So she sees that I keep adding random chicks to my IG. She asked me about it because she said it makes her feel uncomfortable. Long story short I told her they’re girls that come up to me when I’m out and I shut them down but they can still follow my on IG. She freaked the f out. Saying it seems like I’m trying to keep my options open and now she doesn’t completely trust me. Saying I’m still giving them a way to contact me. Wtf? It’s not that serious. I’m not doing anything. I told her if she doesn’t trust me there’s no point in being together. Should I just break up with her?
GF is saying she doesn’t trust me now bc of stupid IG. Should I just break up with her?
- Thread starter bizzym
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AttackFormation
Master Don Juan
There are three ways I could look at this:
A) Respect. Unless you are making money from your antisocial media, there is no reason why you would keep in touch with other girls there except to line up options like your girlfriend is saying. It's not just about trust, it's about respect. How would it make you feel if she told you every other day about the new guys she is keeping in touch with on antisocial media? It's disrespectful to the relationship. Personally, this is the option that rhymes with me. If the genders were reversed and you had instead come here complaining about her doing what you're doing, guys here would be all over it telling you not to tolerate it.
B) Cynicism. You might say she is concerned because she is going behind your back but doesn't want to lose control over you, and is projecting her own behavior on to you. Personally, I would not go with this option unless I had good reason or a gut feeling to tell me so, because I don't want to live in paranoia.
C) Pragmatism. You might say, if the relationship ends it'll be harder for you to find new prospects than for her since you're a man and she's a woman, so it's more important for you to line up options. Personally I think this makes sense, but is disrespectful.
A) Respect. Unless you are making money from your antisocial media, there is no reason why you would keep in touch with other girls there except to line up options like your girlfriend is saying. It's not just about trust, it's about respect. How would it make you feel if she told you every other day about the new guys she is keeping in touch with on antisocial media? It's disrespectful to the relationship. Personally, this is the option that rhymes with me. If the genders were reversed and you had instead come here complaining about her doing what you're doing, guys here would be all over it telling you not to tolerate it.
B) Cynicism. You might say she is concerned because she is going behind your back but doesn't want to lose control over you, and is projecting her own behavior on to you. Personally, I would not go with this option unless I had good reason or a gut feeling to tell me so, because I don't want to live in paranoia.
C) Pragmatism. You might say, if the relationship ends it'll be harder for you to find new prospects than for her since you're a man and she's a woman, so it's more important for you to line up options. Personally I think this makes sense, but is disrespectful.
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BackInTheGame78
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If she is your girlfriend and you are serious about her you have nobody to blame but you. How would you react to this if she was the one doing it? Probably the same way.
If you want to be in a relationship then you don't do things like this. If you don't then do as you please but you can't have it both ways. You are disrespecting the bounds of the relationship and she has every right to feel the way she does. You are basically throwing it in her face that you can get hot chicks when you go out. I sense this is done because you have some sort of deep seated insecurity and need to do this for validation.
Your options are to stop doing this and understand this is not a proper thing to do in a relationship or break up with her if you can't. But getting upset with her because of her reaction is pretty ridiculous. You are the one screwing up not her. Respect goes both ways don't forget that.
Breaking up with your girlfriend won’t solve the root of the problem. Your next girlfriend is going to get just as jealous.
These random chicks are obviously not getting the message when you shut them down. My advice would be to not be as charming when you are out and they come up to you. It may be difficult to not be as charming as you are, but you have to do it. Otherwise you will be faced with this problem for the rest of your life.
RickTheToad
Moderator
1) Why does she have access to your instagram.
2) Why do you care?
YOU lead the relationship, not her. Right now, the roles are reversed. You lay down the law to her and then go silent. See if she chases you. If she chases you, she's back in your frame. She doesn't say a word, she's done. Either way, you have your answer and self-respect back. The later is more important than any set of t!ts or a pus.
she doesn’t have access to my Instagram. Anyone can see what she’s seeing.
yea, I did go silent on her. She hasn’t said anything at all to me.
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AJ84
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So the law is for her to put up with being disrespected, not care about her self respect, and continue dating someone she can’t trust? This is how not to get a decent girl because any decent girl will simply next him. Leading a relationship shouldn’t mean expecting a girl to put up with being treated like crap Rick. That’s just common sense. A man who can lead successfully does it by inspiring and motivating her to want to be lead. There is nothing inspiring nor motivating about this and you know that, you’re not a dumb guy.
It really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone why she is upset and if the situation was reversed and it was her adding hot guys to her IG, then the advice would be to dump her. Why should she put up with crap that no one here would expect him to put up with? Because she’s a female? Unless she did something to warrant it, why should she put up with it? Yes that’s my female perspective on this men’s site and I’m sticking to it lol.
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AJ84
Guest
Your view on this is a good sell to some other men perhaps, but, unless the plan is for him to date other men, he needs to understand what doesn’t sell with girlfriends, and being disrespected, then expected to put up up disrespect, is a hard sell for a lot of women in their relationships. Men get dumped for this all the time.
If she was a plate, maybe it would be different? But he said GF, so I assume that means he was in a relationship with her and my post is based on that.
Despite what some people here like to believe, most women don’t want to be treated like crap. The ones that do? Well, those are the ones everyone here seems to complain about lol. The BPDs, etc.
Women also never forget. Never. So if she came back around I would bet that she would start making sure she has options herself and, unlike him, she won’t be so obvious about it.
I’m almost 30 and I just told her last week that I wanted to marry her so it’s not like it’s a case of oneitis.
BackInTheGame78
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Then your behavior is completely unacceptable.
BackInTheGame78
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There is an old saying....where there is smoke there is fire.
Exactly what purpose is this serving to have random women on his IG? Look...if he wants to keep his options open then that's no issue. The issue is he is saying he asked her to marry him and is still acting like he wants to keep his options open.
You can't ride two horses with one @ss. Gotta pick one option which means you are accepting that you cannot have the other. This is not some "plate" or random hookup, it is a serious relationship and this type of fvckery has no business there.
You can dump her if you want but I'm going to go ahead and tell you that very few women will tolerate this kind of thing. So prepare to date an endless string of women who all have a meltdown at this exact point in the relationship, if not sooner, or rethink your IG account and how you use it.
RickTheToad
Moderator
BS she ain't doing the same herself. However, he has to lead and have a strong backbone. If she leads, and he follows, then any relationship is doomed for failure. We're also only getting bits and pieces here. There's three sides to a story, his, hers and the truth. Regardless, he needs to maintain his frame and keep her in line.
Stay silent and go about your life. Do not chase. It's a test.
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AJ84
Guest
Yes, if she’s doing the same and has disrespected him in the relationship then they both need to end it. But what if she hasn’t done anything to deserve it? Should she put up with that?
If she hasn’t done anything to warrant this then what she did was clearly communicate what her boundaries and standards are, which is not a test, it’s her communicating her boundaries and standards in a relationship, which we all have a right to do.
RickTheToad
Moderator
If you re-read the OP's 1st post, you'll find he's doing nothing wrong. He's not disrespected her in anyway. Adding people to IG that he normally sees when he's out and about is not disrespecting.
Agreed. And what speaks volumes here is he's ready to completely break it off with her when he just told her he wants to marry her. Something doesn't add up here...
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AJ84
Guest
Ok Rick, so if a woman you planned to marry was adding men she sees out and about to her IG that wouldn’t be a problem for you? Not disrepectful?
Roober
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In a relationship, you should always ask yourself if the action is acceptable if the roles were reversed. There are plenty of ways to keep your women guessing without explicitly throwing it on her face.
If I had to guess, this is an attempt to elevate your value to her since you can't demonstrate it through your normal actions and words. Once you are able to do this, there is no need to play these stupid little games.
If I had to guess, this is an attempt to elevate your value to her since you can't demonstrate it through your normal actions and words. Once you are able to do this, there is no need to play these stupid little games.
RickTheToad
Moderator
First off, I do not see this dude talking about marrying, just dating. Two, I never understood the point of Instagram either. As I've said before, Instagram is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. All it is for is attention grabbing and look at me. Nothing good has come out of Instagram.. Except for the founders and Facebook.