel like we could get married" so whats the point. Every time after a break up like this (and they are getting more and more severe" We stop talking for a few days until she reaches out and we restart talking as friends which leads to us inevitably seeing each other again and having an amazing time together.
Now I have never been stuck on a girl before, usually my thought process is: "you are not sure about me? see you later good luck finding someone else like me.." However for some reason (maybe due to really f*ked up **** she s been through, i m just unable to do that or to block her. I understand she ll be fine and she was way before she met me and she actually has her life together (about to become a Doctor) but for some reason i m just suffering from Oneitis. I do have hobbies, a good job, i dont really go out (cuz i don't see the point TBH i m mostly annoyed by millennials and what they find enjoyable). After our last break up (which came 2 weeks after we spent a 2 week vacation together) i thought to myself ok, that's it! And here i am again talking to her because she keeps calling, and now she s telling me she wants to come this weekend (but its really yes, no, yes no type of situation) I get that the most logical thing to do would be to block and move on, but for some reason it just doesnt seem possible. Also since she s the one constantly initiating break ups and keeps running back and apologizing and making it up to me i constantly feel that she s just too BPD to be able to control it but what she wants is to lead a normal life and have a normal relationship...
Thoughts? Questions? At this point i am fairly knowledgeable about how BPDs are having read a lot of articles and books and studied Psych. I get that they manipulate and cant love like normal people can but I believe it's not okay to just discard them as damaged goods and move on. So besides the obvious "block her and move on", "go F*k random girls" or " stay in this hellhole and suffer" do you guys have any other advice?
Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post (i could honestly write a book about it)