What would you call this?

[Robert28]

I agree with RangerMike. She's probably just in a weird space after her LTR, and she may have low to medium interest in you and is just going through the motions to try to get back on the horse. I would simply start gradually pulling back, in terms of response rate, response speed, date initiation, and initiation of touch until she either starts initiating and sleeping with you, or she just fades away.

Also, I would never advise a weekend invite until long after you are sleeping together.

Well I’ve thought it was low to medium interest in me too but she jumps at any date offer I throw out to her so I wasn’t sure. Shes one of these “text me when you get home” girls, which I blowoff on first dates but if I’m seeing a girl consistently I’ll shoot her a text when I get home. I didn’t last night though after seeing her. Last night was the worst, no fun at all for me. I wanted to be anywhere but there but yet if she’d acted interested in me I would have wanted to be with her. It was a weird feeling.

 

[Glassguy]

she won’t come stay a night or weekend at my house

Stop putting her coming over to stay all night on the table. I would never mention that to a chick.

Simply tell her to come over and have some drinks and make dinner together. That is after you followed my advice I just gave you a few minutes ago.

 

[Glassguy]

Last night was the worst, no fun at all for me

So now she isnt putting out and she is no fun?

I would just go silent and after a few days tell her "This doesnt really seem to be what I thought it was or what I am looking for right now. We can still be friends though". You will either see her do a 180 or stop wasting your time. Period.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Last night was the worst, no fun at all for me. I wanted to be anywhere but there but yet if she’d acted interested in me I would have wanted to be with her. It was a weird feeling.

I know the feeling well. Listen to how you are phrasing that though. Her mixed signals have you totally playing in her frame, making you feel she is the prize, and trying to figure it all out. I just ended things with a girl because I made the same mistake. You have to step back, stop worrying about what she wants, focus on what you want, and if she doesn't want the same thing then that's fine but it also means you need to drop her.

 

[Robert28]

So now she isnt putting out and she is no fun?

I would just go silent and after a few days tell her "This doesnt really seem to be what I thought it was or what I am looking for right now. We can still be friends though". You will either see her do a 180 or stop wasting your time. Period.

Oh it won’t take 2-3 days of me going silent. I mean I can but she will reach out by tonight if I haven’t contacted her today, I didn’t even contact her last night after our date. I’m just trying to figure out how to not have some big blow up fight and drama because that’s what her last few relationships have been like and I don’t want nothing to do with that. I just want to bow out and even though I like her I don’t think I’d accept a sexual encounter with her at this point because she’s put me through the ringer.

 

[Robert28]

I know the feeling well. Listen to how you are phrasing that though. Her mixed signals have you totally playing in her frame, making you feel she is the prize, and trying to figure it all out. I just ended things with a girl because I made the same mistake. You have to step back, stop worrying about what she wants, focus on what you want, and if she doesn't want the same thing then that's fine but it also means you need to drop her.

Yeah I definitely let my guard down with this girl. Not in the beginning but somewhere along the way I could tell I was not trying to play the game and got comfortable. Now here I am. I don’t blame her one bit for my getting comfortable and letting her control the frame. I just want out cause I hate feeling like this. I don’t think she knows how miserable I am around her now.

 

[Mike32ct]

I would just put “It’s complicated” on your FB relationship status lol.

 

[Robert28]

I know the feeling well. Listen to how you are phrasing that though. Her mixed signals have you totally playing in her frame, making you feel she is the prize, and trying to figure it all out. I just ended things with a girl because I made the same mistake. You have to step back, stop worrying about what she wants, focus on what you want, and if she doesn't want the same thing then that's fine but it also means you need to drop her.

How’d you end it? Has she contacted you since you ended it?

 

[Robert28]

I would just put “It’s complicated” on your FB relationship status lol.

Hell I think I have it hidden to be honest. I’ll habe to check lol

 

[oldmanofthesea]

That's exactly how it happened with me. Started out playing the game and holding my frame, but mixed signals slowly eroded my frame over time and had me second-guessing myself and what she wanted until I completely lost my own frame and played in hers. Started making small mistakes that increased over time until I woke up one morning and realized my testicles were missing and I didn't even desire to see her on our next planned date. I realized that once I got myself that far down the path, I was unable to turn it around and truly hold frame with her so ejecting was the only option. Won't make the same mistake in the future.

To answer your question about breaking it off, I just texted her telling her I needed to cancel our Thursday plans and that I needed to talk to her when she had a moment. She called and I simply told her I wasn't interested in continuing what we had and she asked why. I told her it isn't what I'm looking for. She hasn't reached out and I'm glad. It worries me that you're asking me that question though, because it suggests you hope she does. In your case, it's probably best if you cut things and move on because if she does reach back out, it's likely going to be more of the same: brain scrambling mixed signals. If you TRULY have the strength to start holding frame with a girl you already have a history with and have caught strong feelings for, then ok. But my guess is, if you are honest with yourself, you probably can't. Only you know, though.

 

[Robert28]

That's exactly how it happened with me. Started out playing the game and holding my frame, but mixed signals slowly eroded my frame over time and had me second-guessing myself and what she wanted until I completely lost my own frame and played in hers. Started making small mistakes that increased over time until I woke up one morning and realized my testicles were missing and I didn't even desire to see her on our next planned date. I realized that once I got myself that far down the path, I was unable to turn it around and truly hold frame with her so ejecting was the only option. Won't make the same mistake in the future.

To answer your question about breaking it off, I just texted her telling her I needed to cancel our Thursday plans and that I needed to talk to her when she had a moment. She called and I simply told her I wasn't interested in continuing what we had and she asked why. I told her it isn't what I'm looking for. She hasn't reached out and I'm glad. It worries me that you're asking me that question though, because it suggests you hope she does. In your case, it's probably best if you cut things and move on because if she does reach back out, it's likely going to be more of the same: brain scrambling mixed signals. If you TRULY have the strength to start holding frame with a girl you already have a history with and have caught strong feelings for, then ok. But my guess is, if you are honest with yourself, you probably can't. Only you know, though.

What’s funny is the girl you mention sure did vanish pretty fast after you told her that. Makes you wonder why she went on dates with you if she didn’t have much interest and was that easy to get rid of. This girl won’t be I don’t believe, that much I know. I won’t lie I would like a relationship with this girl but after going through all this I dunno now if I want it even if she came to me and said let’s be in a relationship.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Well my situation was a bit different because we dated 7 months, and started sleeping together on our second date. We had s*x regularly (every time we hung out), and it was always good. The issue was that in spite of this, she would play me hot and cold, in terms of availability, responsiveness, level of affection, and what she was interested in having with me. After being together that long, really respecting her because she was a rare, hot, successful, smart girl, I was looking for something a bit more serious. She was more interested in FWB plus a lot of validation, which I probably could have been ok with, but her mixed signals in terms of how she treated me like a boyfriend half the time and a f*ck buddy the other half the time is what ultimately scrambled my brains, similar to what you experienced.

 

[Robert28]

Well my situation was a bit different because we dated 7 months, and started sleeping together on our second date. We had s*x regularly (every time we hung out), and it was always good. The issue was that in spite of this, she would play me hot and cold, in terms of availability, responsiveness, level of affection, and what she was interested in having with me. After being together that long, really respecting her because she was a rare, hot, successful, smart girl, I was looking for something a bit more serious. She was more interested in FWB plus a lot of validation, which I probably could have been ok with, but her mixed signals in terms of how she treated me like a boyfriend half the time and a f*ck buddy the other half the time is what ultimately scrambled my brains, similar to what you experienced.

Hell your situation would be a huge upgrade to mine sounds like.lol We haven’t had sex because I’m never in her apartment more than 30 mins, her roommate hates me and I hate her and I just know that **** ain’t happening at her place. If sex was going to happen it would have to happen outside in my truck in a parking lot like some 16 yr old trying to fingerbang Mary Jane Rottencrotch. I’m too old for that ****. She dances around the idea of coming to my house but maybe I’ve pushed that too much. The weird thing is just 4 days ago our date felt like we were finally going somewhere, so did the date 7 days prior to that. Last night was just awful, if I had a rope I would have hung myself out of it. I just neber had a girl that could be fun one date and miserable as cold wet balls the next.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Follow Glassguy's advice. Seems like he is saying the same thing as me. Withdraw and see if she shapes up. If not, eject. Simple as that.

 

[Robert28]

I'd go Zitadelle style on her defences meaning:
- plan excellent date (including dancing or some other physical activity)
- get groomed as phuck, look like million dollars, smell with best perfumes you can get your hands on
- if no dancing then increase physical tension by doing cold reading on her, be ****y&funny
- seduce her slowly, pushing and pulling through the whole date but DON'T touch her besides cold reading

So basically speaking GAME her with your TOP game but DON'T escalate with kino unless she will give you signs that she is ready for it, be seductive and sexy instead.

At the end of the date give her long steamy kiss, she should be ready to get more intimate at that point.

If that won't work, don't show her that you are bored with her. Just disengage and allow her to initiate contact but treat her as a friend at that point - no hugging, no holding hands etc.

My thinking is that she likes you but your 'tip of the spear' is missing the target because you escalate physically without actually creating enough level of intimacy and you are one step from friendzone if you won't escalate properly next time (possible you are already in the friendzone).

So be bold and use all the tricks you know. If this won't work then she is not into you and that's it.

That’s good advice and I’ve actually had several dates with her like you described and they went very well. The problem is im right back to where I was last night and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve put in my effort and I feel like she’s not meeting me halfway. I’m just trying to decide if I want to tell her “let’s just be friends” through text or do I have to do it face to face since we’ve gone on as many dates as we have.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Hell your situation would be a huge upgrade to mine sounds like.lol We haven’t had sex because I’m never in her apartment more than 30 mins, her roommate hates me and I hate her and I just know that **** ain’t happening at her place. If sex was going to happen it would have to happen outside in my truck in a parking lot like some 16 yr old trying to fingerbang Mary Jane Rottencrotch. I’m too old for that ****. She dances around the idea of coming to my house but maybe I’ve pushed that too much. The weird thing is just 4 days ago our date felt like we were finally going somewhere, so did the date 7 days prior to that. Last night was just awful, if I had a rope I would have hung myself out of it. I just neber had a girl that could be fun one date and miserable as cold wet balls the next.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/therationalmale.com/2011/09/23/wait-for-it/amp/

-Augustus-

 

[Glassguy]

I'd go Zitadelle style on her defences meaning:
- plan excellent date (including dancing or some other physical activity)
- get groomed as phuck, look like million dollars, smell with best perfumes you can get your hands on
- if no dancing then increase physical tension by doing cold reading on her, be ****y&funny
- seduce her slowly, pushing and pulling through the whole date but DON'T touch her besides cold reading

So basically speaking GAME her with your TOP game but DON'T escalate with kino unless she will give you signs that she is ready for it, be seductive and sexy instead.

At the end of the date give her long steamy kiss, she should be ready to get more intimate at that point.

If that won't work, don't show her that you are bored with her. Just disengage and allow her to initiate contact but treat her as a friend at that point - no hugging, no holding hands etc.

My thinking is that she likes you but your 'tip of the spear' is missing the target because you escalate physically without actually creating enough level of intimacy and you are one step from friendzone if you won't escalate properly next time (possible you are already in the friendzone).

So be bold and use all the tricks you know. If this won't work then she is not into you and that's it.

I totally disagree. Terrible advice.

You are going to look like a try hard for a chick that has never fvcked you and has you confused, falling even more into her frame. You are telling her "let me TRY HARDER since I cant get what I want from you".

Its been 9 dates with no sex. Do whatever you want.

I told you what I would do and its really not that complex. Its she comes back with a sexual attitude at my place or I walk.

I get laid. I get chicks. I currently have a 3 girl rotation that has stood up for 3 months.

Go get all groomed up and take her out on a lavish date if you want, its terrible advice and you will just look like a beta cuck.

If she doesnt want to fvck you by now she either doesnt want to or you have to switch gears to an IDGAF mentality and move on.

 

[Robert28]

https://www.google.com/amp/s/therationalmale.com/2011/09/23/wait-for-it/amp/

-Augustus-

Excellent read! Thanks for that. Hit the nail on the head.

 

[RickTheToad]

@Robert28, you are way too available for this lady. Start adding some distance. Listen to the glass dude. The dude knows his sh!t. I would had dropped her after four with no sex. The excuses she's giving you are lame for a 33 year old. I initially thought she was in her late teens or early 20's. She's treating you like her gay boyfriend. NEXT the b!tch. I personally would be a bit more direct, but that's just me. I'd just say to her I do not think we're right for each other. You seem to be looking for a friend, I am looking for something more. Take care. Step back and see what she says. If there is a sexual interest on her end, she'll hit back and act. If there is, she'll just say ok like the glass dude said. I am more direct and like to get to the point. I do not have time to waste on some of these trivial games the ladies play.

 

[Robert28]

I totally disagree. Terrible advice.

You are going to look like a try hard for a chick that has never fvcked you and has you confused, falling even more into her frame. You are telling her "let me TRY HARDER since I cant get what I want from you".

Its been 9 dates with no sex. Do whatever you want.

I told you what I would do and its really not that complex. Its she comes back with a sexual attitude at my place or I walk.

I get laid. I get chicks. I currently have a 3 girl rotation that has stood up for 3 months.

Go get all groomed up and take her out on a lavish date if you want, its terrible advice and you will just look like a beta cuck.

If she doesnt want to fvck you by now she either doesnt want to or you have to switch gears to an IDGAF mentality and move on.

Honestly the more I think about it the less I want to give her that ultimatum. If I have to give someone an ultimatum to sleep with me then that’ll just open a whole new bag of worms down the road and I’ll be right back to where I am now. I know I screwed up along the way somewhere I just can’t pinpoint it right now but I don’t really care to because I asked myself “is it worth even trying to save?”. Nope, not anymore anyways. I’ve given her plenty of chances but at this point I think I’m done. Even if she comes out tomorrow and says let’s screw. I’m just trying to figure out if I need to break it off in an email or in person, I don’t want to do the go silent game because I’m not trying to save anything at this point.