Situational Neediness - GF became distant after going out of town - Going No Contact a good idea?

[Spaz]

Yeah although other "dating coaches" say the same things. If she reaches out with a more high effort breadcrumb, I don't think it's a bad idea to ask her to meet up again.

Really that desperate?

If you've been hanging with women constantly, you'll know for sure that women loves, enjoys and even gloats of how they can make men squirm, be heart broken, act stupidly and being a total beta provider.

For women that's a sign of accomplishment on their abilities.

Don't know abt you man, never been in that shoes nor will I ever end up there given my personality.

I do however enjoy a good laugh when women tell me stories of how they reduce men into pvssies.

 

[R.U.G.]

No "coach", AMS, Corey Wayne, Rollo Tomossi, Rich Cooper, Aaron Carey, Tripp Advice, etc. is going to work with every woman all of the time. It is to be used as a guide and you need to customize it to you specific situation. Over time and experience a man can then usually find their way through the relationship realm.

The OP was way too attentive to the GF and the more attention you give a woman, the more it pushes them away. As I say time and time again, whatever you read in most magazines, watch on TV or see in the movies you do the opposite. Quoting Eminem, life is no Nintendo game. It has it's own twist and turns. A woman is full of emotions, and there is no guarantee that if you do A, B and C she will be happy. The OP should just use this as a learning experience, read up on 21st century dating and adjust where necessary. It's best to be aloof in any relationship. He was too attentive and made her the center of his universe. That was the biggest mistake. He needs to learn frame.

He's a good candidate for No More Mr. Nice Guy. and also a good idea to read The Rational Male as well. They will help you with your frame.

 

[jacketrunner]

No "coach", AMS, Corey Wayne, Rollo Tomossi, Rich Cooper, Aaron Carey, Tripp Advice, etc. is going to work with every woman all of the time. It is to be used as a guide and you need to customize it to you specific situation. Over time and experience a man can then usually find their way through the relationship realm.

The OP was way too attentive to the GF and the more attention you give a woman, the more it pushes them away. As I say time and time again, whatever you read in most magazines, watch on TV or see in the movies you do the opposite. Quoting Eminem, life is no Nintendo game. It has it's own twist and turns. A woman is full of emotions, and there is no guarantee that if you do A, B and C she will be happy. The OP should just use this as a learning experience, read up on 21st century dating and adjust where necessary. It's best to be aloof in any relationship. He was too attentive and made her the center of his universe. That was the biggest mistake. He needs to learn frame.

He's a good candidate for No More Mr. Nice Guy. and also a good idea to read The Rational Male as well. They will help you with your frame.

Honestly I'm going to just not give af anymore. I've read The Rational Male. I'm getting in so many shallow relationships where I just ghost the girl that I'm starting to feel sociopathic.

There's no way I could love this girl the way I used to. The trust has been broken.

 

[Spaz]

Good.

Stop posting about her.

Start moving on.

Learn from this experience.

 

[ohrein]

No "coach", AMS, Corey Wayne, Rollo Tomossi, Rich Cooper, Aaron Carey, Tripp Advice, etc. is going to work with every woman all of the time. It is to be used as a guide and you need to customize it to you specific situation. Over time and experience a man can then usually find their way through the relationship realm.

The OP was way too attentive to the GF and the more attention you give a woman, the more it pushes them away. As I say time and time again, whatever you read in most magazines, watch on TV or see in the movies you do the opposite. Quoting Eminem, life is no Nintendo game. It has it's own twist and turns. A woman is full of emotions, and there is no guarantee that if you do A, B and C she will be happy. The OP should just use this as a learning experience, read up on 21st century dating and adjust where necessary. It's best to be aloof in any relationship. He was too attentive and made her the center of his universe. That was the biggest mistake. He needs to learn frame.

He's a good candidate for No More Mr. Nice Guy. and also a good idea to read The Rational Male as well. They will help you with your frame.

There's a bunch of great wisdom here. Understanding women crave emotional stimulation is just game 101. Tailoring that to the specific woman you're with or trying to be with is where you must push your game into the category of art rather than science. You want to mix things up constantly. Be attentive and loving then focus on your purpose then be aloof then put your foot down. You need to avoid being predictable. You need to constantly strive forward for yourself. On a micro level you need to be a musician playing a woman like an instrument. To play it well requires feel and artistry, not robotic note hitting.

 

[jacketrunner]

There's a bunch of great wisdom here. Understanding women crave emotional stimulation is just game 101. Tailoring that to the specific woman you're with or trying to be with is where you must push your game into the category of art rather than science. You want to mix things up constantly. Be attentive and loving then focus on your purpose then be aloof then put your foot down. You need to avoid being predictable. You need to constantly strive forward for yourself. On a micro level you need to be a musician playing a woman like an instrument. To play it well requires feel and artistry, not robotic note hitting.

In person, when I'm on my home turf, I'm extremely confident with women. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm physically much larger than them and have a lighthearted personality. I just go with the flow, and can exit at any time if I'm not enjoying myself.

Honestly, the part that makes me nervous is the stuff when I'm away, like how often to text, etc. For this side of things, I have to put thought into it and make it a game. I also don't have a whole lot to go off of -- their emotional reactions, etc. That's where I tend to look for advice for dating coaches.

For example, if I ask a girl to meet up in person -- I will immediately be able to gauge her emotional reaction, joke around with her, and there will never be a scenario where she just doesn't answer me in silence and I don't know what she's doing.

Texting causes stress bc of the uncertainty. That's why I like to have somewhat of a formula in mind when doing so, and to make it all out about meeting up where I can be comfortable again.

 

[R.U.G.]

Honestly I'm going to just not give af anymore. I've read The Rational Male. I'm getting in so many shallow relationships where I just ghost the girl that I'm starting to feel sociopathic.

There's no way I could love this girl the way I used to. The trust has been broken.

I get you brother, I understand the pain you are experiencing. Most men have been there. You need to turn that pain into strength. Why not take a break from women for a minute and work on yourself. Work on bettering yourself through health, exercise and your personal and professional goals you wish to achieve in your life.

Have you ever heard of taking a yellow pad weekend?

That is where you take a day or two and go to a place that is void of technology. A motel, hotel, whatever. All you have is some clothes, toothbrush, maybe some soap, shampoo a pen and a yellow pad. You then just focus on yourself for that weekend. Explore yourself. Explore your dreams and aspirations. What you want to accomplish and how you plan to get to that point.

I did it after my divorce and it was very helpful. I think this will be of great value to you.

 

[jacketrunner]

I'm actually out of the pain mode... thank God. It's what I used to be experiencing.

I'm more in this weird mode of indifference, combined with a heartless need for fun and stimulation that in some ways characterizes a sociopath. I'm not a full sociopath though. Just from a dating perspective I'm having sex with girls who I don't care about.

I have been having a *lot* of fun going out and hooking up with girls. It's satisfying my stimulation and ego gratification needs, but not my needs for deeper affection and connection.

Have you ever heard of taking a yellow pad weekend?

That is where you take a day or two and go to a place that is void of technology. A motel, hotel, whatever. All you have is some clothes, toothbrush, maybe some soap, shampoo a pen and a yellow pad. You then just focus on yourself for that weekend. Explore yourself. Explore your dreams and aspirations. What you want to accomplish and how you plan to get to that point.

Not this, but I've been listening to lots of classic fiction books on audio lately. I used to be an avid reader of only nonfiction, but reading fiction has been giving me a similar kind of escape from technology to what you're describing, and a sense of empathy for perspectives that aren't my own.

 

[R.U.G.]

I'm actually out of the pain mode... thank God. It's what I used to be experiencing.

I'm more in this weird mode of indifference, combined with a heartless need for fun and stimulation that in some ways characterizes a sociopath. I'm not a full sociopath though. Just from a dating perspective I'm having sex with girls who I don't care about.

I have been having a *lot* of fun going out and hooking up with girls. It's satisfying my stimulation and ego gratification needs, but not my needs for deeper affection and connection.



Not this, but I've been listening to lots of classic fiction books on audio lately. I used to be an avid reader of only nonfiction, but reading fiction has been giving me a similar kind of escape from technology to what you're describing, and a sense of empathy for perspectives that aren't my own.

Whatever works for you and clear your head. If you want to go any screw about of women, go for it. However, after you get that out of your system, the yellow pad weekend (or day) is a good way for you to look into yourself and see what you really want out of life. Screwing women is great, no complaints there. However, it does get old and most want more out of life than just a warm cubby to park their penis in once an a while.

 

[Chi Town]

Someone tell me who the hell is this Corey wayne guy y'all keep mentioning?

 

[dude99]

She went across the country for work training and didn’t tell me until I texted her again.

I’m playing it cool (told her “no worries, enjoy yourself”) but this also is really pissing me off. How can I communicate my needs/expectations without being needy? I don’t think I should break up via text.

I haven’t even gotten an in person conversation in 3 weeks. I don’t know what to do now.

I just want an in person conversation when we’re not drunk. She’s extremely physically attracted to me so that works to my advantage.

I’m very confident in my ability to fix things if I just have her in person.

Should I just text her “lmk when you’re back”? Should I bring up any of the problems via text?

Such a weird and unexpected situation. Came out of absolutely nowhere.

I think there’s a very good chance that she’s pissed I didn’t ask her to hang out Saturday. She used to get very mad and jealous when I did this.

Or, maybe it’s sonething else. I have no way of knowing and I’m getting very frustrated.

Way too much games and drama for a girl you have only been seeing for 2.5 months.

This is still the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You two should still be all over eachother like rabbits.

If she is leaving you confused with this much headache so soon, walk away go seeand date other women.

No woman is worth this much hassle. She went away. It was up to her to reach out when she came back. She didnt. She blamed it on you. Now she went away again and didnt tell you. When they behave badly then blame you. They are cheating.

She is with another guy. Guarenteed

 

[dude99]

So you’re saying t

Well I’m def gonna snoop if I get the chance.

I’m curious what makes this so obvious to everyone? Girls are always suspicious that I’m cheating when I’m not. Are girls just more likely to cheat than guys?

I’ve been faithful up to this point, but now everyone here is advising that I be unfaithful lol. Almost a self-fulfilling prophesy based on mutual distrust.

I’m curious what makes this so obvious to everyone? Girls are always suspicious that I’m cheating when I’m not. Are girls just more likely to cheat than guys?

Yes. Women are much better at hiding affairs or cheating, than men are.

But the problem with it today is a girl they dont believe that what they are doing counts as cheating. Women will blame/deflect/justify/excuse her behaviour to make it all your fault, because society has programmed everyone to believing that when a relationship fails it is always the guys fault.

She branch swings.
She blames you for being unhappy.
She sees other guys behind your back.
She willingly accepts attention from other guys.
She considers the relationship over but doesnt tell you its over and gets involved with other guys....

This is all cheating. But they figure if they blame you, they are off scott free and they arent responsible.

Blaming the guy for all the relationships problems has become waaaay to easy no a days.

 

[dude99]

Someone tell me who the hell is this Corey wayne guy y'all keep mentioning?

A dating coach. Google his name

 

[jacketrunner]

Way too much games and drama for a girl you have only been seeing for 2.5 months.

This is still the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You two should still be all over eachother like rabbits.

If she is leaving you confused with this much headache so soon, walk away go seeand date other women.

No woman is worth this much hassle. She went away. It was up to her to reach out when she came back. She didnt. She blamed it on you. Now she went away again and didnt tell you. When they behave badly then blame you. They are cheating.

She is with another guy. Guarenteed

We saw each other for 5 months, and went through a honeymoon phase. We were only exclusive for a shorter time.

She used to be very attached to me. She wanted to fvck 3-5x a day. Her friend once took me aside and told me I meant a lot to her. Her aunt told me “we’ve heard so much about you”. She would get separation anxiety when gone for a weekend. It all ended after the trip.

She definitely does not have a replacement right now, although that’s not to say she hasn’t seen anyone.

 

[ohrein]

In person, when I'm on my home turf, I'm extremely confident with women. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm physically much larger than them and have a lighthearted personality. I just go with the flow, and can exit at any time if I'm not enjoying myself.

Honestly, the part that makes me nervous is the stuff when I'm away, like how often to text, etc. For this side of things, I have to put thought into it and make it a game. I also don't have a whole lot to go off of -- their emotional reactions, etc. That's where I tend to look for advice for dating coaches.

For example, if I ask a girl to meet up in person -- I will immediately be able to gauge her emotional reaction, joke around with her, and there will never be a scenario where she just doesn't answer me in silence and I don't know what she's doing.

Texting causes stress bc of the uncertainty. That's why I like to have somewhat of a formula in mind when doing so, and to make it all out about meeting up where I can be comfortable again.

Text as little as possible. Early on use it only to set up dates. Later on, use it sparingly. You should be busy when you're not with your woman. You're on your purpose, enjoying hobbies or with the boys. You don't have time to sit around chatting for more than twenty minutes and definitely not every day. Texting is for organizing when to see each other and not much else. I tell women early on that I don't like texting and they refrain from doing it for the most part. Now that I live with my girlfriend we almost never text each other.

As for uncertainty, that's always there. Gotta let go of your desire to control things. People are inherently chaotic and wanting or needing control and/or outcome dependency is only going to cause you suffering. Enjoy a woman while you're with her and then get back to your life when you're not.

 

[dude99]

We saw each other for 5 months, and went through a honeymoon phase. We were only exclusive for a shorter time.

She used to be very attached to me. She wanted to fvck 3-5x a day. Her friend once took me aside and told me I meant a lot to her. Her aunt told me “we’ve heard so much about you”. She would get separation anxiety when gone for a weekend. It all ended after the trip.

She definitely does not have a replacement right now, although that’s not to say she hasn’t seen anyone.

Her friend said.....
Her aunt said........
She said.................

Ask yourself this "what have her actions said?"

 

[jacketrunner]

Yes. Women are much better at hiding affairs or cheating, than men are.

But the problem with it today is a girl they dont believe that what they are doing counts as cheating. Women will blame/deflect/justify/excuse her behaviour to make it all your fault, because society has programmed everyone to believing that when a relationship fails it is always the guys fault.

She branch swings.
She blames you for being unhappy.
She sees other guys behind your back.
She willingly accepts attention from other guys.
She considers the relationship over but doesnt tell you its over and gets involved with other guys....

This is all cheating. But they figure if they blame you, they are off scott free and they arent responsible.

Blaming the guy for all the relationships problems has become waaaay to easy no a days.

Her friend said.....
Her aunt said........
She said.................

Ask yourself this "what have her actions said?"

She was attached to me before, and became unattached bc her interest level changed.

I encourage cynicism, but the analysis from many members on this board is annoyingly simplistic.

I’ve got a date tonight, I’ve been hooking up with lots of girls. I have a much more clear mind about this situation.

The reason I’m still not over her is that my brain released attachment chemicals during our 5 months of having sex and hanging out with each other. She also was a great girlfriend who 100% wasn’t cheating before she went to her hometown (she freely gave me her iPhone passcode, could see all her texts when we were watching Netflix on her computer, etc.)

The hometown experience was unfortunate, but it’s normal that I still have some latent feelings from the relationship.

However, I’m not going to act on them by chasing her. My pride won’t allow it.