Situational Neediness - GF became distant after going out of town - Going No Contact a good idea?

[jacketrunner]

Whether you realize it or not you have its very obvious you have pedastalized her. Subconsciously you basically feel she is more valuable than you are and that you are lucky to be with her.

This is a dangerous mindset to have. It should be the complete opposite. She should feel lucky to be with you and should see you as having higher value than her.

Women do NOT want to be with a guy who they feel they are higher value than. By your thoughts and by your actions that follow even if you dont realize you are doing or saying certain things she has picked up on this and is becoming more and more unattracted to you because of it.

You need to stop this pedastilaztion of her and feeling that she has higher value than you or this relationship is all but over.

I’m not so sure that she currently feels this way, although I agree with you that she probably felt that way on the trip.

She’s angry and confused that I haven’t been initiating texts.

She drunkenly asked where I was and told me that she was mad on Friday night, and then didn’t respond to my (light-hearted) texts on Saturday, when I told her I’d be free on Sunday night.

On Friday, however, she was being purposefully flaky and told me she was going home before this happened.

I think there may be an element where she feels spurned and is trying to protect her heart.

 

[marmel75]

I’m not so sure that she currently feels this way, although I agree with you that she probably felt that way on the trip.

She’s angry and confused that I haven’t been initiating texts.

She drunkenly asked where I was and told me that she was mad on Friday night, and then didn’t respond to my (light-hearted) texts on Saturday, when I told her I’d be free on Sunday night.

On Friday, however, she was being purposefully flaky and told me she was going home before this happened.

I think there may be an element where she feels spurned and is trying to protect her heart.

Then its probably time to stop all the silliness on both sides and have a face to face talk where you both put all your cards on the table amd let the chips fall where they may.

You have to be ready to walk away if you do this and you dont hear what you want to from her however, and you have to be serious about it.

 

[HankHill]

I dont' know...it's been such a short period of time (2.5mos as your gf) it's merely the beginning so what the heck is up with all the drama? I personally wouldn't bring up the relationship, or what you/she wants nor try to lock her down etc. All that stuff is the chick's responsibility in a relationship anyway so let her do that...your job is only to show her a good time. Now keep in mind there's a very good possibility that she has someone else and she needs a reason to break it off with you. So...especially for that reason I'd say if you want her just show her a good time, don't show any jealousy or that'll be the end of it. Be cool no matter what she throws at you because she will test you if she's looking for an excuse to eject.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I dont' know...it's been such a short period of time (2.5mos as your gf) it's merely the beginning so what the heck is up with all the drama? I personally wouldn't bring up the relationship, or what you/she wants nor try to lock her down etc. All that stuff is the chick's responsibility in a relationship anyway so let her do that...your job is only to show her a good time. Now keep in mind there's a very good possibility that she has someone else and she needs a reason to break it off with you. So...especially for that reason I'd say if you want her just show her a good time, don't show any jealousy or that'll be the end of it. Be cool no matter what she throws at you because she will test you if she's looking for an excuse to eject.

Just calm her down and fvck her good.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

There's always the cheating suspicion too, although I'm not going to assume she did cheat. While she was gone, I did lots of reading on relationships and Game Theory, and figured out many of the needy mistakes I made. I feel like if she comes back, I can avoid most of these mistakes in the future.

Women go distant when they have a alternative motive.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women go distant when they have a alternative motive.

She could've got closer to someone or something. It's not always a guy. The clue here was distance after a trip. She should've missed him.

 

[jacketrunner]

Then its probably time to stop all the silliness on both sides and have a face to face talk where you both put all your cards on the table amd let the chips fall where they may.

You have to be ready to walk away if you do this and you dont hear what you want to from her however, and you have to be serious about it.

She went across the country for work training and didn’t tell me until I texted her again.

I’m playing it cool (told her “no worries, enjoy yourself”) but this also is really pissing me off. How can I communicate my needs/expectations without being needy? I don’t think I should break up via text.

I haven’t even gotten an in person conversation in 3 weeks. I don’t know what to do now.

I just want an in person conversation when we’re not drunk. She’s extremely physically attracted to me so that works to my advantage.

I’m very confident in my ability to fix things if I just have her in person.

Should I just text her “lmk when you’re back”? Should I bring up any of the problems via text?

Such a weird and unexpected situation. Came out of absolutely nowhere.

I think there’s a very good chance that she’s pissed I didn’t ask her to hang out Saturday. She used to get very mad and jealous when I did this.

Or, maybe it’s sonething else. I have no way of knowing and I’m getting very frustrated.

 

[Gan]

She went across the country for work training and didn’t tell me until I texted her again.

I’m playing it cool (told her “no worries, enjoy yourself”) but this also is really pissing me off. How can I communicate my needs/expectations without being needy? I don’t think I should break up via text.

I haven’t even gotten an in person conversation in 3 weeks. I don’t know what to do now.

I just want an in person conversation when we’re not drunk. She’s extremely physically attracted to me so that works to my advantage.

I’m very confident in my ability to fix things if I just have her in person.

Should I just text her “lmk when you’re back”? Should I bring up any of the problems via text?

Such a weird and unexpected situation. Came out of absolutely nowhere.

I think there’s a very good chance that she’s pissed I didn’t ask her to hang out Saturday. She used to get very mad and jealous when I did this.

Or, maybe it’s sonething else. I have no way of knowing and I’m getting very frustrated.

That's exactly why I told you to be honest lol. It's gonna kill you inside, and one day you're going to erupt and let it all out on her and lose all attraction.

 

[jacketrunner]

Idk if this is relevant or not, but I’m a pretty big aryan looking guy who used to party intensely (and still does). She used to alway gets jealous when I “partied with my friends” rather than hanging out with her.



I left her hometown earlier than I said I would (although she was cold/distant and stressed before I did this, and actually became more loving when I told her I was leaving) and partied with my friends when I got home, and basically did the same thing last night.



She could be shutting down and going cold for this reason. She might feel ignored and rejected.



Then again, she never once initiated a text when she was at home. That’s why I’m so confused.



If I could figure out the cause of her coldness and distance, I could figure out the best way to defuse this situation.



I can’t tell if I’m suffocating her or ignoring her.

 

[jacketrunner]

Haha well should I text her “I’m pretty confused. I’d appreciate if you could help me understand when you get back”

That's exactly why I told you to be honest lol. It's gonna kill you inside, and one day you're going to erupt and let it all out on her and lose all attraction.

 

[Gan]

Haha well should I text her “I’m pretty confused. I’d appreciate if you could help me understand when you get back”

It's already too late. Go with your first text. “lmk when you’re back?” and leave it at that. No more texts from you unless she initiates. She's going there for work man. Understand that she's going to be busy and you're in a rough spot right now to keep in touch with her while she's away. Do things you enjoy while she's there, it's the perfect time to work on your inner game.

 

[Glassguy]

When dudes on here have to stress 20 times that they werent needy and suffocating with a chick, I instantly think they were very needing and suffocating.

2.5 months and you are hung up on 1 chick? Stop being needy and find more options.

 

[jacketrunner]

Lol fair enough. I’m definitely needy and in love with this girl.

That being said, much of the reason I’m posting so much on this forum is bc I have been *actively* withholding the way I feel on the inside and not texting her much.

Also, I’m in an exclusive relationship technically and cannot focus my energies on getting with other girls, so until we break up, I’m completely dependent on her for sex, love, and affection.

If I could hook up with girls or load up a Tinder/Bumble without feeling guilty, I wouldn’t be posting on this forum.

Also, this is the first girl I’ve told my parents about in years, and the first ever that I’ve introduced them to, and they’re bugging me constantly wondering what’s going on with her, telling me to text her, etc.

It’s an almost daily thing: “what’s going on with your girlfriend? Why aren’t you texting her? She’s being ridiculous! You need to communicate!”

Then, I’ll load up YouTube videos with relationship advice and listen to them at work, and they’ll advise the exact opposite (let the girl come to you... make sure she initiates contact... etc.)

It’s really, really rough. Believe it or not, you guys help me feel a lot better about the whole situation.

When dudes on here have to stress 20 times that they werent needy and suffocating with a chick, I instantly think they were very needing and suffocating.

2.5 months and you are hung up on 1 chick? Stop being needy and find more options.

 

[jacketrunner]

I’ve also been following the Corey Wayne strategy with her, and making sure she does 70-80% of the reaching out and initiating.

Our relationship was idyllic before this trip.

When dudes on here have to stress 20 times that they werent needy and suffocating with a chick, I instantly think they were very needing and suffocating.

2.5 months and you are hung up on 1 chick? Stop being needy and find more options.

When dudes on here have to stress 20 times that they werent needy and suffocating with a chick, I instantly think they were very needing and suffocating.

2.5 months and you are hung up on 1 chick? Stop being needy and find more options.

 

[Glassguy]

Also, I’m in an exclusive relationship technically and cannot focus my energies on getting with other girls, so until we break up, I’m completely dependent on her for sex, love, and affection.

That's your #1 problem.

 

[jacketrunner]

That's your #1 problem.

Well I know I have no problem attracting other girls... should I just sleep with them while my girlfriend is out of town?

What exactly are you advocating? There‘s a really hot 20 year old girl I banged right before I became exclusive. Should I hit her up?

This seems super sketchy. These are things I would do after a breakup.

Not to brag, but I was really killing it when I met my current girlfriend. By March I believe I had slept with 6 girls In 2018.

The weekend before I met my girlfriend, I had a one night stand with a blonde girl who was about a 9. Slept the weekend before that with a completely different girl, who I ended up ghosting, and had sex with 2 more girls after meeting my girlfriend. Compared to my relationship, this ultimately all felt empty.

I have been going out with my friends on weekends and have had girls approach me and openly hit on me. One texted my friend how she thought I was really hot, but I had to pass on the sexual opportunity due to my exclusive relationship.

My girlfriends’ friends tell her how good looking I am, and my girlfriend notices girls checking me out when we go out together.

Despite these options, I truly want to make things work with my girlfriend, who cooks well and sews my shirts.

I think we’re a pretty good match when we’re actually together.

 

[Glassguy]

You were killing it with other women......then your current gf (if thats what you want to call her) took your balls and you changed. Thus, she lost interest in you because you became all about her (needy, desperate, clingy, no other options). The thrill of the chase is gone.

You think it seems "Super sketchy" to start hitting up other women while your current "GF" wont even communicate with you? What is wrong with you dude? You are just waiting around for her to give you the break up speech. WHY?

Why dont you just stay NC and start hitting up other women. When your "GF" finally decides to find out what you're up to, hit her with the old "This isnt working anymore and I have started dating several other women. Good luck" text.

I am not advocating cheating on your GF while she was still acting like a real GF, but I am telling you to always keep a couple of chicks close just in case. Now is the time you should start pouncing on a few new ones because your "GF" is gone.

 

[jacketrunner]

Ok good call... I’ll start hitting up other girls.

I won’t tell that to my current girlfriend though if she does hit me up. I would still want her to be my main.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You were killing it with other women......then your current gf (if thats what you want to call her) took your balls and you changed. Thus, she lost interest in you because you became all about her (needy, desperate, clingy, no other options). The thrill of the chase is gone.

You think it seems "Super sketchy" to start hitting up other women while your current "GF" wont even communicate with you? What is wrong with you dude? You are just waiting around for her to give you the break up speech. WHY?

Why dont you just stay NC and start hitting up other women. When your "GF" finally decides to find out what you're up to, hit her with the old "This isnt working anymore and I have started dating several other women. Good luck" text.

I am not advocating cheating on your GF while she was still acting like a real GF, but I am telling you to always keep a couple of chicks close just in case. Now is the time you should start pouncing on a few new ones because your "GF" is gone.

I agree. I tried the perfectly clean not a cheater approach usually the lady is more "bad" to make up the difference.

It may take sense Even in a good relationship to cheat "respectfully" once every blue moon to keep enough distance and maintain masculine and feminine polarity.

In the situation your in today starting fvcking another chick will likely draww your babe closer.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ok good call... I’ll start hitting up other girls.

I won’t tell that to my current girlfriend though if she does hit me up. I would still want her to be my main.

You don't have to tell her. Keep your mind to yourself. She will know. She will see it in you and hear it in your voice. She'll strangely want to fvck you. That's how it works for me.