The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SoSuave666]

Week 7 NC

Had a few difficult days.. Its almost like a delayed grieving process. Uptill a couple of days ago, I was doing perfectly fine.

But now i'm feeling a little down.

Not because I am upset thst things came to an end.. That was inevitable sooner or later.. I should have known a LDR couldn't go on for that many years.

Even though my ex ended things in a very chitty cowardly way, I still have to admit, over the two years together, she was a very good Girlfriend.

She was totally drama free.. very caring, submissive and always followed my lead... Was never rude, disrespectful or bichy.

This is the part I struggle with... In this day and age, finding a girl with the qualities my ex had is EXTREMELY difficult.

Knowing that it is unlikely I will find a girlfriend, of such good qualities, makes me feel pretty crap inside.

Getting a hot sexy chick is easy... I banged a few of those over the last couple of weeks... Maybe I should take the ex off the pedastel, and try be a little more positive about the future.

And yet she still dumped your ass because shes a single mommy alpha widow. This b!tch was no different than any other chameleon woman. It was just your turn with her, she probably was cheating on you and you didn't even know. That's just LDR man.

I understand the relapse process though, I've been through it myself. Just understand it's brain chemicals, not actual logic. It's natural, biological mating chemicals designed to keep men interested in the woman to ensure the survival of the family. She is someone elses problem now.

For every beautiful woman there is a man that's tired of fvcking her.

Be that dude.

 

[NSX-R]

Week 7 NC

Had a few difficult days.. Its almost like a delayed grieving process. Uptill a couple of days ago, I was doing perfectly fine.

But now i'm feeling a little down.

Not because I am upset thst things came to an end.. That was inevitable sooner or later.. I should have known a LDR couldn't go on for that many years.

Even though my ex ended things in a very chitty cowardly way, I still have to admit, over the two years together, she was a very good Girlfriend.

She was totally drama free.. very caring, submissive and always followed my lead... Was never rude, disrespectful or bichy.

This is the part I struggle with... In this day and age, finding a girl with the qualities my ex had is EXTREMELY difficult.

Knowing that it is unlikely I will find a girlfriend, of such good qualities, makes me feel pretty crap inside.

Getting a hot sexy chick is easy... I banged a few of those over the last couple of weeks... Maybe I should take the ex off the pedastel, and try be a little more positive about the future.

Stop thinking about those good qualities about your ex . My ex was the same way . She would always follow my lead , never say no and she was never rude to me . Most people thought it was strange cause she was exactly the opposite of those qualities to every other person out there except me . Very glad that i ended it with her and I’m a better person right now .

If you keep on thinking how good she was you only dig a hole for yourself . Stop doing it immediately. Think of the bullets you evaded and of the things you learned from your relationship with her . Now It’s easier to see red flags , you know how to control your emotions and how to act correctly in similar situations.

If you are wise , a break up is only a victory.

 

[soulforge]

Stop thinking about those good qualities about your ex . My ex was the same way . She would always follow my lead , never say no and she was never rude to me . Most people thought it was strange cause she was exactly the opposite of those qualities to every other person out there except me . Very glad that i ended it with her and I’m a better person right now .

If you keep on thinking how good she was you only dig a hole for yourself . Stop doing it immediately. Think of the bullets you evaded and of the things you learned from your relationship with her . Now It’s easier to see red flags , you know how to control your emotions and how to act correctly in similar situations.

If you are wise , a break up is only a victory.

For the vast majority of the time, thats exactly how I have been looking at things.

Bullets dodged.. I was waiting on a single mom, long distance.. My life was on hold, while she raised another mans DNA.

What a waste of my life.

So Yeh I get that.. She has done me a favour.

 

[Johnwic11]

For the vast majority of the time, thats exactly how I have been looking at things.

Bullets dodged.. I was waiting on a single mom, long distance.. My life was on hold, while she raised another mans DNA.

What a waste of my life.

So Yeh I get that.. She has done me a favour.

You keep analyzing the situation. its over it ended. paralysis by analysis. I used to do this, who cares about what she was positive or negative. I think it might hinder your recovery. this last time I didn't analyze anything, just said she thinks she can do better so take my L recover and move on.

 

[soulforge]

You keep analyzing the situation. its over it ended. paralysis by analysis. I used to do this, who cares about what she was positive or negative. I think it might hinder your recovery. this last time I didn't analyze anything, just said she thinks she can do better so take my L recover and move on.

True man.. I am letting emotions & the ILLUSION of her being quality cloud my judgement.

If I think things through clearly, I always come back to the same conclusion, that she had NOTHING to offer me long term..

Infact it is ME who can do much better than her.

Single mom, two kids, long distance.. Ex still in the picture.. What the fuk was I thinking.

I think sometimes we have a moment of replase after a breakup.. But soon come back to our senses!

 

[guru1000]

Soulforge, the reason you keep revisiting this issue is you have not extracted the lesson. I assure you once you extract what you need here, ALL post-breakup feelings will evaporate forever.

The lesson here is not long distance, not her kids, not her treatment of the end. The lesson is about you and what you need to to evolve as a greater individual.

What has she taught you about you? Think deeper to the underlying dynamics and you will see your role here in triggering something in her. She did not reject you but rather rejected a part of herself that you triggered which she did not want. A demon of your own right that is time to become aware of and let go.

Extract. What is it?

 

[DelayedGratification]

Soulforge, the reason you keep revisiting this issue is you have not extracted the lesson. I assure you once you extract what you need here, ALL post-breakup feelings will evaporate forever.

I'm still working through this myself. Not been counting NC days, but it was back in mid-November when the last time I caved and reached out for a short text session. The relationship was enormously complicated due to externalities, and towards the end she morphed into this person I didn't recognize, and did some things that did some serious harm to me. She ended it by hooking up with a 30-something co-worker of hers at near-peak SMV and was gone two weeks later. I knew we were on the downslope, but the callousness with which she ripped out my heart just flattened me.

Been reading a lot of Rollo and browsing here, and a lot of relationship failures (this latest in particular) now make more sense, and I'm still trying to learn from it. Like @soulforge, it took a lot of time to fully own the fact that I was grieving an illusion. At this point NC is not difficult for me.

I know this particular music duo is probably a bit of an antithesis to the manosphere, but I'll share what helped me a lot:

The lyrics capture perfectly what I went through, and I suspect they apply to a lot of guys here as well. One of my turning points was when listening to this song went from a reopen-the-wound experience, to giving me a sense of solace that the relationship simply was never meant to be.

Hope it helps someone out there.

 

[soulforge]

I'm still working through this myself. Not been counting NC days, but it was back in mid-November when the last time I caved and reached out for a short text session. The relationship was enormously complicated due to externalities, and towards the end she morphed into this person I didn't recognize, and did some things that did some serious harm to me. She ended it by hooking up with a 30-something co-worker of hers at near-peak SMV and was gone two weeks later. I knew we were on the downslope, but the callousness with which she ripped out my heart just flattened me.

Been reading a lot of Rollo and browsing here, and a lot of relationship failures (this latest in particular) now make more sense, and I'm still trying to learn from it. Like @soulforge, it took a lot of time to fully own the fact that I was grieving an illusion. At this point NC is not difficult for me.

I know this particular music duo is probably a bit of an antithesis to the manosphere, but I'll share what helped me a lot:

The lyrics capture perfectly what I went through, and I suspect they apply to a lot of guys here as well. One of my turning points was when listening to this song went from a reopen-the-wound experience, to giving me a sense of solace that the relationship simply was never meant to be.

Hope it helps someone out there.

When its over it over... After that its all about your survival.

You survive by moving on.. Think about all the Girlfriends you had in the past.. You got over them right?

You will get over this one too.. Woman come and go.. You will have moments of weakness, like I just had recently, but then you will snap out of it.

Overtime she will become a distant memory and you will be too busy banging other chicks.. However take some lessons from this breakup.

 

[guru1000]

I'm still working through this myself. Not been counting NC days, but it was back in mid-November when the last time I caved and reached out for a short text session. The relationship was enormously complicated due to externalities, and towards the end she morphed into this person I didn't recognize, and did some things that did some serious harm to me. She ended it by hooking up with a 30-something co-worker of hers at near-peak SMV and was gone two weeks later. I knew we were on the downslope, but the callousness with which she ripped out my heart just flattened me.

Been reading a lot of Rollo and browsing here, and a lot of relationship failures (this latest in particular) now make more sense, and I'm still trying to learn from it. Like @soulforge, it took a lot of time to fully own the fact that I was grieving an illusion. At this point NC is not difficult for me.

I know this particular music duo is probably a bit of an antithesis to the manosphere, but I'll share what helped me a lot:

The lyrics capture perfectly what I went through, and I suspect they apply to a lot of guys here as well. One of my turning points was when listening to this song went from a reopen-the-wound experience, to giving me a sense of solace that the relationship simply was never meant to be.

Hope it helps someone out there.

This is your first post. Something in my words invoked you to quote and make this post as there is a deeper truism present that you feel but are not consciously aware of.

You mentioned much of what your ex DID to you. And don’t confuse what I’m about to share as what she did to you was not right.

However, you, too, played a role. The reason why this breakup invoked such pain in you is not a result of what she did to you, but rather (on a deeper level) not doing the introspection to understand what you triggered in her.

There is a lot of room for growth here if you can step back from a macro perspective and look at the deeper picture, specifically that the pain you feel is a signal that she was brought to your life with a specific purpose, otherwise there would have been no pain to incite introspection to begin with.

It is your duty now to figure what that deeper lesson here is for you to extract. Because once you extract that lesson/purpose, your post-break trauma will eviscerate entirely.

You may not get the answer today, tomorrow, or even in a few weeks. But if you remain open to it, the answer will come and you will grow exponentially from this experience while your post-breakup peers will still be holding on to their resentment. If done correctly, you will be thanking her for this experience rather than vilifying her. I know these words are truly hard to understand while you are feeling such pain. I’ve been there and know exactly what and how you are feeling.

I’m not speaking to you from meta-physical perspective drawn from knowledge attained from the outside, but simply my own experiences that have unequivocally confirmed and reaffirmed the above.

 

[DelayedGratification]

You mentioned much of what your ex DID to you. And don’t confuse what I’m about to share as what she did to you was not right.

However, you, too, played a role. The reason why this breakup invoked such pain in you is not a result of what she did to you, but rather (on a deeper level) not doing the introspection to understand what you triggered in her.

There is a lot of room for growth here if you can step back from a macro perspective and look at the deeper picture, specifically that the pain you feel is a signal that she was brought to your life with a specific purpose, otherwise there would have been no pain to incite introspection to begin with.

It is your duty now to figure what that deeper lesson here is for you to extract. Because once you extract that lesson/purpose, your post-break trauma will eviscerate entirely.

You may not get the answer today, tomorrow, or even in a few weeks. But if you remain open to it, the answer will come and you will grow exponentially from this experience while your post-breakup peers will still be holding on to their resentment. If done correctly, you will be thanking her for this experience rather than vilifying her. I know these words are truly hard to understand while you are feeling such pain. I’ve been there and know exactly what and how you are feeling.

As I alluded to, this was a very complex situation. It was untenable and needed to end. While the crossing over was painful, I do see the growth that it triggered. For starters, I am down 25lbs, and am fitter than I've been in my life. I have had some successes with new women, none as intense as this past LTR, but I am dedicated to learning more about myself with each new experience.

I don't vilify her so much as am disappointed that she doesn't take ownership of her contributions to the damages she inflicted (which extended beyond me), as much as I also take ownership of my actions which set the stage for them to happen.

As for post-break trauma, I'm more than 90% out of the woods. What triggered my post was that several previous ones reminded me of last fall when the song I posted became something of a litmus test as to where I was in my own processing in order to have a truly post-break perspective. So it helped me, and I thought it might help others.

 

[Johnwic11]

I forget what day I'm on but something weird happened. this chick hand clapped my buddies IG story him putting up him singing a song driving. I don't have IG, but she claimed it was "an accident. I feel super douchy good for you though" she msut have been really licked up to do it to one of my best friends.

 

[NSX-R]

I forget what day I'm on but something weird happened. this chick hand clapped my buddies IG story him putting up him singing a song driving. I don't have IG, but she claimed it was "an accident. I feel super douchy good for you though" she msut have been really licked up to do it to one of my best friends.

These hoes ain’t loyal. She probably had her eyes on your friend sooner than you thought . The ex of my best friend called me out of blue once while drunk to tell me that she into me . And i had never spoke to her before in social media or whatever. She admitted that she had her eyes on me before she even break up with my best friend .

Your situation isn’t so different than mine . I hope your friend was loyal to you and called her out .

 

[Johnwic11]

no way she don't wanna mess with this dude lol. shes trying to get my attention.

 

[powersize]

NC since the beginning of February.


Happy that I found that forum and started NC. So far I have moved on and feel even better that i was before meeting her. I just simply took all stuff she did not like in me and my life in general, and worked on it (became more social, easy going, and started partying almost every weekend). I am studying professional-related stuff, that i was thinking for a very long time, and working on my further career development. In plans to move on to the downtown and start gym.

So in general I am expanding my comfort zone and becoming better version of myself.

Too bad for that chick for dumping me haha

All the best guys and respect yourself.

Cheers

 

[DelayedGratification]

For the vast majority of the time, thats exactly how I have been looking at things.

Bullets dodged.. I was waiting on a single mom, long distance.. My life was on hold, while she raised another mans DNA.

What a waste of my life.

So Yeh I get that.. She has done me a favour.

Different situation for me, but recently had bullet-dodged moment. My resolve crumbled and I peeked at her FB profile pic (we never friended, so that's about all I can see). Only 9 months since she traded-up for someone more in their peak SMV. She looks like **** now, at least based on her March 30 update. If I didn't know it was her, it would take me a bit to recognize her. I look at that pic and have no feelings of attraction whatsoever.

Never mind the psyche issues she started to develop in the latter part of the relationship, but even the visual/sexual attraction has vaporized. Bullet dodged. Which I knew, but the evidence is accumulating.

Enjoy your slow painful march to The Wall. Even I had deluded myself into thinking that would never happen to you, or at least not so quickly.

 

[Johnwic11]

So here is a weird one. I'm not talking about the recent ex. I think I'm over her. I think I caught the one it is for a plate I was trying to spin. went to Nashville for the NFL draft. partied my ass off. came back and saw she has the hawts for another dude. idk if this is me coming down from a 72 hour binge drinking or what but I was super emo about it yesterday.

 

[jnMissouri]

This afternoon will be day 7. At first I felt a little relief the first day or so. Then a bit of disappointment when my phone vibrated and it wasn't a text, email or call from her like I was so used to from when we got up to the time we went to bed.

I've been tempted to reach out to her twice but haven't yet. Just wrote draft emails to myself with the proof that I told the truth about 99% of the things I told her.

One week is the longest we've gone without talking on two other occasions we've had fights. She usually reaches out but this is now the longest I think and she hasn't reached out. Her friend is poisoning her.

 

[jnMissouri]

Day 10: A buddy of mine helped draft an email to her that I have not sent, in preparation for at least ending things on a positive note rather than a fight in case she doesn't reach out.

I miss her, but at the same time I'm pursuing other women now and also slowly starting to realize that she's unstable and not good for me. I have a lot to offer and she doesn't deserve me. I loved her southern belle ways, her voice. But her instability and irresponsible behavior in our relationship was an exact mirror of her chaotic life (4 divorces, 3 kids who her parents take care of as she moves from one relationship to another around the country, no drivers license, no job, no money, no education, no career).

As much as I sometimes want to talk to her, she was a bit of a hypocrite. She did the same things she said her ex did to her and that she hated and left over.

 

[Johnwic11]

Day 10: A buddy of mine helped draft an email to her that I have not sent, in preparation for at least ending things on a positive note rather than a fight in case she doesn't reach out.

I miss her, but at the same time I'm pursuing other women now and also slowly starting to realize that she's unstable and not good for me. I have a lot to offer and she doesn't deserve me. I loved her southern belle ways, her voice. But her instability and irresponsible behavior in our relationship was an exact mirror of her chaotic life (4 divorces, 3 kids who her parents take care of as she moves from one relationship to another around the country, no drivers license, no job, no money, no education, no career).

As much as I sometimes want to talk to her, she was a bit of a hypocrite. She did the same things she said her ex did to her and that she hated and left over.

Bro who cares how it ended. be glad that ended. just reading the way you described her why do you even care. move on from this one. and forget the way it ended.

 

[powersize]

I have just spotted the girl I am doing NC with on Tinder. Unliked without any thoughts.